Sober
by ArinnaVal
Summary: Rory comes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same.
1. Chapter 1 Pick up the pieces

**_A/N: I guess you're not surprised to see my name here again? Yeah, I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can tell? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

Chapter 1**__** Pick up the pieces (Prologue)**_

Rory never thought that her work as a famous journalist would lead her back home. She stepped outside the bus and hung her small bag over her shoulder. Her eyes closed for a minute and she inhaled the sweet scent of her hometown. It was autumn. It was her favorite season of them all. She did not know why, but she just loved it.

Rory opened her eyes and looked around. The small square was full of people as always. She smiled when she saw the small children played in the playground. Nothing had changed since the moment she had left Stars Hollow. She doubted that something would change at all. Rory inhaled deeply and looked at the well-known building at the end of the square. _Luke's Diner _So many memories were left there. So many lost dreams and broken promises. She shook her head and smiled again. That was in her past. She was a new person now. She was here to try to heal herself. Maybe that was the first step of her recovery. She lifted her chin up and took the first step of it. Maybe a nice cup of coffee would be a great start for it.

The doorbell rang joyfully when she opened the door of the diner. Rory stood there for a moment and inhaled the scent again. It smelled like her past. Nothing had changed here too. Then she looked around and saw the shocked faces of the customers. They all looked at her as if she was some kind of an alien.

"Rory?" Luke's voice made her look at him. He was standing at the beginning of the staircase and stared at her. His face was shocked as well. Rory forced a smile and walked to him. Her steps were light and her hug was warm. Luke hesitated, but hugged her too.

"Hey Luke." Rory greeted him when she pulled back. "Can I have cup of coffee, please?"

"What are you doing here?" He frowned. "I thought that you…"

"Coffee first?" Rory murmured and nodded at the customers.

Luke frowned and followed her look. The diner was unusual quiet and all the looks were focused over them.

"This is not a circus, people!" Luke growled. "Eat or get out!"

That was enough to make everyone loud again. They focused over their meals, but Rory was sure that she was the subject number one in their conversations. She sighed and sat on the tall chair behind the bar. Luke frowned and poured her a cup of coffee. Rory smiled nervously and took a sip.

"Mm-mm… just like I remember." She murmured and undid her blue jacket. "Nothing's changed here."

"What are you doing here?" Luke asked her once again. Her face faded. "Lorelai told me that you are too busy with your work and stuff."

"_Stuff_?" Rory held back a moan. "Very nice way to put it Luke."

"I'm trying!" Luke hissed and tilted his head. "So? When is the date?"

"There is no date." Rory shook her head and looked at her hands clasped over the bar. "Nothing's gonna happen!"

"Hm." Luke rubbed his chin. "I thought that it was sure? Lorelai was prepared for it."

"But it's not gonna happen!" Rory sighed and looked at Luke. "Luke, please…"

"Hey it's okay." Luke put his hands up. "Drink your coffee in silence."

"Don't be like this!" Rory frowned.

"Like what?" He snapped. "You turned your back to your mother, because of it! But I have nothing more to say! It's your business and I have nothing to do with it!"

Rory opened her mouth to protest, but Luke was already gone. He hid in the kitchen and left her alone in the bar. She should have expected that. It was her fault after all. Rory sighed and took another sip of her coffee. She almost choked this time. It was bitter than before. Or that was just her conscious.

She left the diner few minutes later and moved onto her next step for the day – her home. She stood at the doorstep for a long moment and stared at the door with pounded heart. Just then, the door opened and Rory saw her mother stared at her with disbelief. She looked at her, as she was some kind of an alien. It was as if Rory was the last person, Lorelai expected to see there.

"Rory?" She asked with thick voice and just then, Rory realized how much she had missed her mother. "Is it really you?"

"Mom!" She sobbed just before Lorelai could wrap her arms around her. Rory snuggled in her mother and felt as a child again. "I missed you!"

"Come on in!" Lorelai dragged her inside of the house and they walked to the sofa at the living room. "And you can stop crying by the way!" She brushed the tears of Rory's face. "I hate to see you crying!"

"I'm sorry, mom!" Rory forced a smile. "I thought I was doing right and I could be fine, but…"

"Hey, it's okay!" Lorelai rubbed her arm and smiled with warmth in her eyes. "Now tell me what are you doing here? I thought that you're gonna be too busy with the preparations."

"There is nothing to prepare." Rory showed her hand. "See the lack of something here?" She moved her fingers and Lorelai frowned.

"What?" She increased her voice and Rory trembled. "What happened? I thought that you were sure about it!"

"I know and I'm so sorry mom." Rory placed her hand on her thigh. "I'm so sorry!"

"What happened? Tell me!" Lorelai lowered her voice.

"I thought I'm ready, but then I just… I just couldn't do it!" Rory shook her head. Her face faded. "You were right and I fought with you!"

"I was right?" Lorelai frowned. "I was right about what?"

"Well as first, I caught him cheating on me." Rory bit her lower lip.

"That son of a bitch!" Lorelai hissed.

"Wait!" Rory increased her voice. "That's not all! I realized that I don't care!"

"So… I was right about the both things then?" Lorelai murmured.

"Yeah." Rory looked at her mother. "I'm sorry I fought with you mom."

"It's okay." Lorelai tilted her head. "So now you're here to pick up the pieces?"

"Yeah." Rory smiled shyly. "Can I stay?"

"Why are you even asking?" Lorelai smiled. "You can stay as long as you need. Go and unpack your things. We can catch up later. Okay?"

"Sure." Rory nodded and smiled with relief. She got off the sofa and Lorelai followed her. "Thanks mom!"

"Hey you're welcome." Lorelai winked at her and watched her as she hid in her old room. The smile disappeared of her face and she took the phone. "Hello, Luke?"

"_Yeah, she was here._" His voice echoed at the other side of the line. _"Don't worry, she doesn't know!"_

"I'm not sure if we have to hide that from her!" Lorelai bit her lower lip and looked at the closed door of Rory's room. "Maybe she could help."

"_I'm not sure._" Luke made a short pause. "_This is not a good idea, Lor_."

"Maybe it is!" Lorelai walked to the widow and stared outside. "Maybe this is not just a coincidence!"

"_No!"_ Luke snapped. _"Not now!"_

"As you wish, but hiding this from her is not the best idea ever! She's going to stay and I don't know for how long!"

"_Are you kidding me?"_

"Nope!" Lorelai sighed. "Her engagement is over and she told me that I was right!"

"_No kidding?_" Luke laughed bitterly at the other side of the line. "_And now she's here to ask for forgiveness?_"

"She's here to pick up the pieces!" Lorelai bit her lower lip. "And I'll help her as long as I could. She needs me right now."

"_I know_." Luke sighed. "I _understand but you have to promise me not to tell her! Please!_"

"She'll understand!" Lorelai snapped.

"_Lor!_"

"Fine!" Lorelai sighed again. "I won't tell her about _him_… for now!"

"_Thank you_." He made short pause. _"I have to go now, he's waiting._"

"Okay. Bye Luke." Lorelai sighed. "Hope _he_ make it this time."

"_Yeah_." He answered her and hung up the phone. Lorelai did the same and turned around just to see her daughter stared at her with confusion.

"What do you have to hide from me?" Rory asked and her face went serious. "Mom?"

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_You can watch the trailer posted in my page here._**


	2. Chapter 2 Lies

**_A/N: I guess you're not surprised to see my name here again? Yeah, I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can tell? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 2 Lies _**

Rory stood there, in the middle of her living room and stared at her mother. Lorelai had such a guilty expression on her face. There was no doubt – the secret was big. It was so big that it was not for Rory's ears. She swallowed hard and put the phone on the near cupboard. Her eyes avoided Rory's and she clenched her fists.

"What's wrong mom?" Rory asked with confusion. "What you can't tell me?"

"This is nothing." Lorelai tried to smile. "You don't have to worry."

"But you just said…" Rory frowned.

"This is nothing that concerns you." Lorelai interrupted her. "Take your time and rest a little. I'll order some food, okay?"

Rory opened her mouth to protest, but then just shrugged and got back to her room. Lorelai would not tell her. Rory knew her mother well enough. She had to find it on her own. Just when she closed the door of her room, her phone rang. Rory frowned and sat on the bed, rummaging in her bag to find it. When she saw the caller ID her heart skipped a beat. It was Austin.

"I told you not to call me anymore!" She snapped in the moment she put the receiver to her ear. "What else do you want from me?"

"_Rory please…_" His voice pleaded her, but she frowned.

"I said – no!" She squeezed the receiver. "There is nothing more we could say to each other!"

_"I told you I'm sorry!_" He almost cried and she gritted her teeth not to scream. "_What else do you want from me?_"

"Nothing!" Rory increased her voice. "I don't want you in my life!"

"_Some people just came and packed your bags."_ He trailed off. _"Are you sure about this? Are completely sure?"_

"I've never been so sure!"

_"It's because of your mother, right?"_ He hissed and his sudden change of the attitude was not a big surprise for her. Austin was a good actor. That was his profession after all. "_She told you to leave me, right? She never wanted me in your life!"_

"It's not because of my mother!" Rory snapped. "Don't blame her for something you did!"

_"Then it's because of Megan?"_ His voice lowered again. _"I told you I'm sorry! This was a mistake! Just give me another chance, please!"_

"We are over Austin!" Rory hissed. "You were mistake! We were mistake and now I want to forget about you!"

"_Rory!_"

"Bye, Austin!" She hung up the phone and threw it onto the bed. "Son of a bitch!"

"You and the bad guys, huh?" Lorelai's voice surprised her. Rory looked up at her mother. She did not hear her coming.

"What?" Rory looked at her with confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Hm." Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Nothing. You want something to eat?"

"That fast?" Rory rose up her eyebrows. "I thought you just ordered."

"Well, Luke is not that far away." Lorelai shrugged. "Come on." She nodded at the kitchen. "I'm starving!"

"Okay." Rory smiled and got off the bed.

Lorelai had to go at the Inn after the dinner. She apologized to Rory and walked out. The house became quiet and suddenly Rory felt alone. She never thought that she could hate that felling, but she did now. Therefore, she took her coat and walked out of the house too. It was an early evening and the streets were full of people. Nobody pay any attention to her and she was grateful. Her steps led her to the unexpected direction – the old bridge, close to the local school. She just stood there and watched the water. There was quiet here and it was less crowded.

_… I'm sure Ernest could say lovely things about you … _

The voice was so clear in her head that she looked around to see the face. But he was not there. He was just a memory, hid in her head. She sighed and looked around again. The place was empty and quiet. In the moments like this, she missed him. A sad smile appeared on her face. She had told him that she had moved on, but she had lied. It was not the first lie between them… it was the last one.

_…It's just you and me …_

Maybe she could find him; talked to him. Maybe they had to clear the air between them once and for all. Rory sighed once again and left the bridge with heavy heart. When she passed by _Luke's Diner_, she saw the light peered through the windows of the second floor. There were no curtains and suddenly Rory froze. She just stood there and swallowed hard. She saw a silhouette of a man she knew well. He was there and he… did not move. Was it just her imagination? Rory shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. That would not make any sense. Jess was not here. He was living in Philadelphia. Was he?

Rory looked back at the window, but there was no one there. She almost thought that all of this was her imagination. She shook her head and smiled with disbelief. Yeah, this just was crazy. Jess would not come here without her mother to tell her about it. It was just impossible to happen. Rory put her hands in the pockets of her coat and walked to home. Her mother was still missing and Rory got back to her room. She was so tired that she fell asleep in the moment her head touched her pillow. And he dreamt of him. He dreamt of Jess and that hadn't happened since a long time. He looked happy in her dreams. His crooked smile and his hazel eyes were something she hadn't thought that she could dream again. But she did now.

She dreamt of him again. But this time he did not smile. He was sad.

"Rory!" Lorelai's voice and her constant knocking on the door were the first signal that it was morning. "C'mon sleepy head! You have to wake up!"

"I'm already awake, mom!" Rory moaned loudly.

"What?" Lorelai opened the door and Rory could see her smiley face. "I can't hear you."

"I'm up!" Rory yawned and sat on her bed. "See?"

"That's good!" Lorelai nodded. "The breakfast is ready and the coffee is waiting for you on the table! I have to go!"

"Wait a minute!" Rory stared at her mother with surprise in her eyes. "You just said that we actually have a food in this house? And… a coffee? You cook?"

"Nah." Lorelai waved with her hand and walked out of the room. Rory followed her in the kitchen. "I took something from the Inn last night. And you know I can make a coffee, hun." She took her coat from the nearest chair. "I'll be back later! Behave!"

"But…" Rory looked confused.

"Bye hun!" Lorelai waved and walked out of the house. Rory still looked in shock, but her look fell on the table. There was a bowl full with muffins and a cup with a steaming coffee.

"That's good!" She murmured and reached for the coffee.

After her breakfast, she decided that she needed a nice little stroll. Maybe she could visit some old friends or places. It was better than to sit in the house and do nothing but remember. She just had put her coat on when the phone rang. Rory cursed under her nose and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"_Rory_?"

"Sookie!" Rory smiled immediately. "Hey how are you?"

_"What are you doing here?"_ Sookie sounded surprised. _"I thought you are still in LA."_

"I was." Rory's smile faded. "I thought that my mom told you that I moved back."

_"I haven't seen your mother since yesterday. She was here in the morning and she had to be here last night, but she wasn't. That's why I'm calling. Do you know where she is?"_ Sookie sounded concerned. _"Is it something wrong with her?"_

"She wasn't there last night?" Rory frowned.

_"No."_ Sookie confirmed. _"And she's running late this morning too."_

"Well, she's not here and I saw her this morning. She was on her way to the Inn." Rory murmured. "Maybe she'll be there soon."

_"Okay. Thanks Rory."_ Sookie made short pause. _"It's nice to have you here. We all missed you."_

"Yeah." Rory murmured again and hung up the phone.

Her mother had been lied to her. She would not do that without a reason. Rory frowned and left the house. Luke was the only person Rory could think of right now. Maybe he could explain it to her what was wrong with her mother. They had always been close. Maybe she could trust him enough. Maybe Luke would know where her mother was last night.

Her steps led her to the diner. She was just about to cross the street when she saw her mother walked out from there. She held a paper bag and she rushed to her car. Rory stopped abruptly and just watched her mother drove off. Her confusion got deeper. There was something wrong in the picture and she could feel it. Why her mother acted in this way? Why she had hid her visit to Luke early in the morning? Was she there the last night?

Rory shook her head and rushed to the diner. Luke was at his usual place behind the bar and when he saw her, his face faded. Something was not right. Rory frowned and went to him.

"Morning, Rory." He forced a smile. "Do you want something?"

"I want to know what's going on here!" Rory hissed. "Would you tell me?"

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_Thanks for your support and for your comments! I appreciate that!  
_**


	3. Chapter 3 Close to you

**_A/N: I guess you're not surprised to see my name here again? Yeah, I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can tell? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 3 Close to you _**

Luke stared at her for a moment and Rory thought that he would never answer her. But he just sighed and his eyes met hers.

"Alright." He tilted his head. "What do you want to know?"

"What's going on with my mom?" Rory frowned. "She was here last night and this morning."

"Well…" Luke trailed off.

"Don't lie to me!" Rory lowered her voice and leaned forward. "I saw her leaving this place few minutes ago!"

"Hm." Luke coughed. "I think you have to ask her."

"But she'd lie to me!" Rory crossed her arms before her chest. "I think that you both are hiding something from me! What is it?"

"Okay. Fine!" Luke smiled and fixed his hat. "We're dating again!"

"You're dating?" Rory's eyes widened. That was the last thing she expected to hear. "Since when?"

"I'm not sure." Luke shrugged. "Month or two."

"And she's hiding from me? But why?" Rory murmured. "I want her to be happy and I'd support her in everything!"

"I'm not sure." Luke shrugged again. "You have to ask her."

"Sure." Rory still looked confused. "I will ask her."

"Now if you excuse me." He looked at the staircase. "I have some work upstairs."

"You work upstairs?" Rory frowned. "Since when?"

"Well, my accountant is upstairs." Luke fixed his hat again. "You know I hate Math, except when it helps me with the accounts. And now I have help."

"Sure." Rory nodded. "I'm going to the bridge. If my mom calls…"

"I'll tell her." Luke nodded too. "Bye Rory."

"Bye." Rory waved and left the diner.

Her steps left her directly to the old bridge. It was the quietest place in Stars Hollow and she could understand why Jess had spent most of his time here. She sat on the bridge and her legs hung right above the water. She played with a leaf in her hands and just enjoyed the silence. It was nice after the crowded city. It was so different from her life now. But the change was good and she realized that she missed that place. It brought so many memories to her and it was not as painful as she thought. She was happy once. She was happy with Jess and now she could realize that she missed him. She missed the person she could talk to. He was the only one who could understand her. He knew her better than anyone did, or he knew her before. She did not like the person she was now. She was different and she allowed persons like Austin in her life. Jess wouldn't like that and she couldn't stop the memory of his angry face when he asked her what she was doing with her life. It was right after her skipping almost a semester from the University. He was angry about her escape from her true self. Thanks to him, Rory graduated. She had listened to his words and come back to Yale. Now she was one of the famous journalists in the country. She could do whatever she wants. Her name spoke for her and she could choose where she wanted to work. Part of her success was his and she never called to thank him for it.

"Maybe I could call him now." Rory murmured and rolled the leaf between her fingers.

They separated their ways few years ago. She thought that she loved Logan then and she refused to lie to him with Jess. None of them deserved that. But she only lied to herself. It wasn't love she felt to Logan. She just had settled with him and she had realized that in time. Yeah, maybe she could call Jess after all.

Rory got off the bridge and headed to her home. Her mother was there. Lorelai was cleaning the living room. Rory just stood there and watched her mother with amusement. Her mother never did that without a reason. She only did that when she was nervous. Rory coughed and Lorelai looked at her.

"Hey you!" She greeted her and stopped with her activity. "Luke told me you two talked."

"Ah and that's why you're cleaning." Rory nodded.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Lorelai frowned and passed by her on her way to the kitchen. Rory followed her.

"You are nervous about it?"

"Nope."

"It's ok, mom." Rory touched her arm and Lorelai looked at her. "I just want you to be happy. If Luke makes you happy, I'm fine with it."

"Yeah." Lorelai forced a smile. "Thanks, hun."

"I want to find Jess." Rory switched the subject abruptly. "Do you know where I can find him?"

Lorelai dropped the glass she held on the ground. Rory jumped away from the broken glass and stared at her mother with confusion. She knew that Lorelai did not like Jess, but her reaction on his name was more than strange now.

"Damn!" Lorelai cursed and Rory crooked her face. Her mother refused to curse before her. Not that Rory hadn't heard her before, but Lorelai was very careful with her words. "I'm sorry, hun." She turned around and took the small dustpan and the brush from the counter. "Let me take care of this."

"So." Rory coughed. "You know where Jess is?"

"No." Lorelai knelt on the floor and avoided her daughter's eyes. "I don't know where he might be."

"I thought that you and Luke talked about it." Rory shrugged. "Maybe he could tell me."

"Why do you want to see him?" Lorelai got off the ground and turned to the trashcan. Rory heard the shrill sound of the broken glass. "I thought you two didn't talk much."

"I just want to see him. That's all." Rory frowned. "Why's the big deal?"

"You haven't seen him or talked to him since two years." Lorelai put the small dustpan and the brush on their places. "Why's the rush now?"

"I thought I could talk to him." Rory shrugged. "Maybe we could catch up?"

"You and Jess?" Lorelai turned to her. "Are you kidding me?"

"No. Why?" Rory frowned. "We were friends once."

"You were never friends, Rory." Lorelai shook her head. "You know that better than me."

"Mom!" Rory hissed.

"What? This is the truth!" Lorelai shrugged. "I was in denial for a long time. I can see clear now and I can tell that you two were way more than friends. You were too close to be just friends!"

"Wherever!" Rory waved with her hand. "I want to find him."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why now?" Lorelai frowned. "After all this time."

"I don't know." Rory shrugged. "I guess I miss him?"

"You miss him?"

"Maybe I could call in his bookstore in Philly?" Rory murmured. "His friends might know where he is now."

"There is no bookstore." Lorelai frowned. "Not anymore."

"What?" Rory looked surprised.

"They failed a year ago." Lorelai avoided her eyes again.

"I thought that you didn't know anything about Jess." Rory frowned.

"I know only this." Lorelai shrugged.

"I'll talk with Luke anyways." Rory bit her lower lip.

"Okay." Lorelai frowned. "But I can tell you that he doesn't know anything!"

"We'll see!" Rory snapped and walked out of the room.

Lorelai looked after her daughter. Her face faded when she left the room. That sudden need of finding Jess could literally shake her world. It wasn't something that Rory would want to know and Lorelai wished she could protect her. But she also knew that Rory wouldn't give up until she found him. She was too stubborn to let it go. Lorelai took the phone and dialed Luke's number. He answered after the second ringing.

_"Lorelai?"_ He panted. _"How it went?"_

"She bought it." Lorelai made short pause. "But she wants to see him."

_"No!"_ Luke snapped_. "He's not ready."_

"She wants to find him, Luke." Lorelai sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "She wants to talk to him! Maybe she could help him pass through this! Why are you so stubborn?"

"_Because she already hurt him once and if she does that again_…" Luke didn't finish.

"She won't hurt him, Luke!" Lorelai squeezed the receiver. "Jess can't be hurt more than now! He could only get better."

_"Or getting worse." _Luke murmured.

"He's getting worse?" Lorelai froze. "What happened? I thought…"

_"I can't talk now."_ Luke sighed with despair_. "Can you come later?"_

"Sure." Lorelai bit her lower lip. "I'll come and you take care of yourself, okay?"

_"Yeah." _Luke answered and hung up the phone. Lorelai did the same. She sighed and looked through the window.

"What's wrong with Jess?" Rory's voice surprised her. Lorelai blinked furiously and took a deep breath before turn around. Her daughter looked angry. "What are you hiding from me, mom?"

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_Thanks for your support and for your comments! I appreciate that!  
_**


	4. Chapter 4 My way to you

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 4 My way to you_**

Rory had heard her mother's words. This time it was too obvious for whom she was talking about. It was about Jess. Something serious had happened to him. Her mother had mentioned it and Rory was not a fool. She crossed her arms before her chest and stared at Lorelai.

"Mom?" Rory frowned. "Care to share the truth?"

"It's not my truth to share, Rory." Lorelai sighed and looked at her daughter. "You have to understand…"

"Then I'll find out by myself!" Rory snapped and walked to the door. She grabbed her coat, but Lorelai stopped her. She stood in front of her daughter with pleading eyes.

"Rory, please." She lowered her voice. "Don't do this!"

"You don't want to talk to me!" Rory looked at her mother stubbornly. "Jess was a part of my life. He was an important part of it and I want to know what is wrong with him. I have to know!"

"Why are you so stubborn?" Lorelai frowned. She still stood in front of her daughter and on her way to the front door. "Jess belongs to your past. Why don't you let him stay there? Why you want to relive all of your bad memories?"

"There were good also." Rory squeezed the coat in her hands. "He helped me a lot, mom. I loved him."

"And you still are?" Lorelai studied her daughter's face. "Are you, Rory?"

"What?" Rory took a step back. She looked at her mother with confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I know you, hun." Lorelai tilted her head and looked at her daughter with softness in her eyes. "There is a part of you that still love him. You couldn't get over him completely."

"This is not true!" Rory hissed.

"Be honest to yourself, hun." Lorelai took a step towards her daughter. Rory still stood there. "I know that is too much for you, but…"

"Like you were honest with me, mom?" Rory lowered her voice. "You lied to me and you're keep doing it!"

"I told you that it's not my secret to share." Lorelai shook her head.

"And Luke?" Rory frowned. "He lied to me to, right? Why am I even asking? If I haven't heard it with my own ears, I wouldn't believe it! So I have to talk to Luke, then?"

"Please, don't!"

"But why?" Rory felt something clenching her throat. "Is it that bad?"

Lorelai just sighed and her face faded even more. Her eyes looked sad and that scared Rory more than anything. Her mother had never liked Jess. Now Rory could see sympathy there. She could see the pity there and that was even scarier than any words.

"Rory…"

"I want to know!" Her breath hitched. "Please!"

"I'm sorry, Rory." Lorelai shook her head.

"He is in Stars Hollow, isn't he?" Rory asked quietly.

"You came here to try and cure your life." Lorelai avoided the question. "Just… stay away!"

"You think I will?" Rory tilted her head. "I have to know the truth, mom! I haven't seen Jess since two years! I… I hurt him the last time I saw him."

"You hurt him?" Lorelai looked surprised. "What are you talking about?"

"I was afraid and too blind to see the truth." Rory whispered. "You have to believe me when I'm telling you…"

"I'm sorry, hun!" Lorelai shook her head. "I can't let you do this!"

"I'm not a child!" Rory snapped.

"But you know that I'm telling the truth!" Lorelai frowned. "You won't do this! You know I'm telling the truth!"

"We'll see about that!" Rory twirled around and walked in her room. She slammed the door behind her back and her eyes glowed. She would find the way to see him. Now she was sure that Jess was there, behind the window, last night. He was a reality, not her imagination.

When the night fell, Rory saw her mother sneaked out of the house. This time she did not bother to tell her where she was going. It was obvious, but Rory was prepared for it. She grabbed her coat and followed Lorelai from distance.

Luke was waiting for her at the diner. He was standing there and his face lit up a bit when she showed up. Rory saw that her mother asked him something and his face faded immediately. He shook his head and turned his back to her. Lorelai followed him inside and Rory waited awhile before she could do the same.

The diner was empty and Rory was not surprised. Luke could always put his nephew before his customers. Jess was the part of his family and Luke never forgot that. Rory was not surprised of his behavior now. If Jess was in trouble, Luke was the first one who would take care about him.

Rory sighed and tried to paste her pounding heart. She took the stairs to the upper floor and stood before the door of Luke's apartment. Nothing had changed since the last time Rory was here. The corridor and the door were the same.

Rory heard the voices came from the inside and clenched her fists. Her palms were already sweating. She swallowed hard and reached to touch the lock. Then a momentary confusion possessed her. What if she did not want to know what was going on there? What if her mother was right and she couldn't go there? What if this could hurt her? She had suffered enough these past few months. Maybe she did not need this. Maybe she should not do this.

"You were right." Rory heard her mother's voice. "He is worse."

"I told you." Luke's voice was weak and Rory winced. "I think we should put him on I.V. soon."

"Are you sure?"

"What else we could do?" Luke answered. "I'm afraid that I…"

"Maybe you should take him to the hospital? The things got complicated for you."

"I won't let him alone in this!" Luke insisted. "I won't do that!"

"Luke…"

That was the moment when Rory pushed the door open. The first thing she saw was her mother. She was standing close to the door. Luke had leaned on the wall, close to Jess' part of the room. They looked at her with sadness in their eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Luke frowned at her. Then he looked at Lorelai. "You told me that everything is alright!"

"She followed me." Lorelai looked at her daughter. "Rory! I told you…"

"I want to see him!" Rory insisted and walked to her mother and Luke.

Luke quickly stood in front of her. His face was stern and his eyes narrowed.

"I don't think so!" He snapped. "This is not a good idea!"

"Luke…"

"No!" He frowned. "I told you, you can't see him!"

"Get out of my way!" Rory clenched her fists. "I won't hurt him!"

"I don't care what you think!" Luke hissed. "I won't let you see him like this!"

"I'm gonna see him with or without your permission!" Rory breathed heavily. "I'm gonna stay here until I see him!"

"You can't!" He frowned.

"Try me!" Rory tilted her head.

"Maybe you should let her." Lorelai interrupted their argument. They both looked at her. "There is no point of hiding, not anymore."

"Lorelai." Luke grunted out.

"Come on, Luke." Lorelai almost whispered. "I know what you feel and I know you want to protect Jess, but I think that there is no need of it now. Rory won't hurt him and she wants to see him. She came here on purpose."

Luke sighed with hesitation. His eyes wandered around the room as if he tried to find the answer there. He looked at Rory and as if something snapped in him. His shoulders hung and his face faded again. He shook his head and stepped aside.

"I'll be outside." Luke almost whispered and left the room. Lorelai stayed with Rory.

"I have to warn you, hun." She touched Rory's arm. "The picture is not pretty."

"Okay." Rory whispered and sudden shiver passed through her body, but she took the final step. She almost fell from surprise. "Oh, no!"

Jess was lying on his own bed. His eyes were open, but they were empty. There was no life in them. He was an empty shell and Rory could feel it. She felt weak in her knees and knelt close to his bed.

"Rory…" Lorelai touched her shoulders. "Maybe you have to…"

"Leave me alone with him." Rory's voice cracked.

"Hun…"

"Now!" She insisted and few seconds later, the room was empty. Her mother had listened to her. Rory closed her eyes for a moment and then looked back at the man in the bed. His eyes were still open and he still could not see her. "I found you." Rory whispered and her hand reached out to touch him. "What happened with you, Jess? What?"

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_Thanks for your support and for your comments! I appreciate that!_**


	5. Chapter 5 Try for me

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 5 Try for me _**

She could not talk. It was hard to even look at him. But she stood there. Her hand touched the right side of his face and her eyes gazed at his. Time passed and Jess closed his eyes again. A small sigh let out of his parted lips and she knew that he just fell asleep. Something clenched her throat. He was weak and so thin. Rory could see that written on his pale face. Jess had not moved a muscle since she was there. His body was there, but Rory felt that his soul was not. Something awful had happened to him and now she wanted answers.

It was hard for her to let him go. It was hard to leave the room with the knowledge that he was there. But she did that. She had to know the truth.

When she showed up at the empty diner, her eyes narrowed. She saw her mother and Luke sat on the table near by the window. Lorelai held his hand and he looked completely devastated. Rory winced. She was not sure if she wanted to know the answer already. Maybe it was safer just to let it go.

"What happened to him, Luke?" Her voice cracked instead. She took few unsecured steps to the table and sat on the free chair. Luke just looked at her. His eyes narrowed.

"You were crying?" He tilted his head. "Why?"

"I asked first!" Rory snapped and touched her face. It was wet and she realized that Luke was right. She was crying. "What's wrong with him?"

"It's tough to speak, Rory." Luke shook his head. "The truth is not pretty!"

"Damn! Stop protecting me as if I'm a child here!" She stormed out. Her mother and Luke looked at her with surprise. She was not so emotional before. She was careful with her words. Not now. Now she was on her limit. "I am an adult and I want to know the truth!"

"Rory!" Lorelai shook her head. "Please, hun."

"What?" Rory frowned. "Why are you hiding from me? It can't be that worse!"

"He committed suicide." Luke lowered his voice. His face faded and he looked older. "They barely saved him."

"What?" Rory covered her mouth. She was in shock. That was not Jess, she knew about. He was a strong man. She had always loved that in him. He was little insecure sometimes, but he was strong in general. "I can't believe this!"

"You better believe." Luke shook his head with a bitter smile on his face. "I was in denial when the called me for him. I just couldn't believe that he could do such a thing. But when I got there and saw him barely breathing…" His breath hitched. "I totally believed it! You know why? You should've seen his eyes."

"They were empty, right?" Rory spoke quietly. "I saw that now."

"Yeah." Luke shrugged. "They were empty as if… he wanted to die."

"I think he still wants it, Luke." Lorelai squeezed his hand on the table. "I thought you knew that. It's sad to see that in Jess. He was so full of life once."

"He is alive!" Luke pulled out his hand abruptly. "He is still alive, Lorelai!"

"I know, but you need help for him." Lorelai lowered her voice. "Maybe some professional help?"

"I've tried." Luke sighed and buried his fingers in his hair. His elbows rested on the table. "I've tried that too. There was not any response in him. We've tried with medications, but nothing."

"How long he is like this?" Rory cleared her throat.

"He is here since two months." Luke murmured and looked at her. "And he is like this almost six months."

"Six months?" Rory's eyes widened. "And no one could help him?"

"No." Luke shook his head. "Believe me, I've tried anything! Anything!"

"Okay." Rory swallowed hard. She forced herself to stay calm. "But what happened before that? What led him to here?"

"I don't know." Luke shook his head with sad face. "They called me after he jumped off that building."

"He jumped?" Rory frowned.

"Yeah." Luke let out a sigh. "Can you imagine?"

"But he survived."

"He had multiple fractures, but he got better quickly. He survived as a miracle." Luke crooked his face. "But when he opened his eyes and I saw him like this, I felt so helpless."

"I know the feeling." Rory murmured. "But this has no logic. Why he would want to kill himself? He's not that kind of a person."

"Tell me about it!" Luke rolled his eyes. "I was able to feed him until now. They gave me a diet he needs to follow. So I did it."

"I've heard you mention I.V.?" Rory frowned.

"He refused to eat." Luke almost whispered. "I don't know what else he could eat."

"Let me try to help him." Rory looked at him. "Maybe he needs someone different than you?"

"I thought you are here, because of your own problems." Luke frowned and threw a look at Lorelai. She just shrugged and kept silence. "Why would you want to help Jess?"

"I'll pretend that you didn't ask me this!" Rory frowned and got off her chair.

"He hurt you in the past, Rory." Luke tilted his head.

"I hurt him too." Rory whispered and left the diner. Luke and Lorelai watched her through the window.

"She is strong, Luke." Lorelai looked back at Luke. "Let her try."

"I thought you'd want to protect her." Luke gave her a surprised look.

"I know, but I can't protect her against her will, can I?" Lorelai sighed. "I tried to talk to her, but she didn't listen. I wish I could protect her from every pain in this world, but we both know that's impossible."

"This won't work." Luke shook his head.

"Let her try." Lorelai touched his hand over the table. "You have nothing to lose."

"What else I could do?" Luke smiled bitterly.

When Lorelai came back home, she saw Rory's door half-open. Her lights were still on and she peered inside. Her daughter was sitting on her bed. She hugged her old fluffy bear and her eyes gazed the bookshelf opposite the bed.

"I'm scared, mom." Ror spoke with cracked voice.

"You don't have to do this, hun." Lorelai walked in the room and sat close to her daughter. Rory leaned her head on Lorelai's shoulder.

"I'm not scared of all this." Rory sighed. "What if I can't help him?"

"Maybe this is too much for you." Lorelai wrapped her arm around her daughter's shoulders and rubbed her arm. "I told Luke to give it a try, but if this is too much for you…"

"No." Rory shook her head. "I want to help him, but I just have to find the way."

"Why are you so persistent, Rory?"

"Because he was an important part of my life, mom." Rory spoke quietly. "I loved him once. I was too scared to admit that even to myself. I owe him! I want to help him, I could try at least."

"Okay, sweetie." Lorelai agreed, but her face faded. Her daughter always had a soft spot for Jess in her heart. What if the old feelings came back into the surface? Jess was a lost cause. Even Luke could admit that. He did not talk about it, but he could feel it Lorelai could see that in his eyes. He fought for Jess only because he could not otherwise. Jess was his nephew and the first relative, touched his heart in a long time. That was the reason Lorelai supported him in all this.

When Luke had called her to help him with Jess and his voice had cracked on the phone, she was sure that he really needed her. Luke was a proud man. He would not call if he thought he could handle it alone. But he could not now. He needed help.

"I'm gonna start from tomorrow." Rory murmured as if she had read her mother's thoughts.

"What about your problems?" Lorelai asked quietly. "You came here to cure yourself."

"My problems?" Rory chuckled bitterly. "My problems are nothing when I compared them to Jess'. I'm gonna be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Rory forced a smile.

"It's going to be hard."

"Doesn't matter." Rory shook her head. "I'm going to try!"

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_Thanks for your support and for your comments! I appreciate that!_**


	6. Chapter 6 Give me a sign

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 6 Give me a sign _**

When she opened her eyes on the next morning, Rory felt completely exhausted. She took a deep breathe and tried to calm down her nerves. She looked at her watch, left on the cupboard. It was early, barely passed 7 AM. Rory closed her eyes for a moment and then sat on her bed. The house was already quiet. She was sure that her mother was with Luke already. Rory sighed and got off the small bed. She went in the bathroom and looked at the mirror. Her look was not promising. Her eyes were sore and red. Her face looked tired and the reason was simple – she had not slept last night. She barely closed her eyes early in the morning. It was scary. She was scared of the opportunity to actually help Jess. It looked impossible from the position she was in the moment. Her life was a mess too.

"But nothing compared to his." Rory whispered to her reflection. She sighed and touched the shank of the small sink, and let the water flow.

It took her more time to prepare than she thought. It was more emotional than physical preparation. The picture of the broken Jess had ruined her sleep last night. It hurt her to see him in this way. It was too painful to even think about it. But she had to try and help him. Maybe she was the answer to Luke's hopes. It did not matter how bad she would probably felt. That was not important now. The only important thing was Jess. She had to help him in spite her pain.

Rory took a deep breath and walked out of the house. It was too early even for the Stars Hollow and the streets were almost empty. She looked around as she opened the door of the Luke's Diner. There was empty. She pressed her hand to her chest and closed the door behind her back.

"Oh, you are here early?" Luke just showed up from the staircase.

"Yeah." Rory forced a smile. "I'm here."

"You want coffee or something?" Luke walked to her. "Or breakfast?"

"No, thank you." Rory fisted her hand. It was so hard that her nails almost penetrated the soft skin of her palm. "Is my mom still here?"

"No." Luke shrugged and took his place behind the bar. "She just left."

"How come nobody knows about this?" Rory frowned with confusion. "I mean, if someone knew about it…"

"I was careful." Luke lowered his voice. "I told only Lorelai."

"You are protecting him?" Rory tilted her head. "I can understand you, but hiding him from the people in this town is too difficult."

"Well, I'm doing it." Luke shrugged. "Jess doesn't need this."

"Yeah." Rory sighed and threw a look to the staircase.

"You don't have to do this." Luke looked at her. "You know that, right?"

"But I want to do it!" Rory bit her lower lip. "Jess was an important part of my life and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't even try to help him."

"Okay." Luke murmured and watched her hid behind the curtain. His eyes narrowed and he could only hope that everything would run well. Lorelai was right; he had nothing to lose. If Rory was the person that could help Jess, Luke was willing to try.

Rory sighed and stood with her hand on the lock of the door. Was she ready for this? Was she strong enough for this?

"You are stupid, Rory Gilmore!" She murmured under her nose and pushed the door open. Her look fell on Jess immediately. He was still in his bed. There was no I.V. attached to his arm and Rory let out a sigh of relief. There was still hope for him. His eyes were open and gazed the empty space before him. "Hey." Rory coughed and dragged a chair to his bed. "I'm back." Her hand touched his face again. His skin was cool and she winced, but she did not withdraw. "I bet you thought I won't come back, right?" She whispered.

His eyes remain empty and his body, immovable. Rory held back a cry and forced a smile. It was hard and it was tough to watch him like this, but she did not give up. It was strange, but this even gave her the strength to continue with her efforts to save him.

"You better get better soon, or I'm gonna read "The Fountainhead" to you." She tilted her head and studied his face. There was not any change. "I know how much you love this novel." She kept her voice calm and even teasing. "And Ayn Rand? Oh yeah, I do remember. Do you remember our conversation about her work?" She laughed. "I made you read "The Fountainhead" and I was so proud of it, you know? You couldn't stand it, but you've read it anyway. I'm good in that, you have to admit."

Rory stood there almost all day. She went downstairs only to take some lunch. Luke used this moment to take some lunch to Jess. He went upstairs with Rory and she insisted on him to show her how to feed Jess. Luke did not agree at the beginning, but her clenched jaw and narrowed eyes convinced him to do that.

"You are as stubborn as him, you know that?" Luke murmured.

"I know." Rory smiled. "Lorelai Gilmore is my mother."

"How could I forget?" Luke rolled his eyes and Rory laughed.

After this tough moment, Rory felt that Luke trusted her more. She stayed with Jess through the whole day and when her mother came early at the same evening, Rory was still there. She was sitting on the same chair with book in her hands. She looked up at her moment in the moment Lorelai opened the door.

"Hey." Lorelai greeted her carefully. "What are you doing?"

"I'm reading "The Fountainhead" to Jess." Rory answered with calm voice and looked at the bed. Jess had not moved.

"Huh?" Lorelai walked to her daughter.

"Jess hates that particular work and the author." Rory grinned.

"And you read it to him, because…"

"Because I'm as stubborn as him." Rory shrugged and left the book in her lap. "I have to start from somewhere."

"How is he today?" Lorelai looked at Jess. "Any change?"

"One step at a time." Rory murmured. "He has to realize that I'm here and I won't give up on him."

"You think that he could understand that you are… you?" Lorelai frowned.

"I think he can, but not right away." Rory sighed. "I have to pick up some books from the library. Maybe they will help me."

"Books for what?" Lorelai was confused.

"Major depressive disorder."

"Huh?"

"Jess' condition." Rory explained. "Luke gave me some books today, but I want to know more. I want to know what to expect and how I could help him."

"And how about you?" Lorelai tilted her head. "How are you feeling?"

"Good." Rory shrugged. "I'm surprisingly good."

"And you're not lying to me?"

"Mom!" Rory snapped.

"Okay, okay." Lorelai put her hands up. "I trust you."

"You better!" Rory let out a sigh of relief. Then her look fell back on Jess. "We have to go?" She asked her mother quietly.

"Yeah." Lorelai touched her shoulder. "We have to go."

"Okay." Rory got off her chair and turned to her mother, but then suddenly leaned and kissed Jess' forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow." She whispered and left the room. Lorelai followed her with surprised look on her face.

Luke was waiting for them at the diner. It was already empty and Rory looked surprised at her watch. Her eyes widened.

"It's 10 pm? Are you kidding me?"

"Nope." Lorelai smiled. "You can go if you want to. I have to talk to Luke."

"Ok." Rory nodded. "I have to take a shower." She looked at Luke. "I'll be here tomorrow."

"Sure." Luke tilted his head and watched her as she left the diner. "She is strong." He murmured to Lorelai. "I was sure that she won't make it."

"She is my daughter." Lorelai shrugged. "What else did you expect?"

"But she even asked me how to feed him." Luke looked at her with surprise. "I thought that she would give up."

"She won't give up on him, Luke." Lorelai murmured and he looked at her. "She looked stronger when she is with him. I saw her sitting beside his bed and I saw the strength in her eyes. Jess has something that makes her stronger and I'm sure that she'll find out that soon."

"But he is sick." Luke frowned. "How he could make her stronger when he is sick?"

"He won't be sick forever." Lorelai bit her lower lip.

"You have a hope?" Luke frowned. "You think that he would get better?"

"I have it now." Lorelai shrugged. "We just have to be patient."

"Are you sure?"

"You saw any change in him today?" Lorelai asked instead.

"He let me feed him." Luke rubbed his chin. "You know how difficult is every time. Today it wasn't."

"Maybe that's a sign?"

"Yeah." Luke sighed. "Maybe."

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_Thanks for your support and for your comments! I appreciate that!_**


	7. Chapter 7 Change of a heart

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 7 Change of a heart _**

It was a quiet night. Rory hated it. She hated every time when she had the opportunity to think of him. Some part of her was ready to give up. She thought she could be strong for the both of them. Her heart and her mind were in total conflict. Rory moaned and buried her head in her pillow. It was difficult and she thought she could handle it. Her mother and Luke were right - it was unbearable. Jess had not showed any progress this month. Some part of her heart had desperately hoped for this. A tiny part of her mind too. Now she was devastated.

"You're making me cry again!" She sobbed in the pillow. Her fists grasped the blanked and she curled up in two. "Why are you doing this Jess? Why?"

It was silly and so childish to act like this. Rory knew that, but she could not help it. It hurt too much. Her heart was broken even before she could get back in Stars Hollow. Now it was shattered in million pieces.

"Rory?" Her mother rushed into her room. "Rory, are you alright hun?"

"I'm… yeah." Rory answered and brushed her tears frantically. "I'll be fine."

"No." Lorelai sighed and sat on the bed. "You won't be okay until you're heart is involved in this."

"Mom!" Rory snapped and sat on her bed.

"Just look at yourself!" Lorelai frowned. "You are crying… again! This hurts you, hun!"

"No!" Rory stormed out and left the room almost running. Her mother followed her in the kitchen. Rory brought her back to her. "This is my decision!" She hissed and closed her eyes.

"Not when it hurts you like this!" Lorelai came closer and placed her hands on Rory's shoulders. Her daughter trembled, but stood still. "I thought that you can handle it…"

"Do you?" Rory almost whispered. "You were telling me since the beginning that there was no hope for Jess! Just admit it – you never believed in me!"

"This is not true!" Lorelai hissed. "I just wanted to protect you!"

"Mom!" Rory turned around to face her mother. "There is no point of lying! You taught me that!"

"Okay, fine!" Lorelai ran her fingers through her hair. "I doubted in you!"

"That's good." Rory swallowed hard.

"You don't understand!" Lorelai tried to explain. "I doubted in you only, because I knew that your heart would be involved in this too."

"What?" Rory looked surprised.

"There is no good result when your heart is involved in the process." Lorelai lowered her voice. "You always get hurt in the end."

"What does my heart have to do with it?" Rory took few steps back as if her mother's words had hit her.

"You still care about him, Rory." Lorelai looked at her daughter. Her eyes were sad. "I'm not sure that you even realize that, but I think you never stopped to care about him."

"He is my friend." Rory smiled nervously. "Of course I care about him! He was a part of my life when I was young."

"Wake up, hun!" Lorelai walked to her daughter. "I thought you could realize this until now."

"No!" Rory put her hands up to stop her. "Don't go there!"

"Are you afraid?"

"I can't believe it!" Rory panted. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything!" Lorelai stopped. "I just want you to see and quit until you still have time!"

"I'm not quitting!" Rory clenched her fists. "I'm not a quitter!"

"But you are hurt…"

"What do you want me to say, mom?" Rory shook her head with sad smile on her face. "Why don't you tell it straight?"

"I want you to admit that you still love him, Rory." Lorelai almost whispered. "I hate to even think about that, but looking at you now… I can't be surer than this!"

"No!" Rory shook her head again. Her eyes widened and she ran her trembled fingers through her hair. "I don't love him! I care about him and that is different. You cannot be right! Just can't!"

"Rory…"

"No." Rory panted and rushed out of the house. She ran down the stairs and fell on her knees few steps further. Her breathing was heavy. Her heart was going to explode in her chest. "I don't love him." She panted in tears. "I can't love him! Not like this! Not again!"

"It's okay, hun." Lorelai had followed her and now she knelt beside of her daughter. Rory leaned on her and her shoulders shook. "It's good thing to know the truth. It's a good thing…"

"How can I help him?" Rory sobbed lightly. "How can I help him, mom? I thought I could find the key. I thought I could handle this!"

"I know." Lorelai cradled her in her arms. "I know…"

"I won't give up! I won't!" Rory panted. "I'm not a quitter!"

"Shh-shh… Everything will be okay." Lorelai kissed the top of her daughter's head. "Just calm down now."

Rory could not sleep that night. Her eyes gazed the ceiling of her room and when the morning came, she already knew what she had to do. Her heart and her mind were in piece now. It did not get any easier; it was the opposite. But she had made up her mind and she would not change it.

When she walked in Luke's Diner and saw Jess' uncle behind the bar. He just poured his morning coffee in a plastic cup. His eyes found her in the moment she walked to him.

"Hey, what are you doing here so early? He is not even awake."

"I want to be here when he opens his eyes." Rory tried to control her emotions. "I want to be here every morning before he wakes up. I want him to feel me here."

"What?" Luke frowned. "Rory, you are already too much in this. Why are you..?"

"Just give me some coffee and his breakfast if it's ready." Rory interrupted him.

"Here is the coffee." Luke sighed and handed her the plastic cup. "I was about to prepare his breakfast."

"Good." Rory nodded. "Thanks." She took the cup. "I'm going upstairs now."

"Okay." Luke nodded and Rory hid behind the curtain.

Her steps were surprisingly lighter now. Her mood was better. Her hope grew more and when she opened the door, she was sure in herself. She needed just a look to register Jess' presents in his bed. Luke was right - he was sleeping. His beautiful hazel eyes were still hidden behind his eyelashes. He still looked normal and his depression was not obvious. But Rory knew the truth. She knew that once he opened his eyes, they would be empty again. She shuddered and left her coffee on the near table.

"I won't give up!" She whispered to herself and took off her coat. It hurt her to look at him when he was so helpless, but she knew that it would hurt her more if she walked away.

Luke opened the door few minutes later. He held the tray with Jess' breakfast. He needed just a look to see that his nephew was already awake. Rory stood behind his wheelchair. Her face was stern and she nodded at him.

"Rory?" Luke looked at her with confusion. "What are you doing? He is not strong enough."

"He is." She insisted. "The weather is nice and I want him to see the sun outside."

"But…"

"Relax!" She frowned. "Just help me to bring him to the window."

"Sure." Luke shrugged. He could not see any point in her actions, but helped her anyhow. Few minutes later, Jess was sitting in his wheelchair. For Luke's surprise, Jess stood still. He was stronger than he expected. Not that he wasn't thinner. His face was still pale, but he looked stable on his chair. His eyes were still empty, but Luke could see the change in him.

"I'll take it from here." Rory smiled and sat close to Jess. She took his hand in hers and looked at his face. Luke just shook his head and walked out of the room. Rory waited until she heard his steps died down and then took a deep breath. "Okay, it's just you and me now." Her thumb skimmed over his. "I'm here and you have to notice me." Her other hand lay over his face. "I won't give up on you! Now, let's make you ready for your breakfast, okay?"

Rory turned around and missed the moment when his eyelashes trembled barely noticeable. He blinked once and his eyes stopped at her, but he stood still.

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_Thanks for your support and for your comments! I appreciate that!_**


	8. Chapter 8 Revival

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 8 Revival _**

Rory turned around for Jess' tray. She knew how to feed him. Luke had showed it to her. But when she turned to Jess and saw his eyes focused over her face, she almost dropped the full spoon. It was the first time since she was here when he actually looked at her. He did not move and she was afraid to breathe. She was afraid even to blink. Maybe this was just a food for her imagination. Maybe if she blinked, she would miss the moment.

"Jess." Rory whispered. "Jess, can you see me?" He lowered his look. "No, no!" Rory put the spoon back in the cup and grabbed his hand. "Don't give up! I am right here! Just look at me, okay?"

His hand trembled in hers. He shuddered and the air exploded in his lungs. When he looked at her, again Rory wished he did not do it. She could feel his pain. It was almost physical, but she did not withdraw. Her fingers laced with his and squeezed him even tighter. Her eyes did not avoid his, but he did not talk. He kept silence as if his words could hurt her.

"It's okay." Rory tried to control her voice. "You can talk to me when you want to. I'm here and I won't leave you!" She reached out and touched his face. He winced again. "I know it's hard, but you have to live again." Her thumb skimmed over his cheek. "I'm here to help you for that."

He did not answer her, but Rory was sure that he could understand her. Jess' eyes were alive now. He had focused them over her face. She blinked to stop her tears. Her emotions were in total chaos right now and Rory was not sure if she could make it. Just then, stared in his hazel eyes she realized that her mother was right. Her heart was involved in this. He was there and he never left that place. She tried to smile.

"I won't leave you!" Her whisper and her eyes were soft. All the pain went away. "I swear! I won't!"

Jess sighed and avoided her eyes. He stared through the window and Rory held back a moan. She thought that he would sink in his emptiness again. But his fingers trembled in her hand. He wanted to grasp her fingers, but he was too weak for that. Rory let out her sigh of relief. He was still there. They had plenty of time for his recovery. But he was with her. He realized her presence there. That was the important.

When Luke came later this day, he saw her on the same place she was in the morning. She was sitting on the same chair and talking to Jess. Her hand lay on his and when she looked at him, a smile appeared on her lips.

"Look, your uncle is here." She whispered to Jess and nodded at Luke to come closer. He frowned but listened to her. "It's okay." She mumbled to Jess again. "I'm here. I won't go away."

Rory looked at Jess and felt the hesitation in him. He was still insecure in his actions. She swallowed hard, but looked back at Luke. His eyes widened when he saw Jess' hand trembled in hers. Rory could understand his shock. Jess was unmovable whole two months. Luke had not seen him moved since the moment he had taken him from the hospital. Not only that, but Jess actually _looked_ at his uncle.

"Gee!" Luke exclaimed little louder and Rory saw Jess trembled again.

"Luke!" She frowned and then looked back at Jess and her face softened. "It's okay! Your uncle was just surprised to see you like this. There is nothing wrong."

The sound of her voice calmed him again and he looked back at the window. Rory could breathe again. Her look fell on Luke. He just stared at Jess.

"How?" He succeeded to produce. "He is… but… he…"

"Try not to make sudden moves or speak too loud." She spoke calmly. "I'd explain it to you. Just have some patience, okay?"

"S-sure." Luke stammered and sat on Jess' bed. "What happened? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." Rory lowered her voice. "He just chose to live."

"He chose?" Luke looked confused.

"Yeah." Rory tilted her head. "It was his decision."

"But he… he can't talk."

"It's a slow process." Rory stared at Jess' face. "I've read it. The hard part was to make him react. Now we just have to be patient. He'll come back to us."

"I can't understand." Luke took off his hat and looked back at his nephew. "I mean, he is here for so long and now suddenly…"

"He is not alright… yet." Rory interrupted him and looked at Jess' face. His eyes stared through the window, but she could feel his unwilling to let go of her hand. "He'll need all of our help and support for this."

"So what we have to do?"

"We have to be here." Rory smiled. "We have to wait for him until he is ready."

"And when that'd happen?"

"When he is ready, Luke." Rory whispered. "When Jess is ready."

Rory headed to her home right after Jess had fallen asleep. Her mother was waiting for her n front of the diner. Rory smiled and hugged her briefly. Lorelai tilted her head.

"Let's go home." She whispered and touched her daughter's elbow.

"Sure." Rory nodded and threw a last look to Jess' window. It was dark. He already slept. "I have to be here early."

"Why?" Lorelai frowned.

"Luke didn't tell you?" Rory frowned with confusion.

"Yea, he did." Lorelai shrugged. "But that doesn't mean anything."

"What?" Rory stopped abruptly.

"No, hun." Lorelai was hurry to correct herself. "I meant that doesn't explain why you have to be here early in the morning. Of course Jess' recovery is a big thing."

"He is not cured, mom." Rory murmured and continued with her walk. "He just started to react in my presence. It's only that – presence."

"You are such an expert?" Lorelai teased her as they walked in their house.

"No." Rory blushed and took off her coat. "I just read it and maybe called to few places."

"Called?"

"Yeah. I spoke with some doctors and took notes." Rory tilted her head. "When I told you that I won't give up on Jess, I meant it!"

"If Jess recovers completely, Luke would be trilled."

"Not only Luke, mom." Rory murmured and walked in her room.

* * *

**_P.S. _**

**_WOW! Thank you for the enormous support about this fic guys! You are my inspiration for writing and having you here, means everything to me! As you can see, this fic is very difficult to read, emotionally. Some of you knows me from my others fics. I always write for something I know and something that hits close to home. It's very emotional for me to do that, but at the end everything turns well. However, I can assure you that Jess is not lost cause, not for Rory anyway. "winks"_**

**_Once again - thank you for all of your support and comments. They really makes me want to write faster and faster! Luv you guys!_**

**_Arinna  
_**


	9. Chapter 9 Rebuild me

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 9 Rebuild me_**

Rory could not sleep again and she felt as if tomorrow would never come. The time had stopped and she had eyes only for the clock over her nightstand. As if its electrical numbers laughed at her. Rory sighed and closed her eyes again. It was almost unbearable to lay here and do nothing. Her sleep was just waist of time.

"Damn it!" She cursed under her nose and gave up of her attempts to fall asleep. She got off her bed and went to make some coffee. Few minutes later, Rory was sitting in the kitchen with cup of steaming coffee in her right hand and book in her left one.

That was how Lorelai found her on the next moment. Her daughter was drinking coffee and reading book at the kitchen.

"You're up early?" Lorelai coughed and Rory looked at her.

"I couldn't sleep last night." She shrugged. "I thought that some reading might help."

"Some reading?" Lorelai frowned and tilted her head.

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "I thought that it could help me."

"Help you for what?" Lorelai frowned. "If I'm not mistaken, you read _"Major depressive disorder"_. How could that help you to sleep?"

"It could help me for Jess." Rory took the last sip of her coffee and got off her chair. "I have to go now. He'll wake up soon. I want to be there."

"Rory!" Lorelai followed her daughter in her room. "Would you stop for a minute?"

"I don't have a minute." Rory opened her wardrobe. "I have to hurry."

"I know, but…" Lorelai bit her lower lip. "You have to listen to me for a sec."

"I don't have time now." Rory put on her green blouse and pair of blue jeans. "It has to wait!"

"No! It can't wait!" Lorelai snapped and watched as Rory hid in the bathroom. She heard the sound of the flowing water. "We really have to talk!"

Rory did not answer her and Lorelai had to wait until her daughter did not show up in the room again. She stood in front of the mirror and brushed her hair. Lorelai sighed and crossed her arms before her chest. Rory threw her a surprised look at the mirror.

"What?"

"You're spending too much time with Jess, hun." Lorelai frowned.

"So?" Rory turned around and took her coat from the bed. "What's wrong with that?"

"I thought you came back here to try and rebuild your life." Lorelai sighed. "Rory, this is not a rebuilding! This is a complication!"

"Saving Jess' life is a… complication?" Rory frowned.

"I didn't mean that!" Lorelai shook her head. "I just thought you could use some time for a little rest. You have to think."

"No!" Rory snapped and walked to her mother. "I don't need that time! I don't! When I came back here, I thought that I'm lost! I thought that I'm the most unhappy person on the Earth! When I found out Jess here and I saw him like this… everything made sense to me! Maybe that's why I came back. Maybe I'm here to help him!"

"But you suffer!" Lorelai touched her arm.

"He opened his eyes yesterday!" Rory smiled. "He opened his eyes, mom! Do you know what that could mean?"

"Nothing could stop you now, right?" Lorelai shook her head.

"Nope." Rory leaned and hugged her mother. "I know that you love me and you want me to be happy. I know that, but I'm an adult mom. Trust me when I'm telling you that I have hope in this. I have hope in Jess."

"So stubborn!" Lorelai murmured and hugged her back. "Like your father."

"Are you sure?" Rory laughed and walked out of the house.

She walked in the diner few minutes later. Luke was there. He was holding his cup of coffee and smiled when he saw her. That was a good sign.

"Hey Luke."

"Hey sunshine!" He handed her the cup of coffee. "You want some?"

"I'm gonna need it today." Rory murmured and took the first sip. "Mh-mm, no one could make a coffee like you."

"Jess could." Luke's smile faded. "He used to make the best coffee when he worked here."

"He'll make it again." She patted his shoulder with a smile. "You'll see."

"I wish I had you hope." Luke shrugged. "I'm afraid to believe again."

"But I can see that you're not that far away from it." Rory smiled again. "Jess will be fine again!"

"Sure." Luke released his half smile. "He's awake."

"He is?" Rory's eyes widened and her smile faded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"He woke up early. I gave him his breakfast." Luke shrugged. "He's okay and I suppose that he's waiting for you."

"I'm going." Rory nodded and almost ran upstairs. She opened the door with pounding heart. He was there, sitting on his wheelchair and looking at the door. His eyes focused over her immediately. She saw a shiver passed through his body when he realized her presence there. Rory could not suppress her smile of relief. She walked to him and sat on the nearest chair. "Hey, I'm here."

There was no other reaction than slight blink of his eyes. Rory took his hand and laced fingers with his. She stared at his beautiful face and his amazing hazel eyes. She never forgot them through all these years. No matter how far she was or whom she thought she loved. It was somewhat sad to realize that just now. Her mother was right. Jess was never only friend to her. He was something special in her life.

"Maybe you can help me too." Rory put the cup on the table and looked back at Jess. "Maybe we can help each other now." She took his other hand and looked at his eyes. "You helped me once before. I've never told you this, but you helped me to find my way back. I had lost it and you came to show it to me." Rory smiled through tears. "I'm what I'm today because of you! You believed in me when no one did… and you were right about Logan." Rory licked her lips. "He was a mistake, but I thought I loved him then. I couldn't see…" She shook her head. "I couldn't see his true self. He wasn't… you." Rory whispered. "You were the only one who could see my heart. After all this time… and I was afraid to see it."

Jess did not answer and she did not expect that. He just stood there and his eyes looked at her. He looked at her with confusion as if he did not know who to react on this. Rory knew that his emotions and feelings were in total chaos. Rory had to help him to fix them. She had to make him feel comfortable with her presence. She had to help him to rebuild his life again. Maybe that could help her with her life too.

"I'm sorry." She held back a sob. "I know I have to be strong.. I know that you are confused by this, but… no one else could understand me like you could. I know this is stupid. You probably don't understand what I'm talking about."

Jess released his left hand from hers and she saw his effort to lift it up. Rory frowned but left him. She watched his trembling hand and bit her lower lip when he touched her face. Her eyes closed and she leaned on his palm.

"So you can understand me after all." She whispered.


	10. Chapter 10 See my heart

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 10 See my heart _**

Rory stared at his eyes and saw the short flick of the pain there. It was so quick that Rory would miss it if she had blinked. His hand fell on his lap again. His eyes stared through the window and Rory frowned. She wanted to ask him now. She wanted to understand what had led him to here. Why he had shut himself out so completely? He was hiding something in himself and she was sure. Jess was a strong person. She knew how strong he could be. He had let her go even though that had cost him pain. She could see that in his eyes then. It was hurt her to leave him in Philadelphia, but she thought she was doing right.

"Okay." Rory forced her smile. "We have time for everything, but now you have to eat." She waited until he looked at her again. "Come on." She turned and took the tray in her lap. "It's time for your breakfast."

It was a tough day for her. Her thoughts were a mess. She kept wondering what brought him here. What was the reason made him to jump off that building. Rory was sure of only one thing – it must have been awful. But what it was? What was the reason for him to jump?

"Hey look." Rory pointed through the window. It was early evening and it snowing. It was the first snow for this year. "Jess, it's snowing!" She looked at him. His eyes stared through the window, but his face remained blank. "Do you know what time is it? It's time for the Winter Carnival!" Rory smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. He trembled under her touch, but it was single move. He remained calm after that. "Do you remember our visit to the Winter Carnival few years ago?" Rory smiled at the memory and took his hand in hers. "I won a bear. Do you remember? And the night after that? We were sitting at the bridge and you told me about your dreams to become a writer. Strange, huh?" Rory sighed warmed from the memory. "Then I talked to my mom and she waited for me. We ate snow cones and I told her about you. I told her how good it was to have someone like you in my life."

Jess did not move. She did not expect that from him. She knew it was too early. He had done enough until now. But she felt good even to lie her head on his shoulder. It was so comfortable and it felt so right. Her hands had captured his right one and she felt good.

"I want you to feel better, Jess." Rory whispered. "I'm going to do whatever it needs to make you feel good again. I won't give up on you!" She lifted her head up and looked at his face. He still watched through the window. The snow kept falling. "I want you to be as stronger as you were before. This life is not for you, Jess. You are not that weak and you have to live again!"

Then she kept quiet and lay her head on his shoulder again.

That was how Luke found them. He opened the door with Jess' dinner in his hands. Rory turned around and looked at him with a smile. But there was something in that smile he did not like it. It was sad. Even he could see it. Luke frowned and put the tray with the dinner on the table. His eyes stared at his nephew. Jess was the same as this morning. He looked through the window. His eyes blinked from time to time but that was all. Then Luke saw his hand laced with Rory's and frowned.

"Rory?" He looked at her with confusion.

"He would be fine." Rory nodded. "There is a long way before us, but we're gonna make it!"

"You?" Luke saw his nephew looked at Rory. "Is there something I have to know?"

"He could understands us." Rory almost whispered. "I think that his senses are coming back."

"That's great!" Luke could smile now, but he remembered Rory's sad smile. "What is the problem then?"

"He is still locked inside." Rory met Jess' look and tilted her head. "I wish I could find the right key."

"And I wish I could help you." Luke murmured. "But I don't know anything. I just saw him after his jump." He winced. "It wasn't pretty."

"I understand." Rory smiled and touched Jess' face. He did not shiver this time. "I guess he has to tell me."

"How?" Luke frowned. "He can't speak."

"He don't want to or… he thinks it's too early." Rory watched as Jess turned his head back to the window. "Or… he doesn't know how." She finished. "I have to read more about it."

"Your mother told me." Luke coughed and looked at her. "She thought that you are to involved in this and you may hurt yourself."

"What do you think?" Rory asked him carefully.

"I'm going to play the selfish here and… Damn! If you can help Jess, I'm with you!" Luke frowned. "I can't look at him like this and I was about to give up!"

"You don't have to give up now." Rory sighed with relief. "There is a hope now."

"I can see." Luke allowed himself a smile. "Maybe he would be able to talk soon."

"Maybe." Rory whispered and looked back at Jess. "I just have to find the right key for him. Then everything would be good."

She took a deep breath and took the tray with Jess' food. Luke watched her she fed his nephew. Jess let her. She whispered soft words while she fed him. Her smile touched her eyes and Luke winced from the feelings he saw there. Lorelai was right. Her daughter was too involved in this. She was more than involved; she loved Jess. The scary part was that she probably did not realize this. But now Luke was convinced in her will to help Jess. Love could do miracles. Maybe Rory was Jess' miracle. Maybe she was his cure and she was the only one that could help him live again.

"I'm going downstairs." Luke coughed and took Rory's attention. "Do you need something, before I go?"

"Nope." Rory smiled." We are fine here."

"Sure." Luke smiled and touched the door.

"Luke?" Rory called him right before he could open the door.

"Yes?" He turned around and looked at her.

"You are doing great!" She gave him a smile. "I know that Jess realize that."

"I wish you are right, Rory." Luke sighed and closed the door behind his back.

Leaving Jess was the hardest part of her day. Rory left him sleeping in his own bed. She touched his forehead with her lips and then took her coat from the nearest chair. Luke had put him to sleep and now he waited for her outside the door. Rory threw a last look to Jess and walked out of the room. Her mother was waiting for her along with Luke. He just nodded and walked in Jess' room. Rory sighed and accompanied her mother on their way out of the diner.

The night was cold and the snow had covered the ground.

"How was your day?" Lorelai asked her carefully.

"Good." Rory shrugged. "The day was good."

"But you look sad." Her mother frowned.

"I hate that part of the day." Rory murmured in her scarf.

"What part?" Lorelai looked at her daughter.

"The part where I have to leave him." Rory shrugged.

"Rory…"

"I know it sounds stupid, but… I just hate it!"

"Luke saw you two today." Lorelai said carefully. "He said you two looked pretty close."

"I just remembered the last Winter Carnival with Jess." Rory shrugged. "That was all."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." But Rory avoided her mother's eyes. "I am sure."


	11. Chapter 11 No sleep

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 11 No sleep _**

Rory spent another sleepless night. Her thoughts pulled her to Jess. She remembered all of their happy moments. She remembered all the days she was young and stupid. They were happy even in the short amount of time they were together. Rory sighed and looked through the window. It was dark and she could not see anything, but that did not matter. She did not even think about it. Her thoughts were still with Jess. She could not sleep, but she knew that if she got off her bed right now, her mother would notice. Rory sighed. Lorelai could be as stubborn as she could.

Rory closed her eyes with a sigh. She had not even noticed when Jess had become an important part of her life again. His survival was the most important thing now. He had to live and Rory somehow knew that she was able to do that. The only thing she was not sure – his will to do that. Jess was unpredictable now. He was… painful to watch. Rory fisted her pillow. He suffered and she wanted to know why. She wanted to help him. But how? How to make him speak again? How to find the key for his soul?

So many questions stood before her and she could not find the answers. It was frustrating and if she were another, she would give up. But she was Rory and he was Jess. Rory opened her eyes. She cared about him and she cared too much. It was a dangerous thought, but somehow made her feel safe. It was weird, but Rory could not help it. She had a purpose in her life now. She had someone to care about and that was something good.

She waited until she heard her mother's steps in the kitchen. She had not slept that night. Not that she had not tried, but the sleep just ran away from her. Rory got off the bed and took a quick shower. She walked in the kitchen and saw her mother already with her cup of coffee. Rory put a smile on her face and poured herself a cup of coffee too.

"Still no sleep huh?" Lorelai studied her face.

"I… yeah." Rory shrugged. There was no point of lying. "Still no sleep."

"And how did you spend the night?"

"I was thinking." Rory shrugged.

"Thinking?" Lorelai looked at her daughter with confusion.

"Yeah." Rory looked at her mother. "I was thinking about the mistakes I did when I was young. You know what? I did the most of them with Jess?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Rory smiled, but the smile did not reach her eyes. "I know that I was wrong about Dean and not to mention Logan. He was a huge mistake!" Rory put the cup back on the table. "But I was stupid to let Jess get away in the first place. He came back for me. He told me that he love me. He asked me to go away with him and I was too scared to listen. I was too… confused."

"He asked you to leave with him?"

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "He asked me to leave with him. But I stayed and Dean was here and… I did a mistake! A huge mistake!" She shook her head. "I was looking for something that I lost only because of my stupidity."

"Huh." Lorelai tilted her head. "You never told me about this."

"Because I realized it just now." Rory shrugged. "I could've have him if I was brave enough. But I wasn't. Jess gave me so many opportunities and I was scared every time."

"Now you're not?"

"Now... he has to get better." Rory got off her chair. "That is my only goal. He has to get better and we'll see after that."

"Okay." Lorelai looked at her daughter. "And you have to go now?"

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "I have to go."

"Wait for me. I want to see Luke." Lorelai took her coat from her chair. "Then I have to go to the Inn."

"Sure." Rory smiled and took her coat too. "You'll come for me this evening?"

"Yeah." Lorelai nodded as they left the house. "I'll come for you. We have to eat something, you know?"

"Yeah and Luke has the best kitchen!" Rory smiled.

"Yup!" Lorelai winked at her. "You've got my point!"

They walked in the diner and saw Luke behind the bar. He was holding a cup of steaming coffee. When he saw them a smile appeared on his face.

"Morning." He handed the cup to Rory. "Here is your coffee and he is awake."

"Damn!" Rory took the cup. "I missed him every time!"

"Wait!" Luke stopped her and she looked at him with surprise. "Here is your muffin." He nodded at the tray near by. "Today is the muffin day."

"Nice." Rory took the muffin and looked at her mother. "Smart move, mom! You had to talk with Luke, huh?"

"I was hungry." Lorelai grinned.

"Sure." Rory shook her head. "He ate already?"

"Yup." Luke nodded. "He ate. You can take another blanket from the wardrobe though. I think that it's cold upstairs and I don't want to risk it."

"Okay." Rory nodded and almost ran upstairs. Her heart pounded when she opened the door. Jess was there and he was looking at the door. She could see by the look of his face that he was waiting for her. That made her strangely happy. Rory smiled. "Morning. What are we going to do today?" Her heart shone in her eyes.

Luke came with the lunch and saw Rory talk to Jess. She had turned his wheelchair to the window and they looked outside. She had leaned her head on his shoulder and did not even notice when Luke came in the room. They were in their world and Luke stood there, unable to interrupt them. Rory still loved his nephew. It was so obvious now. Even he could notice that.

"Rory?" Luke coughed after some time. She looked at him with surprise, but she did not blush. That only showed how comfortable she felt with Jess in this moment.

"Yes." She looked at his hands. "Oh, the lunch. Is it time?"

"Yeah." Luke nodded and left the tray on the table. "It is time. I left something for you too."

"Thanks." Rory nodded. "How's the situation downstairs?"

"Ah, it's full." Luke crooked his face. "You know the usual."

"And no one notice you with the tray?" She frowned. "How did you do that?"

"Well, I just told Caesar that I'm going to eat upstairs." Luke shrugged. "He didn't ask."

"Clever." Rory smiled.

"How is he today?" Luke threw a look at his nephew. Jess did not make an sign that he notice him. "Something new?"

"Nope." Rory shook her head. "Nothing new, but he is better than before."

"I hope you understand that you did small miracle when you came here." Luke smiled before he could turn around and touch the door.

"Thank you, Luke." Rory smiled and watched him left the room. "Now it's time for lunch." She turned her look back to Jess. "Are you hungry?"

She fed him like any other day and he let her. He always let her. His eyes had focused on her face and Rory wondered about his thoughts at the moment. What happened in his mind? What he was thinking? Was he close to his recovery or he was as far as he was from the beginning?

After she fed him, Rory ate her own lunch. Jess still watched her. It was strange feeling. She felt so comfortable with him. All the weirdness was gone. She was not nervous anymore. She was not scared. She was here, with him and that was alright for now. It was enough.

When Rory finished with her lunch, she sat back to him and took his hand. This time he was the one, grasper her fingers. She looked at him with surprise. Jess avoided her eyes and looked at their laced hands. Rory felt the need to cry. He was so fragile and so confused right now.

"What's wrong, Jess?" Rory touched his face and made him look at her. "Why are you hiding yourself from me? What is wrong with you? Please tell me!"

He remained silence, but his eyes were full of pain.


	12. Chapter 12 Stay

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 12 Stay_**

On her way back home Rory was thoughtful. She kept silence and her mother looked at her strangely. But none of them said a word. Rory was too busy thinking about Jess' problems. He still kept silence and refused to talk. Rory was not sure if he could speak at this point. It was too early for his recovery, or she thought so. But at the same time Rory was eager to know what had led him to here. What pushed him to jump off that building? It was something too painful and she could tell that just by the look in his eyes. But what was it? If she knew where to look at it would be easier. But Luke could not help her and Rory could count only on Jess about it. And… he would not help her. He preferred to forget and stay away. It was his self-defending mechanism. If jumping off the building could call self-defending mechanism. But his pain must have been too much for him to jump. It was not in his nature to give up that easily. It was not Jess' style. Therefore, something serious had happened.

"Rory, hun are you alright?" Lorelai asked her carefully when they got in the house.

"Sure, why?" Rory took off her coat and looked at her mother.

"You look… strange."

"I was thinking about something." Rory shrugged and walked in her room.

"Something…" Lorelai followed her. "… or someone?"

"Both actually." Rory turned around to her mother. "Why?"

"You just looked so serious."

"I am serious." Rory frowned. "Do you know where Jess was when that… accident happened?"

"Yes." Lorelai nodded. "He was in Philadelphia. I know that, because Luke went to bring him back here."

"In Philadelphia…" Rory sat on her bed. "But you told me that his bookstore failed."

"Yes, it did." Lorelai nodded again. "Jess was working on a book or at least Luke told me that."

"He was writing again?" Rory's eyes widened.

"Yeah." Lorelai shrugged. "Luke said that he found his manuscripts in his apartment."

"So, Jess was in Philadelphia and he was working on a book." Rory frowned thoughtfully. "Why he jumped off? What made him to jump? It sounds like he was back on track."

"I can't tell you more." Lorelai shrugged again. "Luke didn't tell me."

"He doesn't know." Rory bit her lower lip. "I asked him. And I can't believe that Jess would give up that easily. It doesn't sound like him."

"It doesn't sound like him?"

"I know him." Rory shook her head. "He wouldn't give up so easily! Just not in his style."

"Yeah his suicidal attempt definitely surprised us." Lorelai tilted her head. "But Jess is an emotional type of a person. He could…"

"No!" Rory snapped. "This is something serious! It was something serious! I saw his eyes, mom! He was in pain! He still is in pain! Maybe this pain is holding him back. Maybe this… memory makes him unable to react now."

"So you think…"

"I think that something happened in his life to make him do this." Rory sighed and looked at her mother. "I have to know what exactly. I want to help him pass through this, mom."

"But you just said that only Jess could tell you the truth." Lorelai frowned. "And he is not the most talkative person right now."

"Yeah." Rory bit her lower lip. "That could be a problem."

It was snowing when Rory woke up on the next morning. She actually slept that night. It was something unusual for her these days. Maybe the tiredness had finally said its word. She looked through the window and smiled. Christmas was near. She loved this time of the year.

"Hey sleepy head." Her mother opened the door and peered inside. "It's time to get up. I have to go in the Inn. Your coffee is waiting for you on the table and Luke just called. Jess is awake."

"Thanks mom." Rory got off the bed quickly.

Twenty minutes later, she was on her way to the diner. When she finally got there, Luke was waiting for her behind the bar. But he was not alone. Rory's smile faded when she saw Kirk there. It was pretty early for him to be there. Rory threw a quizzical look to Luke. He just shrugged and passed her the coffee. Rory sat behind the bar and took the cup.

"You are here early, Rory." Kirk looked at her with curiosity.

"Yeah." Rory yawned and took a sip. "Luke asked me for help, so…" she threw a look at Luke. He had to think of something.

"A help?" Kirk looked at Luke. "What help? Can I help too?"

"No Kirk." Luke coughed and rolled her eyes. "I asked Rory to help me with the bills. The books are upstairs."

"Really?" Kirk tilted his head. "I have a degree…"

"I know, but I asked Rory." Luke snapped. "Don't you have a job to do?"

"Yeah." Kirk got off his place and came closer. "There is a contest for the best looking snowman."

"Really?" Rory got off her chair and took the muffin from the plate before her.

"Yeah." Kirk nodded. "I'll be a judge." He said proudly.

"Good for you!" Rory nodded at him.

"And I have to go!" Kirk lifted up his chin. "People are waiting for me. Bye!" He said and walked out of the diner.

"Still the same." Luke frowned.

"Yup." Rory laughed. "Thanks for the excuse."

"No problem." Luke shrugged. "I'm getting good in this! Jess would be proud of me!"

"I'm sure he is." Rory took the last sip from her cup and looked upstairs. "Have to go. How is he today?"

"Same." Luke frowned. "I wish he was better, but…"

"Have some patience." Rory patted his shoulders and hid behind the curtain.

When she opened the door, Jess was with his back to her. He just watched through the window. Luke had wrapped him in a warm blanket. Rory took off her coat and went to him. He did not even look at her. His eyes gazed the window. It was snowing again.

"Hey." Rory sat close to him and took his hand. It was cool and she felt his fingers trembled when she touched him. "Watching the snow, huh?" Her voice was quiet and steady. "I met Kirk downstairs. You know what he told me? There is a competition and it's about the best looking snowman in the town. I wonder who's going to win this year." Rory sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Do you remember my Bjork looking snowwoman?" She smiled. "You have to admit that it was good. And I still have to thank you for your help. I won because you helped me." She skimmed her thumb over his. "Yeah, it was good win." Rory sighed and kept silence. Then she felt his head touched hers and bit her lower lip. He leaned on her. That was something she had expected since she had started all this. He had to count on her. He had to believe her enough to open his heart again.

She did not talk much this day. The important thing was just to be beside of him. Luke did not disturb them when he brought the tray with the lunch. He just left it on the table and walked out quietly. So Rory stood there and her hand lay in his. His hand lay in hers and she felt good. Jess was here. He was with her and that was the only thing that matter now.

But her thoughts kept wandering around the same question. What had happened with Jess? What made him like this? What made him to commit an attempt of suicide? She cared about him and she wanted to know all the answers. Her eyes met his and she understood that he could understand her now.

"What's wrong, Jess?" She touched his face with her other hand. "What happened with you? You know you can trust me."

His eyes avoided hers again and she saw the pain there again. He lowered his look and she shook her head with sadness in her eyes.

"Come on, Jess." She whispered. "You have to talk already. I know you can."

She saw his sigh and the refusal in his eyes. Maybe it was too early? Maybe she had hurt him?

"I'm sorry." Rory bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean it." She got off her place. Her hand was still in his. "I'll go now."

Then she felt it. She felt the grasp of his hand around her. And heard just one word that sounded more like a whisper.

"Stay."


	13. Chapter 13 It’s a beginning

**_A/N: I have to admit that I dreamt this story recently and I just couldn't wait to write it and post it here. I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this one. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 13 It's a beginning _**

Rory froze in one place. Her eyes gazed at Jess. He did not look at her, but his hand held hers and she just had heard his voice. Maybe this was just a dream. Maybe she wanted to hear his voice so badly that she just had imagined all this. Rory sighed and tried to release her hand, but he did not let her.

"Stay... please." His voice was more like a whisper, but Rory heard him. She sat back on her chair and looked at his face. He still looked through the window, but Rory cold see his parted lips now. Her heart pounded.

"Jess?" She whispered and touched his face. He looked at her and her breath hitched. "You… you can see me? You can… hear me?"

"Yes." He sighed. His eyes looked at her with sadness. "But… I… I don't… want to."

"Why?" Rory slid the back of her fingers over his face. "Why, Jess?"

"Why… are you here?" He frowned instead.

"I'm here, because I needed it." Rory shrugged and tried to control her voice. She did not want him to see her own pain. He was the important now. "Why are you here?"

Jess just shook his head and lowered his look. He did not want to talk. He was not ready for it and Rory could feel that. She took a deep breath and his hand slipped under his chin and forced him to look at her.

"It's okay." Rory tried to smile. "You can talk when you are ready to talk. I'm not going to force you to do anything, okay? I'm just here and I'll stay here until you want me to."

"I hurt you… Rory." His voice was weak, but at least he was trying for her. Her heart ached.

"I hurt you too." Rory bit her lower lip and his eyes went teary. "I hurt you so many times and I even lost the count. But I'm here and I want to help you if you let me."

"I… don't deserve… this." Jess sighed. "You… don't know… anything."

"I know you and that's enough." Rory allowed herself a smile. It was thin, but reached her eyes anyway. "If you want me here, I'll stay here."

"Thank you." Jess blinked and looked through the window. He sighed and that was all. Rory released his chin, but her hand was still in the trap of his one. She left it there. Her fingers laced with his and her head rested on his shoulder. He did not wince this time. His head touched hers instead and they kept silence.

The noon came and went away. They still kept silence, but now Rory did not feel the need to talk. He was here and he was finally on his way to his full recovery. She was not a fool and she knew that he had a long way to go. But she was willing to help him. She was right when she thought that maybe by helping him she would fight with her own inner daemons. Her old life looked so far away. She had a purpose now. She had a person to care about.

"Hey." She heard Luke's voice and felt how Jess trembled beside her. "It's dinner time." He walked towards them and placed the tray on the table. Rory looked at him and smiled.

"Thanks." Jess whispered.

"You are…" Luke's eyes widened. "You can… talk?" He stared at his nephew and then looked at Rory. "He just said "thanks"?"

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "He just said it."

"Damn!" Luke cursed silently and sat on Jess' bed. He looked at his nephew. He saw him still holding Rory's hand. It was as if she needed her strength right now. "Jess?"

Jess sighed and turned his look to his uncle. His eyes were crystal clear. Jess actually looked at him. He reacted on his voice and he could answer him. That was more than Luke was ever imagined. He never thought that he would see his nephew like this again. But Jess surprised him. Then Luke looked at Rory and saw her eyes stared at his nephew. There was so much love there that he already knew the answer. Rory was the reason for Jess to be here right now. She was the reason for his will to live again. He smiled.

"Uncle.. Luke?" Jess frowned and his voice cracked.

"I'm here, Jess." Luke smiled and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'll be damned! How?" His look fell on Rory. "I thought…"

"I guess he is ready to talk now." Rory lowered her voice. "Are you Jess?"

"I…" He lowered his look and bit his lower lip. "I don't know." His voice cracked again and he sounded confused. "I'm not sure."

"It's okay." Rory squeezed his hand. "We are here to help you. You don't have to worry about anything."

"Yeah." Luke coughed and stared at his nephew. "We all are here to help you, Jess."

"I don't deserve this." He shook his head lightly. The pain in his eyes was obvious. "Why?"

"Jess!" Luke frowned, but Rory put her hand up to make him stop.

"Because I'm stubborn and my mother says that I'm pain in the ass. That's why!" She wanted to make him smile even a little, but he did not. His eyes met hers and he did not say a word. Rory sighed. She knew she had to be patient with him and took his other hand. "My point is that I'm here and I won't go anywhere! I want to see you smile! I want to see you the same strong person as you were before! I… care about you, okay? I won't let you sink into darkness again! I don't care if you think that you deserve this! You are important to me and to your uncle! Look what he did to you! Look how he cares about you! We won't give up on you, Jess! We won't! So don't ask this!" She laced her fingers with his. "I don't care how much time it'll take!"

Luke observed their behavior. They were close. They were always been close, but now there was something strange in their bond now. There was something in the way she held his hands and there was something in the way he let her did this. Jess listened to her. Luke could see that. His eyes were sad, but there was a little spark of life there too. He was… glad that she was here. Luke could not say the word "happy" yet. Jess had a long way until he reached to his happiness. Maybe Rory was his way. Maybe she was that something Jess needed to feel whole again.

He saw how his nephew nodded slightly at her words. It was an impossible not to see the love flowing between them. Even Luke could see it. He smiled and shook his head. Something was telling him that Lorelai would not be happy about this. Luke got off the bed and left the room quietly. Jess and Rory did not even look at him. He was not surprised.


	14. Chapter 14 Finding the answer

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 14 Finding the answer_**

Lorelai rushed into the diner. It was dark outside and she was running late. She had new clients and they were very bitchy in her opinion. Sookie was thrilled to show her new culinary specialties to the French guests, but Lorelai was more than happy to leave that place. She cursed when she gout out of the car. The diner was empty, but Luke was waiting for her as always He was sitting on the table close to the window and drinking coffee. He was smiling and shaking his head repeatedly. Lorelai frowned and went to see him. She dropped her bag onto the floor and sat on the chair opposite him.

"Hey." She touched his hand on the table. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Oh I'm fine." He laughed and Lorelai frowned even more.

"What's going on with you?" She asked carefully.

"I'm celebrating!" Luke looked at her with flames in his eyes. "Today we have to celebrate!"

"That's good, but why?" Lorelai looked confused.

"Jess spoke." Luke burst into laugh. "Jess spoke today!"

"What?" Lorelai looked at him with disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"I am serious!" Luke tilted his head. "I walk in with his lunch today and… he greeted me."

"This is…wow!" Lorelai exclaimed and leaned back on her chair.

"I think he is still confused and he won't speak to me as I want it." Luke shrugged, but he did not look disappointed. "But I think he would talk with Rory. I saw it, Lorelai! I saw the connection! You should've seen how he looked at her! I think she is the one who can cure him! She could give him the reason to live! "

"Wow!" Lorelai put her hands up. "Are you sure? I think you are just too excited to see…"

"No!" Luke shook his head. "I am sure! If there is someone who can help Jess, that's Rory!"

"Okay." Lorelai frowned and looked at her watch. "I thought that she would be here by now."

"She is upstairs." Luke smiled. "She helped me to put Jess to sleep."

"She helped you?"

"Yeah." Luke got off his chair and reached out a hand to her. "Come with me."

"Luke…"

"Come on." He insisted and Lorelai put her hand in his. "Let's go upstairs." Luke nodded with smile and she followed him through the staircase. He stopped in front of the door and put a finger on his lips. She just nodded and he opened the door quietly.

Lorelai peered inside of the room and froze on her place. Her daughter was sitting close to Jess' bed. He was sleeping and she was running her fingers through his hair and just looked at him. It was an intimate moment and Lorelai felt like a voyeur. Rory had felt her presence, because she turned around and looked at her.

"Is it time?" She whispered to her mother. Lorelai just nodded. "Okay." Rory turned around and pressed her lips to Jess' forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow." She uttered and got off her chair. She took her coat and nodded at her mother and Luke. "We can go now."

"Sure." Lorelai murmured.

"I'll be here tomorrow and I'll try to do that before he wakes up." Rory nodded at Luke and he smiled.

"Okay." He answered to her and then locked the diner after them.

They walked in silence. Lorelai threw a brief look at her daughter and then shook her head. Rory noticed that and looked at her mother.

"What?" She asked her with confusion.

"Was there any time of your life when you didn't love him?" Lorelai said it straight.

"Mom!" Rory frowned.

"You like me to be honest. Now I am!"

"He just spoke today, okay?" Rory frowned. "I'm happy! That's it!"

"Stop lying to yourself!" Lorelai stopped in front of their house and looked at her daughter. "I want you to be honest in front of yourself just for once! You know I didn't like Jess! Some part of me still doesn't like him! I think he is too emotional and too dangerous for you! But you like him!"

"Mom…"

"You care about him!" She made a short pause. "You still love him, Rory!"

"No!" Rory clenched her fists. "I loved him! Past tense! Now I just…"

"Admit the truth just once!" Lorelai touched her daughter's arms. "Maybe that could help you!"

"No!" Rory shook her head furiously.

"But why? What could possibly happen?"

"I didn't come here to search for love!" Rory blinked furiously to stop her tears. "I came here to search for peace! I wanted to put my life in order!"

"But you found Jess here!" Lorelai lowered her voice. "I know you are scared, hun. I know that you are strong person and you hate that feeling. But what if… what if Jess is the person you need? I know it's strange that coming from me, but… what if he is the one?"

"He can't be." Rory's voice cracked.

"Why?"

"We both hurt each other so much!" Rory shook her head. "It's just… it's too late, mom!"

"Too late for what?" Lorelai frowned. "Stop being so stubborn and face the truth!"

"Mom!"

"I may don't like it, but at least I can accept it!" Lorelai snapped. "You won't be happy until you don't realize what is good for you!"

"Jess is good for me?" Lorelai looked at her mother with confusion. "But you just said…"

"You think that he is good for you!" Lorelai shook her head again. "I can't understand you on this, but…"

"I've never said that!"

"But that's what you're feeling!" Lorelai chuckled bitterly. "I wish it was someone else, but obviously your heart chose him."

"I…" Rory avoided her mother's look. "I'm not sure."

"You are." Lorelai patted her shoulder. "You just have to stop running away. You have to face it!"

"I can't solve the problem in that way, mom." Rory's face faded. "Even if it's true!"

"See?" Lorelai smiled. ""You can't deny it! You still love him!

"Okay! Fine! I love him!" Rory snapped. "Now what?"

"Now… you have to fight for it!"

"I have to fight for what?" Rory frowned.

"For your happiness." Lorelai patted her shoulder and went in the house. Rory just shook her head and followed her mother.

Rory was up early in the next morning. She left the house long before her mother could wake up. She had planned it in that way. It was still dark and the town was still quiet. Rory inhaled the fresh air and walked in the diner. Luke was there was always. He smiled in the moment he saw her walked in.

"Coffee?" He poured her a cup.

"Sure." Rory murmured and took a sip. Her eyes closed with pleasure. "I skipped the morning coffee in my house."

"Why?" Luke tilted his head.

"My mom." Rory frowned. "And I don't want to talk about it!"

"Okay." Luke smiled. "Jess is awake by the way."

"He is?" Rory looked disappointed. "I wanted to be here!"

"He was up very early this morning." Luke shrugged. "And… he greeted me again."

"That's good." Rory nodded.

"Yeah, I guess that's something, right?"

"Baby steps, remember?" Rory smiled. "I'm going to see him, okay?"

"Okay." Luke nodded.

Rory almost ran upstairs. She stopped right in front of the door and tried to calm her breathing. She put her hand on the lock and pushed the door open. He was there as always. He was sitting in his chair and his eyes shone in the moment he notice her.

"Hi."

It was a simple word, but made her heart pounded in her chest. Rory could not help, but smile.

"Hi." She answered him and walk in the room. When she sat close to him and touched his hand, she realized that her mother was right. When her eyes met Jess', she already knew that she was going to fight for him.


	15. Chapter 15 It’s snowing

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 15 It's snowing_**

His life had a meaning now and that was the only thing he did not want to.

Jess stared through the window and his thoughts were complete mess. They were from the moment she had touched his hand. He felt her present from the moment she had touched his hand for the first time. It was something new and something very unfamiliar to him. It was the first gesture wanted to bring him back and he fought with it. He fought with all of his strength and he lost the battle. It was Rory. She was the only one capable of brought him back in the world he did not want to. Why she even tried? Why she even wanted him here? It was so confusing and he had lost his ability to think clearly from the moment he had sank into his own darkness. It was so comfortable there. There was no pain or suffering. He just had to wait and everything would be over. But Rory did not let him. She had pulled him out of this world and now he had to live again. For what? For whom? He would have smiled if he could.

Then he looked at her. Her head rested on his shoulder and her hand held his as if she was afraid to let him go. She was right. He wanted that from her. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to be left on his emptiness. He did not deserve to live. It was useless. There was nothing good in his life. Everyone, connected with him suffered. He caused only pain to the people around him.

Jess sighed and looked at the snow outside. Rory was right. It was just a time for the Winter Carnival. He bit his lower lip and thought about their first and only night at the Winter Carnival. They were just kids then. But it felt so good just to be with her. He had almost forgotten. The feeling was so warm and so overwhelming. It was the only good thing he could remember.

"Jess, are you okay?" He heard her voice, but did not look at her. He knew that she looked at him. He knew that she just observed his face now.

"It's snowing." He answered instead. It was safe in this way.

"Yeah." Rory skimmed her thumb over his hand. He almost looked down there. He almost gave up on the warmth in her voice. "Are you feeling cold? Do you want another blanket?"

"It's… snowing." He repeated and heard her sigh. She got off her chair and went for another blanket. He knew that he hurt her in that way. He knew that, but it was safer for her to stay away from him.

"Here." She placed another blanket over his legs. "You should feel warm now." Rory took her old place close to him and took his hand again. She was warm and he almost looked at her. He almost met her eyes. "I know what are you trying to do." She said suddenly and looked at him. He did not remove his look from the window. "I know that you want to keep me in the dark, but I don't know why." Rory whispered. "I just wish you can talk to me like we used to."

Jess clenched his jaw. He did not look at her. His eyes narrowed slightly. He had forgotten her natural urge to help people. It was just in her nature and he knew now she would not give up easily. That was Rory and she could be as stubborn as he was. But he kept silence.

"Fine." Rory murmured. "We're just keeping quiet then." She leaned her head back on his shoulder and he clenched his jaw again. It was so good to feel her right now. He almost wanted to live and that was a dangerous feeling.

When the door opened, he knew it was his uncle. He almost smiled. Luke was the other fighter here. After all pain Jess had caused him, he wanted him alive too. But Luke did not force him to live, Rory did. There was something in her that made Jess do that. There was something that pulled him out of his darkness. He still did not know what and he could not fight against it.

"Lunch is ready." Luke's voice sounded near and Jess felt that Rory looked at him. It was just a feeling. She lifted her head up and he lost the feeling of her touch over his shoulder. "How is he?" Luke asked carefully and Jess would smile if he could. They led that conversation every day. Luke kept asking and now Rory would answer…

"Good!" Her voice was soft as if she was afraid to hurt Luke. Jess closed his eyes and took a deep breath. They all suffered because of him. He always brought them pain. Then why they wanted him alive?

"Okay." Luke answered with hope in his voice. "I'll be downstairs. Call if you need anything, okay?"

"I will." Rory answered him, but Jess knew that she would not call. She wanted to keep these moments with him for her only. She wanted to take care of him alone. He sighed and she looked at him. This time their eyes met and Jess shook his head.

"Why?" He asked simply and his voice cracked.

"Why what?" She looked at him with confusion.

"Why are you keeping me alive?" He tilted his head. "Why are you want me here?"

"Oh, Jess…" Her hand lay on his face and he barely resisted on the urge to lie on her palm. "Why are you even asking me?"

"I don't deserve this." His face faded. "I don't want this!"

"But I want you here!" Her voice was more like a whisper. "I want you to be here and I want you alive!"

"Why?" He frowned. "It would be better for everybody if I just…"

"No!" She snapped. "It would be better for you! I don't know why, but I know that you suffer! I know that you're hiding something in you! I just want you to be honest with me. Talk to me Jess! Maybe I could help you get through this, but what you want.... I can't let you! I can't even think about it!"

"Rory please…"

"No!" She frowned. "You could ask everything from me, but not this! You are going to live and I'm here to help you!"

"But what if I don't want to?" He tilted his head. "What if…"

"You are here, with me." Her thumb skimmed over his cheek. "I'm here with you and we can make this happen. I know we can."

"Why?" He asked again and saw the pain in her eyes. "Why, Rory?"

"Because I care about you!" She shook her head and her voice softened. "Because you are important, Jess!"

"No…"

"Yes." Her eyes met his. "You are and you have to talk to me." She made a short pause. "You know you can trust me! Tell me, Jess! Tell me what happened. What made you to jump?"

He sighed and would smile if he could. She did not know anything. She did not have to know. His look fell back at the window.

"It's snowing." He murmured.


	16. Chapter 16 Love me

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. As the previous story, I put something very personal in this one too. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 16 Love me_**

There was that time of the day when he was alone. His uncle had helped him to get off the bed and supported him to his wheelchair. Jess had thanked him and had seen his smile. Luke needed that much. He needed only a word from his nephew to feel good. Jess smiled with sadness. It was the only thing he could give to him now. But it was enough.

Then Luke helped him to wash his face and that was it. He left the room and his nephew was alone again. Jess sighed and looked through the window. Luke wanted him to feel comfortable and removed the cupboard from there. Now Jess could sit very close and look outside. He did that now. He looked there and saw her. She was there every day by this time. She was there every day in the moment she realized that he needed her. It was strange how much Jess needed Rory right now. He never thought that this day might come. He sighed and leaned back on his chair. She was very quiet these past few days. She just came closer to him, sat on the nearest chair and her head rested on his shoulder. That was enough for her. That was enough for him. But there was something different in her and even his distraught mind could realize that. Rory felt some kind of despair and he knew the reason. It was he. He was hurting her again. He always hurt her. Maybe it would be better for her if she just went away. It would be better for the both of them. He would not have a reason to live and she would get better. That was the smartest thing to do now.

"Hi." Jess heard her voice in the moment she opened the door. He did not turn around how she used to. He just sat there and tried to sink again. He had to get back on the place when he would not hurt anyone. He had to get back in the darkness. That was his place. He did not deserve more. "Jess?" Her soft hand covered his. He did not move. "Jess please. I know that you can hear me and I know that you know that I'm here. What's wrong?"

Jess looked at her and saw the pain in her eyes, his pain. He closed his eyes again. It was unbearable. Then he felt her hands touched his face and almost gave up on that feeling. Almost, but not quite. Jess swallowed hard and tried to escape. It was safer in this way. It was better for her and for him. He just had to disappear.

"Don't do this to me!" Her whisper made him flinch. "Why are you acting like this?" Her thumbs skimmed over his face. "Why are you running from me?" Her fingers slid into his hair. "Look at me!" She demanded. "Look at me! Now!"

Jess opened his eyes and met hers. She tilted her head and her eyes softened.

"What's wrong, Jess?" She asked once again. "Tell me!"

"We have to stop." He murmured.

"We have to stop?" Rory frowned. "We have to stop what?"

"We have to stop hurting each other." He whispered. "It's better for you if you leave me now."

"Better for me?" Rory shook her head. "I think it's better for you! I want to be here, but you still don't want to understand that!"

"I'm hurting you." He sighed. "It's better for you…"

"Don't you dare tell me what is better for me!" She snapped and that came as a surprise for him. She looked angry. "I won't leave you and you know that! So just stop!"

"But…"

"You can ask everything from me, but not this!" She shook her head. "I'm gonna stay here and I'm gonna help you!"

"I don't want that!"

"I'm staying!" Rory still held his head. "Got it?"

"Why?" He uttered. "Why are you so stubborn to do this? Why are you so stubborn to stay here? There is nothing for you here! Nothing!"

"You are here." Rory shrugged. "That's enough for me."

"But I'm not someone you'd want to safe." His eyes avoided her again. "I don't deserve that!"

"I don't care what you're thinking!" She forced him to look at her. "I don't care what you were! I know you! I know the real you and that's why I'm here!"

"No…" He started to shake her head, but she stopped him.

"You are afraid and I get that!" Rory lowered her voice. Her eyes shone. "I don't understand why, but I'm sure that you'll share with me when you are ready." She swallowed hard. "I understand that you want to protect me, but this is not the way. You can't fight with me right no! You can't lie to me! I know you want to, but you just can't. Do you know why? I know you, Jess! I know you better than anyone."

"No…" He repeated.

"Yes." She smiled softly. "No matter how hard you're trying to push me away, I will come back! I'll come back to you! No matter how different you are or… how broken you are. Because you are broken now." His hands slid back on his face. "I know what it is to be broken. I went through this, but I'm here now. I could help you."

Then he looked at her. Her eyes still shone and he felt the need to touch them and wash away her pain. He wanted to help her, but he still thought that she would be better without him. He could only hurt the people around him.

"You have to go…" Jess said softly. "You don't belong here, Rory. You have to go away."

"No!" She shook her head.

"I'm gonna hurt you." He uttered. "I don't want to do that again, please…"

"No!"

"Rory…"

"Damn it, Jess!" She snapped through tears. "I won't leave you!"

"You have to." His hands touched her wrists and tried to remove her hands from his face. "Rory, please…"

"No!" Rory almost cried and her forehead touched his. "No!"

"Rory…" He breathed out.

Her face was too close and her lips almost touched his. She cried when she kissed him. Jess could taste her tears on his lips, but he did not even try to stop her. He had missed her for so long and when their lips met, he felt something inside of him snapped. Her taste and her scent were so familiar to him. The touch of her hands on his face was so warm and right then he felt loved again.


	17. Chapter 17 I want you

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 17 I want you_**

Rory pulled back and looked at his hazel eyes. The pain was almost gone. They both breathed heavily as she leaned her forehead to his. Rory still held her hands on her face. Her thumbs massaged his temples. His hands dropped on his lap.

"Why did you do that?" He asked with harassed voice.

"I wanted to show you something." She sighed and sat back on her chair.

"What?" Jess frowned.

"I wanted to show you that I won't leave you." Rory looked at him again. "And I wanted to show you why."

"I don't need your pity!' He murmured and hissed when her hands grabbed his. "Rory…"

"That wasn't pity!" She said carefully. "You still have a place in my life, Jess. That was the thing I wanted to show you."

"Rory…" Jess whispered.

"Don't try to convince me that you didn't like it." She whispered. "We both know that it would be a lie."

"I'm not going to lie, but I still don't think that is the best idea ever." He shook his head.

"This is your opinion." Rory shrugged. "I think the idea is good. And you were the one who asked me to stay, remember?"

"I didn't know what I was thinking." Jess murmured. "It was a mistake. It would be better for you to leave."

"I won't and I think you knew what you were thinking. I think… you wanted me here and you still want me." She squeezed his hands lightly. "And I wasn't going to give up on you. I told you that before and I still think the same."

"I'm a lost cause, Rory." Jess uttered. "Why are you so stubborn to bring me back?"

"Because I think that the world hasn't seen the real you, Jess." She smiled. "Because I think that you are important to give up so easily."

"Hm." He gasped. "You are wasting your time here."

"I don't think so." She smiled again and looked at the tray. "It's time for your breakfast. You want me to feed you or you can do it for yourself?"

Jess looked at her and Rory held her breath. He looked like he was ready to give up again, but then sighed and reached out his hand. She smiled and put the fork on it. It was the first time when he was going to eat by himself. He was too weak until now, but his hand looked good and was not shaking anymore. Rory made him a place and he pushed his wheelchair close to the table. She took her coffee and just watched him eating. The smile did not let go of her face. She knew she had won this time. Her fingers touched her lips briefly and she closed her eyes for a moment. The taste of the kiss was still there. She could not remember until when she was not been kissed like this. It was so different from the others. No, Jess was not a lost cause and she was going to fight for him.

It was late when her mother came to take her home. Rory came downstairs in the moment Jess was fallen asleep. She always did that. She wanted to be there and she hated the moment when she had to leave.

"Okay." Rory saw her mother already standing by the door. "Let's go. Bye Luke." She nodded at him. He was standing behind the bar and smiled in response. "I'll be here tomorrow."

"Okay. Good night Rory." He nodded and Rory followed her mother outside. They walked slowly.

"He ate by himself today." Rory smiled and touched her lips again. "Can you imagine? This is something huge! He is strong enough to eat! Soon he would be able to let go of that stupid wheelchair and walk again!"

"Rory, are you okay?" Lorelai looked at her carefully.

"Yeah." Rory nodded and blushed in spite her attention not to. She still remembered the kiss.

"What exactly happened today?" Lorelai tilted her head.

"Nothing." Rory pursed her lips.

"Rory! I know you! You are my daughter and you are hiding something from me! What is it?"

"Fine! We kind of… kissed." She murmured.

"What?" Lorelai stopped and looked at her daughter. Rory stopped too. They were in front of their house. "I thought I've heard you told me that you two kissed?"

"Yeah." Rory frowned. "So what?"

"Rory…" Lorelai shook her head. "What are you doing?"

"You told me to be honest, I am!" Rory shrugged and turned her back to her mother. She went to the front door and Lorelai followed her inside of the house. "I kissed him and he kissed me back. That means something, don't you think?"

"It means that your life would be one gigantic mess again." Lorelai murmured. "The kiss is something huge! You should've known that by now!"

"I know, mom." Rory went in her room and took off her coat. "But I still kissed him and I'm not sorry."

"I know you aren't." Lorelai chuckled. "You should see your face now, but Rory… Jess is not just another guy."

"I know." Rory snapped and turned around to look at her mother. "Don't you think I know?"

"I just want you to be happy Rory." Lorelai's face faded.

"I know and I thank you, mom." Rory sighed and leaned to hug her mother briefly. "But this is what I need right now. This is what I want."

"You want Jess?"

"I want to see him smiling again." Rory sighed. "I want to see him like he was before. I want to know how I can help him with this and what happened in his life. What changed him that much? I want to cure him, mom."

"You still believe that is possible? You are not a miracle worker, Rory!" Lorelai shook her head.

"Yeah." Rory smiled. "I have to make him trust me again. Then maybe he would have a chance. Maybe even we could have a chance for… something." She trailed off her words.

"Then I'll step back and won't intervene in your actions." Lorelai sat on Rory's bed. "I have to trust you, right? It's "the cool mom" codex."

"We haven't used it in a long time." Rory smiled at the memory.

"We are starting now again." Lorelai winked at her daughter and they laughed.

Rory had barely slept an hour when her cell phone rang. She opened her eyes with a moan and looked at the clock on her nightstand. It barely passed 1 AM. She sighed and took her cell phone. It was Luke's number and her eyes widened. He would not call if there was not something serious.

"Luke?" Her voice trembled.

"You have to come here, Rory." He sounded serious.

"Why?" Her heart pounded. "What happened? Jess…"

"Just come here, okay?" He snapped and hung up the phone. "I think… he needs you here. You want me to go there and pick you up?"

"Nah." Rory ran her fingers through her hair. "I'll be there in ten minutes" She hung up the phone and got off her bed. Jess needed her. That was all that mattered now and she wanted to help him. She wanted to be with him and made sure that he was okay.

Rory cursed and got off the bed. She put her clothes on and left her house.

* * *

**_P.S. Can I just say - you guys are AWESOME???? Thank you for your support and please - keep going! Love you all!_**


	18. Chapter 18 Dreams

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 18 Dreams _**

Rory rushed out of her house. It was cold outside and she did not even bother to take her scarf. Her mother would be upset on the morning, but Rory could care less right now. Her only care was Jess. Something had happened to him and she could not think of anything else than him right now. She rushed in the diner and was not surprised that Luke was not there. But the door was open, probably for her. Rory ran upstairs and pushed the door open. She saw Luke sitting on the table. His eyes gazed at Jess' direction and he looked desperate. Then Rory heard Jess' whisper and looked at him. He was tossing over his bed and his hands fisted his sheets. He looked like he was fighting with his own demons. His face was pale and he breathed heavily.

"Rory?" Luke had noticed her just then. She looked at him and saw the confusion on is face. "Thank you for coming here so quickly!"

"What happened?" Rory took off her coat and threw it onto the nearest chair. Just then, she realized that she had forgotten her gloves too.

"He is like this almost all night and I… couldn't wake him up!" Luke gasped. "I've tried, but… I couldn't reach to him!"

"Okay." Rory murmured and knelt close to Jess' bed. "Let me try."

"I'm going to lock up the diner." Luke ran out the room.

Rory just shook her head and placed her cool hands at the both sides of Jess' face. He was warm, but not hot. That meant he did not have a fever. That was her primary fear. He just had a nightmare, but his nightmare was too real as she could see.

"Jess?" Rory whispered close to his face, but he did not react on her voice. His face crooked in pain and she felt his effort to release from her hands. "Jess!" Rory increased her voice. "Wake up! This is just a dream! Jess!"

"I killed them!" He almost cried and she froze. "I killed them! I… I didn't want it! I… no! Get away from me! Save them! Not… me! No! I don't… deserve… no!"

"Jess!" Rory grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "Jess, please!" She felt her own tears built up in her eyes. His pain was so real. "Jess!"

Then the miracle happened. Rory felt his body tensed under her touch and his eyes fluttered. Then she saw his eye opened. She saw the pain in them and understood that he was still a captive in his dream. His breathing was still heavy, but looked at her now. Rory lingered the back of her fingers all over his face and looked at him with softness in her eyes.

"Hey." She tried to control her voice. "It's just a nightmare. I'm here now."

"No." He breathed out and closed his eyes. "No! You have to… go! I'm gonna… hurt you too! Rory…"

"Shh-shh…" Rory stroked his hair. "There is no point of arguing okay? You already know that I'm gonna stay!"

"No." His eyes opened again. "You have to.. go!"

"No!" Rory shook her head and sat on his bed. She leaned on her elbow and touched his face again. "I'm going to stay here! With you! Sleep now."

"Rory…" He blinked sleepily. "Please…"

"Sleep." Rory sang and curled up her body close to his. She placed her hand over his chest and felt the steady beating of his heart. Her head rested on his collarbone. "Sleep." She murmured again. I'll be here for you."

She felt the moment when he relaxed under her hands. Jess had fallen asleep again, but this time he was calm and she could feel that too. Rory sighed and closed her eyes too. She was tired and she had not slept much this night. But she felt so comfortable now. She felt calm and safe as if she had found her place. Rory sighed and inhaled his scent. That was the last thing she remembered before she could fall asleep.

When Luke came back, he saw Rory sleeping in Jess' arms. They both looked calm and Jess' nightmare was gone. Luke just shook his head and covered Rory's body with a warm blanket. He sighed and went downstairs again. A strong coffee looked good perspective right now. He could not sleep anyway.

Luke was not surprised when Lorelai showed up on the door of the dinner just two hours later. He went to open and she rushed in with concerned face. Luke closed the door after her and crossed his arms on his chest. He already knew why she looked like this.

"You have to help me find Rory." Lorelai said in one breath. "I couldn't find her home and she forgot her cell!"

"Lorelai!" Luke interrupted her in the middle of her tirade. "I know where she is!"

"And she didn't take her… What?" Lorelai looked at him with surprise.

"I know where you can find your daughter." He repeated. "And I'm afraid that part of this is my fault."

"Your fault?" Lorelai looked at him with disbelief. "Why? What happened?"

"Come here." Luke sighed and turned his back to her. He walked to the staircase and turned around to look at her. "Let's go!"

"Fine." Lorelai frowned and followed him upstairs. Luke pushed the door open and Lorelai saw Rory lying close to Jess. Her hand lay on his chest and her head rested on his collarbone. She was sleeping. "Luke!" Lorelai hissed and looked at him, but he dragged her out of the room. "What is that supposed to mean?" She frowned.

"I called her, because Jess had a nightmare and I couldn't wake him up." Luke sighed. "She came here and I left them alone just for five minutes. When I came back, I saw them like this."

"Damn it!" Lorelai cursed and Luke looked at her with surprise. "Sorry! Need a strong coffee! Like… now!"

"Okay." He nodded. "Follow me. I had two already."

"Sounds good." She rolled her eyes and followed him downstairs. "I'm not sure how I have to feel about this." Lorelai sat behind the bar and watched him as he poured her some coffee. "About Jess and Rory I think.. The things went way too serious."

"And you are scared?" Luke smiled with understatement in his eyes. "I know what you feel. It's confusing, but… Jess feels good when she is here. He looks… better."

"I know." Lorelai nodded and took a sip from her coffee. "She told me."

"Yeah." Luke shrugged. "I'd lie if I tell you that I'm not glad about that. He is finally able to react. I had lost my hope before, but now… Rory brought him back to life and I can't pretend that I'm not thankful for it."

"I know what you're talking about." Lorelai sighed. "She looks better too."

"Yeah." Luke smiled. "There is something in them… I don't know what, but I think it's good, you know?"

"I know." Lorelai nodded and looked at her watch. "I think I have to go now. My work is waiting." She got off her chair. "Tell Rory I'll come back later."

"Sure." Luke nodded. "I will."

Rory woke up few hours later. Jess was still sleeping. She sighed and a smile touched her face. The feeling of lying in his arms was new to her, but it felt so good. He was so warm and made her snuggle in him even more. At least now, he could seep well. Rory looked up at him and saw his calm face. It was not crooked as before. She frowned, remembering his words. He looked in pain. Something really bad had happened and she could feel that in his words. She had to know what it was. That was the only way she could help him.

* * *

**_P.S. Can I just say - you guys are AWESOME???? Thank you for your support and please - keep going! Love you all!_**


	19. Chapter 19 Don’t lie to me

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 19 Don't lie to me_**

Rory got off the bed carefully. She looked down at Jess. His breathing was normal and steady. There was no sign of his previous nightmares. His face was calm and Rory sighed. She had to find out what had happened to him. His words last night just had proven her suspicion. Rory sat on the nearest chair and looked at him. His eyes fluttered and she saw his hazel eyes again. Her heart trembled. He looked so vulnerable now and had nothing in common with Jess from her memories. He was so strong before and so confident in his actions. This Jess was full of doubts. He was hurt and his soul was in pain. She could see that pain through his eyes. He tried to hide that, but Rory knew him well enough.

"You are still here?" Jess murmured and sat on his bed. "I told you to…"

"And you know that I'm as stubborn as you are." Rory tilted her head. "You won't make me go away, Jess!"

"I'm going to hurt you Rory." Jess sighed and avoided her eyes. "It's better for you just to walk away."

"No." She said simply. "I'm going to stay here and I'm going to help you."

"I don't need help!" He whispered. "So there is no need from you here."

His words hurt her more than she could ever tell, but she hid it. Rory knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to push her away. He had done that before, but the difference now was that she knew his purpose. Jess thought that he was protecting her in this way. But he did not. Therefore, Rory smiled and got off her chair. She came closer to him and sat on the bed near him. Her hand lay on his thigh and she looked at his eyes.

"You can't make me go away!" She shook her head. "I'm going to stay here so just get over it, okay?"

"You don't know what you are doing." Jess shook his head. "You are going to end up hurt in the end."

"If I can help you in this way, then so be it!" Rory shrugged. "I don't care!"

Jess opened his mouth to say something, but Luke opened the door right in this moment. He held a tray with Jess' breakfast on it. One brief look was enough to convince him that his nephew is fine now. A thin smile appeared on his face.

"You don't need my help anymore, right?" He rose up his eyebrows and Rory looked up at him. "That's what I thought." Luke made short pause. "His pills are on the tray."

"He's taking pills?" Rory looked at him quizzically.

"Every morning." Jess murmured with annoyance.

"Yeah." Luke threw a brief look to his nephew. "Jess has to take him every morning."

"Okay." Rory nodded when Luke placed the tray on the table. "I'll make sure of it."

"Sure." Luke just shrugged. "Well, I have to go downstairs. Kirk is waiting for his coffee." He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, go." Rory smiled. "We all know his coffee with… sugar. Or I should say, sugar with coffee?" She crooked her face.

"I should call Lorelai. He never drinks coffee when she is here." Luke laughed and left the room. Rory smiled too and then her look fell on Jess. He was still sitting on the bed. She sighed and went for the tray.

"When you have to take your pills?" She asked him. "Before or after your breakfast?"

"Before." Jess sighed and opened his hand with his palm up. Rory placed the two pills in there and handed him the glass of water. "Thanks." He whispered after he took them.

"I didn't know you are in pills." Rory carefully placed the tray on his lap.

"Luke keeps the pills with him." He took the fork.

"Why?" She tilted her head. "I mean…"

"He is afraid that I might take them all." Jess murmured and took his first bit. Rory winced from his words. She had not thought of that opportunity, but she had to. Jess had committed a suicide attempt. She had to expect such an answer from him now. "There is a muffin here." His voice interrupted her thoughts. Rory looked at him and he nodded at the single muffin in his tray. "It's for you, along with the coffee."

"Hm." She forced a smile and took the plate and the cup, but instead of eat them, she placed them on the table. "Jess… would you do that?" He looked at her quizzically and she coughed. "I mean… the pills."

"I'm not sure." He shrugged.

"What do you mean by that?" She frowned.

"I mean exactly what I said." Jess looked at her. "I'm not sure."

"Why are you doing this?" Rory tilted her head and saw him flinched. He placed the fork in the tray. "Jess…"

"I'm not hungry anymore." He looked at her. "Could you take this?"

Rory sighed and took the tray from his lap. She placed it on the table and looked back at Jess. He avoided her eyes and looked through the window. Rory sighed and bit her lower lip. Why she had even asked for that? She knew the answer.

"Jess." She sighed and sat back close to him.

"Why are you even trying, Rory?" He looked at her. "Why are you wasting your time with me? You could have so much more than me. You could turn back to your carrier and forget that I've ever existed in your life. That would be better for the both of us."

"Shut up!" She grabbed his hand and her eyes narrowed. "Just shut up, okay? You are not someone I could forget so easily! I doubt that I could ever forget you!"

"You have to try!" He frowned. "Because I'm not going to change! This… won't change!"

"It will if you want to!" Rory squeezed his hand. "You have to, Jess!"

"Why?" He tilted his head. "I don't have a reason…"

"Because of me?" He looked at his eyes and her voice softened. "You have to do it because of me."

"Don't do this." He uttered and pulled back. "Please…"

"But I want to." She placed her other hand on his face. He winced. "I want to do it, Jess."

He sighed and lowered his look to his hands. Rory still had covered them. There was something warm in her touch. There was something that made him feel loved and that was dangerous… for the both of them.

"You have to go!" He insisted. "Leave me!"

"No!" She shook her head.

"Rory!"

"No!"

"What I have to do to make you go away?" He frowned.

"Nothing!" Rory frowned too. "Stop fighting against me! You can't win!"

"But…"

"Tell me why you did this?" She moved closer to him. Jess flinched. "You did you jump off that rooftop?"

"Because… it was the right thing to do!" He uttered, but his eyes showed to her that he truly believed in his words. "It was the right thing!"

"No, it wasn't!" Rory shook her head. "It was wrong and I want to know why you did this? This is not you Jess! You'd never do such a thing! What happened to you?"

"I…" He bit his lower lip and tried to avoid her look, but she forced him to look at her. Her thumb skimmed over his cheek and his eyes finally met hers. "I… hurt somebody."

* * *

**_P.S. Can I just say - you guys are AWESOME???? Thank you for your support and please - keep going! Love you all!_**


	20. Chapter 20 Time for the truth

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 20 Time for the truth _**

Rory looked at him and her hand grasped his. He looked at her with surprise in his eyes. He just had told her that he had hurt somebody, but she acted as if she wanted to support him. Jess lowered his look to their laced fingers and swallowed hard. He did not deserve her. He never did, but she was here in spite all. She was beside of him and he was about to tell her the ugly truth. Because it was ugly and it was something he wanted to forget, but his nightmares could not stop chasing him. There was not another way out but the one he had chosen. He could not escape from that pain in any other way. He wanted it, but they had saved him. They had saved a person, who deserved did not want this.

Then Rory came back in his life and it was as if she had never left. She was here and she cared about him. She had kissed him and he had responded it. She had made him feel again and that was something dangerous. He did not want this. He did not want her, but he had no other choice. Jess sighed and felt her touch on his face again. He looked at her. She looked at him with care in her eyes. Her head tilted and a soft smile appeared on her face. Rory showed him that she would stay no matter what. She had showed to him that she wanted it. She wanted him. Jess winced and felt her thumb skimmed over his cheek. He closed his eyes and barely resisted on the urge to lie on that hand. It was so tempting just to sink in her arms and forget about everything. It was so easy for him to do that and yet so difficult. She was so pure and he was a ruin.

"What happened, Jess?" She whispered and Jess looked in her eyes. There was nothing but sympathy there. There was nothing but care and he felt even guiltier than he already was. His breath hitched and his heart pounded. He tried to put his thoughts in order and took a deep breath.

"I… killed somebody." He whispered and lowered his look again. The pain in his chest showed up again. It was never gone since the moment all this had happened. Rory kept silence. She was waiting for him to talk. But she kept her touch to his hand and his face. She did not tremble in his words. She just was there and Jess continued. "Her name was Megan." Here was the tremble. "I met her after our bookstore failed. She… looked like you and I… I guess I needed something, or somebody beside of me then." Jess took a deep breath. "I was stupid, I know, but I really cared about her." He looked at Rory and saw the pain in Rory's eyes. He knew why she looked at him in this way. She had the same look on her face when she had seen him with Shane. Jess shook his head. "You know what? Never mind…"

"No." She stopped him quickly. "No, don't stop! I want to know!"

"Rory." His eyes softened when he looked at her. "I hurt you enough before and I don't want to do it right now. I'll just… I told you to walk away!"

"I want to know!" Rory tilted her head. "I really want to know."

"Are you sure?" He rose up his eyebrows and she nodded. "Okay." Jess coughed and distraught his look from her again. "So, Megan and I were together couple of months and we really felt good. Well, at least I was good." He rubbed his chest. "She was… full of life and she was like me when it came to relationships. But she told me that I was different." Jess smiled with sadness. "I can still hear her laugh when she told me that… and I believed her." His smile faded. "Then one day… I thought we should move in together. I called her and I told her that I have a surprise for her. She sounded strange on the phone, but I thought that it was just imagination." His breath hitched. "I went to pick her up from her work. She worked as lawyer assistant. So… she got in the car and she smiled to me, but there was something fake in that smile. I could feel it. Then… I drove off." Jess looked at Rory. Her eyes glossed. He continued. "When I asked her what was wrong, she asked me to stop the car so we could talk." He closed his eyes with a pain. "I refused and she got furious. We argued and then she told me that she is pregnant." He chuckled bitterly. "But that wasn't all. She wasn't sure about the father of that baby."

"Oh Jess." Rory uttered and he felt her look over his face. But he could not look at her, not yet.

"Then… we fought again. I called her whore and she called me bastard and we… I just… I didn't see the truck and… I couldn't react on time… and…" He could not finish. Rory wrapped arms around him and her hand buried in his hair on the back of his neck. "Rory…" He whispered on her shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault." She whispered, but Jess knew that she was crying. Still, the feeling of her arms wrapped around him made him feel even worse. He was a killer and she was hugging him as if he deserved that. "It wasn't your fault, Jess." She whispered once more and he felt his own arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer.

"I was." He said softly. His chin rested on her shoulder. "It was my fault and I have to pay for it. I have to make this pain go away."

"No." She held him tight. "It wasn't your fault, Jess! It wasn't your fault!"

"Rory…"

"It wasn't!" He felt her lips touched his temple and closed his eyes again. It was so easy with her. It was so warm and addicting. "You don't have to go anywhere." She uttered and he flinched again. He knew what she meant. "I'll be here and I'll help you get through this, but please… stay here." She pulled back slightly and he saw the tears in her eyes. "Stay here… with me."

"It's so difficult, Rory." Jess shook his head. "It's so difficult…"

"I know." She nodded and touched his face again. "I know, but we can make it – you and I."

"I could've stopped." He hissed. "I could've stopped and… she would be alive now!"

"You don't know that." Rory shook her head. "You can't predict the future Jess!"

"But I…"

"I won't give up!" Rory shook her head. "I won't give up on you! I did it once and I won't make the same mistake again!"

"It's pointless, Rory." Jess sighed with sadness in his eyes. "It would be better for everyone if I just gone. You don't have to…"

"Maybe it would be better for you." She touched his face again and leaned her forehead to his. "But there are people who still care about you, Jess."

"Yeah." He blinked. "But these…people would be better without me."

"You don't know that!" Rory shook her head and her hands lay at the both sides of his face. "You don't know anything."

"Rory…" His breath hitched.

"You said that you don't want to hurt me." She whispered and her lips touched his. "Then… don't!"


	21. Chapter 21 What are we?

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 21 What are we?_**

So he dreamt again.

It was the same nightmare and the same feeling of helplessness. He could not help her. He could not help Megan. He could not save her, but he could hear her scream right before the truck could hit them. Then everything sank into darkness, but he could hear the screams and the sound of the broken metal.

"Wake up!" Jess heard her voice. Rory… "Jess!" Two soft hands touched his face. "Wake up! I'm here!"

It was hard, but he did it. His eyes fluttered open and he saw her. She was here and she was touching his face. Her eyes softened and she ran fingers through his hair. Jess sighed and felt his heart pounded in his chest. He was alive and he was here with her, but Megan was dead. He had killed her and her child. That was the reality.

"No." His breath hitched. "You're not supposed to be… here."

"But I am." Her hand slipped over his face in slow cares. "I am and I won't go anywhere."

"I… don't deserve this." He whispered when she lay close to him. Her hand rested on his chest and brought him warmth and peace. It brought him calmness and he did not deserve it. But he could not fight against that feeling. He could not fight against Rory. He had tried and had lost the battle.

"Sleep now." Her hot breath hit the skin of his neck. "I'll be here. I'll protect you."

Her whisper made him close his eyes again. It was so tempting to just let it go. It looked so natural to relax under her touch. He knew it would be a mistake, but he did it anyway. Because that was Rory and she was here. That was the only thing that mattered now. Jess sighed and fell asleep again, but this time there was not any nightmares. There were not any dreams. The only real thing was her presence and he could feel it.

Jess woke up early, but she was already up. He looked around the room and saw her sitting on the table with a cup of coffee in her hand. She looked through the window and looked calm. He took a moment just to look at her. She did not look disappointed or hurt by his words the day before. She did not blame him for the accident. Rory had given him all of her support. She had told him that she was here for him.

"I know you are awake." Rory smiled without looking at him. Jess frowned. "You can stop with your attempts to read my mind and just say "Good morning"."

"Morning." Jess mumbled and she looked at him with a smile. "Why are you still here?"

"I'm here, because you couldn't sleep well last night." Her smile faded. "Your uncle called me."

"He shouldn't have." Jess sat on his bed. "I would be fine."

"You should get up from that bed." Rory placed her cup on the table.

"What?" Jess frowned when she took the glass of water and his pills from the tray. "Rory…"

"Here." She handed him his medication and waited until he took them. "Now, you have to get up!"

"No!" Jess frowned. "I don't have to do anything!"

"That's new!" Rory laughed and he looked at her with amusement. "You just reminded me of that boy few years ago. It was the Dance Marathon and… well I just remember these words. _"__I'm gonna sit here as long as I like, and I'm gonna do whatever I like, and if you don't like it__…"_" She imitated him and Jess shook his head. He remembered as well.

"Yeah, yeah." He murmured.

"It's nice to see that old sparkle in you." She tilted her head and sat close to him. "You have to get up Jess! Everybody could fall, but then you have to get up. You have to find the reason and move forward." Her face went serious. "I thought that I have a biggest problem of all people. I thought I'm bad and my world is falling apart… but then I found you."

"How can you look at me like that after all I've done?" Jess whispered. "How can you sit here and be around me?"

"Because… I care about you." He noticed the pause before her final words and frowned. She hid something. He could feel it. "I want you to be happy again."

"Why?" Jess shrugged. "Why I have to be?"

"You get up that bed first and we'll take it from here." Rory nodded and got off his bed. She reached her hand to him and he sighed. "Come on! Let's get you to the bathroom and then we could eat our breakfast together." He just shook his head. He was not even sure if he could stay still. But he had to try for her.

Jess got off the bed and in the moment he did this, the world swayed before his eyes. He grabbed Rory's hand and took a deep breath.

"It's okay." He heard her whisper. "You can lean on me if you want to. I won't break."

Jess look at her and saw her soft smile. Yeah, she was right. She was strong and her presence here only confirmed that fact for him. He shook his head and took the first step. It was hard and it was like a baby steps, but he did it after all. He did that for her. So step by step they walked in the small bathroom. Then Rory left him alone.

"Are you sure?" He asked her, grasping the both sides of the sink for support.

"Yeah." She tilted her head. "You won't do anything stupid while I'm here."

"Sure." Jess rolled his eyes and turned his back to her. Rory closed the door and one quick look at the shelf above the sink showed to him why she was so sure. There were not any sharp objects. There was not anything, he could use to hurt himself. A sad smile appeared on his lips. "Yeah, I won't do anything stupid." He murmured.

Ten minutes later, he was sitting on the chair opposite Rory. They were eating their breakfast. She smiled with pleasure and he looked at her with strange flames in his eyes. And that was the girl hurt him before. She was the reason to make him believe again.

"So what are we now?" She asked and tilted her head. "Friends? Close friends? Friends with benefits?"

"Huh." Jess dropped his fork on the table and looked at her carefully. "I don't think we were ever."

"It's funny." A strange smile appeared on her face. "My mom told me the exact same thing."

"Your mother?"

"Yeah." Rory shrugged. "She has eyes for some things."

"Uh-oh." Jess took his juice.

"So what are we then?" Her question almost made him choke. "If we're not friends then…"

"I'm not sure." He spoke carefully.

"Well, tell me when you are." Rory smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "I'll be patient."

Jess just shook his head and his eyes did not miss the strange glow in her eyes.


	22. Chapter 22 Be happy

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 22 Be happy_**

She could not sleep well that night and just waited for the phone to ring again. But it did not. Jess did not need her anymore. His nightmares were over and maybe he only needed someone to talk to. Rory was glad that she was that person, but something inside of her wanted more. She always wanted more from him and now she was not sure if he was able to give it to her. She wanted his heart. No matter how broken it was, she wanted it. It was her way to make sure that he would be hers. Yeah, she wanted him and now she was not afraid to fight for him. But this time, he was not ready and Rory was not sure if he ever would be. He was scared and insecure. He was lost in his fears of the future. When he had told her that he was not sure if he could take the pills, Rory had seen it in his eyes that he was not lying. He really was not sure if he still had his will to live. There were some sings lately, but they showed only when they were alone. Jess still was not ready to go outside, in the real world. Luke had made some kind of a cocoon for him. The room above the diner was Jess' shelter and protected him from the people, but Rory knew that it could not last forever. Jess had to go out someday and that was the problem. She was not sure if he could be ready for that moment.

They called her on the next morning. She had to go back in New York. They asked of her to get some interview from the new ambassador of Brunei. She had to move quickly and only left a note to her mother.

_"I'll be back in few days. Tell Jess."_

Then she took the first bus to New York. She wanted to call Jess and talk to him, but she knew that Luke did not have any phones in Jess' room. And… her mother would talk to him. Still, she still had the feeling that she made a mistake. But it was too late to come back.

New York was madness as usual. It took her two cabs and lots of nerves to get to her office. She smiled to her colleagues and took her notes for the interview. Then made few calls to make sure that everything is alright and left the building. As soon as she finished with this, as soon as she would be back in Stars Hollow. Something dragged her in there. She even knew its name.

Rory shook her head and got out of the cab quickly. She stood right in front of the Embassy. Rory fixed her costume and rang on the bell. She walked in after the security checked her and she had led straight to the ambassador. She smiled and greeted the middle age man. He looked nice and the interview ran smoothly.

The surprise was waiting for her outside the building.

"Hey, sweetie." Austin had leaned on his black limo and Rory frowned when she saw him. She looked at his coyly posture, black glasses, and green sweater. His tanned skin was still there as his annoyingly perfect smile as well. "You liked my present?"

"What are you doing here, Austin?" Her voice was as cold as the North Pole. "What present?"

"This." Austin waved at the Embassy. "I wanted you to be the first with the interview."

"Ah." Rory walked to him and her eyes narrowed. "I didn't want it!"

"Oh come on." Austin smiled again and touched her shoulder, but she released it abruptly. "Don't be mad! You know we could…"

"We? There is no "we" here, Austin." She frowned. "I thought I was clear." Rory turned her back on him and waved for a cab.

"But…"

"There is no "but"! Got it?" She hissed. "You hurt me and I don't care! I really don't care about you anymore." She smiled with sadness in her eyes. "I don't think I ever was."

"Rory!" He grabbed her elbow, but her cab stopped before her.

"Good bye, Austin!" Rory released her elbow and got in the car.

She was ready with the paper few days later. It took her more time than she thought, but she took a deep breath when she finally walked in her own house in Stars Hollow. Her mother was not anywhere near and Rory thought she could pay a visit to Jess. She was so eager to see him that she practically ran to the diner.

"Hey!" Rory panted when she saw Luke behind the bar. The diner was full. He looked at her strangely and her heart pounded. "Do you need help with the books?"

"Rory." He frowned and then looked at the staircase. "I thought you left for good."

"No." Rory shook her head. "Who told you that?"

"Look." He nodded at the newspaper on the bar. Rory frowned again and threw a look. There was a picture of her and Austin. They were standing before the embassy and he was touching her arm. "I thought you've done with him!"

"I am!" Rory snapped. "I had to get an interview and he was outside…" Her eyes widened. "Tell me that Jess didn't see it!"

"I'm not sure." Luke frowned and could not say anything more. Rory ran upstairs.

She stopped in front of the door and pushed it open. He was there and he was sitting on the chair with his back to her. Even if he had heard her arriving, Jess did not look back. Rory closed the door carefully and walked inside. She took off her coat and sat close to him. He still did not look at her. Her heart aced. She touched his hand and he flinched under her touch.

"Hey." She whispered.

"Hi." His eyes still gazed the window.

"I was in New York."

"So I've heard." Jess finally looked at her and Rory wished he did not. "You should've stayed there."

"What are you talking about?" She tilted her head. "I went there just to write that story for the paper. That was it!"

"Your life is there." He made a short pause. "It's not here and I thought you finally realize that!"

"No!" She snapped. "My life it's not there! My life is where I wanna be!"

"Sure." Jess shrugged and looked back at the window. "But I'm right and as soon as you realize that, the better!"

"Damn it, Jess!" She hissed. "Why don't you accept that I care about you? I won't leave you!"

"It's not fair to you." He whispered. "You have to understand what a ruin I am! You have to run away from me!"

"You saw the picture, right?" She touched his face and forced him to look at her. "You saw me and Austin! Is that was all about?"

"You deserve to be happy, Rory." Jess lowered his voice and now she was sure. He had seen it. He could not hide the pain in his eyes. It was impossible when she was around. She knew him too well.

"But I'm not happy with him!" She insisted. "I ran away from him, because he hurt me!"

"What?" He looked at her with interest and she was glad that his pain had away.

"It's a long story." She sighed and leaned her elbow on the table.

"I have time." Jess tilted his head and looked at her.

* * *

**_A/N - Thanks about wonderful response you guys! It really means a lot to me! Have a happy holidays!_**

**_Loves, Arinna_**


	23. Chapter 23 I want you

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 23 I want you_**

When he had realized that she was gone, Jess felt pain. He cursed himself for that, because he knew that it was better for her. But it still hurt him. When his uncle had told him the news, Jess had smiled. Well, he thought he had smiled. He was not sure in his emotions lately. Rory had confused him again. But now, he had told to his uncle that he was fine with it. Luke did not believe him, of course. He was a clever guy. But he had not hid the paper with the picture this morning. It showed Rory and some blond well-dressed guy in front of a limo. He smiled at her and his hand lay on her shoulder. Jess could not see her face, but he did not have to. The picture showed enough. She had someone in her life, someone that could make her happy. That should make him feel relief, but his pain only grew deeper. But it was fine. Jess knew the pain and he did not want Rory to feel it. She would never survive on this.

But now she was here and she was telling him that all he had seen in the paper was a lie. Rory just told him that the man on the picture made her sad. Who was he?

"I have time." Jess tilted his head and looked at her. He saw how nervous she was and his hand trembled in attempt to touch her. He did not. It was too soon and she touched him already. One of her hands was laying over one of his. It was a nice feeling, it always was.

"Austin and I met at some party in LA." Rory swallowed hard as if it was a painful subject to her. "He knew who I was and I knew who he was. He is an actor by the way." She coughed. "So, we talked and I saw something in him. I don't know what exactly. I thought I could see behind his mask of another Hollywood star." She smiled with sadness. "What I understood later was that there was no mask. He was just like this – a liar."

"You told me that he hurt you?" Jess lowered his voice. "How?"

"We were together almost an year." Rory shrugged. "But together is hardly the truth, because he was filming and I was busy with my career. He was in LA and I was in New York. I thought we could make it. I thought that he is the one for me and when he proposed to me, I said yes."

Jess barely resisted on his urge to run away. Her words brought him pain, but in a very different way. He was never the one for her. First it was Dean. Then it was Logan and now that guy. But never Jess. He swallowed his pain and his eyes searched for hers again.

"Continue." He spoke quietly and felt her squeezed his hand.

"So… when he proposed me and I said yes, I thought that I finally have anything I wanted." She smiled bitterly. "When I called to my mother, she called me _"a stupid girl who doesn't know what she wants"_. We fought and stopped talking for a long time. I knew that my mother is against that marriage and she never hide her hate for Austin. She just didn't like him. When I asked her why, she always answered to me that I would see some day." Rory looked back at Jess. "She was right… about him. I found that Austin was cheating on me. "

"Okay, you can stop now." Jess interrupted her. He had seen the tears in her eyes. "I got it."

"No." Rory shook her head furiously. "You have to hear the end! I caught him in the act and the thing I felt was… nothing! Austin meant nothing to me! He was just the person I thought it was safe to love. But wasn't even that. I thought I love him, but… I just settled to him." She shook her head. "Then I realized that I don't know what I want anymore. I had lost somewhere along the way and… I didn't know what to do anymore."

Jess reached out and his hand slid at the nape of her neck. He dragged her closer and Rory finally leaned her head on his chest. Then she cried and suddenly they had switched their roles. She fisted his shirt and he heard her sobs.

"I felt like… everything is just ending and… everything is… going to be over…"

"Shh-shh…" He whispered and kissed the top of her head.

He could not tell her that he felt in the same way when he decided that he had to jump off that building. There was no other way out for him. He just stopped fighting, but she was stronger than him. She always was. That was Rory and that was the reason he had fell in love with her. That was there reason he still… loved her. Yeah, he did. But she should not have to know that. She was too good for him and she always was. She was in pain now and he could only bring her more than to save her from it. It was not fair, but that was his life.

Rory did not pull back. She just held onto him and cried her pain. She needed it and she knew that she acted as a total bitch right now. Jess was the one in depression. He was the one who needed cares, not her. But she wanted to stay like this forever. She felt like something in her was broken long ago and just now started to heal again. It was something that made her looked up at him. His eyes met hers and she saw her own pain reflected in there. He felt for her. Jess always felt for her and he was the one, who could understand her… and she did nothing but hurt him.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and her hands touched his face. "But now you know…" Her eyes glowed when her thumbs skimmed over his lips. He did not pull back. "You know why I can't leave you!"

"Rory…" He whispered and she did not let him to speak more. Her lips touched his again and she felt his hands grasped her waist. It was not as stronger as she would like. He was still weak, but she did not care. The only thing that mattered now was her lips over his. His lips parted and their tongues finally met in one not so soft touch. She had missed him and wanted to sow him how much.

But it was not just a kiss. It never was just a kiss with him. Rory knew that she offered him her soul now. Her heart was already his and just now, she realized that it always was. She had never told him that she loved him. They were never spoken for their feelings before. But they did not need words, at least that was she was thinking. Now it was not enough. Now she realized that she wanted to give him everything. She wanted to give him all that she had and even more. He deserved it. His life was not easy. She did not know that much, but she could feel it.

"I want to be with you." She whispered close to his lips and pulled back just to look at in his eyes. He sighed and Rory knew what he was about to say. He was going to refuse it and not because he did not want her, but because he wanted to protect her… from himself. "I want… to be with you!" She stopped him before that. "I want you!"

"Rory…" He just whispered, but she kissed him again.

* * *

**_A/N - Thanks about wonderful response you guys! It really means a lot to me! Have a happy holidays!_**

**_Loves, Arinna_**


	24. Chapter 24 Go back

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 24 Go back_**

Rory came back home later the same night. Her mother met her just as she walked out of their house. Rory smiled and gave her a brief hug before the two of them could enter in the house. Lorelai did not ask her anything. She knew her daughter well. Rory would talk when she was ready. They sat in the kitchen and Lorelai poured her daughter a cup of coffee. Rory smiled tiredly and looked at her mother.

"I kissed Jess today." She murmured.

"Again?" Lorelai did not even look surprised. She sat close to her daughter.

"I think I love him, mom." Rory smiled with the edge of her lips. "I think I always loved him but I was too afraid to admit that."

"Yeah." Lorelai sighed. "I think I know that."

"You know, huh." Rory clucked with his tongue. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you believe me?" Lorelai tilted her head. "Plus, Jess in not exactly in my top 5, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Rory took a sip of her coffee.

"He looked strange when Luke told him about your leaving." Lorelai went serious. "He almost smiled and then told him that this was for the best."

"Jess thinks that it's better for me to stay away from him." Rory frowned. "But I don't think the same."

"You never think the same." Lorelai smiled and touched her daughter's hand. "But… if you're going to be together… he has to come out of his hiding, don't you think?"

"Nope." Rory shook her head. "He'll do it when he is ready."

"Not even in a Christmas?" Lorelai tilted her head. "You forgot about that? It's the next week.. In three days if we have to be correct."

"Damn!" Rory cursed quietly. "I have to buy him something."

"Is that all you can think about?" Lorelai rose up her eyebrows.

"Sure." Rory frowned. "I bought your present weeks ago. Why are you…asking?" She trailed off her last words. "Ah, you saw the picture."

"Yeah, I saw it." Lorelai nodded. "But I thought I could wait for you."

"Nothing happened. He just thought that he could win me back." Rory murmured.

"And you didn't feel the need for that?" Lorelai tilted her head. "It's a big gesture, don't you think? He arranged all this just to see you."

"I can't believe I have to hear this!" Rory snapped and placed the empty cup on the table. She got off her chair. "You know better than anyone why I don't feel anything about him!"

"I just thought that you may reconsider…"

"No!" Rory snapped again and walked out of the kitchen. Her mother followed her in her room. "I can't believe I'm leading this conversation with you, above all people!"

'I'm sorry hun, but I just don't want to see you hurt again." Lorelai lowered her voice and sat on the free chair.

"I know!" Rory ran her fingers through her hair. "But mom, just accept my choice, okay? Trust me!"

Lorelai just smiled and nodded with agreement. She wished her daughter good-night and walked out of her room. Rory sighed and went in the bathroom. She looked at the mirror and saw her reflection there. Her eyes were sore and her face looked fluffy and tired. Her thoughts wandered. She knew that her mother would not stop worry about her just like that. It was not in her style. But it was Lorelai and she would keep quiet at least.

She had not missed Austin. Even if she had some second thoughts about her decision, and she did not, Rory now knew for sure. Austin meant nothing to her. It was sad, because she thought that he could be the man she could spend her life with and now she really did not care about him. It was as if he had never existed.

There was only one man in her life now. He was there, in her heart and he had never left that place. It was too sad, because she could feel that just now. If she was brave enough before. If she had the guts to be with him then, her life would be different. Now she was sure.

Rory smiled and took her toothbrush from the shelf under the mirror. She was here now and Jess was here. It was not an easy love, but it never was between them. The difference now was that Rory was ready to fight. She would fight for him and she would win. There was not any option.

Three days later, she was on her way to Luke's Diner. Her mother was busy in the Inn. She always was by this time of the year. But Rory did not complain. She knew that Lorelai would come just in the right moment. It was her thing and her daughter knew her well. They were going to spend the Christmas with Luke. It was like a tradition to them. They used to spend their holidays with the family. Rory loved her grandmother and her grandfather, but she got tired to meet with yet another bachelor every year. Then she started to make up excuses and as a result, her visitations stopped. Lorelai suggested another option and that option was Luke. They loved to spend their time there anyhow.

She walked in the diner, but she could not see Luke anywhere. He probably was in the kitchen. The diner was full and no one pay special attention to her when she sneaked in upstairs. She pushed the door open and just then her heart skipped a beat. The room was empty. Rory rushed in the bathroom, but Jess was not there. Her heart pounded and she ran out the room.

Luke still was in the kitchen when she peered through the door. He smiled at her, but then he saw her pale face. He rushed to her.

"Rory?"

"Jess is gone!" Rory whispered and her lower lip trembled. "Luke…"

"What?" Luke stared at her. His eyes narrowed. "This is impossible! He was there just 10 min ago!"

"But now he's not!" Rory pressed her hand to her chest. "He wasn't ready to come out, Luke! He wasn't ready!" She was about to cry.

"Okay, okay!" Luke murmured and led her out of the kitchen. "Let me take my coat and we can look for him!"

"Sure." Rory tried to control her breathing when she saw Luke hid upstairs. But she did not have time to wait for him.

Rory practically ran out the diner. She looked around and ran her fingers through her messy hair. It was so cold outside and the snow started falling. She tried to pull it together.

"Okay, okay…" She murmured to herself as she started walking. "Think, Rory! Think! Where he could be now? Where?" Then she suddenly stopped and a thin smile appeared on her face. "Of course!" She turned right and straight to the town bridge. It was his favorite place in Stars Hollow. He had told her once. Rory could only hope to find him there.

It took her just few minutes to go to the bridge. Then she saw him. He was there and he was standing at the edge. His eyes gazed the frosted lake and Rory sighed with relief. She had found him.

"I knew you could find me." Jess murmured when she walked to him.

"Why are you here?" She asked carefully. "It's too cold outside. You can catch a cold."

"I can." He agreed and tilted his head. "But this is not the problem now."

"It's not?" Rory slid her hand on his forearm. He did not move.

"Nope." Jess shook his head. "You know that I can't drown here… now."

"Jess…"

"I could jump of course, but the ice wouldn't let me. It's too hard." He smiled bitterly. His breath formed little orbs of steam. "Funny thought, huh?"

"Why are you still thinking about this?" Rory looked at him with concern.

"You know that Luke locked up the windows?" Jess continued as if he had not heard her at all. "Then he took all the sharp objects and… of course the pills."

"Jess…"

"And not to mention all the wires in the room… and the electricity." Jess said thoughtfully. "He is very careful with me. He thought about everything I could use."

"You don't have to do this!" Rory reached out and touched his face. "I'm here now."

"So?" Jess looked at her and she winced. "I spent half of my time to thinking about this and my other half fighting against it! What I can possibly offer to you?"

"You." Rory tilted her head. "You can offer me yourself."

"Huh." Jess hissed, but then lost his balance for a second. "I'm sorry. I just… I have to sit." He looked at her and she just smiled. "What I did to have you here?"

"I don't know." Rory smiled and looked at him back. "Maybe I did something?" She turned around and saw Luke. Her smile told him that everything was okay. She looked back at Jess. "Let's get you back home. Okay?"

* * *

**_A/N - Thanks about wonderful response you guys! It really means a lot to me! Have a happy holidays!_**

**_Loves, Arinna_**


	25. Chapter 25 Learning

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 25 Learning _**

He felt weak and it was so visible on his face. Rory knew him well enough to read that tiredness in his eyes. His steps were little insecure as he walked between her and Luke. Her heart ached when she the thought about all those curious faces when they got back in the diner. But she was willing to protect him. Maybe she could take the attention over her. Maybe she could figure something out.

"I can handle with the people." Luke murmured as if he had heard her thoughts. "You help Jess upstairs."

"Okay." Rory answered him and then looked at Jess. "What do you think?"

"Whatever." He shrugged and she held back a curse. Jess acted as if he did not care, but Rory knew that was far from the truth. He was just tired.

"Okay." Luke frowned as he saw the small crowd peered through the window of the diner. "Damn these sharks!"

"I know." Rory frowned as well and grabbed Jess' elbow when Luke opened the door. Jess tried not to lean on her too much, but his weakness was obvious now. "You have to be strong just a little while." She whispered to him and saw his nod.

"Ah." Taylor stepped before them and frowned at Jess. "I didn't know your nephew is back in town, Luke."

"That's because it's not your business, Taylor." Luke pushed him aside. Rory just glared at Taylor and helped Jess upstairs. She heard that Luke started yelling something, but her primary care now was Jess. She carefully put him to sit on the bed and helped him with his boots. He sighed and Rory looked up at him. His eyes looked at her and for the first time she saw something like a smile there. Her heart warmed a bit.

"Thank you." Jess murmured until she helped him with his jacket. "I just needed some fresh air."

"I know." Rory murmured and walked in the bathroom. She came back with some clean towel for his wet hair. The snow started melting and he could catch a cold. When she finished and ran her fingers through his now dry hair, Rory finally smiled and looked at him. "Now you're good."

"Hm." Jess mumbled with half-closed eyes. Rory just sighed and pushed him back on the bed. She threw a blanket over his body and he was already sleeping.

Luke showed up in the room few minutes later. He looked angry, but his face relaxed a bit when he saw his nephew sleeping on his bed.

"So?" Rory asked him. She was sitting close to Jess. "How it went?"

"Taylor and Kirk gave me enough for a lifetime!" he snorted out. "But it's ok! I can handle this! How is Jess?"

"He fell asleep in the moment his head touched the pillow." Rory shrugged. "I told you he is not ready!"

"I knew it." Luke frowned. "That's why he had to stay here!"

"He told me he wanted a fresh air." Rory tilted her head. "We talked a bit."

"Hm."

"Yeah." Rory bit her lower lip and looked at him carefully. "Can I ask you for something?"

"Sure." Luke dragged one of the chairs and sat on it.

"Jess told me you locked up the windows. Is it true?"

"I didn't want him to get hurt." Luke's face faded. "I locked up the door as well, but then…there wasn't any point of it. He was in his catatonic state and his doctors told me that he's hopeless…"

"But you refused to listen to them?" Rory smiled lightly. "You fought for him?"

"He is my nephew, Rory." Luke looked at her seriously. "Sure, I have a daughter too, but she has her own life now. She never was as closer to me as Jess was. He is like a son to me and I hope he understands that."

"I'm sure he will." Rory turned around and looked back at Jess. "He will get better, you know?"

"I know." Luke forced a smile. "But is it bad that I want it as soon as it possible?"

"Nope." Rory could not stop looking at Jess. "It's not bad."

"Before you came back here… I almost gave up." Luke admitted quietly. "He was going worse and worse every day. But… then you showed up and… I just wanna say that I'm thankful, Rory!"

"You are welcome." Rory whispered and stroked Jess' hair. He did not wake up, but his sleep now was normal and without nightmares like it used to.

That was her first Christmas spent in Stars Hollow after her return. She did not complain though, she was exactly where she wanted. Jess was here and he was okay. She did not need anything more. She did not complain. That was her place.

She spent the night with him. Luke had to get back downstairs. He was always busy around the holidays, but Rory did not want to leave Jess alone. She just curled up beside of him and touched his face. He murmured in his dream and she felt his hand slid over her waist. Rory smiled and suppressed her smile. Her eyes closed and she sighed with pleasure.

When she woke up in the next morning, Jess's hand was still on her waist. But she was under his blanket and her head rested on his other arm. He had formed something like a cocoon for her and without even knowing it.

"Are you awake?" Jess murmured in her hair.

"Yeah." She blinked shyly and tried to release herself.

"No, no! Stay!" His hand grasped her waist, but his words were the thing that stopped her. Rory tried to relax again. "It feels… good." He mumbled and she smiled on his chest.

"Yeah." She whispered. "It does feel good."

"Where is my uncle?" Jess asked after few minutes. "I thought I heard him here last night."

"He was." Rory nodded.

"I was too tired." Jess shrugged. "I thought it was just a part of my imagination."

"Nope. He was here and he had to go downstairs. Holidays, remember?"

"Yeah." Jess sighed. "I do remember. He probably fell asleep in the kitchen."

"Huh?"

"He usually does that." Jess murmured. "I know him. When he is tired he just has to sit somewhere."

"Uh-oh." Rory murmured.

Luke showed up just in the moment when Jess walked out of the bathroom. Rory was sitting on the table and turned around to see him. He crooked his face, placed the tray with the breakfast on the table, and rubbed his neck with a curse.

"Remind me to never fall asleep over the table again!" He murmured as he left the room.

Rory looked at Jess and they both smiled lightly. He sat on the chair close to her and nodded at the table.

"Luke trusts you."

"What?" Rory frowned and followed his look. She saw the phial with Jess' pills on the tray. "Or maybe he trusts you?" She looked back at Jess, but he shook his head with a sad smile on his face.

"He shouldn't and he knows he shouldn't!" Jess threw her a strange look. "You shouldn't trust me either!"

"Why?" Rory touched his hand. "I thought you're feeling better now."

"_Better_ is a far away from the _good_ when you were in the Hell!" Jess murmured and took his plate. He looked at Rory and she sighed when she took the phial.

"You have to fight, Jess." She lowered her voice when she placed two pills in his hand. Jess took them without water and looked at her carefully.

"I'm still learning how to do that, Rory." His fingers touched her face and she winced.


	26. Chapter 26 Stop running

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**WARNING!!!: This is were the M rated chapter hits. Well, maybe not M, maybe just hard R, but still - I'm nervous! **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 26 Stop running _**

They spent the New Year together. Luke locked up the diner early and Lorelai joined at the celebrating as well. By this time, Rory had no problems with showing how important Jess was to her. He still looked too fragile in her eyes, but at least now, he looked better than before. He even smiled a little. Rory thought that as a victory.

"I think I'll go fishing tomorrow." Luke yawned and looked through the window. People were still on the street. There were some kind of festivity and the town choir sang at the square. "I have to get away from that madness!"

"Fishing?" Lorelai looked at him strangely. "By this time of the year?"

"Yup." Luke rose up his eyebrow. "I know a place near by."

"Luke…" Lorelai threw a look at Jess.

"I can stay with Jess." Rory suggested quickly and smiled at him. "We can stay here."

"Okay." Luke smiled as well. "There is enough food for two days. I think you two would survive without me."

"Sure." Rory nodded and looked at Jess again. He was strangely quiet all night. "Would you mind?" She asked him quietly.

"If that is what you want." Jess just shrugged and soon after that, he excused himself. Rory watched him as he hid upstairs. She sighed and looked back at Luke.

"What's wrong with him?"

"I thought that you'd find out while I'm gone." Luke frowned. "Jess doesn't confide in me, but I can see that something's changed."

"Okay." Rory nodded. "Let me talk with him." She looked at her mother. "Why don't you ask Luke for help now instead of me?"

"What help?" Luke frowned.

"Ah, nothing." Lorelai waved with her hand and got off her chair. "Rory promised to help me with the Inn tonight. I have to do few things before tomorrow."

"Now?" Luke's eyes widened. "It's New Year, Lorelai!"

"Yup, but I still have to do a few things." She batted her eyelashes. "Would you help me?"

"Lorelai…" Luke frowned.

"It won't hurt, I promise." Lorelai shone.

"Fine!" He sighed and took his coat. "What am I feeling that's gonna be a long night?"

"You are right, sniffy!" Lorelai smirked and grabbed his forearm. "Come on! Let's go!"

"But…" Luke dragged his feet. "But the diner…"

"Lock up hun!" Lorelai looked at her daughter. "Luke and I are going to spend the rest of the night together." She winked and opened the door.

"Why I'm feeling that includes a lot of work?" Luke murmured, but Lorelai already closed the door behind them. Rory just shook her head with a smile and went to lock up the diner. She sighed and watched the celebration outside for a while. The people looked so smiley. Taylor had prepared some fireworks as well. People looked happy.

Her smile faded. She wanted to feel some happiness as well, but this year was everything but good to her. Rory sighed and looked at the staircase. Well, there was only one good think until now. This year had brought her Jess back. But this was a painful return. Rory threw one final look outside and went upstairs.

Jess was standing with his back to the door. He looked through the window with his hands in his pockets. Rory sighed and closed the door behind her back. She walked to him and placed her hands on his waist. He trembled a bit, but he did not push her away. Rory leaned her forehead on his back.

"What's wrong, Jess?" She asked him quietly.

"The pills are over the cupboard." He murmured and her look fell on the small phial. Her heart skipped a beat. "Don't be so sloppy!"

"You didn't take them." Rory whispered.

"I looked at them and… I thought… I tried to find the reason not to!" Jess shook his head. "But it's like a thirst burning me up inside."

"Jess…"

"Then I thought… I thought that I want you more than I want the pills." He turned to her and Rory was able to see his face. He looked sad and she touched his face. "I don't have the right to want you, Rory!"

"You have every right to want me Jess." She whispered and he leaned on her hand. That brought her the memory of one bedroom and a heart pounded in her chest. She was scared then. She was too afraid in the moment he needed her the most. Now she was not. "I'm here." Rory murmured and slid her hands on his chest. Her fingers locked on the back of his neck.

"Rory… don't!" Jess hissed in the moment their lips locked.

Rory leaned her body on his and felt his hands on her hips. She could feel his internal struggle and will to protect her… from him. That made her to want him even more. She pressed her body to his and felt his hands locked on the small of her back and pulled her closer. He gave up with a final moan. She wanted to smile if she could, but she was too busy kissing him. His hands slid under her thin shirt and she felt nice chills ran dawn her spine. Rory moaned and pulled back to look at his eyes.

"I'm not afraid anymore." Her whisper made his eyes shone. She did not tell anything more, but she was sure that Jess knew what she meant. "Never… again." Rory touched his lips with hers again. Her tongue skimmed over his lower lip before it could meet his.

Jess groaned and she felt him shiver in her arms. She pushed him to her body and walked back until her legs did not hit the bed.

"No!" Jess made a final attempt to pull back, but she did not let him. Her hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer. His elbows hit the bed at the both sides of her body. His breath hitched. "Rory…"

"I can't believe you're stopping me now." She murmured close to his lips.

"I don't want to hurt you." Jess breathed out and his nose rubbed hers. His lips found hers again.

"You can't hurt me." Rory whispered between the kisses. "You can't…"

"No." He whispered, but his hands lay at the both sides of her face. "Rory…"

"Shh-shh…" She pulled him closer again and his head lowered onto her neck. His lips slid behind her ear and stopped at her pulse point. Rory buried her hands in his hair and closed her eyes. She had won this battle and she knew that. A pleasurable smile appeared on her lips. There was no fear in her anymore. She got what she always wanted. She wanted him and his touch was all she needed now.

They did not talk more. It was just the feeling of them being together. Her hands trembled when her fingers touched his bare shoulders. He pulled back slightly and helped her to remove her clothes as well. Rory shivered when she saw the softness in his eyes when he leaned and touched the hollow between her breasts. His hands slid on her waist and moved down to touch her hips in slow caress. His thumbs drew small circles there until his lips placed butterfly kisses down to her belly.

Her back arched when he stopped there and looked at her. She just nodded at the question in his eyes. Jess was giving her an easy way out if she wanted to run again. But he did not know that she had stopped with the running. She was sure and when he kissed, she felt him slid into her. Her body arched and her nails dug in his back. It was even better than her dreams. She moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him deeper. His groan was like music to her ears and she felt complete right in this moment. His hands covered hers and he laced fingers with her. Jess pressed their laced hands at on the bed and buried his head at the crook of her neck. His moves increased and Rory could not think anymore. She could only feel him and suddenly that was enough.

She screamed when she reached the end. He followed soon after and she could feel his breathing over the bare skin on her neck. Rory kissed his shoulder.

"I love you." She whispered.


	27. Chapter 27 The morning after

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 27 The morning after _**

It was a good feeling to hold her in his arms. She was sleeping on her belly. Her head lay on his chest and her leg rested between his. His hand moved in slow caress up and down her spine. It was strange and so unreal that Jess suddenly felt scare. He never thought that he would made love with Rory. He had dreamed about that long ago, but not now. He was not even sure in their relationship. Rory had told him that she loved him, but he was so confused to answer back. He loved her and he was sure as he was sure that he did not have what to offer her. He was not sure in himself right now. His look fell on the nightstand and a sad smile appeared on his face. Rory had left it there. She trusted him enough to do that. That was the problem, she trusted him too much in something he was not sure.

Jess sighed and closed his eyes. It was quiet outside and it was early in the morning. The town was sleeping after the long celebration last night. But he did not feel tired. He could not sleep while she was in his arms. The moment was so special that Jess did not want to ruin it.

"I know that you are awake." Rory murmured, but did not move from her position. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing." Jess mumbled and his lips touched her temple.

"You're lying." Rory sighed and looked at him. Her chin rested on his chest. "What are you thinking, Jess?"

"I'm confused." He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Why?" She whispered softly. "Are you scared?"

"I'm not sure if we…"

"You think that we made a mistake?" Rory frowned. "Why? You still think that you can hurt me, Jess? Is that it?"

"I can't offer you anything, Rory!" Jess sighed. "I'm not good enough for you!"

"You are and you have to deal with it, because I won't give up on you!" She insisted. "I'm not the snobbish little girl like I was before! I grow up and I know what I want! I want you and I want to make you happy!"

"Rory…"

"And if you have any other ideas in your head, better deal with it!" Her fingers touched his face and he trembled. "You are brave enough to come back and ask me to leave with you before! Be brave now as well and let me cure you."

"You're going to cure me?" His face crooked in attempt of a smile. "How?"

"I already started." Rory smiled and touched his lips with hers. "You have to trust me."

"I am." His hands rested on her waist and he pulled her closer.

Rory sighed and looked at him with love. Soon he fell asleep and she could able to watch him. It was enough just to lay in his arms and feel safe there. It was new and strange feeling for her. After all disappointments in her life and after all her bad relationship, Rory finally felt safe in Jess' arms. Maybe he had cured her already. He had made her smile and love again, but he still needed her help. He needed her desperately. And she was going to be there.

Her thoughts finally drifted her off and Rory fell asleep in his arms again. When she woke up, Jess was gone. She sat on the bed and looked around in panic. Then she saw the phial on his nightstand and heard his quiet laugh. She looked at him and smiled shyly. He was sitting on the table fully clothed. Yeah, he laughed, but his eyes were still sad. Rory sighed and looked at her clothes spread over the bed.

"I thought you'd want to put something on before uncle Luke comes here." Jess murmured and her face went red. "I could leave you alone if you want to."

"It's okay." Rory coughed. "You saw me naked anyway, so…" She shrugged and few minutes later, she went in the bathroom. When she walked out from there, Rory saw the bed already fixed. Jess was sitting there. His eyes followed her moves and she blushed again.

"There is coffee." Jess nodded at the table and Rory saw the steaming cup on the table. "And something for breakfast."

"You haven't eaten yet?" Rory looked at him with confusion.

"I need my pills first." Jess nodded at the phial.

"Why didn't you take them?" Rory took the small bottle and poured two pills on her palm.

"I thought it would be safe if you are awake." Jess shrugged and took the pills.

"You still have doubts." Rory looked at him carefully.

"They won't disappear over a night." He shrugged and nodded at the full tray on the table. "Let's eat."

Rory just shook her head, but listened to him. She dragged the other chair closer to his and her legs appeared between his. Jess released another smile, but did not pull back. He even surprised her. His fingers slipped over his face and his lips touched hers. Rory shivered under his touch, but she smiled when he pulled back.

"I can eat now." She licked her lower lip and smiled. Jess just shook his head.

Luke came back in the early afternoon. He found Jess and Rory lying on Jess's bed. He was reading some book to her and she was lying in his arms.

"Wow!" He stopped in the moment he opened the door. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Nope." Rory smiled and looked at him. He saw her blushed and then looked at Jess. His face was different now. A light smile played on his lips and for Luke that was something special. He had not seen his nephew smiling in a long time. "I have to go now." Rory sighed and Jess released her from his arms. He sat on the bed and watched her grabbing her coat. "See you tomorrow." She mumbled and leaned to kiss him.

"Yeah." Jess shrugged. "It's not like I can go somewhere."

"Still." Rory smiled back and left the room.

When she came back home, her mother was already in the living room. She wore her pj's and watched some TV show.

"Hey child of mine!" She greeted her and Rory smiled before she could sit on the nearest armchair. She just sipped from her cup of coffee.

"Hey, mom!" She sighed and leaned back. "Being lazy today?"

"And I like it!" Lorelai stuck out her tongue and Rory laughed. Her mother was like a child sometimes. "You're being late!"

"I overslept." Rory sighed with a smile on her face again. Actually, she could not stop smiling today.

"No way!" Lorelai almost jumped off the sofa. "Tell me I don't see that face!"

"Huh?" Rory looked at her with confusion. "Mom, are you alright?"

"Tell me you didn't do that!" Lorelai frowned.

"Do what?" Rory frowned as well.

"That!"

"Ah." Rory smiled again and got off the armchair. "That."

"Rory Gilmore!" Lorelai snapped and followed her in her room. "What did you do?"

"I obviously did that!" Rory shrugged and took off her coat.

"No way!" Lorelai frowned.

"But I did it!"

"With Jess?"

"Yup!" Rory nodded.

"And you don't feel… sorry?"

"Do I look like I'm sorry to you?" Rory threw her mother a look.

"You are glowing!" Lorelai murmured.

"Because I finally found what I want, mom!" Rory smiled again.


	28. Chapter 28 My favorite place

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 28 My favorite place_**

Luke watched his nephew carefully. Jess had changed. He was not all smiley all of a sudden, but there was something changed in him. Jess was sitting on his bed and reading some book. Luke was cleaning the table and just then, his look fell on the nightstand. Jess' pills were there. He just had to reach his hand and he could take the phial.

"I don't think about them anymore." Jess' voice surprised him and Luke looked at his nephew. "I know what you're thinking." Jess smiled sadly. "But you don't have to worry about."

"Since when?" Luke frowned.

"Since… last night." Jess shrugged and went to his uncle.

"Wow! That's a change." Luke looked at him with surprise. "I was looking at you the past few days and I thought you were sad about something. Now this?"

"I was… thinking about something." Jess murmured.

"About what?"

"Rory." Jess shrugged. "I thought that she deserves something better than me."

"But now you have other opinion?" Luke tilted his head.

"She convinced me otherwise." Jess released his half smile.

"So you two are back together?" Luke smiled.

"I guess we are." Jess sighed. "It's sp confusing." He frowned. "Only a month ago I thought that everything is over."

"Remind me to say thanks to Rory, okay?" Luke patted Jess' shoulder. "Come on! I need your help now!"

"You want me to help you?" Jess looked at his uncle with surprise.

"You still know how to make coffee right?" Luke smiled at him.

"I think I know." Jess shrugged and followed his uncle out of the room.

"Good." Luke nodded. "Then you can help me and you can stay away from the pills."

"I think you meant the second option more, but okay." Jess crooked his face.

It was the first day of the New Year, so they did not have much work. Jess felt good and Luke could see that. He knew that Rory was the reason for him to stay alive now. He did not know what had happened the last night, but it had changed Jess for good. Luke could see the smile on Jess' face now and that was something he had forgotten.

"Okay." Luke sighed after the last customer. "I'm going to load the truck and I'm good to go."

"You still want to go fishing?" Jess looked at his uncle with surprise. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Lorelai decided to come with me." Luke shrugged.

"Aha." Jess nodded.

"What was that?" Luke frowned, but he could not ask more. The front door opened and they saw Rory and Lorelai walked in the diner. "You are early." Luke looked at them.

"I know, but Rory couldn't wait." Lorelai smirked and Rory blushed.

"I'm actually coming to pick you, Jess." Rory looked at him. "You have to come with me."

"I have to come… where?" Jess frowned.

"At home." Rory answered seriously. "Luke is going to lock up the diner and we don't have to be here."

"But…" Jess looked at her with confusion.

"I'll be right back." Rory ran upstairs.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jess looked at his uncle. "What if something goes wrong?"

"Nothing could go wrong Jess." Luke smiled and patted Jess' shoulder. "You'll be fine."

"Yeah. I bet he will." Lorelai murmured.

"I'm here!" Rory showed up again with a bag in her hand. "I put you some clothes and your pills as well. Let's go!" She took Jess' hand and shoved his coat in his other hand. "We have to go! Bye mom, Luke!" Rory nodded at them.

"Bye Rory!" Luke smiled.

"Be clever!" Lorelai screamed after her, but Rory and Jess were already outside.

"What was all about?" Jess still looked confused. "I thought…"

Her kiss interrupted him and almost took his breath away. Jess sighed when she pulled back. Her eyes glowed and he felt his heart pounded in his chest. Jess licked his lips and looked at her eyes. His fingers touched her face in slow caress.

"So you like it?" Rory blinked at him.

"You do know that we're gonna be the subject number one tomorrow?" Jess tilted his head.

"Um…" Rory pretended that she thought about it, but then a wide smile appeared on her face. "Nope!" She bit her lower lip with a smile. "Let them talk! I don't care!"

"I can't believe you are real." Jess released his crooked smile.

"I am." Rory tilted her head and her curls fell on her shoulder. "And you just smiled!"

"You think?" Jess just buried his hands in her hair and could not stop smiling.

"Yup." Rory laughed. "And I'm gonna make you smile again!" He was so sure that he shook his head in disbelief, but he did not refuse it.

Jess just looked at her and his eyes could not stop the thought what miracle was she in his life. Later, when they were lying in her bed, Jess could not fall asleep. His thoughts were a mess. Not that painful mess they were before. Now he could feel the first signs of his new life. He could feel the first signs of the happiness he should not have to feel. But he wanted it. He wanted it so badly and he wanted Rory. He wanted her as the air he breathed. She had seen him in the whole he was. She had seen how pitiful his life was and how close he was to the point to give up from everything. And… she had stayed. She fought for him. She wanted to make him smile and she finally did. But she had done something else as well. Rory had made him love her even more than he ever did.

That scared him. He felt completely helpless again and that was something he knew well. He knew what meant to love somebody. He knew what it was to love Rory. He could not just love her. He had to become better person for her and he was not sure if he could make it. His life was a giant mess right now. He just learned how to live again. Maybe he had to make her to forget about him. Maybe he had to stop all this. But when he felt her breath on his neck and her hand slid on his chest, Jess understood that he could not do it. He was not strong enough to do that. He wanted her. He wanted to love her and he desperately needed her love. It was love; Rory was willing to give it to him. She already did.

"I swear I'll try, Rory." Jess kissed her temple. "I swear I'll try to change for you."

He did not wake up and just smiled in her dream as if she had heard his words. Maybe she was. Jess smiled as well and closed his eyes. He finally fell asleep and he was where he wanted to be. There were no nightmares now. Only the pleasure to lie to the person he… loved more than anything in his life. Rory.

* * *

_**A/N: And to all of my readers: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! **_


	29. Chapter 29 Learning to walk

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 29 Learning to walk_**

When she opened her eyes, she was alone.

Rory sat on the bed and looked around the room. It was empty. She got off the bed and put on her morning robe. Just as she thought that Jess ran away, she heard noises, coming from the kitchen. She smiled and shook her head. The truth was that she got scared. Jess would run away before. But obviously not now. Rory sighed and then yawned as she walked in the small bathroom. When she walked out, she saw Jess fixed the bed. Their eyes met and he smiled. Her heart melted as she looked at him. He was so scared before. His eyes were so empty and painful to watch. Now he looked way better. It was not in the way Rory hoped to be, but it was something.

"Morning." She murmured and wrapped her arms around his neck. Their lips met and she felt his hands on her waist.

"Morning." He murmured back. "The breakfast is ready."

"You were waiting for me?" Rory pulled back and looked at him carefully. The smile was gone and his face was insecure now. Jess blinked twice before he could answer. It was like he was fighting with something inside.

"Yeah." He nodded. "The coffee is ready as well."

"But you were waiting for me?" She looked at him carefully. "Is it about your pills?" He nodded and Rory sighed. "I think you should have more faith in you, Jess. Maybe you could…"

"Rory, please!" He hissed painfully and she decided to drop the subject. There was time for everything, she thought.

"Okay." She murmured and took the phial from the nightstand. "Here you are." She placed two pills on his palm. "Then we can enjoy to our breakfast!"

Rory kept the smile on her face until the moment Jess turned his back to her. Then her face faded and she shook her head. He was so insecure and she was sure that he was going to make it this time. But she swore not to push him. He could make his own choice and if he thought that he would not make it right now, Rory had to believe him.

They spent the day together and in the way they used to do it before. They could chat about millions of things and just now Rory could remember how in common they were. Jess was the only person that could actually listen to her talk. He would listen and then he would tell her his own opinion. Even if it was different from hers, he actually listened to her and was able to accept her point of view.

The day went quickly and it was one of the best in her life. And when she snuggled in him the same night, Rory was sure that was one of her best nights ever. When she woke up, she saw that the bed was empty from his side. She shook her head and went in the kitchen. He was there and just placed the two cup of coffees on the table. When he saw her, a nice smile appeared on his face. The same smile made her heart pound like crazy. Rory sighed and went to him. He nodded at the free chair close to him, but she shook her head and sat on his lap.

"You are more comfortable than a chair." She murmured as she took her cup.

"Hm." Jess murmured. "I never thought that."

"You should." Rory smiled and kissed him. "You found the pills? I left them on the nightstand."

"Yeah." His face faded for a moment. "I found them and I took them. Thank you!"

"Okay." Rory leaned on him with a sigh. "So… what are we going to do today?"

"Um… I don't know." Jess shrugged. "What do you want us to do?"

"What about some movie?" She pulled back and looked at him. "It's strange that I don't know what kind of movies you like. You never told me that."

"Because it wasn't important." He looked at her. "And… I'm not that into it, you know?"

"You don't like watching movies?"

"When I have what else to do, I don't." He tilted his head. "I like to go to the cinema sometimes, but I seriously prefer to do something else."

"Like…" Rory rolled her eyes. "You like to read books, right?"

"Yeah." Jess nodded with a sad face. "I'm a bookworm."

"You like to write as well?" She spoke carefully. "Your uncle told me that you still have an unfinished one."

"It's nothing serious." Jess clenched his jaw. "And I'm not in the mood to write right now."

"Okay." Rory agreed quickly. "What about some reading? We could…"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Lane's voice was the last thing Rory expected to hear. She turned around and saw her friend standing by the door to the porch. "You two… again?"

"Lane!" Rory squealed and ran to her friend. She hugged her briefly and then pulled back. "It's been ages!"

"Yeah." Lane tilted her head. "You tell me!"

"What are you doing here?" Rory murmured with enthusiasm.

"I took a vacation from my husband and the kids." Lane shook her head. "What about you? I saw Jess and…"

"Yeah." Rory coughed and looked around but Jess was gone and her face faded. "Jess and I are back together, but it's a long story."

"I have time." Lane shrugged.

"But it's not my story to tell." Rory shook her head. "And it's not the right time."

"Ah." Lane crooked her face. "Okay. Call me when you are in the mood to talk, okay? I'll be here a month from now."

"Okay." Rory hugged her friend again. "I'm so glad to see you again!"

"Same here!" Lane winked at her and walked out of the house.

Rory sighed and went to look for Jess. She found him lying on her bed and looking outside the window. She crawled close to him and hid her head on his back. Her hand rested on his waist and she was able to feel his breathing.

"I didn't run." He murmured after awhile.

"Okay." She answered him and her lips touched his back.

"I just thought that you two need to talk without me there."

"We did and we would when we both have time." Rory answered him. "I'm with you now and we have to enjoy until we can."

"What do you mean?" Jess turned around and looked at her.

"My mother and Luke are gone fishing now." Rory shrugged. "If it's fishing at all."

"Ah." Jess buried his hand in her hair. "So you noticed that too?"

"Yeah. I did." Rory sighed and closed her eyes under his touch. "There is something there and they have to stop running from it!"

"Like we did?" Jess leaned to kiss her.

"Like we did." She answered him and left herself in his hands.


	30. Chapter 30 Better than the pills

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 30 Better than the pills _**

Jess woke up and threw a look at the pills on the nightstand. The feeling was the same as if he watched a loaded gun pointed at him. He felt nothing. He did not care of his life even now. Even when he had Rory in his arms and that was another sign that he was not okay. Yesterday he just thought he could be happy. Today he was not that sure. Today he had seen the pills again and he had felt the need to take them all. The guilt possessed his mind again and he remembered the day when he almost died. He wanted to die. He deserved it. The feeling of emptiness was so strong that he did not even think when he climbed on that rooftop. He just stood there and watched the hollow beneath him. His last thought before he could jump off that building was that his pain was about to stop. When he had woken up in the hospital few weeks later, he understood that he had failed. Again… That was his life now – failure.

He shook his head and got off the bed careful not to wake up Rory. She was sleeping peacefully and he took a moment just to watch her. Then he took the phial with the pills and went in the living room. He sat on the sofa and rolled the phial before his eyes. What would happen if he took the pills now? What that could change? Rory thought that he was going better, but that was illusion he wanted her to believe. Well, it was part true, if he had to be honest. Rory came back in his life and that somehow made him live again. But life came back with the pain and just now he realized how hard it was. And the worst part was that he was not sure if he still wanted to live it.

"You don't want to do that!" Jess heard her whisper and looked at the door. She was standing there and her face was pale. Her eyes pleaded him to reconsider. They were full of love and that was something he always wanted to see there. "Jess…"

"Hm…" He sighed and looked back at the phial in his hands. His eyes narrowed and he rolled the small bottle between his fingers. It was so easy…

"Jess!" Her voice sounded closer now. She was standing near him.

"You know how easy it would be?" Jess did not even look at her. "I just… have to take a few and then…"

"Then you're gonna hurt me!" Her voice was quiet. "Is that what you want?"

"I want to make your life easier!" He snapped. "Is that so hard to understand?"

"It is for me!" Rory sat close to him and reached to take the phial, but Jess did not allow her. "Damn it, Jess! I told you already! I want you in my life! I love you more than you can imagine and you're still gonna choose this over me?"

"I don't want you to love me!" He looked at her. "I want you to be happy!"

"I can't be happy if you're not here!"

"You were fine all these years without me!" Jess frowned.

"Happy?" Rory hissed angrily. "Happy! Do I look happy to you? I told you why I had to came back home. I told you about Austin and the mistake I did!"

"Rory…"

"Do you know how much I hated myself when I kissed you back in Philly?" She finally grabbed the phial and put it in the pocket of her robe. "Do you know how much I wanted to stay with you? You know why I didn't? I thought I owe that to Logan! I thought that he is the perfect guy for me and you are the mistake of my life." She frowned. "I was mistaken! He was the mistake, not you! You were the perfect guy for me, Jess and you still are. But the truth is – I was afraid to believe then. I was too weak for you."

"What are you talking about?" Jess frowned with confusion. "I was a mess then and I still am."

"When you asked me to leave with you… I wanted it so badly!" Rory shook her head. "But I was afraid!"

"Why?" He looked at her and suddenly the pills was not that important. "I thought you didn't love me. You said…"

"I loved you." Rory lowered her voice. "I always did, but that was you and I… wasn't sure."

"I got it." Jess nodded with pain in his eyes. "I could never be trusted."

"No!" Rory frowned. "It's nothing like that… How could I explain it to you? I was a good kid, I mean… I wanted to stay the good kid. My mom always tells me that I have a head on my shoulders and she is proud of me because I trust to my mind and not to my heart first. If I had trusted you then, I would've gone with you! I wanted it, but my mind stopped me!"

"I was a mess then." Jess shrugged. "Maybe it's for better that you stayed here."

"Maybe it's for worst." Rory sighed. "We'll never now." She looked at him and her hand lay on his face. "Does it matter now? I want to be with you and I want you to want to be with me! I want you to want me more than you want to die! Can you do that?"

"Ah, Rory." Jess licked his lips. "Why did you even came for me?"

"Because I'm tired of listen to my mind." She smiled. "I want to listen to my heart too. I talked to my mom about it and she will support me."

"She will support you even if she knows about the things we are doing mow?" Jess tilted his head.

"Well, we're not doing anything now… technically." Rory blushed. "But I'm sure that she knows that I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a woman and I'm a woman in love with a man. That man is not perfect, but it's okay for me. I'd never love him in any other way."

"Did someone tells you that you have an awful taste for men?" Jess shook his head. "That's why you always end up hurt."

"Not this time." Rory shook her head. She sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I found what I always wanted."

"Really?" His eyes burned her.

"Really." She nodded and snuggled in him.

Her mother and Luke came back later that day and Jess had to go with his uncle. Rory walked him to the door and gave him a kiss. Then she watched him as he joined his uncle. She closed the door with a sad face and joined at her mother in the kitchen. Lorelai sat there with a steaming cup of coffee between her hands. She looked happy and that made Rory smile as well.

"So it went good huh?" Rory sat on the chair close to her mother. Lorelai nodded.

"You know… the fishing."

"I haven't seen any fish." Rory almost laughed.

"Well, we caught some, but I made Luke to throw them back in the water." Lorelai smirked. "Clever, huh?"

"Then what was the point of that fishing trip?"

"The vibe, baby!" Lorelai clucked with her tongue.

"And the company maybe?" Rory teased her mother.

"Oh come on." She waved with her hand. "Like you didn't enjoy Jess here!"

"I did!" Rory nodded without blushing. "Thank you very much!"

"All I want from you is to be careful!" Lorelai went serious. "Okay?"

"I'm careful with him mom." Rory nodded. "Don't worry!"

"No." Lorelai shook her head. "I want you to be careful with you, hun."


	31. Chapter 31 Let me in

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 31 Let me in_**

Rory looked at her mother with confusion, but Lorelai just shook her head and got off her chair. She yawned and placed the cup on the table.

"I'm tired." She murmured. "I'm going to bed."

"Sure." Rory frowned, but did not say anything more. She still was confused.

Rory went on her empty bed and sighed when her head touched the pillow. Her hand lay on the pillow and she closed her eyes. The truth was that she missed Jess right now. She missed his arms around her and his presence when she opened her eyes in the middle of the night. They had spent only few nights together, but his absence made her heart ached. Rory inhaled deeply and felt his scent on the pillow. She smiled and fell asleep.

When she woke up on the next morning, Lorelai was gone. Rory yawned and went in the kitchen. Lane was already there and that startled her.

"Lane!" She pressed her hand to her chest and stared at her friend. "What are you doing here so early?"

"You overslept." Lane smiled. "Your mother invited me here and I'm waiting for you."

"How long?" Rory frowned.

"An hour." Lane shrugged. "I thought you wanna chat with me."

"Sure." Rory shook her head and poured herself cup of coffee. "I'm so glad that you are here, Lane!"

"Same here." Lane smiled and looked at her with curiosity. "So… you and Jess, huh? Again? I thought you said you didn't love him anymore."

"It was a long time ago." Rory shrugged and sat on the free chair. She folded her legs and rested her knees on the table. "And I think that it was just scare of him. I never stopped loving him."

"Wow!" Lane exclaimed. "That sounds poetic."

"But it's true."

"And I thought you were in New York." Lane tilted her head. "I saw you couple of times on TV. Great reports by the way! And also… that Austin guy?"

"Yeah." Rory rose up her eyebrows. "One of the many mistakes in my life!"

"I don't know." Lane pursed her lips and batted her eyelashes. "Austin is so… gorgeous!"

"Don't make me laugh." Rory crooked her face. "He is the reason I got here in a first place."

"What?" Lane went serious. "Why?"

"Cut in short? We were together and almost married. He cheated on me and I realized that I don't care. Then I thought that I have to come back home and decide what to do from now on."

"And you met Jess here?"

"Yup." Rory sipped some coffee.

"But… I thought he lives in Philly and have a bookstore." Lane looked confused. "What happened with him?"

"He was… is something complicated." Rory murmured and her face faded immediately.

"Yeah, sure." Lane rolled her eyes. "Jess is a big walking problem! He always was! But why you let him in your life again?"

"You don't understand!" Rory frowned. "He is not a problem! The problem is in him!"

"What?" Lane put up a hand. "Wait a minute…"

"It's not something I want to talk about right now." Rory shrugged. "All I can say is that his life wasn't easy."

"But you two are together now?"

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "We are together."

"I hope you know what you're doing." Lane shrugged.

"Not you too!" Rory moaned. "My mother told me last night to be careful! Jess is not dangerous! He is not something wrong! Why I always have to fight to be with him? Why? Could you just… support me in this? Please?"

"You know that I didn't like Jess since the beginning." Lane smiled lightly. "But I supported your choice then, because I wanted to see you happy. I will support you now, because I trust in your judgment. If he makes you smile and happy, I'll support you."

"He makes me whole, Lane." Rory shook her head. "It's safe to say that it's something I've never felt it before."

"Ah." Lane nodded. "If that is the case, I'll try to accept Jess… again." She winked at her friend and Rory smiled.

"Enough about me!" She shook her head. "Tell me about you, Lane! We haven't seen in ages!" Rory rolled her eyes and Lane laughed.

Then it was her turn to talk. She told her about her family and her twins, already five years old. Her husband worked a lot and Lane spoke with so much love for him that Rory almost felt jealous. But then she thought about Jess and the jealousy went away.

Later that day, Rory went to visit him. The diner was full and Luke was too busy even to notice her. Rory just smiled and went upstairs. She saw Jess laying on the bed and reading a book. The next thing she saw were the phial with the pills on his nightstand. She smiled and went to him.

"Hey." She murmured and sneaked in the bed close to him. His brief smile was the best thing in her day. "How are you?"

"Good." Jess murmured while she rested her head on his chest. "You?"

"Lane was to visit me this morning." Rory murmured and placed her hand on his belly. "We chatted. She is still married and she said that she is happy."

"Hm…" Jess kissed her temple.

"What are you reading?" Rory mumbled not really interested. She just wanted to lie in his arms.

"The old man and the sea." Jess murmured.

"Hemingway?" Rory crooked her face. "Some things never change."

"Do you want me to read aloud?" He asked her and she slid her hand on his chest.

"Sure. Why not?" Rory looked at him. "Make it interesting."

"I'll do my best." Jess smiled again and looked at the book. His deep velvet voice soon drifted her off. It was a nice feeling and she did not want to fight it.

She woke up an hour later. Jess was still there and held her in his arms. He was awake and Rory smiled. That was how she wanted to feel every time she opened her eyes. She wanted to feel him warm and alive beside of her. She wanted to feel him in her bed and wanted to be with him all day. It was so addicting, but yet so nice feeling.

"Hm…" She whispered and her lips touched his torso. "Thank you Hemingway!"

"You feel tired?" His hand slid down on her sine and brought a nice feeling in her stomach. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't sleep well." She admitted and looked up at him. "I missed you."

"What?" Jess looked at her with surprise. "Are you serious?"

"I am." Rory nodded on his chest. "I missed you there."

"Be careful, Rory." His face suddenly faded. "You have to be careful with your feelings."

"Why's everybody telling me this today?" She frowned and got off the bed. "I think I'm an adult and I can take my own decisions! Why's everybody telling me to be careful with you? And… even you!"

"Because this is the smartest thing you can do now!" Jess sighed and sat on the bed. "I'm kinda good now, but for how long?"

"You'll be fine if you can only stop fighting with this!" Rory went to him and crouched between his legs. She placed her hand on his chest and looked at his eyes. "Let me in, Jess!"

"What?" Jess frowned. "Where?"

"Here." Her hand was right above his heart. "Let me in your heart! Please… Let me cure you and stop fighting already! The past is what it is – the past! You can't fix it! You can only learn from your mistakes…"

"I can't!" He snapped and got off the bed. "I can't, okay? I'm gonna hurt you! I know I'm gonna hurt you and that's what I don't want to happen!"

"Damn it Jess!" Rory got off the ground and looked at him. "You won't hurt me!"

"I will!" He looked at her and his eyes were sad again. "I can't help it! That's the only thing I can do right in my life – hurting people! Run until you have time!"

Rory sighed and went to him. He did not move when her small hand lay on his chest again, Their eyes met and her other hand touched his face.

"It's too late, Jess." Rory whispered and felt him flinch under her touch. "I stopped running from the moment I met you again."


	32. Chapter 32 Flight to Paris

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 32 Flight to _****_Paris_******

The next few days were the best in her life until now. She was head over heals for Jess and she had eyes only for him. His smile was not that rare now. His eyes were alive when he looked at her and her heart pounded every time he did that. However, a phone call from her work broke her ideal word. She had to take an important interview and they needed her there. She could not refuse it, but her heart ached with the thought that she had to leave Jess even for few weeks. She told him the same night and he smiled to encourage her.

"Sure you have to go." He nodded and wrapped his arms around her. "It's only few weeks."

"Yeah." Rory sighed and rested her head on his chest. "Only few weeks." She murmured and closed her eyes. But there was a strange feeling down in her belly. She did not like it. She did not like to leave him alone. The last time she did that, he was broken.

She went the next morning and in the moment she arrived in her apartment in New York, she felt empty and sad. Rory dialed his number immediately, but then changed her mind and hung up. She had to be strong and she did not have to upset him. Jess would get worried about her and she did not want that.

Rory sighed and called to her work instead. They told her that she had to take the plane to Paris and she moaned with annoyance.

"I used to love my job!" She murmured and hung up the phone. Then she took her notebook and checked the name of the person.

Rory had a strict system she followed to. Her questions were short and straight. She wanted the same from the responder. That was the beauty of her work – she dictated the rules. She was like a despot, like Jess used to call her. Then she smiled and realized that her mind was not in the interview. Her mind was with her heart and they were with Jess. Rory shook her head and tried to focus again. She was a professional and she had a lot of work to do.

She could not sleep that night. Her thoughts were a giant mess and it was hard for her to focus over the interview. As a result – she skipped the dinner and did not even remember it. It was strange, because it was never happened before. Rory was surprised when she looked at the clock and saw that she had only an hour before the flight.

"Shit!" She cursed and rushed out of her apartment just fifteen minutes later.

She caught the plane in the last possible minute and leaned her head on the seat tiredly. Her eyes closed and her thoughts led her to Jess. What was he doing right now? Did he take his pills? How he felt?

When she fell asleep, she dreamt of him. But at least it was a nice this time. She woke up just as they had to land. It was early in the morning in Paris and she could not wait just to lay on her bed and sleep with weeks. She felt tired as hell and she thought that she had to ask for another break from her work.

Rory had to take the interview later that day. So she went to her hotel and took her notebook as soon as she sat on the comfy bed. She ordered light breakfast and focused over the questions of her interview. Her responder was a famous French politician, who just had visited her country. He was a noble family man and he was a member of some Charity Committee. Rory sighed and took her first croissant for the day. But suddenly she felt so hungry that emptied the whole plate for a couple of minutes.

"Um…" She poured herself some water. "That was the best breakfast I've ever had!" Rory murmured and looked back at her notes. The questions were almost ready. She sighed and looked at her watch. It was probably night in Stars Hollow. It was too late to call Jess. "Maybe tomorrow…" She murmured and closed her eyes for a moment.

Rory had to attend on the party in the house of the French politic. She honestly was not n the mood for any parties, but she had to go. Her job required that. So, she put her new silver dress on and fixed her hair. Her face looked tired and she had to use a little more make up than usual, but when she finished she smiled at the result. With one last look at the phone, Rory went out of her hotel room.

She was there a little late, but she put her fake smile on her face and went in. The house looked more like a palace and she barely suppressed the urge to whistle. Her mother would. The floor was all shiny and covered in cheap white decorative tiles. The ceiling was painted in a Renaissance style. She heard classic music coming from the so-called living room and she was not even surprised when she saw a small orchestra playing there.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Rory murmured under her nose and took a glass of champagne from the near table. She took a sip and looked around for her host. She saw him standing next to his family. His wife was nearly her age. Her black hair hung free around her bare shoulders. Rory sighed and walked to them. It was time to do her job.

The interview ran smoothly. Her questions was short and accurate as the answers of her responder. When she finished the interview, Rory sighed with relieve and prepared to leave. But just then her body collided with something hard and she looked up to apologize. But the words froze on her lips.

"Hello, bunny." Austin smiled at her. He looked gorgeous in his suit and fixed blond hair. Rory frowned and stepped back. "What a surprise to see you here."

"Move out of my way." She hissed and tried to pass him, but he did not let her. Rory sighed and pulled back. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm shooting a movie." He shrugged. "My producer invited me in this party and I almost didn't come. Now I have to thank her."

"Lucky she." Rory frowned. "Now could you move out of my way? I want to go back in my hotel."

"You want to drink coffee or something tomorrow?" He tilted his head in attempt to charmed her. It did not work.

"You must be very stupid, are you?" Rory shook her head. "How many times I have to tell you that I don't want to have anything with you? I told you to stay away from me! Besides, I have someone new in my life now." She smiled and shrugged. "Well, not exactly new, but I love him and now I'm going back to him."

"You're lying!" He hissed and his face darkened. "Nothing is over until I say it's over!"

"Try me!" Rory narrowed her eyes.

"Rory…"

"I want to go now! You wanna make a scene or you just gonna move out of my way?" She asked him polite and saw him clenched his jaw. He stepped aside. "Thank you. Bye Austin!" Rory nodded and went for her coat.

She was on the next plane to New York and sighed with relief when she finally closed the door of her apartment. Now she needed only few days and she would go back to Jess. She missed him like crazy and even the thought of him put the smile on her face. Yeah, he did make her smile and that was something she would never think about.

Just a week later, Rory was on the bus to Stars Hollow.


	33. Chapter 33 Coming back to you

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 33 Coming back to you_**

When Rory arrived at Stars Hollow it was already night, but she could not wait until tomorrow. She had to se Jess. It was something she must do. So, when the bus stopped she practically ran to the diner. It did not matter that it was freezing outside. It did not matter that she almost fell over the ice few times. She wanted to see Jess and when she opened the door of Luke's Diner, she barely caught her breath. Her face was bright red and her eyes were teary, but she still did not care.

"Luke." She breathed out and saw him standing by the window at the opposite side of the diner. He looked at her with surprise and then rushed to help her sit.

"Rory!" He rubbed her arms. "What are you doing? You could catch a cold!"

"Jess?" She only succeeded to say and saw Luke's smile.

"You rushed that hard only because you wanted to see him?" She nodded. "I told him all the stories in the papers were a lie, but he didn't want to listen to me."

"What stories?" Rory frowned. She was able to catch her breath again.

"You and that Austin guy." Luke frowned. "The article said that you two were together in Paris." He skipped a beat. "It also said that you paid a visit to him while you were there."

"But that's a lie!" Rory got off her chair. "I run into him while I was at that party! I wasn't there to see him! I was there to get and interview from that person!"

"But you didn't call." Luke lowered his voice. "What else he could think about?"

"I know." Rory shook her head. "It's my fault. I wanted to call him, but I was afraid that he would think that I push him. So…"

"Gee!" Luke laughed quietly. "You two would be so hilarious if you were not that pathetic!" He shook his head. "Jess is in the car by the way. He's trying to leave."

"Oh no!" Rory snapped.

"Oh yeah." Luke's face faded. "He's trying to do that third day in a row."

"Thanks Luke!" Rory babbled and rushed out of the diner. She rounded the diner and saw Jess in his new car. He was sitting behind the wheel and staring at his hands. Rory swallowed hard and opened the door from a side next to him. "Jess?"

"I thought you are still in Paris." He murmured with his eyes gazed his hands.

"Well, I'm not!" Rory sat on the seat next to him and closed the door. "I wanted to see you."

"Yeah." He took a deep breathe and looked at her. "I'm going back in Philly."

"No." Rory tilted her head.

"No?" Jess frowned. "Who are you to tell me what I can and I cannot do?"

"You love me and that makes me the person with opinion here." She answered quietly and saw his eyes narrowed. "I know you haven't told me the words yet, but I can feel that you love me! I know it!"

"No." He sighed and avoided her look. "I don't love you."

"You are lying to me." Rory touched his hands on the wheel. "I know why you are doing this, but you have to stop!"

"I'm not lying!" He snapped.

"You just did and do you know why I know that?" Rory took his hand and he let her did that. "When you told me that you love me years ago, you looked at me in the eyes! Now you just avoided me!"

"Don't be so stupid, Rory!" Jess hissed and she trembled under his look. "I'm not that naïve anymore! I might be depressed and stuff, but I know what I want now!"

"You want to die?" His words hurt her, but she knew that was he wanted. "You still want that? Why? You know you can have me! You know that I love you and you still…"

"Did you call me at all?" he sighed with annoyance. "Did you send me an e-mail?"

"You don't have a laptop…" She tried to interrupt him, but he did not let her.

"Then I have to read all these bullshit! What the hell I supposed to think about?" He was furious, but for some kind of reason, Rory wanted to smile. He looked a lot more than the old Jess right now. "And why are you smiling?" he frowned at her.

"Because you look more like yourself now." He shrugged. "And I like that."

"What?" Jess looked at her with confusion.

"You're getting emotional when you are jealous." Rory shrugged and his face faded.

"I'm not jealous!" Jess lowered his voice and almost snarled.

"Yes, you are." Rory smiled again. "I can tell!"

"Huh?"

"I know you better than anyone like you know me better than anyone." She touched his face and he sighed. "C'mon! Let's go inside! I'm freezing here and I want to show you how much I missed you."

"I'm going in Philly!" He insisted.

"So you are running again?"

"I'm not running!" He frowned. "Just giving you nice way out!"

"Nope! You think you're giving me nice way out and here is the difference." Rory squeezed his hand and tilted her head. "C'mon Jess! You know that you cannot do that. Your uncle told me that you're trying this third day in a row. Why? Because of me? Or because of you?"

"Rory I…" He closed his eyes. "I thought that if I disappear while you're gone it'd be easier."

"But you didn't want that."

"The damn car…"

"Don't blame the car!" She shook her head and got out of the car. She opened his door and reached her hand to him. "C'mon! Come with me and I'm gonna tell you why I didn't call you."

"Rory."

"C'mon." A shy smile appeared on her face.

Jess sighed and took her hand. She helped him to get out of the car and they headed to the diner. She lost her balance a few times and he looked at her strangely.

"Are you okay?" He frowned when he opened the front door before her. "I know you're sloppy, but not that much."

"I'm tired and I rushed to here to see you." Rory shrugged. "I think I skipped the lunch. I think I left my appetite in Paris." She tried to joke.

"Yeah, I can tell." He murmured. "You look skinny."

"I'm not skinny!" She looked offended and then looked around. "Where is Luke… and my bag?"

"I saw him sneaked out just a minute ago." Jess crooked his face. "I bet she went to your mom to tell you are already here."

"My mom huh?" Rory undid her coat. "So, we are here alone. What now?"

"Now… we have to make you eat something."

"Not before the kiss!" She stopped him and he turned to her. "First the kiss and then everything else!"

"Okay." He leaned to her and their lips met. Just then, Rory felt at home again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed with pleasure. She was back and he was here, in her arms. That was all that mattered and that was all she needed to be happy. "French toast now?" Jess pulled back slightly. "With some coffee maybe?"

"And than you." She bit her lower lip. "Yup, I like that order."


	34. Chapter 34 Feel the change

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 34 Feel the change_**

"So you seriously wanted to run away?" Rory asked him few hours later. She snuggled in him. "I thought you have a trust in me."

"It's not you." Jess laced fingers with hers and lifted their hands up. They were lying on his bed and enjoyed at each other presence. "It's me." He finished.

"Yeah, that's very cliché, don't you think?" She rolled her eyes.

"But it is true." Jess shrugged lightly and his lips touched the back of her fingers. "You never were a problem for me."

"But you're always running from me." Rory whispered.

"We both can play that game." He sighed and she looked at him. "You ran away in Philly."

"Yeah, but I told you why."

"But you still run."

"Touché." Rory breathed out. "Now what? I have to worry about you every time I turn my back, right? You have to trust me, Jess."

"Sure." He murmured.

"That doesn't sound very convincing." She popped up on her elbow and released her fingers from his.

"What do you want from me?" Jess frowned. "I'm here now and I just promised you I won't run."

"You didn't promise." Rory shook her head. "And I want you to love me like I love you."

"Hm." Jess took her chin and pulled her closer. His lips touched hers. "It's not easy Rory."

"What?" She looked at him with confusion. "It's not easy to love me?"

"It's the most difficult part in the world." He looked at her with a sad smile. "But you keep drawing me in."

"So I'm like a bad habit to you?" Rory frowned. She looked hurt. "After all this time, you're telling me this?"

"Our relationship never was and will be easy Rory." He touched her face. "Remember what I told you back in Philly? It's that who we are – you and me."

"Jess I…" She murmured, but he did not let her to speak. His mouth crashed over hers and she forgot about anything else. It worked every time.

She fell asleep in his arms and Jess just looked at her. He was confused and nothing could help him with that, not even Rory. His life and changed. It had meaning now and just when he had believed on it, he heard the rumors. That was when he thought that he had to leave. Maybe she would be better without him and just maybe he would go away while she was not in the town. But he could not. He was sitting there, in his car and thought about her. Then he grabbed the wheel and… something stopped him. He did not know what it was, but he just could not leave.

Jess sighed and his lips touched her temples. Nobody could say that she was an easy person. She looked so like him sometimes. Her stubbornness were as strong as his. But… she was stronger. She always was. She had brought him back to life only by her touch. Her sweet voice cured all of his pain and now her presence here cured his emotional wounds. Because no one could, do it like her. She was his other part and Jess always knew that. Even when he was with Megan, Jess knew that he would never love her as he loved Rory. She just was something special in his life and he had to be honest with himself. He had to be strong enough to admit that. Now he was, but that did not make it any easier. He cared about Rory. He wanted her to be happy and he wanted to see her smile again. She insisted that she was happy with him, but somehow Jess could not believe her. His life was still a mess and he could not give her anything at the moment. Jess sighed and kissed the back of her shoulder. But he could not let her go either. She was everything he had now. She was the only thing that kept him going. He owed his life to her and somehow that did not sound that bad.

Jess surprised her with breakfast in the bed. When she opened her eyes, she saw him standing there with a tray in his hands. A thin smile appeared on his lips when he saw her blushing under his look.

"Don't worry." He said quietly to her and put the tray on her lap. "Luke is too busy downstairs… and I locked the door."

"You looked the door?" Rory wrinkled her nose and took a muffin. "I thought that you don't have a key."

Jess smirked and Rory saw the small key in his hands. He sat close to her and gave her a small kiss. Rory licked her lips after he pulled back and looked at him. Something had changed in him. She could see the smile in his eyes now.

"Hm…" Jess took his coffee from the tray. "Eat now."

"Then?" She bit a piece of the muffin.

"Then… you tell me." Jess shrugged. "What do you want to do now?"

"We could… go to my house." Rory shrugged. "I have to take a shower." She wrinkled her nose. "What is that smell?"

"What smell?"

"I don't know. Flowers?" She looked at him quizzically and Jess crooked his face.

"What? In the middle of the winter?"

"I'm sorry." She rolled her eyes. "My bad. So, what do you think about my plan?"

"Sure." Jess shrugged. "But you realized that the whole town would speak about us."

"Yup." Rory gulped down her last bit and took her coffee. "I do realize that."

"And you're ready to face the hyenas?" Jess rose up his eyebrows.

"The what?" She looked at him with confusion.

"Babette saw you running to here last night. She told Taylor and he told Kirk to watch the diner." Jess shook his head. "I'm sure that the whole town knows where you spent the night."

"Are you serious?" Rory almost choked with her coffee.

"Kirk is downstairs and he is eating his breakfast an hour already."

"And how do you know that Babette…"

"He told Miss Patty." Jess smirked. "I just happened to be around that moment."

"Great!" Rory sighed. "That's just great! Do they have another job?"

"Prying in your personal life it is a great job in this town." Jess frowned. "I thought that changed while I was gone, but apparently…"

"Nope." Rory shook her head. "This could never change."

"You should've gone to your house last night." Jess murmured.

"That wasn't going to change anything." Rory tilted her head. "They all know about us, Jess. Taylor met me on the street the day before I went to New York. He told me to be careful with you."

"Huh."

"Yeah." Rory smiled. "He said that I'm fine young woman and I have a head on my shoulders." Rory laughed. "And he looked so serious!"

"I think he is still mad at me." Jess surprised her with his crooked smile. "What I did to make him hate me so much?"

"You were… you." Rory touched his face. "And I like to see you smiling like this."

"Yup." Jess bit his lower lip and got off the bed abruptly. "C'mon! Let's go to your house!"

"That sounded dirty." Rory smirked and put the tray on the bed. "I thought that we… wow!" She lost her balance when she got off the bed and took his arm.

"Are you okay?" Jess looked at her carefully.

"Yeah, I'm okay." She smiled at him. "I'm just eager to get to my bathroom. Let me put my clothes on and we could go."

"And you have to fix your hair as well." Jess smirked.


	35. Chapter 35 It can’t be

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 35 It can't be_**

Lorelai rushed in her daughter's room just in the moment when she kissed Jess. They were sitting on her bed and Rory was only on her towel. Her hair was still wet and fell over her bare shoulders. She was sitting on Jess' lap and enjoying at his arms around her.

"Oh my, eyes!" Lorelai squealed and covered her eyes.

"Mom!" Rory got off Jess' lap, but she sounded more annoyed than ashamed. "You should've knocked!"

"Yeah." Lorelai twirled around. "You should put some clothes on."

"Or I won't?" Rory answered and Lorelai could hear Jess' quiet laugh. "What are you doing here, mom?"

"Well, Taylor called me that there is a problem…"

"You don't pay any attention on him." Rory laughed. "You just wanna check on me?"

"Ok." Lorelai murmured. "I just wanted to see you. You didn't come back here last night."

"And I'm sure that Luke was very happy." Rory murmured.

"What?" Lorelai turned around and looked at her daughter. Rory was still with her towel and her hand rested on Jess' shoulder.

"C'mon mom!" Rory tilted her head. "You don't have to hide."

"I have to go back at the Inn." Lorelai murmured and rushed out of the room. Rory smiled and sat back on Jess' lap.

"Now." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You think we can finish what we started?"

"That was impressive." Jess smiled and looked at her.

"And you enjoyed the show?" Rory tilted her head.

"Yup." Jess bit his lower lip.

"You should've seen my mom's face when she saw my pills." Rory laughed.

"Your pills?"

"Yeah." Rory leaned and kissed him. Her hands pushed him onto the bed. "My pills, but…" She lowered her head close to his face. "I'm sure I don't need them."

"What?" Jess looked her strangely, but she kissed him again.

When Lorelai came back home, Rory was fully dressed. She smiled at her mother and they sat in the kitchen. Rory was eating a chocolate cream. Lorelai frowned. Her daughter loved the chocolate, but not in this form.

"Are you okay, hun?" She asked her and sat on the nearest chair. "You're eating cream?"

"I know." Rory liked her lower lip. "Why?"

"Um, nothing." Lorelai shrugged. "I thought Jess would be here…"

"He had to help Luke in the diner." Rory answered. "Oh and I called to my work. I'm officially on vacation."

"For how long?"

"As long as I need." Rory shrugged. "I have enough money to allow that to myself."

"Aha." Lorelai tilted her head. "Does Jess have something to do with your decision?"

"Uh-oh." Rory smirked.

"You look like a cat around the cup of milk." Lorelai frowned.

"Because I feel like a cat around the cup of milk." Rory laughed. "Now I can enjoy to…"

"Be careful what you say!"

"I was about to say Jess!"

"Okay." Lorelai sighed with relief, but just then, the doorbell rang. Rory jumped off her chair and ran to the front door. She came back with a giant box full of paper bags. "What is that?"

"I ordered some Thai." Rory shrugged and placed the paper bags on the table. "You want to join me?"

"A Thai?" Lorelai frowned. "Are you planning to burn down the house afterwards?"

"Mom." Rory rolled her eyes.

"That's the only way to kill the smell."

"You sound just like Jess right now!" Rory wrinkled her nose.

"Gee!" Lorelai squealed and her daughter laughed. "Don't say that!"

"C'mon!" Rory nodded at the enormous amount of food on the table. "You want to join me?"

"If I have no other choice." Lorelai rolled her eyes and took the fork near her. "I thik you ordered food for the whole town."

"I was hungry." Rory answered with a full mouth. "So I thought…" She waved her fork.

"Aha." Lorelai murmured, but her eyes narrowed. "We have to talk, honey."

"Sure." Rory gulped down her bit. "After we eat."

"It's a deal." Lorelai answered, but looked at her daughter carefully. Something was wrong in the picture and she could put her finger on it.

After the diner, they went at the living room. Rory called Jess and Lorelai could not hide her smile. Her daughter looked like a schoolgirl when she talked with him. Her face glowed and her eyes shone. It was so obvious and Lorelai shook her head. Rory was in love with Jess and that was something serious this time. She could feel it.

"Okay." Rory fell on the sofa, close to her mother. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah." Lorelai coughed. "You know I saw you with Jess today…"

"Mom!" Rory frowned. "I know that you love me and stuff, but this is my business!"

"You got wrong the previous time." Lorelai lowered her voice.

"Yeah. I don't think I have luck with the men." Her daughter shrugged. "But I think that this time is different."

"I can see and that's why I want you to be careful."

"We talked about that already." Rory murmured with annoyance. "I wish you could get over it."

"I wasn't talking about that." Lorelai frowned. "I meant that you and Jess should be careful… you know."

"Ah." Rory nodded and her face relaxed. "We are. Don't worry!"

"It doesn't look like it."

"Don't worry, mom!" Rory frowned and got off the sofa. Sudden pain passed through her eyes. "I'm on pills."

"I know you are, but this doesn't make me less concerned."

"It's okay, mom." Rory sighed and suddenly her eyes went sad. "I'm twenty six years old. You know I have head on my shoulders and I know what I'm doing. Besides, you really don't have a reason to worry about me. You don't know anything." She lowered her voice.

"Rory?" Lorelai looked at her daughter carefully. Rory was sad and Lorelai knew her well enough to tell that. "Are you alright, honey?"

"Yeah." Rory smiled immediately. "Sure."

"And you are honest with me?"

"Why should I lie?" Rory sighed and avoided her eyes. "Well, I have to lie down now." She yawned. "All this food make me sleepy. I'm gonna take a shower and then I'm gonna sleep."

"It's 9PM!" Lorelai frowned.

"I know, but… I was busy today." Rory smirked and hid in her bedroom. Her life was good now, it was better and she could not ask for more.

Lorelai saw her daughter early in the next morning. She was already sitting in the kitchen and looked awful. Her hair was messy and her eyes were sore. Lorelai frowned and ruhed to her. She touched her forehead.

"You don't look good." Lorelai murmured. "But you don't have a fever."

"Thanks." Rory rolled her eyes. "I was about to say the same."

"Then what's wrong with you?"

"I couldn't sleep." Rory ran her fingers though her messy hair.

"But you went to bed early." Lorelai frowned.

"I know and I took a shower, but then I couldn't sleep." Rory shrugged and folded her arms on the table. She rested her head there with a tired sigh. "Remind me not to overeat again!"

"Why?"

"Because my stomach felt awkward the whole night and it didn't allow me to fall asleep." Rory murmured with closed eyes.

"Rory…"

"I know what you about to say, but save it, please." She shrugged with closed eyes. "I can't be pregnant."

"Why? It happens when…"

"I can't!" Rory snapped.

Lorelai could not ask more, because Jess walked in the house at the same moment. His look fell on Rory and Lorelai could see his worried face.

"Hey." He called her and she opened her eyes with a smile. "Why didn't you call me earlier?"

"Now it's perfect." She looked up at him and yawned again. "I just didn't feel very well last night."

"I couldn't sleep."

"And she ate Thai." Lorelai murmured.

"Rory!" Jess crouched close to her. "I told you about that food."

"I know and I listen the next time." She tried to smile, but yawned once again. "I'm sorry."

"Okay." Jess smiled and took her in his arms. Lorelai watched them as they walked in Rory's room. She could hear his voice. "Let me take care of you now." Then he closed the door behind his back.

An hour later when she was about to leave to work, Lorelai opened the door quietly. She peered inside and saw Rory in Jess' arms. She was sleeping.


	36. Chapter 36 It’s time to accept him

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 36 It's time to accept him_**

Lorelai sighed and leaned her chin on her elbow. She was staring at the laptop on her desk at the Inn. She had to finish her accounts, but her thoughts were everywhere but here. Rory did not look good this morning. She was not that type of a person who would complain, but she still had called Jess. Lorelai frowned. That was not in Rory's style, but in the moment Jess had entered in the house, Rory had changed. She had relaxed under his cares and even had fallen asleep in his arms. When Lorelai had peered through the door of her daughter's bedroom, Jess was still awake. He just had given her a nod, but did not move more. He did not look guilty either. Something had changed in him and Lorelai had to admit that he looked better than before.

"You need help?" Her mother's voice made Lorelai alert. She looked at the door and saw Emily Gilmore stood there. "If you think that…"

"Hey mom!" Lorelai forced a smile and waited for her mother to come closer. "What are you doing here?"

"I think I can come here to visit my daughter, right?" Emily took the seat opposite Lorelai.

"Sure." Lorelai pursed her lips. "Now about the real reason?"

"I heard some… very disturbing rumors."

"Huh." Lorelai leaned back on her chair.

"That's all you can say?" Emily looked surprised.

"I'm still waiting to tell me what rumors you are talking about." Lorelai shrugged.

"Rory." Emily frowned. "Your daughter and her new relationship!"

"Ah." Lorelai smiled. "Jess and Rory."

"She acts scandalous lately." Emily murmured. "People talk, you know? She's leaving his place in the early hours of the day… with him!"

"Mom." Lorelai moaned and leaned back on her chair.

"You have to talk to her, Lorelai!"

"She is 26 years old! I think she has her own opinion!" Lorelai murmured.

"And you just sit here and do nothing?"

"What is the problem?" Lorelai crossed her hands on the desk. "Is it Rory's relationship with Jess? Or… it's Jess?" She leaned forward. "You never liked him!"

"So as you, but now you let her be with that…"

"My daughter's relationship is not your business!" Lorelai frowned. "Rory loves that mane! She loves Jess and if she wants to be with him, I won't mess with that!"

"But Lorelai…"

"I think we're done here!" Lorelai murmured and got off her chair. Her mother followed her with frowned expression on her face. "Good bye, mom!" Lorelai finished and looked at her mother. Emily sighed and twirled on her heals.

When she came back home, Lorelai saw Jess sat close to Rory. She was lying on her bed and looked pale and he brushed her face with moist towel. Lorelai coughed to get his attention and Jess finally looked at her. He put his index finger on his lips and got off Rory's bed. Lorelai waited for him outside.

"She's fine." Jess spoke in the moment he closed the door behind his back. "I think she has some sort of stomach flue."

"Are you sure?" Lorelai frowned.

"She told me that." Jess shrugged. "And the symptoms are the same."

"Okay." Lorelai agreed only because she was not sure in her thoughts right now. The suspicion that there was something more than stomach flu built up in her. "You'll stay here?"

"I was about to ask." Lorelai saw the relief on his face. "Thank you."

"Yeah." Lorelai tilted her head. "I know we didn't start well, but…"

"Truce?" Jess rose up his eyebrows. "I thought you hate me?"

"I was." Lorelai shrugged. "You hurt my daughter Jess. I can't easily forget that. You should've seen her after you left. She was broken. She never showed or talked about that, but…"

"I know." Jess' face faded. "But that was me then. I was… confused."

"It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Lorelai sighed. "Rory wants you in her life now. She wants you back and if that makes her happy, who am I to stay on your way?"

"I'm not the same guy, Lorelai." Jess looked at her honestly.

"I know." Lorelai nodded.

"I'm not better than before." Jess shook his head. "I'm still not cured completely. But… I'm trying." He sighed. "I'm not saying that I will be flawless now. I can't promise you that."

"Nobody is flawless, Jess." Lorelai lowered her voice. "But Rory Picked you. She loves you and I can't do anything about it."

"You can." Jess smiled with sadness. "You can tell her how bad guy I am."

"I could try." Lorelai murmured. "But she won't listen."

"She won't, huh?"

"Nope." Lorelai smiled. "Go take care of her, Jess." She nodded and let him walked back in Rory's room.

Jess sighed when he closed the door behind his back. His look fell on the woman in the bed and a thin smile appeared on his lips. She was awake and looked at him. Her eyes were clear and she smiled.

"You had a nice little chat with my mom?" She whispered and he walked to her.

"You heard?" He sat on the bed and took the moist towel again. Rory sighed when he skimmed it over her face.

"Yes." She smiled tiredly. "I heard and I have to say that it was nice."

"Nice?" Jess smiled.

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "I was surprised as well, but my mother really accepted you."

"Why do I get the feeling that this has something to do with you?" Jess rose up his eyebrows.

"Because she knows that I love you." Rory shrugged, but then her face crooked. "Not again!" She moaned just in time. Jess grabbed her in his arms and took her in the bathroom. "Damn it!" She hissed over the toilet. Jess held her tight. "My stomach is empty and that nasty feeling just refused to let it go!"

"It's ok." Jess murmured and brought her back in her bed. "Maybe you should try and eat something? A toast maybe? And a herbal tea?"

"Jess…" She moaned, but he walked out of her room. When he came back, he held a tray with a toast and steaming cup of tea. Rory sighed and sat on the bed. "You shouldn't have."

"I should." He insisted and placed the tray on her lap. "You took care of me before. Now it's my turn. Eat now."

"I can't." She frowned, but took the toast.

"You have to." Jess nodded at the toast in her hand. "You'll feel better, I promise."

"Uh-oh." She murmured and took a bit.

"That's good." Jess smiled. "Now some tea?"

"Okay." Rory sipped some tea and crooked her face. "Um…"

"What?"

"I'm trying." She murmured.

"That's good."

"I'm sorry I'm such a baby." She frowned and took another bit. "I hate this!"

"I know." Jess touched her face. "Now eat!"

And she listened to him. It turned out that he was right. Her stomach calmed enough to let her fell asleep in his arms. When she woke up on the next morning, Jess was gone. She knew that he had to go and help to his uncle in the diner. And he had left her a note on the pillow. He would come back by noon. Rory smiled and got off the bed. She felt strong enough to go in the bathroom and take a shower. But it turned out that she had jumped on a conclusion. She felt sick again.

"Okay." Rory sighed and concentrated over her breathing. It took her little more time she thought that she needed. She barely reached to the bed. Her ears rang and she hung her head between her shoulders. "It's okay." She murmured and took the phone from the nightstand. "Just breathe, Rory. Just breathe." Then she dialed a number.

"Hello?" Lane's voice echoed at the other side of the line.

"Lane?" Rory's voice was weak.

"Rory! Are you okay?" Her friend sounded worried.

"I need your help!" Rory whispered.

"Sure!"

"You have to go to the Pharmacy and buy me something!" Rory whispered and leaned back on her bed.


	37. Chapter 37 Not sure

**_A/N: I'm a Literati sucker, what I can say? Hehe. I hope you like this story. It's completely different from the other one. It's a little more drama and it's a little more complicated than the others. The characters are little more dramatic and not easy to write, but I loved them in this way. I put something very personal in this story. What Jess is going to live here, it was a state close to me before. The territory I'm about to enter hits close to home for me. But I think you're gonna like it despite the drama. I hope for your support as always and please review if you like what you read. That keeps my muse alive!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 37 Not sure_**

Rory heard the slamming of the front door and she was sure that was Lane.

"Rory?" Her friend's voice echoed from the kitchen. "Are you here?"

"My room!" Rory increased her voice and seconds later Lane was there. She held a paper bag in her hands. "Did you get them?"

"I bought five!" Lane looked at her friend. "And… I had to buy them from the nearest town. You know what was going to happen otherwise."

"I know." Rory nodded and got off the bed. She took the paper bag from her friend and hid in the bathroom.

"But why do you need five? You can make sure only with one." Lane asked her when Rory showed up back in the room.

"Because, it's impossible!" Rory murmured and sat on her bed. "Now we have to count five minutes." She looked at the watch.

"What?" Lane sat close to Rory. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't be pregnant." Rory shook her head.

"Why?"

"Because…" Rory avoided Lane's look. "Because we were careful."

"So Jess is the father, right?"

"What are you talking about?" Rory snapped.

"Well, I saw your photos with that guy…"

"Not you too!" Rory got off her bed and turned her back to Lane. "I broke up with Austin long before I could come here!"

"I'm sorry."

"I thought that you would believe me." Rory shook her head.

"Rory." Lane lowered her voice.

"Five minutes." Rory murmured and walked in the bathroom. She took the small stick from the cupboard and saw the two pink lines. "This is impossible!" Rory shook her head with disbelief. Then she took the next box.

"So?" Lane asked her when she walked out.

"It's positive." Rory murmured.

"But you're not happy?"

"Let's just wait okay?" She crooked her face. "I feel bad again."

"It's okay." Lane rushed to her and helped her to the bed. "Lie down now. You ate something?"

"Nope." Rory murmured. "I was bad the whole morning."

"Do you have any biscuits? Maybe it'll calm your stomach."

"I think we have some in the kitchen." Rory closed her eyes. She placed her hands over her stomach and took a deep breath. All this could not be real. It was just impossible.

"Here." Lane came back quickly. "I found them." She handed the small box with biscuits to Rory. "You have to eat something, otherwise you're gonna feel bad all day."

"You really think I'm pregnant." Rory murmured and looked at her friend. "How can you be so sure?"

"Well, you took the test, right?" Lane smiled.

"I took it, but it's not 100% sure!" Rory avoided her eyes and took a biscuit from the small box.

"Are you afraid? Is that it?" Lane touched her arm.

"No." Rory shook her head.

"You think that Jess won't accept it?" Lane tried again.

"No." Rory bit her lower lip. Her hands trembled.

"Then what?" Lane looked worried. "C'mon Rory! You can trust me!"

"They told me I can't have children." Rory sighed.

"What? Who?" Lane looked at her with confusion.

"Does it matter?" Rory's eyes filled with tears. "I don't think that…"

"Okay. It's okay now." Lane forced a smile. "Maybe they are wrong."

"Or maybe the tests are wrong." Rory shook her head.

"We'll see, but I really think that you are pregnant Rory." Lane tilted her head. "I looked in the same way when I was pregnant."

"Could you give me the test?"

"Sure." Lane nodded and hid in the bathroom.

"So?" Rory asked her when her friend came back. "What is it? Negative, right?"

"No." Lane shook her head. "It's positive again."

"Okay." Rory sighed and closed her eyes. "We have three more."

"You are pregnant, Rory!"

"I wish I am!" She bit her lower lip. "But let's wait."

"You wish?"

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "And… if by some kind of a miracle I am, Jess is the father. I can't wish more."

"You are." Lane insisted.

"We'll see!" Rory whispered.

Three tests later, Rory still was not convinced. They all were positive and Lane was all smiley. She was sure that her friend was pregnant, but Rory still was not. She needed something more to believe in that miracle.

"C'mon, Gilmore! Smile!" Lane smiled as she handed her friend the last test. "You're going to have a baby!"

"No!" Rory shook her head. "I have to go to the hospital and make sure of it!"

"How many tests do you need?" Lane sighed. "You are pregnant!"

"Take me to the hospital!" Rory insisted.

"Sure." Lane sighed and took her coat. "Put something warm. It's cold outside. I'm gonna wait for you in the car."

"I'll be ready soon." Rory nodded and opened her wardrobe.

Five minutes later, they were on their way to the hospital. Lane could not stop talking and Rory was thankful for that. Her nerves were tense and her thoughts were a mess. Rory sighed and looked down at her hands. She could not hope too much. Disappointment could kill her this time.

"Here we are." Lane looked at her friend and stopped the car. "I don't think you need this… after five tests, but if that would make you completely sure…"

"Thank you for being here with me, Lane." Rory tried to smile. "It means a lot to me."

"You have to thank to my kids and my husband." Lane rolled her eyes. "He called me with the news that the twins changed their mind for the camp."

"Huh?"

"They will be there another month and my husband would be here the next week." Lane smiled.

"So you are here another month?" Rory looked at her.

"Yes." Lane nodded. "I'm here another month."

"Okay." Rory nodded and got out the car. "Let's get over it!"

Lane was with her through the whole time. She supported her on her way out of the hospital and shook her head when Rory got in the car.

"Eat your chocolate now." Lane murmured and watched as Rory lay her back on her seat. "You look pale."

"I lost some blood there. I have to look like that." Rory frowned but opened the chocolate bar.

"It was small amount." Lane laughed. "But okay, as you saying." She started the engine.

"You can stop before Luke's Diner." Rory murmured few minutes later.

"You want to talk to Jess?" Lane threw her a brief look.

"I want to see him." Rory lowered her look. "I don't want to tell him yet. I want to make sure."

"Okay. It's your call." Lane shrugged.

"Can you take the results tomorrow?" Rory looked at her friend.

"Sure." Lane nodded. "I will."

"Thank you." Rory nodded.

"You are welcome." Lane smiled and stopped the car in front of Luke's Diner. "Here we are."

"Thanks once again." Rory nodded.

"Just a friendly advice – you have to eat only light food from now on." Lane winked at her and Rory shook her head when she closed the door.

Jess was waiting for her at the front door of the diner. He looked worried, but Rory just smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Hey." He pressed his lips to her temple. "What's wrong?"

"I just wanted to see you." Rory murmured. "Lane took me to the hospital today."

"And?"

"I'm fine." She sighed and felt his arms wrapped around her. "I'm okay."


	38. Chapter 38 The safe place

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 38 The safe place _**

Rory spent the night with Jess. She fell asleep in the moment he wrapped his arms around her. It was strange, but she felt safe there. It was good just to feel him beside of her. Then she realized that she could not spend even a day without him. That was something she could not image already. She felt sober.

When she woke up, Jess was already downstairs and she was thankful about that. He did not witness her sickness. Rory refused it to call it with its real name, because she was afraid. She was afraid that all this could turn into a lie. And she could not take it. Not now.

"Please." She whispered, watching her reflection in the mirror. "Let it be true."

"Rory?" Jess opened the door of the room and she quickly splashed her face with cold water. It was just in time. "Are you okay?" He opened the door of the bathroom.

"Sure." She turned to him and he handed her the towel. "You brought something for breakfast?"

"Are you sure you're hungry?" Jess looked at her with disbelief.

"Sure." Rory repeated and touched his face.

"It's on the table." He murmured and followed her into the room. She sat on the table and took a muffin from the tray before her. Her face looked serious.

"If I ask you something, you promise you won't freak out?"

"Should I?" He threw her a look and took the phial with his pills from the nightstand.

"I'm not sure." She trailed off and watched him as he poured two pills in his hand.

"Talk." He nodded and took the pills without water.

"Um." Rory took another bit. "That thing with sleeping over worked so far."

"So?" Jess sat close to her and took his coffee.

"I think we should have our own place." She spilled out and saw his shocked face.

"Are you… planning to stay here?" He babbled. "I thought your job is in New York."

"My job is wherever I want it to be." Rory shrugged and took another bit.

"But your office is there." He insisted.

"Are you planning to leave Stars Hollow?" she answered him with another question.

"I was thinking… to stay here for awhile." He skipped a beat. "It's safe here."

"Safe?" Rory felt nervous. He did not say he wanted to stay here because of her.

"It's the closest place to home I have." Jess shrugged.

"Oh." Her hands shook.

"And I found you here." He lowered his voice.

"And I found you." Rory sighed with relief. She meant something to him. "So? We can go and look around. What do you say?"

"You think it's safe?" He looked at her carefully.

"Yes." Rory nodded and touched his arm. "And I think it's time!"

"Okay then." Jess nodded. "Let's do it!"

Rory smiled and leaned to kiss him. She knew that it must be hard for him. She knew that he was scared inside, but she was glad that he did not show it. He fought with his fear and that was something she needed to see. Jess was slowly recovering from his depression. Rory knew that he would never be the same again. But he tried for her.

They left the diner ten minutes later, hand in hand. People stared at them, but for once, they did not care. Rory smiled at Taylor when she bought the paper. Jess winked at Miss Patty when they walked in the first building, standing in their way. It passed noon when they finally picked a small house, close to Rory's home. Jess watched Rory as she paid the first rent.

"Okay." She sighed tiredly and walked to him. "I think we own this place now."

"No." He spoke carefully. "You owe it. I have to…"

"If you say something about your money, I'm gonna scream!" Rory frowned.

"But Rory…"

"I know you're gonna pay when you are alright again!" She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked at him. "Right?"

"I am alright." Jess frowned.

"I know, but you have to be better." She looked at him carefully. "Your uncle told me about his idea for the bookstore."

"What?" Jess looked surprised.

"I think you have to take the offer." Rory shrugged. "I mean, the place is in his building. It's gonna cost you less than…"

"Wow! Time out!" Jess shook his head. "I told him that I'm gonna think about it!"

"But you have experience." Rory smiled. "And this town really needs some decent bookstore."

"Okay, Rory…"

"And you could focus on your writing." She leaned to him.

"But…"

"Whatever you decide." Her head fell on his chest. "I'm with you."

"It's nice to know that." Jess sniffed her hair and she smiled.

He had to come back in the diner. Jess felt good when he helped his uncle. That was good for Rory as well. She could come back home and wait for Lane's call. Her friend had to call with the results any minute now. And if she had to be honest, she felt tired all day.

Rory rushed in the bathroom in the moment she got into her house. She breathed heavily and her eyes closed until she felt little better. But in some strange way, she felt happy. The hope that this might be true grew bigger.

"Rory?" Lane's voice echoed from the kitchen.

"In here." Rory called her back and walked out of the bathroom. Her knees shook until she reached to the bed. Lane showed up on the door, waving the white envelope before her eyes.

"I thought that you should see it with your own eyes." She winked at Rory and sat on the bed, close to her friend. "Open and read!"

"I'm scared." Rory's voice trembled.

"You shouldn't be." Lane's smile widened. "Come on! Open it!"

"Okay." Rory forced a smile and unfolded the small piece of paper in her hands. "It's… positive." She whispered and her hands shook.

"Hello mommy!" Lane laughed.

"It really is!" Rory covered her mouth with her hand. "It's real!"

"Yes, it is!" Lane hugged her friend and Rory burst in tears. "Hey! Hey! You should be happy now!"

"I know, just…" Rory pulled back and sniffed. "Ever since they told me I can't have children… I… this is a miracle!"

"Shh-shh!" Lane shook her head with a smile. "You can wipe your tears now."

"Yeah." Rory whispered. "Wow!"

"Indeed." Lane rolled her eyes. "Now, they told me that you have to settle appointments with your doctor. It's about some vitamins you have to take."

"Okay." Rory laughed nervously. "I can do that."

"I'm sure you could." Lane looked at her. "So… when you're going to tell Jess?"

"We bought a house today." Rory smiled. "Well, I bought it. Jess thought that we just rent it. He still needs time to step on his feet."

"But you bought a house?"

"Yes." Rory nodded. "It's a small house down the street."

"Wow!" Lane looked at her with surprise. "What about your work?"

"Well, I'll have new one now." Rory touched her belly.

"Yeah." Lane nodded. "But you have to tell Jess! He has to know!"

"I will!" Rory whispered.


	39. Chapter 39 Small miracle

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 39 Small miracle _**

Rory was still on her bed. She still looked confused. Lane looked at her with confusion in her eyes.

"When you're going to tell him? I thought I saw something in your eyes that I didn't like it!" Lane skipped a beat. "You won't hide that from Jess, right? It's not right, Rory!"

"You don't understand!" Rory sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Jess is still too weak." Her voice trembled.

"Too weak?"

"He was… is… oh damn!" She bit her lower lip. "I'm not even sure if I it's right to talk about it!"

"Rory, please!" Lane put her hand on her friend's shoulder. "You are going to burst out soon if you don't talk about this!"

"Jess, he… he tried to kill himself." Rory shook her head. "He was in terrible state when I came here. You do not know how long I fought with everything just to bring him back! And now… I'm not sure how he's going to react on this!"

"You're not kidding!" Lane could not hide the shock in her voice. "Damn! Jess? I would never believe that!"

"Yeah and I was… I… oh!" Rory cupped her mouth and ran to the bathroom.

"Rory!" Lane followed her.

"I'm fine!" Rory breathed out. "My stomach is empty."

"Okay." Lane helped her back to the bed. "You haven't eaten anything all day, right?"

"Yeah." Rory sighed and closed her eyes. "I just… wasn't hungry."

"You maybe weren't, but somebody else is." Lane winked at her. "Wait here. I'll be right back."

Rory closed her eyes and tried to relax her body. She felt strange and still in shock from the news. Her whole life was about to change. She had to call at her work and made some rearrangements. Then she had to fill the forms for her maternity leave. A small smile touched her face and she felt better.

"Ah." She heard Lane's voice and her eyes fluttered. "That's a refreshing."

"What?" Rory sat on her bed and Lane put the tray on her lap.

"You smiled." Lane nodded. "That's a good sign."

"I'm still in shock." Rory sighed. "But… it's a nice feeling."

"I bet it is." Lane laughed. "A child is always a good thing."

"You don't understand." Rory shook her head with a smile. "It's not just a child, it's _Jess' _child!"

"So that makes you happier?"

"Yeah." Rory smiled through tears. "Happier and scarier at the same time." She bit her lower lip. "When I was about to marry Austin, I thought that I was pregnant. I went to the hospital and they told me… they told me that I can't have children." Rory burst into tears again. "You can't understand how empty I felt then! I felt… numb!"

"Rory…" Lane touched her arm.

"Then I found Austin with his colleague from the movie." Rory sniffed. "And I didn't feel a thing! I was… like… he didn't mean anything to me! He never was! And I was about to ruin my life! My life!"

"Rory calm down, okay?" Lane looked at her with concern.

"I came here just because I wanted to start over." Rory sighed. "I thought that I could make it. But then… then I saw Jess!" She cried again. "And I realized that… he means to me more than I ever realized! I realized that I love him more than I ever loved someone in my life, except my mother!"

"It's okay now." Lane handed her a napkin. "Breathe now."

"I'm not sure how Jess would react on this." Rory brushed her eyes. "I'm not sure if he is ready to such a big thing."

"You told me that this child is a miracle to you." Lane smiled softly. "Maybe it'd be miracle to him too? Maybe it'll help him get better."

"I wish you are right." Rory nodded. "And I think I'm hungry." She said with small voice.

"Here." Lane nodded at the tray on Rory's lap. "Only light food for now. Here is your toast, some fruits and… a herbal tea."

"Thanks." Rory smiled. "Can I ask for one more thing?"

"Sure." Lane nodded and got off the bed.

"Can you take care of the pregnancy tests?" She blushed. "Jess would come here later, so…"

"Okay." Lane winked at her friend. "Conceder it done! Now eat!"

Rory sighed and took the toast from the tray. She ate some fruits after that and got sleepy. Lane suggested her to take some afternoon nap and Rory had no other choice but to listen to her friend's advice.

She woke up from a butterfly kisses all over her face. Rory smiled and opened her eyes just to see Jess leaning over her.

"Hey." He whispered and his fingers slid over her face. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." Her hands lay at the both sides of his face. "You?"

"Um… bearable." He shrugged and Rory went anxious.

"Why? What's wrong? You took your pills, right?"

"Relax." Jess crooked his face in attempt of a smile. "I'm just trying to be honest."

"But something bothers you." Rory insisted. "What is it? You have a second thought about the house?"

"No." Jess shook his head. "I just…" He sighed. "There are some days, better than the others. Then there are days, worst than the others. I called good days – bearable."

"Oh." She sighed.

"I'm sorry I upset you." Jess frowned. "I didn't mean it."

"Hey, it's okay." Rory pulled him closer. "Come here." She pressed her lips to his sighed when he kissed her back. "Feeling better?" She asked when she pulled back.

"No." Jess murmured and took her in his arms. "Now I'm feeling better."

Rory smiled and pressed her back to his chest. He sighed in her hair and she felt his hand rested on her belly. Her face faded and she looked there. He was not ready, she thought. He was not prepared for such news. She had to wait and prepare him for it. But that was his baby there and Rory could not help but smile again. Yeah, it was a small miracle came into their lives. It was something that none of them had expected.

"Jess?" She whispered in the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"We could make it." Rory slipped her hand over his. "I'm sure we could do that!" She intertwined their fingers. "You'll see!"

"You hope or you believe in what you're saying?" His voice was almost a whisper.

"I believe in you." She made a short pause. "I believe in us and it's time for you to believe too!"

"I'm trying, Rory." He kissed the back of her head and she closed her eyes under his touch. "I'm still here and I'm with you, right?"

"I know." She sighed. "I can feel it!"

"I can feel it too and this is something." Jess murmured. "But it takes time to believe in me again!"

"You have to believe!" Rory uttered. "Because I believe in you!"


	40. Chapter 40 Bleeding heart

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 40 Bleeding heart _**

She woke up with an awful morning sickness and it was good that Jess was not there to see her suffer. Rory coughed furiously and flushed the water. Her mother found her on the ground and leaning her elbows on the toilet.

"Rory!" Lorelai knelt before her. "What...?"

"Please just help me to the bed?" Rory murmured.

"Sure." Lorelai helped her to stand up and held her arm. "What's wrong with you?"

"Hum…" Rory sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm sick."

"You sure?" Her mother touched her forehead. "You don't have a fever."

"My…" Rory hesitated. "My baby is making me sick."

"I knew it!" Lorelai sighed.

"You knew?" Rory was too tired to even look surprised. "How?"

"The look of your face… your morning sickness…" Lorelai waved with her hand.

"I really don't feel good." Rory swallowed hard.

"Okay." Lorelai smiled. "Lie down now." She helped Rory to slid down on the bed. "I'm gonna give you something."

"I don't want any food." Rory murmured but her mother walked out of the room. "Mom!" She increased her voice.

"Relax." Lorelai answered when she came back in the room. "You have to eat something."

"Mom!" Rory moaned.

"Chill and don't be such a baby!" Lorelai shoved some biscuits in Rory's hands.

"I'm not a baby!" Rory pouted. "I'm carrying one!"

"Does Jess know about this?"

"No." Rory's face went serious. "I want to wait with that news. It's gonna be a shock for him. First – the house! Then…"

"The house!" Lorelai interrupted her.

"I bought a house for us. Jess thinks that we just rent it and…"

"You bought a house!" Lorelai increased her voice. "Why?"

"Because we need something ours." Rory murmured.

"Before or after you realized that you are pregnant?" Lorelai frowned.

"Before." Rory lowered her look.

"But you had doubts already?"

"What are you trying to say?" Rory snapped.

"I think you just want to make sure that…"

"I love him, okay?" Rory got off the bed. "I love Jess! I want him in my life and I'm going to give life to his child! If this is too much for you, I'm sorry but that is what I want!"

"Rory…"

"I don't want to listen!"

"But this is not what I meant, hun." Lorelai touched her daughter's arm. "Relax! I'm not judging you."

"I'm sorry, mom." Rory sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know what is happening to me."

"Hormones." Lorelai smiled. "I know, trust me."

"Okay." Rory let out a sigh of relief. "I don't think I can control my emotions right now."

"You'll be fine." Lorelai rubbed her back. "So… when you're going to tell Jess?"

"I have to prepare him for this."

"How?"

"_How _what?"

"How are you going to prepare him for this? Jess is going to be a father…"

"I know!" Rory bit her lower lip. "It's… it's something so big. Damn!" She cupped her face. "How am I supposed to tell him?"

"You'll find the way." Lorelai hugged her daughter and kissed the top of her head.

Rory kept the secret from Jess almost a week. They moved in the new place and Rory could not help but smile on the crowd outside. They were the new main subject in Stars Hollow.

"Jess?" She called him and he ran downstairs. "Miss Patty just passed the front door."

"Again?" Jess peered through the window. "I can see Kirk with his new cat. What was his name?"

"It's Mr. Kirk." Rory laughed, but felt the well-known nausea and her face faded. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Are you okay?" He looked at her strangely.

"Sure." Rory forced a smile and hid in the bathroom. She fell on her knees and her body shook. It was not something she was prepared of. It was even worse than she had imagined. But she still did not feel sorry. "You have to take me to New York tomorrow." She looked at Jess in the moment she left the small bathroom.

"What?" Jess snapped.

"I have to go to New York." Rory repeated.

"And you want me to come with you?"

"No!" She shook her head. "I want you to drive me to there."

"No!" Jess frowned. "I won't do that!"

"Jess!"

"I said no!"

"But Jess…"

"You know what happened the last time I was in the car!" Jess hissed.

"Look how much time passed!" Rory walked to him and placed her hands on his waist. "I want you to stop feel scared!"

"Rory I…"

"And I want you to start believing in yourself!" She tilted her head. "I believe in you!"

"But…"

"I want you to drive me to New York, okay?" She laced her hands on his waist. "You can do it." Her voice softened. "Please…"

"You don't know what you're asking." He whispered with harassed voice. "Why do you want this from me? What if...?"

"Because I love you." Her lips touched his. "And I want you to be happy."

"No." Jess pulled back, but she did not let him. "Rory, please…"

"Jess…" She stared at his face. "You won't hide from this forever. Face the fear! Fight with it! I know you can do it!"

"I'm not the same, Rory." Jess shook his head and released from her arms. "You have to start to accept that. I'll drive you to New Your if you want to, but… don't think that I can be cured that easily." He frowned and turned his back to her. She watched him disappeared in the kitchen. Her hands fell on her belly and her eyes went teary. It would be more difficult than she thought it would.

They left the house early in the next morning. Rory hid her morning sickness again, but Jess noticed her pale face. She ate some biscuits and they drove off. She looked at Jess when they left the town. He had focused over the road and his hands squeezed the wheel.

"You're doing fine." Rory spoke softly. "Just relax."

"I can't!" He hissed. "I wish you didn't make me do this. I'm not ready!"

"You are and you're doing great." She smiled.

"How are you feeling?" Jess changed the subject and her face faded. She kept silence and he threw her a brief look. "Rory?"

"I'm fine!" She gazed the road. "Why are you asking?"

"You looked bad this morning." Jess murmured. "Don't try to lie to me, because I saw you!"

"Jess…" She bit her lower lip.

"Tell me!" He insisted and Rory sighed.

"Do you know why we're going to New York?" Rory looked at him.

"You only asked me to drive you there."

"Okay." Rory coughed nervously. "I'm going to my work."

"And?" Jess frowned.

"I'm going to ask for maternity leave." Rory saw his eyes widened. She skipped a beat and then tried again. "I'm pregnant!" She waited for reaction, but when he remained silence and just speed up the car, she went nervous. "Jess? Say something!"

"This can't be happening!" His face darkened and Jess squeezed the wheel. The car practically flew over the highway. They outstripped every car on their way. "I thought you were different!"

"What?" Rory grasped her seat and looked at the road. "Jess, slow down!"

"So, you're going in New York to see Austin?" He hissed and for the fist time Rory felt fear. He did not act like himself now. His eyes narrowed.

"What? Why?" Rory stammered. "I don't understand!"

"You called him with the news?" The next car left behind them and Jess speeded up even more. "One thing I can't understand… Why you had to play all that theatre? I thought you are honest with me!"

"I am!" She looked at him with confusion and then she realized. "I'm not her, Jess! Damn it! I'm not Megan!" Now she was angry. "Who do you think I am? Huh? I fought for your life! I love you and all you can think is that I cheated on you! The child is yours! It's yours damn it!"

"What?" Jess looked at her and for the first time since he had started his rant, he looked confused.

"The child is yours!" Rory shook her head and looked at the road. She was about to continue when she saw the car driving straight to them. "Jess!" She screamed and his reaction was with the speed of the lightning. He pulled over and stopped the car.

"Are you alright?" Jess touched her shoulder. They both breathed heavily.

Rory was about to answer him that she was all right but then she saw the red spot on her blue jeans. She looked at him and her voice trembled.

"I'm bleeding."


	41. Chapter 41 Come here

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 41Come here_**

Her heart pounded while they prepared her for the ultrasound. Jess had driven her off to the hospital and they had pushed him out of the emergency. She saw him standing in the middle of the waiting room before the door of the emergency could hide him. There was something strange in his posture. She could put her finger on it. Jess looked guilty and he did not. He had done everything necessary to save her. But Rory knew that if she lost that child, he would sink into his depression again and this time she was not sure if she could help him.

"Do you have any pains?" The nurse asked her and she shook her head negatively. "That's good. The doctor will come soon. Just breathe and try to relax."

Therefore, she did. She followed all the instructions the nurse gave it to her. She did all and just hoped for the best. She could not do more. When the doctor came and they placed the affix on her belly, her heart raced.

"It looks good." The doctor murmured. "Everything's fine."

"Then why I bled?" Rory looked at him.

"It's probably from the stress." He nodded at the nurse and she took the ultrasound away. "But you have to be on bed rest for the next two weeks at least. No work and no stress!"

"Rory!" She heard her mother's voice and smiled. "My child!" Lorelai rushed into the room.

"Ma'am." The doctor frowned at her, but Lorelai did not pay any attention.

"I'm the mother!" She snapped and went to Rory.

"I thought that she is the mother." The doctor smiled and shook his head.

"You are such a funny man!" Lorelai looked at him. Luke walked into the room at the same moment. "Luke, what took you so long?"

"I'm sorry, but you can run pretty fast!" He panted and rolled his eyes. "And I have only two legs!"

"Okay." The doctor got off his chair. "You remember what I told you?" He looked at Rory.

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "Bed rest and no stress for the next two weeks."

"That's right. We just have to fill some forms and you are free to go." He nodded and walked out of the room.

"Where is Jess?" Rory looked at Luke.

"I don't know." Luke shrugged. "He wasn't outside."

"The last time I saw him he was at the waiting room and he… " Her eyes widened. "You have to find him! Luke! He does not have to be alone! He might…"

"Calm down Rory!" Lorelai rubbed her arm. "It's not good for you now."

"Luke, please!" Rory insisted. "He's probably blaming himself!"

"He thought that you can lose the child?" Luke frowned.

"I…" Rory bit her lower lip.

"It's okay." Luke nodded. "Your mother told me. I'm going to find him, Rory. You just calm down, okay?"

Rory bit her lip and nodded. Luke frowned and left the room. He did not know where to find Jess, but for one thing, he was sure. His car was not anywhere near the hospital. He had not seen her. Luke winced when he walked out of the hospital. If he had to be honest, he worried about Jess. He was not stable enough. His nephew was anything but secure right now.

"Damn it Jess! Where are you?" Luke frowned and got into his car. He sighed and started the engine.

His nephew had to be somewhere near. It was not possible for him to disappear all of a sudden. He might felt guilty and was unstable, but he still loved Rory. Jess had not told him that, but Luke knew that. Then he remembered the night when Jess and Rory had taken her car for a ride. She had to tutor him, but he had convinced her that they needed some ice cream. Then they had a car crash. Jess left Rory in the hospital and…

"The lake!" Luke exclaimed. "He has to be there!"

When he finally arrived and saw his nephew just standing there, his heart skipped a beat. Jess looked so lonely and distant. And his eyes… Luke shuddered. Jess' eyes were empty. His face was pale and his fists hung at the both sides of his body.

"Jess?" Luke spoke carefully. He was afraid that Jess might run with the sound of his voice. "Everything is alright now. Rory is okay."

"It's not alright." Jess laughed with sadness. "It never was. She would have been better without me! Look what I did to her? Again!"

"You haven't done anything wrong." Luke walked to him. "Rory is okay. She's waiting for you in the hospital."

"I have to stay away." Jess shook his head. "I won't hurt her again!"

"You will hurt her if you stay away!" Luke snapped and Jess finally looked at him. "Wake up, Jess! Rory loves you and she loves your child!"

"The child is… okay?" Jess uttered.

"It is okay." Luke nodded with a smile. "They recommend her two weeks of bed rest and everything will be fine. She needs you now, Jess! You have to take care of her!"

"Can you drive me to there?" Jess looked at his uncle. "Please."

"I will, but you have to stop blaming yourself for everything." Luke squeezed his shoulder. "It wasn't your fault that she bled. It just happened!"

"We argued." Jess whispered while they walked to the car. "I blamed her that she cheat on me."

"You thought that she slept with Austin while she was with you?" Luke frowned, but spoke carefully.

"I thought that she was the same as Megan." Jess whispered and got in the car. Luke followed him.

"Megan?" He started the engine. "Who's Megan?"

"She was… the woman I killed." Jess put his seatbelt and looked through the window.

"What?" Luke threw him a look.

"She was… my girlfriend, but apparently not only mine." Jess talked so quietly that Luke barely heard him. "In that day, the day I killed her, we were at my car and she told me that she's pregnant, but she wasn't sure who the father is."

"You killed her?"

"I looked at her just once and then all of a sudden… everything was in flames." Jess uttered and looked at his hands on his lap. "Everything was a mess… she didn't scream... she just… I looked at her just once!" Jess murmured and looked through the window. "Once!"

Luke did not say anything. He just kept his eyes on the road. Jess opened up before him for the first time after his suicide attempt. So that was the reason. He blamed himself for the death of that girl. Now the old nightmares lived up again. Luke sighed. He could only imagine what Jess felt in this moment.

Rory and Lorelai were waiting for them right before the ER. Rory was on a wheelchair and when he saw her, Jess froze. He was just in few steps away from her, but he just stood there.

"Come here." Rory whispered. She opened her arms and that was the thing, Jess needed. He stumbled along to her and fell on his knees right before her.

"I'm sorry." Jess uttered and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm so sorry!"

"Shh-shh… it's okay now." Rory murmured and kissed his temple. "It's okay."


	42. Chapter 42 I want to believe you

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 42 I want to believe you _**

Lorelai insisted Rory to spend the night and the followed two weeks in her house. Jess was willing to accept that offer. He still felt insecure but Rory stayed true to her words. She had told him that she believed in him before. She was not going to back off now.

"I want to go in my new home with Jess!" She had looked at him while they were in the car. He kept silence. "This is where I belong now."

"But Rory…" Lorelai murmured. "I could take care of you!"

"Jess could do that." Rory touched his hand and he finally looked at her. "I believe he can do it! And this is our child, right?" Her eyes started at him.

"Yeah." Jess finally uttered.

The problem was solved and Rory could lean back on her seat. She closed her eyes and laced fingers with Jess. She felt his hesitance at first, but then she felt his thumb skimmed over hers. A light smile touched her face. Yeah, Jess was here and he was going to help her. He just needed little help from her side.

When the car stopped before their house, Jess did not let her walk. He opened the door from her side and took her in his arms. Rory smiled and kissed his temple while he carried her through the porch.

"They would be okay, Lorelai." Luke placed his hand on her waist. "You just have to give them some time."

"They are not alone now." Lorelai murmured and got back in the car. "That's why I'm scared." Luke followed her.

"Jess would be fine." He lowered his voice and looked at the house. "He would be careful with her."

"What makes you think that?" Lorelai murmured.

"I'll tell you." He frowned and started the engine.

Jess placed Rory on the bed and stepped back. His eyes did not miss her face.

"You can come closer if you want." Rory tilted her head. Her voice was soft. "You can't break me."

"I almost did." Jess uttered.

"You didn't. It was my fault. I had to be careful with you and we shouldn't fight." Rory shook her head and patted the place next to her. "Come here."

"Maybe I should take the couch."

"Or maybe I want you here." She frowned. "Come here!"

Jess sighed and sat close to her. Rory tilted her head and looked at him. If Jess were in his usual state, he would react on this differently.

"What do you want from me?" He looked at her instead.

"I want you to calm down." She placed her hands at the both sides of his face. "I want you to keep breathing and remember that you are not alone now."

"I know." Jess sighed and avoided her eyes.

"Do you?" She slid her hand under his chin and forced him to look at her. "I know that the news of my pregnancy shocked you. I know how confused you are. Trust me; I was like you at first. But then I realized that it's something real and it's something I want."

"Rory…"

"Maybe I should explain it to you." Rory cleared her throat. "When I was with Austin and about to marry him, I thought I was pregnant. I went to my doctor to make the tests. When I came back on the next day, he looked worried and told me he needs more tests. So, I came back few days later. Then he told me that not only I'm not pregnant, but I can't have kids either." Rory blinked furiously. One of her hands fell on her belly as if she wanted to protect her child. "I was… bad. When I went to see Austin and talk to him about that, I saw him with his co-star. They were on the bed… our bed. Then I realized that I do not feel anything about him. I was… empty." Rory shrugged. "When I quitted him, I came here."

"I'm sorry." Jess uttered, but she shook her head.

"You don't have to. I found you and now I'm going to have a baby." She took his hand and placed his palm on her stomach. "We are going to have a baby and that makes me feel good."

"Then I have to be very careful with you." Jess sighed. She thought that he would pull back, but he surprised her when he took her in his arms. "I promise I'd be careful." Jess kissed her temple and her head rested on his chest. "I promise!"

Rory was about to ask him what he meant, but she felt too tired about it. His breathing drifted her off and she fell asleep in his arms. Jess could not close his eyes through the whole night. He tried to stay focus. He tried to be strong for her, but he still felt insecure. Rory was too fragile now and he was not strong enough for her. That was something he hated it. He hated himself for being like this. He almost made the second biggest mistake of his life this day. He had almost killed his… Jess shook his head and tried to calm down his racing heart. It was difficult even to talk about it. How could he do that? Was he ready for all this? Rory believed in him, but the thing was that he did not believe in himself. She should have been with her mother. Lorelai would know what she had to do if something went wrong. She was prepared and Rory would have been safe with her. But she had chosen him. She thought that he could do it. But how? He had no idea. Jess looked at the pills on his nightstand and sighed. It would have been so easy, but he was not a coward. He might feel bad and shocked, but it was too late for the easy way out.

The first thing Jess heard in the next morning was Rory's moan. Jess jumped off the bed with her in his arms and helped her to the bathroom. Rory leaned back on him while he flushed the water in the toilet.

"Thank you." She murmured.

"Yeah." He was able to say and helped her to wash her face and brush her teeth. Then he put her back on the bed and went to make some breakfast for her. Rory looked so fragile that he was afraid even to touch her. But he had to suppress his fear and had to help her as she helped him.

"I'm not hungry." She announced in the moment when she saw him with the tray.

"You have to eat something." He insisted.

"Jess…"

"Please…" He lowered his voice. He would not ask before. He was not that weak and he had not felt such lack of self-confident. But he was now. He did not know what to do and he was not sure how to help her.

"Okay." Rory sighed and touched his face. "I'm going to try it for you." She nodded at the pills on the nightstand. "You have to take two, right?"

"Yeah." Jess nodded and took the phial. "Two are enough."

"How are you feeling?" She asked him after that. "I know that's difficult."

"But you didn't sorry." Jess shook his head. "Right?"

"I'm scared, but never felt sorry." Rory took the cup of tee and wrinkled her nose. "No coffee?"

"You don't have to drink coffee in your condition." Jess murmured.

"But… even tiny, tiny bit?" She pleaded him.

"Nope." He shook his head.

"It's not fair." Rory pouted, but then cupped her mouth and swallowed hard. "Okay, I think you are right."

"Are you okay?" He looked at her anxiously. "Do you want me to call…"

"No, no!" Rory touched his arm. "Relax! There is nothing unusual. I'm gonna drink this tea and I'm gonna be fine."

"You sure?" Jess avoided her eyes. "Maybe staying at your mother was a good idea. I don't know what to do."

"You are here and that's enough." Rory rubbed his arm. "We're gonna be fine Jess."

"I just want to believe in this." He murmured.


	43. Chapter 43 Make me sober

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 43 Make me sober_**

Lane came to visit her on the next day. That was the only reason for Jess to take a walk for awhile. He was afraid to leave her alone. Rory still thought that it was too much, but she did not say anything. She could see the fear in his eyes and she knew that no mater what she told him, he would still be worried.

"Hey Gilmore." Lane peered through the open door.

"Hey." Rory smiled and sat on the bed. "I thought you already left for LA."

"I will the next week." Lane walked to Rory's bed and dragged one chair.

"Hey." Jess walked in the room. "Would you mind if I go to Luke's? I have to help him. He just called."

"Nope." Rory tilted her head. "Lane is here and I'll be fine."

"Okay then." Jess did not smile. He leaned to kiss her. "I'll be right back."

"Okay." Rory smiled.

Jess left the room and closed the door behind his back. Her smile faded and she sighed tiredly.

"What's wrong?" Lane had seen the sadness on her friend's face. "I thought that you two are fine."

"We are." Rory looked at her friend. "But… he isn't."

"He?" Lane frowned. "What is it? He can't accept the kid?"

"No." Rory shook her head. "It's not like that. It's… complicated. But there is nothing wrong with his acceptance of that child. He is scared and I'm scared for him. Jess is still… fragile. I'm so worried about him, Lane." Rory bit her lip. "You know that I bled, right?"

"Yes." Lane nodded. "Your mother told me. She said that you told Jess and you had an accident. That's why I came here to see you."

"I told Jess while he was driving me to New York." Rory coughed. "I should've wait before I could tell him. He was surprised and he…"

"It's because of him you bled?" Lane frowned. "If it's that – he should feel guilty!"

"No!" Rory snapped. "It wasn't his fault! Why's everybody blame him? What's wrong with you people?"

"Okay, okay!" Lane put up his hand. "I'm sorry, but I'm your friend and I just want you to be happy."

"I am now… sort of." Rory's hand fell on her stomach. "But I bled only because of the stress. That's my doctor told me."

"And you look pale now." Lane frowned.

"I have a… little anemia." Rory murmured and avoided her friend's look.

"A little?" Lane snapped. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I have to make some tests the next week."

"Does Jess know something about this?" Lane frowned. "Or… I don't have to ask."

"Lane!"

"He is not a puppet, Rory!" Lane snapped. "You have to share your worries with someone!"

"I know, but I'll be fine." Rory frowned. "He has to… um." She finished her sentence with closed eyes.

"Rory!" Lane jumped off his chair. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just little lightheaded." Rory forced a smile. "That's all."

"Please talk to him!" Lane tried to convince her friend. "You need him now!"

"And he is here." Rory tilted her head. "He is here beside me."

"But…"

"Don't argue with me." She sighed. "That's what I want!"

"Okay." Lane frowned. "You told me that you want to ask for maternity leave."

"Yes." Rory rubbed her belly. "I already called. My boss wasn't so pleased, but… he won't make any trouble for that."

"And do you know in which month are you now?"

"In the middle of the second one." Rory smiled.

"You look happy, Gilmore." Lane smiled.

"I am." Rory closed her eyes and leaned on the headboard.

Jess came back an hour later. He was not alone. Her mother was with him and he held a giant paper bag. Rory sighed when she saw Lorelai walked into her bedroom. She loved her mother, but sometimes she was too exhausted for her.

"Look who I found in the diner?" Jess nodded at Lorelai. "I'm going to put these in the kitchen." He nodded at his paper bag and walked out of the bedroom. Rory frowned.

"Hey! I'm insulted!" Lorelai leaned and kissed her forehead. "I thought you'd be happy to see me!"

"I am." Rory forced a smile. "I just…I'm tired mom."

"You are tired?" Lorelai went serious. "Do you want me to call your doctor?"

"No." Rory sighed and shook her head. "I just need some time alone and I need you to calm down!"

"You need some time alone from me?" Lorelai pursed her lips. "I thought you'd be fine with your mommy here."

"My mommy is here almost 24/7!" Rory frowned. "I am fine!"

"I know." Lorelai murmured and fixed the blanket over her daughter's body.

"Mom!"

"Sorry!" Lorelai touched her face. "But…"

"If it wasn't for Jess…" Rory bit her lower lip.

"What?"

"He feels more comfortable when you are here."

"Huh?"

"He is scared that he's gonna hurt me." Rory whispered. "And I'm trying to convince him that he couldn't hurt me!"

"Well…" Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"That's it! Out!" Rory snapped.

"What?" Lorelai looked at her with surprise.

"Out! Now!"

"But…"

"Jess didn't do anything wrong and I'm tired of you blaming him!"

"I didn't say anything!"

"But you thought it!"

"Rory…" Lorelai trailed off.

"Mom!" Her blue eyes glowed. "I just need some peace, okay? All I need is… damn!" Rory fisted her blanket.

"Rory!" Her mother's voice brought Jess back in the room.

"I'm fine." Rory took a deep breath. "I'm cool!" She looked at Jess. He handed her a glass of water. "Thank you." Rory forced a smile.

"Your vitamins." He placed the pills in her open palm.

"You should call to your doctor." Lorelai frowned. "Maybe he could give you something for your nausea."

"I'll ask him." Rory gulped down her pills. "I have an appointment next week. Come." She looked at Jess and patted the place next to her on the bed. His hesitance lasted only few seconds. He sighed and sat close to her. "Jess will take me." Rory leaned her head on his shoulder. She felt him winced, but he did not pull back.

"Okay." Lorelai frowned.

"Um…" Rory yawned. "I'm sorry, but I think I'm more tired than I thought."

"Lie down now." Jess murmured and helped her slid down on the bed. He stroked her hair. "Don't worry and just relax, okay?"

"Okay." A light smile touched her lips and she fell asleep.

"Jess?" Lorelai called him and he nodded at the door.

"Outside."

"Okay." Lorelai followed him out of the room. They went in the kitchen. "She looks sick."

"I know how she looks like." Jess ran his fingers through his hair. "And I know how she feels, okay? I wish I can tell you that everything is okay, but it's not!"

"What?"

"You heard me!" He frowned. "She asked me to stay with her! She puts so much trust in me and I… I'm not sure if I could make it!"

"You're going to have a child, Jess. You can't just… run away!" Lorelai looked at him.

"I feel like everyone is waiting for me to make a mistake." He shook his head. "And the saddest part is… I know I will!"

"But Jess…"

"You said it yourself, remember? I'm not good enough for her. I never was."

"It doesn't matter what I think or feel, Jess." Lorelai frowned. "You are going to have a child! A family! Rory wants you here! She loves you and that's all that matters!"

"I know." He sighed, but clenched his fists. "Don't you think that I don't know that?"

"She fought for you." Lorelai lowered her voice. "You don't know that, but she didn't give up on you even when the situation was hopeless. She told me that you are going to be fine. She told me that she won't give up on you no matter of the cause." Lorelai skipped a beat. "Rory loves you, Jess. It's time for you to let go of your fear and fight for her. It's your turn now."


	44. Chapter 44 Hidden is good

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 44 Hidden is good_**

Rory felt surprisingly good the whole week. Well, that of course did not include her morning sickness. It was still awful, but she did not complain. Jess was holding his fears for himself. He was hiding from her again, but Rory could not reach him. It was impossible in this moment. Rory still hid her anemia from him. She still thought that was the best possible choice. That could make him feel bad and she did not want that. But it was good to have him near her.

They went to the hospital a week later. Lorelai insisted to go with them, but Rory refuse it. She wanted only Jess beside of her. It was hard to convince Lorelai in this, but Rory made it. So now, Jess was holding her hand while they examined her. He just stood there, unable to move.

"Do you want to hear your baby's heart?" The doctor asked her and Rory looked at him.

"Can I? Isn't it too early?" She asked with confusion in her voice. The doctor just smiled and turned on the sound of the ultrasound machine. It was a moment she could never forget – the beating of her baby's heart. Rory held back a moan and just listened. It was like the most beautiful music she ever listened.

She felt Jess squeezed her hand and looked up at him. His eyes gazed the monitor, but he still had not said a word.

"It's okay." She whispered and he looked at her. "It's okay to feel happy now."

He gave her his crooked smile and shook his head, but did not say a word. Rory sighed and looked back at the doctor. She asked him few more questions and when Jess left the room, her face went serious.

"I want to know more about my anemia now." She looked at the doctor. "Is it dangerous for the baby and what I have to do to protect my child if it is?"

"Okay." The doctor cleaned her stomach and looked at her. "The anemia isn't that dangerous when you're not pregnant. It's more dangerous for you now than it's for the baby."

"What I can do?" Rory sat on the medicine table.

"You have to rest more. There is a special diet and some pills you have to take."

"Okay and one more thing." Rory hesitated, but looked at the old doctor. "I don't want Jess to know that. He has problems of his own and that would make him worry even more. I don't want that."

"But the anemia is not something you can hide, Rory."

"I know, Doctor Matthews." She nodded. "But I want to protect him."

"You're going to need his support, Rory." He frowned. "You're going to need special cares. You're going to feel week most of the time and you have to lie down more. Jess has to know all of this."

"He will." She nodded again. "I'll prepare him."

"Okay." Doctor Matthews frowned. "There is one more thing you have to know."

"What is it?" Rory clenched her fists.

"There's a possible risk for your life." He coughed. "If the baby is too strong for you, we have to do something."

"Something?" Her eyes widened. "No!"

"Don't worry! I'm not saying that it's necessary. It's just something you have to be prepared for."

"And… if that happens and I still want to carry the child to the end?" Rory swallowed hard.

"This would be a risk."

"And I'm willing to take it!" She frowned. "Okay?"

"We'll see." Doctor Mathews helped her got off the table. "Let's hope that everything would be alright."

"Sure." She nodded, but she knew what she was going to do.

Jess was waiting for her outside. He had leaned on the opposite wall and her eyes wandering. He looked bored, but Rory knew that he was scared. She knew him well enough to know that. She put a smile on her face and threw him the keys.

"Here."

"What?" He frowned. "I'm not gonna drive."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Rory walked to him and touched his arm. "I'm tired and I want you to drive me to home, okay? It's not that far away."

"I told you that I don't want you to push me!" He snapped.

"I'm not pushing you and it's been two weeks since your last attempt." Rory grasped his arm to stay still and took a deep breath. Now she could understand that this was a sign for her anemia.

"Are you okay?" The fear in his voice was obvious. Rory shook her head and looked up at him.

"I told you that I'm tired."

"Okay." Jess frowned. "I'll try."

"Thank you." She smiled and held his hand until they walked out of the hospital.

Rory leaned back on her seat and closed her eyes. She heard him started the engine and smiled. He really tried for her. Her hand fell on her belly and she let out a tired sigh. Maybe his child was the reason for him to try again, or maybe the both. She fell asleep on the halfway of their home and the next thing she felt was his arms wrapped around her. She tried to open her eyes, but he stopped her.

"Shh-shh, it's okay. We are at home." Jess murmured close to her ear and Rory needed only this to feel safe. It was strange that even his depressive state of mind now, Jess could make her feel loved and secured in his arms.

Rory woke up in her own bed and sighed when she saw that it was dark outside. The house was quiet, but then she heard noises, coming from the kitchen. She smiled and got off the bed. Then she heard her mother's voice. She was here and Rory frowned. Her mother could be pain in the ass when she wanted too. But then Rory heard Luke's voice as well and shook her head. Jess probably needed her help. She pushed the door open and dragged her feet to the kitchen. Jess saw her first.

"Hey." He walked to her. "You slept all day."

"Yeah." She yawned and leaned on him. "I needed it."

"Sure." Jess wrapped his arm around her and they walked to the table. "Uncle Luke came with some care package… and your mother." Jess tried to joke and that brought smile on Rory's face.

"Nice, Mariano! Nice!" Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"Don't listen to her." Luke put the last fork on the table and winked at Rory. "She is just hungry and we all know that she could talk bullshit when she is hungry."

"You on the couch tonight!" Lorelai hissed and flipped out her hair. "Got it?"

"We'll see." Luke smirked. "Are you hungry?" He asked Rory and she blushed.

"Sure." She rubbed her stomach. "We are hungry."

"Let's eat then." Jess dragged her chair. "I bought you the pills while you were sleeping."

"Really?" She touched his arm when he sat on the nearest chair. "You shouldn't have. We could've bought them tomorrow."

"No problem." Jess shrugged. "I bought mine as well."

"That's good." Luke threw him a strange look. "So how's going?"

"Meaning?" Jess took his fork.

"How was visit to the doctor today?"

"Good." Rory answered instead. "I'm fine and the baby is fine."

"Then why all these pills?" Lorelai frowned. "If everything is fine…"

"I have to take some vitamins during my pregnancy." Rory shrugged and avoided Lorelai's look. "That's all."

"But…"

"I'm hungry!" Rory took her fork. "Let's eat!"


	45. Chapter 45 Paid off

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 45 Paid off_**

The first wave of weakness hit her when she was in the middle of the third month of her pregnancy. She lost her appetite and her sleep. She barely kept any food in her stomach. Luckily for her, Jess was busy around his work in the bookstore. He had allowed his uncle to help him now and had promised to pay him later. Luke had agreed, but Rory knew that he had done that only to make Jess happy. He wanted the best for his nephew and was glad that Jess had him.

Her mother on the other hand was too busy to hide her relationship with Luke. It was pointless of course. The whole town knew it, thanks to Kirk. He had seen them snuggling on the bench at the gazebo. So, he had rang the bell. Rory was not sure about her grandparents reaction. She had not seen them in awhile. If she had to be honest, she did not have any desire to see them right now. She had enough cares around herself. She was too busy to pretend that she was okay and she had a usual and ordinary pregnancy. She was too busy to make Jess believe that she was okay and she was healthy.

She smiled more and was awake when he was at home. He could not see her morning sickness; or how weak she felt after that. He was not there when she almost passed out from exhaustion and she had not done anything. Her pills and vitamins made her feel good by the time when Jess was around. So, he did not know a thing about her silent suffering. But Rory wanted to be like this. She could see his smile now. It was real and he looked like a boy. He looked like before… when his life was still in his hands. He looked self-confident and his eyes glowed with pleasure every time he looked at her. That was her prize for all her suffering. Jess deserved it as he deserved a normal, healthy child. Rory swore that she was going to give it to him. Jess would have his child. She was going to do that whatever that might cost.

"Rory?" He called her and she looked at her watch. It was not her best time of the day and he got early. She released her breathe and forced a smile when he walked in the living room. "I brought you something." He handed her some papers and she looked at him with confusion in her eyes.

"What is this?" She leaned back on the couch and Jess sat close to her.

"Books." He tried to explain and wrapped his arm around her. Rory snuggled in him and looked at the papers in her hands. He was right. There was a full catalog with titles and authors. "I thought you might help me pick some."

"Some?" She shook her head with a smile. "I thought you could have all of them."

"I have a budget you know." Jess frowned. "And Luke was too good for me."

"He is too good for you, because he loves you, Jess. You are his nephew and he loves you as his son." Rory licked her lips and tried to suppress the next wave of dizziness. She leaned her head on Jess' shoulder and took a deep breath.

"I know and I wish I was good enough to earn that privilege." He rubbed her arm with absent look on his face. "So how are you today?"

"I'm fine." She wrinkled her nose and tried to sound honest. "Well, I didn't count the morning thingy."

"Do you want me to stay home with you?" His face went serious. "You want me to delay the bookstore plans? I can do it!"

"No." Her dizziness went away and she was able to look at him. "You have to make sure that the bookstore will be ready on time. And… you're gonna be the moneymaker the next two years at least." She tried to joke. "I'll be busy staying home and do nothing."

"Are you alright?" His eyes studied her face and she was thankful to her pills right now. They hid her real condition. She was able even to smile. "Rory…"

"I'm fine and you don't have to worry about me, okay? Just do your job." She rubbed her stomach. "I'm gonna do mine and we all be good."

"Okay." He let out a sigh of relief. "So, could you help me with these books?"

"Sure." Rory nodded. "You know I will."

"Yeah and I'm thankful for that." Jess kissed her temple.

"How are you today?" Rory asked carefully.

"Bearable." He shrugged and she forced another smile. Bearable was his equivalent for good enough. That meant that he did not want to die. It was a good day so she had to be thankful.

"Are you hungry?" He asked her in awhile.

"Sure." She shrugged. "But… I can wait until the dinner." Her face crooked.

"You're feeling bad again?" Jess frowned.

"I'm having morning sickness through the night as well." Rory murmured. "Unbelievable!"

"Wait here." Jess carefully put her to lie down on the couch and hid in the bathroom. He went back with a moist towel in his hand and pressed it to her forehead. "Better?"

"Yeah." Rory sighed. "Who told you that?"

"Lane." He answered shortly. "She made me a list of things I can and cannot do with my pregnant girlfriend."

"Wow!" Rory chuckled. "Seriously?"

"I'm not joking! It was right before her flight to LA." Jess nodded. "She told me that she's gonna keep her eye on me."

"Typical Lane." Rory smiled.

"She told me to be very careful with you." He was serious.

"You are." Rory touched his face. "Just relax and take it easy."

"I wish it was that simple." He shook his head.

"It is." Rory smiled softly. She was going to learn him how to love again. His child was going to help her.

It was in the middle of the night when she rushed to the bathroom. When all was over, she sat on the edge of the tub. Her whole body shook and she hung her head between her shoulders. She took a deep breath and then exhaled it Then repeated that exercise few times while she felt good again.

"Okay… okay." She repeated. Her hand fell on her belly. "We are good, baby. We are good." She could feel a slight protuberance. Her stomach was not flat anymore. Rory sighed and leaned back on the wall. "We are fine now, right?" She spoke softy. "Let's come back to daddy now." Rory murmured and sneaked back into the room.

Jess' pills brought him healthy sleep and Rory was thankful for that. But he could feel her presence every time she came back to bed. Even now. Rory smiled when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Her back rested on his chest and Rory snuggled in him. She felt good and finally the dream came to her. It was good thing to feel the love. Jess could not say these words to her now. He was not ready, but Rory could feel his love and that was more important now.


	46. Chapter 46 Moved by you

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 46 Moved by you_**

Luke watched his nephew. He sorted some books over the shelves of his new bookstore. He looked good and healthy these days and Luke was glad to see him like that. Lorelai helped him as well. She was all willing to help when Luke had told her about Jess' past. She still had a second thought about whether or not Rory had to live with Jess in her state, but she gave him a chance to prove his new self.

"How's our boy doing it?" Her voice was not a surprise for Luke. He knew that she was too curious to stay aside.

"He's doing great." Luke sighed and looked at her. She was standing close to him by the door of the bookstore. "And the question is – what are you doing here? I thought you've had a job in the Inn."

"Nope." Lorelai shook her head. "It's a draught now." She shrugged. "Most of our visitors prefer to visit us through the winter."

"So you left everything on Sookie and come to visit me instead?" Luke crooked his face. "Gee, I feel special!"

"I'm not visiting you." Lorelai pursed her lips. "It's Jess I wanted to see."

"Funny." Rory coughed behind their backs and they turned around to look at her. She had placed her hands on her waist. "I came here for the same, but I thought that I was going to be the only one."

"Hey sunshine." Lorelai smiled to her daughter.

"Sunshine my…" Rory crooked her face.

"Shush!" Lorelai put up a hand to stop her words. "I'm your mother and I don't want to hear such words from you."

"Okay." Rory laughed. "But I have to tell you that I'm not a little girl anymore and I can speak whatever I want."

"I know hun." Lorelai tilted her head. "But as your mother… well, you're always going to be my little child."

"Yeah." Rory winked. "Even if your little child is pregnant?"

"Speaking of which…" Luke trailed off.

"Rory?" Jess rushed to her and interrupted his uncle. "What are you doing here? I thought you're gonna take some sleep."

"I got bored." Rory crooked her face, but wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Hey." She murmured close to his lips.

"Hey." He murmured back. "You want to sit somewhere?"

"Nope." Rory pulled back and took his hand. "I want you to show me the books."

"The new ones?" Jess looked at her. "I still have to think about where I'm gonna put them."

"I can help." Rory smiled. "If you want me to."

"Sure." Jess nodded and they hid behind the shelves.

Lorelai looked at Luke. She saw the smile on his face. He smiled a lot more these past few weeks. She knew why and she was the same.

"They looked happy, huh?" Lorelai said her thoughts out loud.

"Yeah." Luke nodded. "They look good. Jess even smiled. He hasn't been in a long time."

"You think that this has something to do with the baby?"

"I think that has something to do with Rory." Luke sighed and looked at Lorelai. "You know how bad he was just few months ago. Look at him now. I like to see him in this way. He is… almost normal."

"Almost?"

"Do you remember the story behind his depression?" Luke frowned. "About that girl he thought he killed?"

"The pregnant girl." Lorelai nodded.

"Yeah." Luke nodded. "The same. I think that he'd be more careful with Rory now. He is scared that something may happen to her." He frowned. "I'm sure that he's not cured."

"Yeah. I can see that." Lorelai sighed. "There is something in his eyes that scares me. He's blaming himself for everything."

"I know." Luke rubbed her arm. "I can see that as well."

"And Rory tries to protect him." Lorelai murmured. "She's hiding something from him."

"What?" Luke snapped and Lorelai looked up at him.

"I know my daughter. Something concerns her. I can see that."

"Like what?" Luke frowned.

"I'm not sure, but I'll find out! There is definitely something! I can put my finger on it!" Lorelai murmured. Luke just rolled his eyes and looked back at his nephew. Jess just showed to Rory some new books.

It was in the middle of the night when Rory sneaked out of the bed again. She rushed to the bathroom and sat on the tub. Her knees shook and her ears rang, but it was only that. She focused over her breathing and closed her eyes for a moment. It was good that her midnight crises passed without nausea. Her morning sickness had stopped and she just had thought that being in a forth month is a good thing.

The morning sickness was gone, but her night sweating and the dizziness were still here. Rory was thankful that Jess did not witness all this. She sighed and opened her eyes. Then she saw him standing by the door and her heart pounded.

"I thought you were sleeping." Rory murmured.

"I thought the same about you." Jess walked to her. "How are you feeling?" He knelt before her and put his hands on her knees. "Bad?"

"It's normal." Rory forced a weak smile and looked at him back. "You don't have to worry about me. Seriously."

"Leave that to me." His look fell on her stomach. "I have a feeling that this isn't your first time, sneaking out of the bed."

"I'm okay." Rory avoided the answer and put her hands at the both sides of his face. "Jess…"

"You are pale." His hand touched her face and he frowned. "I haven't noticed that."

"I'm pale, because I'm pregnant." She tried to convince him.

"You're lying to me." Jess shook his head and got off the ground. "I hate that and you know it." He turned his back to her and walked out of the bathroom and Rory sighed. She followed him in the bedroom.

"I just have to change my T-shirt." Rory murmured and opened the wardrobe. She took off her T-shirt and hooked it on the wardrobe's door. She wore only her panties now and she heard Jess' sigh. Rory turned around and looked at him. He was sitting on the bed and staring at her belly. Rory swallowed hard and placed her hands there. She could feel the slight protuberance and her heart ached when she saw Jess' eyes.

He got off the bed and walked to her. Jess had switched on the lights and she could see him clearly. His face got pale and his eyes narrowed when he stopped close to her. It was like he was seeing her for the first time.

"Rory…" He murmured.

"Oh." She flinched when she felt small move down in her belly. It was so light and she barely felt it, but it was there. Her hands shook.

"What is it?" His eyes widened with fear. "Are you okay?"

"Sure." Rory smiled and felt the first tears built up in her eyes. "I'm more than okay." She took his hand and placed his palm on her belly. "You can feel now! You can feel how good I am."

"But Rory…" Jess frowned.

"Shh-shh… just wait." She murmured and waited for the next move. Her child did not disappoint her and she felt its move again. "Felt that?" Her eyes met Jess'

"Yeah." His hand trembled and he swallowed hard. "Yeah I did!"


	47. Chapter 47 I remember everything

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 47 I remember everything_**

Jess rushed in the diner and his uncle looked at him with surprise. He was not that type of a person. He never rushed. He walked slowly and his attitude was absolutely different, but not this morning.

"I felt it!" Jess rushed to his uncle. His hair was messy from the wind outside and his eyes glowed. "It was so unreal!" Jess babbled. "You can't even imagine! Wow!"

"What you felt?" Luke grabbed Jess' arms and stared at his eyes. "Jess, slow down! I cannot understand a word! What happened?"

"It's real!" Jess pulled back and ran his fingers though his hair. "It's so real now! Damn! I can't believe this!"

"Are you okay?" Luke frowned. "You want to drink something? Coffee or…"

"Huh?" Jess suddenly laughed. "What the Hell? You know I cannot drink coffee! What's wrong with you?"

"Me? What's wrong with me? You are the one who's acting weird! Not me!" Luke growled. "Now could you tell me what's going on?"

"I felt it." Jess rose up his hand with his palm up. "With my hand! I felt it!"

"What? What did you feel?" Luke asked with frustration.

"My child." Jess lowered his voice. "It moved for the first time last night! Can you imagine? I was like a numb and I thought that this was a dream! But it's not!"

"Isn't it too early for that?" Luke watched his nephew with amusement. Jess had laughed and that was the first time he showed this emotion.

"I guess not." Jess sighed and fell on the nearest chair. "I can't believe it!"

"You better will!" Luke released a smile. "It's good for me to see you like that."

"Like what?" Jess' smile faded and Luke wanted to bit his tongue.

"Alive." He said carefully.

"I am alive." Jess looked through the window.

"I know, but the pain is smaller now, right?" Luke skipped a beat. "I saw it in your eyes, Jess! And I'm glad about it!"

"Yeah." Jess coughed and got off the chair. "I have to finish few things in the bookstore and then I have to buy few things for home. I'll see you later."

"See you, Jess." Luke murmured and shook his head when Jess slammed the front door. It was good to see him like this and he just hoped that his child would help him for that.

Jess rushed to the bookstore and slammed the door behind his back. He leaned on the cold wood and small smile touched his lips. It was the closest thing he felt to the happiness lately. He was scared as hell and his heart pounded in his chest, but he felt good. It was a good feeling and only Rory was able to make him feel in this way. Jess laughed quietly and shook his head. It was real. His child was real and now it was sleeping in Rory's womb. He clenched his fists and touched his forehead. His face faded and all his doubts flew back again.

"I have to be strong." He whispered in the empty bookstore. "I wish I can be strong! I have to!"

His thoughts wandered around one thing – was he able to be strong enough for his child. Was he able to love it like it deserved? He frowned and closed his eyes. His breathing normalized and he tried to focus. He had not slept in the moment he had felt his child's movement under his palm. He just held Rory in his arms and his eyes stayed open. It was too overwhelming for him. It was impossible just to fall asleep after that.

Then the well-known fear grabbed his heart again. What if something happened to Rory? What if she was not strong enough? Jess shook his head again and felt a giant knot in his throat. He did not have to think about that now. He had to be happy. He had to, but he could not. It was impossible. The fear of losing Rory poisoned his pleasure.

"I cannot lose her! I can't!" He slid down on the door and sat on the cold floor. "I just can't!" His painful whisper echoed in the room and the fear grew stronger in his heart. Then Jess realized that he was not strong. The fear possessed his mind and from no one his only thought was Rory and how to keep her safe.

He came back home just to see Rory sleeping in her bed. She looked tired even in her sleep and he could see the black circles under her eyes. Jess sneaked in the bed and wrapped his arms around her. Rory sighed and her eyes fluttered.

"You came back early?" She murmured.

"Yeah. I finished early." Jess murmured and his lips touched her forehead. "Just tell me that you are okay, please."

"I am okay." Rory murmured and snuggled in him. "I just need some extra sleep by this time of the day."

"Are you sure?" Jess whispered.

"I am." Rory nodded on his chest. "Everything would be alright. Don't worry!"

"I love you, you know that?" He murmured and the pain in his voice was obvious. Rory looked up at him and he saw the smile on her face. Nobody could smile like her. His heart ached.

"I know." Her hand touched his face. "I know that, but it's good to hear the words again."

"I'm scared, Rory." Jess avoided her eyes but he felt her froze in his arms.

"Why?" She asked him carefully.

"I can't bear to lose you now." Jess frowned.

"You're not gonna lose me." She tried to comfort him, but he shook his head.

"Anything could happen! You can't promise such thing!"

"Jess, please." She breathed out. "Can't you be happy? You don't have to think about the bad things now!"

"Forgive me for being realist!" Jess snapped. His frustration just hid his fear for her.

"It's not what I meant!" Rory forced him to look at her. "I want you to feel what I feel now. I want you to be happy for your child! Can you do this for me?"

"I'm sorry." Jess hissed. "But when I think about that and the risk you are willingly…"

"Shut up!" Rory got angry and pulled back. She got off the bed. "Just shut up, okay? I want that child! It's already growing in me and I love it! It's something that I can't…" She lost her balance and grabbed the headboard. "Damn it!" Rory breathed heavily. She swallowed hard and tried to focus.

"Come, come here." Jess' arms wrapped around her and he helped her sat back on the bed. She leaned back on him and her ears rang. "It's okay." He placed his hand on her forehead. "It's okay, just calm down."

"Don't upset me like that." Rory murmured. "Promise me!"

"I promise." Jess kissed the back of her head and his eyes stared through the window. "I promise you."

He just wanted her to be happy and calm. It was the only thing was important for him right now. If that meant that, he had to hide his worry about her; Jess was willing to do it.

"I hope you can understand how important is all this to me." Rory murmured and relaxed in his arms.

"I know." Jess answered her. He tried to control his voice. "You told me and I remembered it."

"I did?" Rory frowned.

"Yeah." Jess cuddled her and his voice lowered. "We were in the bed like this. I was holding you in my arms like this. You told me that this child is a miracle and it's the most important thing in your life after me."

"You really remember." Rory smiled.

"I remember everything." Jess whispered with lips in her hair. "Everything."


	48. Chapter 48 Fight for you

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 48 Fight for you_**

Jess watched her carefully. The previous excitement of becoming a father was gone. Something happened with Rory and he was sure in that. She was lying to him and he knew that, because he knew the lie. He was a master once. Life had taught him well and Jess had learned his lesson. He stopped taking his night pills. That was how he noticed that Rory woke up every night, around midnight. She rushed to the bathroom and came back few minutes later. She usually changed her T-shirt after that and snuggled to him. Jess was taking her in his arms and she falling asleep. That turned in something like a ritual for them. Nobody said a word of it, but Jess became nervous and his eyes followed Rory's moves with concern. He hid it well and the fear of losing her grew deeper. The situation became unbearable one late afternoon when she was in the middle of her fifth month. Jess found her lying on the ground in their living room. She was motionless and her hair hid her face from him.

"Rory!" He screamed and rushed to her. "Rory please! Open your eyes!" His voice trembled when he saw her eyes fluttered. Jess placed her head on his lap and stroked her face. "Here we go. That's right." He kept encouraging her. "Open your eyes and look at me."

"What happened?" Her voice was thick and she looked at him with confusion. "What am I doing here?"

"I think you collapsed." Jess spoke carefully. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine I think." She placed her hand on her belly and flinched. "Yes, we are fine."

"Then why you collapsed?" Jess took her in his arms and lifted her up. "Is there something I have to know?"

"No." Rory sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm just tired and that's all."

"I don't believe you." Jess frowned and put her on the bed. He pulled back and ran his fingers through his hair. "Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying!" Rory bit her lower lip.

"You are and the reason I know that it's because you are a bad liar!" Jess narrowed his eyes. "For the last time Rory – what are you hiding from me?"

"What are you talking about?" Rory snapped. "You are overreacting!"

"You were lying on the ground in the middle of our living room and I'm overreacting?" Jess breathed heavily. "Rory please! I can tell when you lie! Please don't lie to me!"

"I don't lie to you!" She tried one more time and rubbed her stomach. Rory placed a pillow behind her waist and sighed. "How many times I have to tell you this, Jess?"

"And how many times I have to see the lie in your eyes?" Jess tilted his head. "You're trying to protect me, is that it?"

"No." She murmured, but his face turned furious. "Well, yeah… kinda and…"

"You have to stop that!" Jess growled. "I'm not a baby!"

"But you are sick!" She frowned and flinched again. "You know that!"

"I know only that you're not in the position…"

"Oh!" She moaned painfully and he was already there.

"What? What's wrong?" Jess babbled. "Tell me…"

"It's just… a kick." Rory breathed out. "But it was stronger than before." Her eyes closed and she grabbed her stomach. "It's just… oh… okay."

"Fine!" Jess rushed out of the room and Rory frowned with confusion. He came back and threw her jacket on the bed. "Put this on! We're going to the hospital!"

"What?" Rory snapped.

"Put this on or I'm going to take you like this!" Jess hissed with frustration.

"Jess!" Rory murmured, but listened to him. It was just in time, because he took her in his arms and walked out of the room. "You are overreacting!"

"And you are getting on my nerves!" He snapped and put her on the front seat of the car. Rory flinched with the sound of the slamming door. He looked like his old self right now and she felt insecure. "If you're not honest with me, then your doctor maybe will!" He murmured and started the engine.

"But I'm fine!" She tried to convince him. "Jess…"

"I found you on the ground!" Jess increased his voice. "You're lying and I want to understand why!"

"Jess!"

"Just shut up now, okay?" He snapped and his hands grasped the wheel. "I don't want to hear a word from you that you are okay!"

Rory took a deep breath and leaned back on her seat. Jess looked furious and she had not seen him like this. She bit her lower lip and looked through the window. Her hand fell on her belly and she rubbed it carefully. It was the first time she collapsed. Rory knew that was going to happen. Doctor Mathews had prepared her for this. She went on her last visit without Jess and her doctor had frowned when he had checked her with the ultrasound. The baby was good, healthy, and strong. It was good news and Rory had sighed with relief. Then Doctor Mathews had told her that her baby was too strong for her and her face faded. He insisted that her pregnancy had become too dangerous for her health, but Rory wanted to keep her child. Then he had told her about the possible nausea, weakness, and lack of appetite. He had given her new pills plus new vitamins. Rory had agreed with everything.

"Still hurts?" Jess' voice pulled her off her thoughts. Rory did not look at him.

"A little." Her voice was almost a whisper.

"Why didn't you tell me that is so painful?" His voice was angry again.

"I thought I could save you this." Rory sighed and her head rested on the window. She rubbed her stomach. "And it's not that bad."

"And how is it?" He clenched his jaw.

"It's not child's fault, Jess!" Rory uttered and looked at him carefully.

"It makes you suffer!" He frowned, but his eyes were like a glued on the road. "There is something we could do about it! It has to be!"

"I won't do that!" Rory snapped.

"What the hell do you think that I'm thinking?" Jess almost jumped over the breaks before the hospital. He turned off the engine and turned around to look at her. "You think that I want you to let go of it? Who do you think I am?"

"You just have to look at your face right now!" Her lower lip trembled. "I know you well, or at least I want to think that. But… you look angry, Jess!"

"I'm not angry about that!" Jess ran his fingers through his hair. "Gee, Rory! I'm angry, because you hide that from me! I'm furious that you think that I would want to kill my child! And most of all… I'm furious, because you lied to me!"

"I didn't want you to be hurt." Rory whispered. "I wanted you to be safe."

"Safe?" Jess looked at her with amusement. "You know I'd never be safe, Rory!"

"I know." She clasped her hands. "I wish you could and I hate myself that I can't do anything about that."

"You don't have to hate yourself." Jess lowered his voice and unbuttoned his seatbelt. He leaned towards her and touched her chin. "You don't have to feel guilty or anything!" His eyes went sad. "You know you can't save me, Rory. No one can save me if I don't want to be saved. And the reason that I'm here, with you right now is, because I wanted to."

"But I want to help you." Her lower lip trembled. "I want to be strong for the both of us."

"No." Jess shook his head. "You can't help me like this." His thumb skimmed over her chin. "You can't make choices, because of me. It's my life and I have to chose. If I don't want to fight – I won't do that!"

"Don't talk like that!" Rory sobbed. "Please don't talk like that!"

"You have to understand me!" Jess shook his head. "I'm fighting now! Every day is a fight! Every day is a battle and I have to do it! I'm doing it for you and the least I can do for me is to be honest! You know what I feel about this baby!"

"You are scared." She sniffed.

"I am scared, but I'd never ask from you to do something you don't want to!" Jess sighed and helped her with her seatbelt. "C'mon! I want to be sure that everything with you is okay."

Rory nodded and let him help her. Jess supported her to the hospital and walked with her in Doctor Mathew's room.

"Jess wants to be sure that everything with me is okay." Rory looked at her doctor and he nodded.

"Okay." He prepared her for the ultrasound and placed the affix on her belly. "What's the problem? Any pain?"

"The kicking is too intensive." Rory answered. "And I collapsed today."

"Hm." Doctor Mathews looked at her carefully. Then he looked up at Jess. "It's from her anemia."

"Anemia?" Jess frowned.

"Yes." The doctor nodded.

"And?" Jess rose up his eyebrows.

"She has to be careful and keep the bed."

"I'll make sure of it." Jess nodded.

"Oh." Rory flinched and they looked at her. "It kicks again."

"Your son is a very strong baby." Doctor Mathews smiled.

"A boy?" Rory whispered and looked at Jess. "Did you hear that?"

"Yeah." He leaned and kissed her. "I'm gonna fight for you, I promise." Jess whispered and she knew the hidden meaning behind his words.


	49. Chapter 49 Literati

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 49 Literati_**

Rory walked down the street to Jess' bookstore. She shivered from the wind, but it was a good feeling and it was good just to walk like that. She had spent the last week in her bed. Jess had insisted and she was too weak to say no. But she felt good now and strong enough to visit his bookstore. The so-called "_grand opening"_ was three days ago. She asked him to go and be there, but he refused. Rory had tried everything, but he did not want to listen. She had to stay in the bed and that was his final word.

"Hey, Rory." Miss Patty greeted her from the other side of the street. Rory smiled and waved at her. "How's the baby, dear?"

"Kicking." Rory smiled and rubbed her stomach though her jacket.

"I heard it's a boy." Miss Patty nodded. "Congratulations, dear."

"Hum, thanks." Rory shrugged and continued on her way. It was true that the news spread quickly in this town. She shook her head and stopped in front of the bookstore. A smile touched her face. He had used her idea of decoration. She looked up and saw the name "_Literati_", hung over the bookstore. "Oh, Jess." She murmured and pushed the door open.

The doorbell rang joyfully and announced her arrival. The bookstore was full of people and that was a nice surprise for Rory. She walked inside and looked around. Jess was standing close to one of the shelves and stared at the books.

"Kirk I told you that I don't like it in this way!" He snapped at the man behind the cash machine. "If you don't want to follow my instructions – find another job!"

"But it's not esthetic in this way!" Kirk pursed his lips.

"I don't care!" Jess hissed and looked at him. "I want it to be in this way!"

"It's your store!" Kirk snapped and looked the next customer.

"You're damn right!" Jess murmured and put the book in the place he wanted to be. Rory laughed quietly and he finally noticed her. His face faded even more. "What the Hell are you doing here?"

"I needed some walk." She walked to him.

"I thought we agreed about that! It was one week!" Rory frowned. "The week passed."

"I thought that you'd think about yourself!" Jess tilted his head and his look fell on her stomach. "You had to stay on the bed."

"I'm fine." She tried to smile, but she felt hard kick in her belly and took a sharp breath.

"Come!" Jess took her arm and walked her to small couch, close to the wall. "Sit here."

"I'm fine." Rory took a deep breath. "Just our son kicked me."

"Yeah." Jess frowned, but she was sure that he did not believe her. "Wait here."

"Jess." She tried to stop him, but it was too late. He hid behind the shelves. "Hey Kirk." She waved at the man staring at her. "How's the job?"

"Great!" He frowned. "It's important, you know!"

"I know." Rory hid her smile and watched as he turned around to the next customer. She leaned back on the couch. Tired sigh let out of her lips. She slid her hand on her waist and frowned painfully. It was something usual these days. Her stomach grew in every week and Rory felt pain in her wais more often than usual.

"Come on." Jess' voice made her look up. He walked to her with his jacket, hooked on his left arm. He offered her his free hand.

"What?" Rory took his hand. "Where are we going?"

"We're going home." Jess frowned and put on his jacket. Then he placed his hand on her waist.

"But I just got out…" She was ready to argue.

"Kirk, I'm taking a day off." Jess nodded at him.

"Sure boss!" Kirk stretched his shoulders and tried to look important.

"Fine!" Jess shook his head and opened the door before Rory.

"What was that?" She looked at him irritated when he grabbed her arm.

"I'm staying at home today just to be sure that you'll be on the bed!" He snapped.

"Jess!"

"I thought we talked about this, Rory! I thought I told you to take care for yourself!" He walked without even look at her. "Why are you still trying to make me upset?"

"It's just a walk, Jess." She murmured. "It's not a big deal."

"Damn it Rory!" He just hissed.

"What now?" She was ready to argue, but another hard kick made her stop at one place and took a deep breath. "Oh, damn!" She cursed quietly and rubbed her waist.

"What?" Jess' face got pale. "What's wrong?"

"It's just… the kicking." She blinked and inhaled deeply. "I'm okay."

"You have to get back on the bed. Now!" He wrapped his arm around her waist and they walked to their house.

Jess helped her through the stairs and then supported her to the bed. His face was still pale and she was too tired to speak even. In the moment when she closed her eyes and fell asleep, Jess sat on the bed with his back to her and leaned his elbows to his knees. He hung his shoulders and his hands buried in his messy hair. He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate over his breathing. The pressure over him these past few days was too much. He was honest with Rory when he had told her that she could not save him.

Jess wanted to die before her. She came back into his life and brought him the light. Before her, Jess was living in the darkness and he was loving it. He embraced it with his full existence. Now was different. Now, he was conflicted. He was honest with Rory when he had told her that he would not do anything against his child. It was something new and frightening, coming in his life. He thought he was happy until the moment he had not seen her face. Then she thought that his light was in danger and he could not do anything. He felt helpless and the darkness was so close to his life now. It tempted him. It made him want to go back there, in the shadows. But he fought. Jess turned around and looked at the woman in the bed. He fought, because he had promised that to her.

Rory woke up few hours later. Jess was still there. He had leaned his head on his elbow and stared at her. Rory shifted and frowned from the well-known pain in her back. Jess wrapped his arm around her waist and rubbed her painful place.

"Better?" He uttered.

"Uh-oh." She mumbled and snuggled in him. "I never thought that my waist is going to hurt so early. I'm just by the end of my fifth month."

"Yeah, but _he_ is strong." Jess rested his chin on the top of her head. "You know that."

"I know, but… oh." She flinched.

"It's okay." Jess mumbled. "Just relax. I'm here to take care about the rest."


	50. Chapter 50 It’s a contraction

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 50 It's a contraction _**

Rory shoved another pillow under her waist and leaned back on the headboard. She sighed and looked at the clock. It was almost time for Jess to come home. Her eyes closed and she rubbed her neck. She felt tired even when she spent most of her time in the bed. Rory looked at her laptop and then threw a look at the window. It was early in the morning and she had not slept all night. Jess was awake most of the time as well, but Rory had convinced him to get some sleep. He had fallen asleep in the moment his head had touched the pillow. Rory knew that he was too busy around the bookstore. He wanted to spend most of his time with her at home and that was why, he had to hire some staff.

Rory sighed and trembled from the short pain in her stomach. The kicking had not stopped the whole night. She even got out of the bed and spent some time in walking around the house. When that did not help, Rory took her laptop with the thought of write something. That did not worked as well. When she had moaned painfully, Jess had opened his eyes and refused to fall asleep again. He was sick and worried about her. Rory wanted to reassure him that everything was fine. She wanted to make him feel safe with her and be happy with her pregnancy. Somehow that did not work. And her complicated condition did not helped her at all.

Rory got off the bed and walked to the kitchen with dragged feet. She fell on the nearest chair and leaned her elbows over the table. Her hands rested at the both sides of her face and she took a deep breath.

"Rory?" Her mother's voice did not surprise her. Jess would never leave her alone.

"In here." Rory rose up her voice, but did not move.

"Hey." She heard her mother's steps towards her. "Are you okay?"

"Just pregnant." Rory uttered with closed eyes. "And I couldn't sleep last night."

"Why?" Lorelai placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders.

"Kicking." Rory inhaled deeply. "And I felt bad this morning."

"Jess knows that?"

"Yes." Rory nodded. "He knows and that's why he called you."

"And where is he?" Lorelai frowned and took the free chair, close to Rory.

"He is at the bookstore. Arranging some stuff." Rory shrugged and finally looked her mother. "He wants to stay home with me."

"Great idea." Lorelai rubbed Rory's back. "How are you now?"

"Tired." Rory exhaled deeply. "But that's not something… uhm." She crooked her face.

"What?" Lorelai looked at her with concern. "Rory? What's wrong hun?"

"I have to lie down." Rory murmured and got off the chair.

"Okay, hun. Let me help you." Lorelai helped her to the bed. She placed some pillows around her and then covered her body with the blanket. "Better now?" She stroked Rory's hair. "You want me to call Jess?"

"Nope." Rory sighed. "He's worrying too much."

"I think he's got the reason, right?" Lorelai tilted her head. "Now tell me, what's happening with you? I thought you'd feel better after the third month. You are in the sixth and you still feel bad. Why?"

"If I tell you, would you promise me not to tell Jess about it?" Rory looked at her mother. Lorelai nodded. "Okay." She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes for a second. "My doctor told me that I have an anemia. He thought that I could handle the pregnancy if the baby's smaller."

"What?" Lorelai's eyes widened. "You never told me this!"

"That's because I knew you'd freak out!" Rory sighed. "But Jess knows about my anemia as well."

"I'm afraid to ask what you what he doesn't know." Lorelai frowned.

"Our son is little bigger than we expected." Rory shifted on the bed. "And my anemia is little more… severe."

"Severe?" Lorelai covered her mouth with a trembling hand.

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "I'm too weak for him."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lorelai touched Rory's arm. "Is there any danger for your life?"

"There is such an option, yeah." Rory lowered her voice. "But it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?" Lorelai jumped off the bed. "Are you serious?"

"Mom!" Rory sighed and rolled her eyes. "It's an option, nothing more."

"And you put your life into danger, just because of this?" Lorelai looked terrified. "Rory!"

"It's okay mom." Rory tried to comfort her mother. She tried to lean on her elbow, but she did not have enough strength even for that. "Mom, please!"

"Hey!" Jess rushed into the room just in that moment. "I called you to make her company, not to upset her!" He shot a look to Lorelai.

"Because she is so stubborn damn it!" Lorelai snapped. "If you only knew…"

"I know!" Jess frowned. "That's why you should've been more careful!"

"What?" Lorelai was about to burst. "She is my daughter, Jess! Are you telling me that I don't know my daughter?"

"Well, you don't look supportive of her now, do you?" He hissed.

"Jess." Rory tried to intervene.

"Are you kidding me?" Lorelai was furious.

"Mom!" Rory tried once again.

"The level of my sense of humor is ridiculously low when it comes to Rory!" Jess growled. "Ask her if you don't believe me!"

"You little…"

"Stop it!" Rory raised up her voice enough to get some attention. "Both of you! Just shut up now!" She coughed and leaned back on the pillows. "I'm not in the mood to play judge here!"

"I'm sorry, hun!" Lorelai rushed to her daughter, but Jess stood on his place.

"I'm going to put some things in the fridge." He scoffed and left the room.

"Damn it!" Rory cursed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Why did you do that?" She looked at her mother.

"What I've done?" Lorelai frowned.

"You're blaming him for my condition now!" Rory murmured and threw a brief look at the door. "It's not his fault and you know that!"

"I think it is!" Lorelai snapped. "If it wasn't for him…"

"What?" Rory lowered her voice. "If it wasn't for him, what?"

"Rory." Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"It's not his fault that they found out my anemia just now!" Rory hissed. "It's not his fault that my pregnancy is a little more complicated than it should be!"

"A little?" Lorelai tilted her head.

"You are worrying about me." Rory leaned on her elbows and slid up on the bed. She placed some pillows behind her back. "I get that. I can understand it now! But do you know for what I'm worrying about? I'm worrying about my baby and you know why? I put his life into danger, because of my anemia. He better be stronger and if that means that I have to pass through all this – so be it!"

"Oh, hun…" Lorelai touched her arm.

"He is my miracle." Rory's voice softened. "He and his father are the most important persons in my life now. I know it's gonna be hard and difficult, but I'd never chose anything else. I fought for Jess and now I'm gonna fight for his son as well."

"This could cost your life, Rory!" Lorelai bit her lower lip. "How about that?"

"I'm willing to risk it." She sighed. "I'm going to keep the baby." Then her face crooked and her body arched. "Mhm!" She moaned painfully.

"Rory!" Lorelai rose up her voice and touched her arm.

"I think… he's moving now." Rory released her breath in jogs. "Just… hurts!"

"I'm here." Jess walked in the room just in this moment. He crawled over the bed and sat close to her. Rory settled in his arms. "Give me a towel from the bathroom." Jess looked up at Lorelai.

"Okay." Lorelai agreed quickly and hid in the bathroom. She came back few seconds later with the clean towel and handed it to Jess. He took it and pressed it to Rory's sweat face. She sighed under his touch, but after that moaned painfully again and grabbed her stomach. "What?" Lorelai looked at Jess.

"Call her doctor." Jess clenched his jaw. "I think that was a contraction!"


	51. Chapter 51 I’ll follow you

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 51 I'll follow you_**

Jess walked out of the house early in the morning. Rory was still sleeping. He called Lorelai to come to her and then headed to the hospital. He had left a note to Rory that he was about to go and hire some stuff for the bookstore. He had lied, but he could not take it anymore. It was the second night in a row and Rory could not sleep. She told him that was only the kicking. Jess just nodded and acted as he was about to fall asleep. He acted as if he was in a deep slumber. But he lied to her again. Jess could not fall asleep when she was in pain. And she was and she could not hide it.

He knocked on the door of her doctor and Doctor Mathews answered him.

"Jess?" He looked at him with surprise. "I thought you'd be here the next week."

"I'm alone." Jess frowned. "Can I speak with you?"

"If it's about Rory, you know that I can't do that." Doctor Mathews shook his head. "It's confidential and I can't…"

"Listen!" Jess interrupted him impatiently. "I don't give a shit about all this! All I want to know is how bad she is! And don't tell me she is okay, because I have eyes on my face and I can see damn well that something is happening to her!"

"Jess…"

"I know she has an anemia." Jess interrupted him again. "I want to know how serious that is now! And I want you to tell me!"

"I really can't!"

"You're seriously getting on my nerves now!" Jess clenched his fists and put them in the pockets of his jacket. "She is bad second night in the row and she is in pain! I'm not gonna stay there and do nothing to help her!"

"She is in pain?" Doctor Mathews rubbed his chin. "That changed some things!"

"What things?" Jess frowned even more. "Speak!"

"I think she might go in a premature labor." Doctor Mathews shook his head. "And that is really dangerous right now – for her and for the baby."

"What?" Jess lost his voice for a moment. He swayed as if someone had punched him in the gut. "What are you talking about?"

"It happens with this stage of the anemia she has." Doctor Mathews looked down at Rory's file. "I thought that she would influence of the new medications."

"I have to go back to her." Jess murmured and turned to leave.

"Call me if she gets contractions." Doctor Mathews stopped him. "And… you don't have to move her! If she is in pain… just call me, but avoid any movements, okay?"

"Okay." Jess nodded and rushed out of the room.

When he reached to his home and heard Lorelai's voice, he frowned. Rory just explained to her about her anemia. Why the hell, she had not told him? Maybe she did not trust him enough or more likely, she wanted to protect him. Jess clenched his jaw and leaned on the wall. She would always try to protect him even when he had told her that she could not.

"And you put your life into danger, just because of this?" Lorelai increased her voice and Jess clenched his fists. "Rory!"

"It's okay mom." Rory tried to comfort her mother. "Mom, please!"

"Hey!" Jess rushed into the room just in that moment. "I called you to make her company, not to upset her!" He shot a look to Lorelai.

"Because she is so stubborn damn it!" Lorelai snapped. "If you only knew…"

"I know!" Jess frowned. "That's why you should've been more careful!"

"What?" Lorelai was about to burst. "She is my daughter, Jess! Are you telling me that I don't know my daughter?"

"Well, you don't look supportive of her now, do you?" He hissed.

"Jess." Rory tried to intervene.

"Are you kidding me?" Lorelai was furious.

"Mom!" Rory tried once again.

"The level of my sense of humor is ridiculously low when it comes to Rory!" Jess growled. "Ask her if you don't believe me!"

"You little…"

"Stop it!" Rory raised up her voice enough to get some attention. "Both of you! Just shut up now!" She coughed and leaned back on the pillows. "I'm not in the mood to play judge here!"

"I'm sorry, hun!" Lorelai rushed to her daughter, but Jess stood on his place.

"I'm going to put some things in the fridge." He scoffed and left the room. But he leaned back on the wall outside the room. His thoughts were a giant mess. His ears rang and he tried to contain his anger. He was so pissed off right now, but the only person he could blame was himself. That was the saddest truth. He was responsible for Rory's condition. Jess realized that now. He was the only one that everyone should blame if something happened to her.

"Mhm!" Her painful moan made him shiver.

"Rory!" Lorelai rose up her voice.

"I think… he's moving now." Rory released her breath in jogs. "Just… hurts!"

"I'm here." Jess walked in the room just in this moment. He crawled over the bed and sat close to her. Rory settled in his arms. "Give me a towel from the bathroom." Jess looked up at Lorelai.

"Okay." Lorelai agreed quickly and hid in the bathroom. She came back few seconds later with the clean towel and handed it to Jess. He took it and pressed it to Rory's sweat face. She sighed under his touch, but after that moaned painfully again and grabbed her stomach. "What?" Lorelai looked at Jess.

"Call her doctor." Jess clenched his jaw. "I think that was a contraction!"

"What?" Lorelai looked terrified. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't argue with me! Just do it!" Jess carefully laid Rory back on the bed. "It's okay!" He mumbled and stroked her hair. "Just stay like this, don't move and everything would be okay."

"OW!" Rory screamed and grabbed her stomach. Her body arched and she breathed heavily. "No! No! No!" She gasped. "Jess!"

"I'm here!" He took her hand and looked at her. "Just breathe, okay?"

"I called." Lorelai came back in the room. "He told me that he would be here shortly." Rory moaned again and Lorelai rushed to her daughter. She touched her forehead and Jess handed her the towel. "Thanks!" Lorelai looked up at him. "If she is so bad, why we didn't take her to the hospital?"

"Her doctor told me not to move her." Jess flinched with Rory's next moan. Lorelai pressed the towel to her sweat forehead. "Rory, please just listen to me." Jess gulped down his fear and tried to look strong before her. "The doctor will be here soon. Just stay strong, okay?"

"No!" Rory squeezed his hand. "I don't wanna lose him, Jess!" She cried and his heart bled in this moment. He wanted to run. "I don't want to lose our boy! No!" Her body shook again.

"I'm sorry." Jess whispered and his lips touched the back of her fingers. "I'm so sorry to put you through this! It's my fault! Only mine!"

"No!" Rory breathed out and squeezed his hand. "It's… not your fault!" She bit her lower lip and suppressed her next moan. "Jess! Do you hear me? Not… your… fault!"

"Shh-shh now." Jess shook his head. "Save your strength, okay? I would never forgive myself if something happens to you, because of me." His voice cracked. "Never!"

"Jess!" She cried just in the moment when Lorelai's phone rang. She looked at the number and rushed out of the room.

"It's okay." Jess stroked Rory's hair. "It's okay! Doctor Mathews is here."

Rory screamed once again and her body relaxed in his arms. Jess was sure that he was losing her and he was ready to follow her.


	52. Chapter 52 Pills and bruises

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 52 Pills and bruises _**

Her last feeling was the pain. It was the thing that pushed her into the darkness. Rory could not breathe from it. Her whole body throbbed from the pang possessed her body. Her only thought was about the child inside of her; the little life, so helpless and not ready to this world. She knew what was about to happen if she delivered now. Her son would not survive. She was in her sixth month and it was way too early for him. Then she experienced the guilt, she had seen in Jess' eyes. Now Rory could understand him. What would happen if she had failed to protect their son?

Then she had seen the pain in Jess' eyes. She knew that pain. It was the same as when he had told her that she had to leave. He thought that he would hurt her. He thought that he had hurt her already. Rory would never forget that face. He had it now and her heart ached. If something happened with her or the child, Jess would not make it. He might look strong on the outside, but Rory knew that he was still weak on the inside. His soul had not cured yet. Jess blamed himself for her pain. Rory could see that in his eyes. He blamed himself for everything bad in her life and it hurt him. That was the last thing she saw before her pain could posses her completely. Rory had seen the pain in his eyes before, but not that vivid.

When she opened her eyes again, she found herself in the hospital. Some strange feeling slid up her body. Her eyes fluttered and she looked around – white walls and a ceiling. And she could not move. She felt her arms heavy and some mask had attached to her face. Rory sighed and tried to talk, but she could not. She could not even feel her body and that scared her. Something had happened to her. Something had happened with her child and she did not know what exactly. Her mother's face emerged before her. Rory tried to talk again.

"Sh-sh." Rory heard her mother's voice and looked at her. Lorelai tried to smile, but her lower lip trembled. Rory blinked furiously, but she could still feel the tears in her eyes. "Calm down, honey."

Rory gathered the small powers left in her and her lips formed a word under her oxygen mask.

"My… baby."

Lorelai's eyes went wet. She took her daughter's hand and that was the moment when Rory thought that she was going to die. She thought that she had lost her son. Her eyes widened at first and then closed carefully. She did not have the strength to cry even.

"You received contractions, hun." Rory felt her mother's thumb slid over hers. "Your doctor told us they were pretty strong and… then the bleeding. We thought that we're going to lose you. But everything is under control now, hun. Don't worry. Everything would be okay."

They thought that they were going to lose her? Was that matter right now? Her child had not survived and it was all her fault. Rory was not strong enough for him. She was a bad mother. She could not save her own child.

"Rory?" Lorelai called her and Rory opened her eyes once again. "What's wrong honey? Why's that pain in your eyes?" Lorelai looked at her daughter carefully. She took her hand and placed her palm on Rory's stomach. "You have to be very careful now, honey. You have to be calm now, see? Your baby needs you!"

Rory was about to cry, but then she felt a small kick under her palm and she could feel her body again. The numbness was gone. Her baby was alive. Her son had survived the crisis and it was still in her. It was in the place that she could protect him. Rory moaned in her oxygen mask and looked up at her mother. Lorelai tilted her head and her eyes shone. Her daughter tried to smile.

"You have to rest now." Lorelai leaned and her lips touched Rory's forehead. Rory closed her eyes for a moment. "Your doctor ordered a permanent bed rest until your labor. They have to monitor you and the baby here couple of weeks. Then you could go home, but you have to stay on the bed."

"Jess." Rory gathered enough strength to ask for him. Her eyes went heavy.

"Don't worry about him. I'm sure he is alright." Lorelai murmured and saw her daughter's steady breathing. Her face faded. "I just wish we knew where he is now."

Two hours later, Lorelai walked out of her daughter's room. She saw Luke sitting on the bench at the corridor. He had leaned his elbows on his knees and his hands covered his face. Lorelai rushed to him and touched his shoulder. Luke shuddered and looked up at her. His face scared her.

"I found him." His voice cracked, but he kept his face hidden.

"You found Jess?" Lorelai sat close to him and rubbed his back. "Where? And why he ran away in the moment they took Rory?"

"How is Rory?" Luke asked instead. "Is she okay? How's the baby?"

"She is okay, but they're still monitoring the baby." Lorelai frowned. "She is with a belt right now and that belt follows her baby's heartbeats. It looks good so far." She ran her fingers through her messy hair. "Rory has to stay here for observation few weeks at least."

"Okay." Luke sighed. "That's okay."

"But Rory concerns me." Lorelai's face faded. "She looks so skinny and she is so pale and… she needed a respirator to breathe." She shook her head. "How that could happen? She was always a strong! She never gets sick and now… I'm scared!"

"Talk to me about scare." Luke looked at her carefully. "I thought that I know what that feeling is until today."

"I'm sorry?" Lorelai frowned.

"I found Jess." Luke swallowed hard and rubbed his eyes. "I found him, Lorelai."

"So? Where was he?"

"I found him in the diner." Luke spoke quietly. "I found him on the ground at the office on the second floor."

"What?" Lorelai got the strange feeling that she would not like the answer. "What are you talking about?"

"He had taken the pills, Lorelai." Luke almost moaned in despair. "All of them! He finally did it!"


	53. Chapter 53 Just few minutes later

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 53 Just few minutes later _**

Lorelai called to him from the hospital.

Luke could not react at first. Lorelai had told him that they had taken Rory there. She had received contractions and right now, the doctors tried to save her life and the life of her baby. Luke had asked for Jess. His nephew must have been devastated. Lorelai had answered him that Jess was not there. He ran away in the moment they had taken Rory. Lorelai was concerned about him. He had to be there, beside Rory. He had to take care of her. He had to be strong for the both of them and she was going to need him. But the problem was that Jess was everything but strong right now. Luke knew his nephew well enough to tell that. Jess was trying to be strong. He was trying to look confident in front of everybody in this town and they all thought that he was better than before. He was not. Luke could see that in his eyes. Jess was scared and full of insecure. His only source of strength was Rory. Now, when she was bad and fighting for her life, Jess was out of balance. Luke was sure in that.

So, he rushed out of the diner. He had to find his nephew before it was too late. Luke did not have any doubt that Jess could make some mistake. Therefore, he rounded the town two times. There was no sign of him. Luke cursed and came back in the diner.

"Hey, Luke!" Caesar called him from the kitchen.

"Not now!" Luke grunted and fell on the chair behind the bar.

"I thought you were looking for your nephew." Caesar shrugged. "He came here little after you left."

"Jess is here?" Luke jumped off the chair.

"Upstairs." Caesar nodded at the staircase.

"Thanks!" Luke ran upstairs and did not even bother to knock. He pushed the door open and saw Jess. He was lying on the ground and his face got paler in every second. Luke rushed to his nephew and checked his pulse. "What have you done, Jess?" Luke looked around and saw the empty phial, lying close to Jess. "Damn it!" He cursed and dialed 911.

Luke got in the ambulance with him. The paramedics told him that he had found his nephew just on time. If he had found Jess there just a minute later, he would not stand a chance. Luke wanted to cry in that moment. The way to the hospital never seemed that long to him.

When Lorelai found him sitting on that bench at the hospital, Luke was almost fine. They had told him that Jess would be alright and he could see him little later.

"What do you mean that he took all of his pills?" Lorelai rubbed his back. "Are you serious?"

"Sadly, I am!" Luke snapped. "He's not better Lorelai! He wanted us to think he was okay, but he wasn't. This is the result now!"

"I thought that he is. I mean his bookstore and his life with Rory…"

"Yeah, but Rory was the source of his strength." Luke sighed. "His psychotherapist told me back then that Jess needs an anchor. He needs something to build up his life again."

"Rory was his anchor." Lorelai nodded. "And when he saw her suffering…"

"He fell apart." Luke finished. "Man! I wish that his life was easier!"

"I wish the same for my daughter, but…" Lorelai shrugged. "So, how is he?"

"He is out of danger and I could see him few hours later. But he still is unconscious." Luke scratched the nape of his neck. "I'll try to talk to him later."

"Maybe you have to be careful."

"Maybe he would listen to me this time!" Luke frowned.

"Luke!" Lorelai touched his hand. "I know that you are frustrated and I know that you wanted him to be fine. But this is not the way! You have to understand that!"

"Then what I could do, Lorelai? What?" Luke's voice cracked. "I just wanted him to be happy not to try another suicide!"

"You have to have patience, Luke." Lorelai bit her lower lip. "Jess is too weak right now. You said it yourself. He has to be sure that Rory is alright. Then he will have some will to live I hope."

"Hope?" Luke chuckled bitterly. "This is all I have." His eyes closed and he leaned his back on the bench. Jess was alive at least.

He felt cheated again.

That was the first thought crossed Jess' mind. He just wanted to die. It was so simple and yet so impossible to him. He was like a cat with nine lives, except the fact that he did not want them. His eyes fluttered open and he saw his uncle, standing close to him. Luke looked sad. Jess closed his eyes again and turned his head to the window. The last thing he wanted to hear now was that he had killed Rory. The last thing he remembered of her was her pale face. She just lay in his arms until the moment the paramedics had taken her away. In that moment he was sure that he had killed her… and their child as well.

His pills were the obvious choice to end his life once and for all. He did not want to cause pain and trouble to anyone anymore. So, he had found the perfect place where he thought that no one was going to find him. Then he took them. The whole phial. The last thing he remembered was the weakness and then nothing but the darkness.

"Look at me, Jess!" His uncle's voice was quiet than usual. Jess refused to listen. He wanted to run again. He wanted to hide and he was going to try again. "Jess!" Luke tried again. Jess just closed his eyes and searched his darkness again. "If you think that by doing this you're fixing your problems, you are wrong!"

Yeah, maybe he could jump off the building again. Maybe he could try and got hit from a car.

"Jess! Damn it! You have to listen to me!" Luke rose up his voice.

Maybe lying on rails… Maybe…

"Rory is alive!" Luke squeezed his hand and that pulled him out of his dark thoughts. Jess sighed and looked at his uncle. Yeah, she was alive, but for how long? "You have to wake up and listen to me this time!"

"She would be fine without me." Jess murmured and looked up at his IV. He felt strange weakness in his limbs. It was a good feeling.

"Damn it Jess!" Luke cursed again. "How many times I have to tell you that this is not the way?"

"It is for me." Jess closed his eyes again. Rory was okay and that was all that matters.

"It's not!" Luke's voice did not let him to fell into his darkness again. "Jess!"

"Just… leave me, okay?" He trailed off.

"No!"

"Luke…"

"You think that you could fix everything by doing this, but this is not true! You make things even worse!" Luke insisted and Jess looked at him with tired sigh.

"How?"

"How?" Luke stared at him with disbelief. "You're really asking me this?"

"Yes."

"What about your son?" Luke lowered his voice. "Do you really think that he would be better without you? Do you really think that Rory would want to live if you're not around?"

"She is strong." Jess murmured. "She could do it."

"And what if she can't?"

This question attacked Jess' heart and suddenly he realized that he did not know the answer.


	54. Chapter 54 All I can give

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 54 All I can give_**

Lorelai sneaked in his hospital room. Jess was sleeping and she saw the IV attached to his arm. She sighed and dragged a chair to his bed. He did not wake. His eyes were still close and his breathing was steady. Luke had told her that Jess refused to talk to him in the moment he had mention Rory's fragile state. He thought that he had made a mistake and now he felt guilty about it. Lorelai tried to comfort him, but Luke refused to listen to her.

Then Jess' breathing changed. His eyes remained close though, but Lorelai knew that he was awake and he could listen to her. She took a deep breath and remembered that she had to do that for her daughter. Rory had chosen Jess. She wanted him and that was all that matters.

"I know that you can hear me, Jess." Lorelai began with low voice. "I know that you are awake and there is no need to pretend in front of me." She waited for a second, but he did not respond. "I know that you're blaming yourself for Rory." Lorelai coughed. "I blamed you at first. I know the feeling, but this is not the answer! You can't do that every time something goes wrong! You are not alone now, Jess!" He did not move. "Jess? I know that you can hear me, so please – don't insult me like this!"

If he were in his original state of mind, Jess would look at her and told her to mind her own business. But Jess was not okay. He was not even close to that. Lorelai suppressed her own anger and remembered to herself that she had to be patient with him. That was all she had to do if she wanted to help to her daughter. And Rory needed Jess. She had asked for him again. Lorelai had hid the truth again, but she could not do this forever.

"You have to listen to me!" She grabbed his hand and squeezed his fingers. Jess finally looked at her. "Good!" Lorelai ignored the absence in his eyes. "Why you ever choose the easy way out?" She attacked that absence and saw a short sparkle of pain. "That's right! It is the easy way out! Killing yourself is not gonna solve the problem, Jess! You are only going to hurt the people who care about you! You really want that?"

"Why are you doing this to me?" Jess finally spoke. "Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"I wish I could do that, believe me!" Lorelai snapped. "But my daughter needs you for living and I don't want to see her hurt!"

"She'll be better without me!" Jess insisted.

"And you're willing to put your child's life into danger?" Lorelai pulled back and got off her chair. "Do you know how fragile Rory is now. Do you have any idea?"

"Stop!" Jess hissed.

"You won't make me shut up!" Lorelai glared at him. "You know me and you know that I'm not gonna save you from anything! The truth is that Rory is bad! His doctor couldn't tell me if your child would make it to the labor."

"Stop!"

"And now you're trying to end your life just like this?" Lorelai frowned. "I'm sorry, but I won't save you anything! Do you know that she asked for you two times? She woke up two times since for the past two days and every time she asked for you! I had to lie to her, because if she knew what you just did, that could cause her more pain! And she wouldn't make it this time! Do you hear me, Jess? Is that what you want? Huh?"

"I want her to be okay!" He breathed heavily. "That's all I ever wanted!"

"Then stop thinking what the best is for you, because surely is not the best for my daughter!" Lorelai snapped. "I wish she had a better choice in her life, but she chose you! Deal about it and try to make it up to her! She deserves the best!"

"I'm sorry…"

"This is not what I'm asking of you!" Lorelai threw him a look. "I want you to pull it together and be there for Rory!"

"I'll try." His voice cracked.

"You have to make it!" Lorelai shook her head. "This is not about trying here! You have to give the best of yourself and make my daughter feel safe." Lorelai twirled around and put her hand on the lock.

"Hey, wait!" Jess' voice made her look over her shoulder. "How is she now?" He asked with insecure in his voice. "Is… the baby…"

"They are monitoring her and the baby." Lorelai sighed. "She still wear respirator, but this is just percussion and… she has to stay on the bed until the labor."

"I'm going to see her as soon as they released me from here." Jess whispered.

"Okay." Lorelai nodded and walked out of the room. She leaned on the wall outside at the corridor and took a deep breath. She had to calm herself enough to go and visit her daughter now. Rory needed her.

She was awake when Lorelai walked in her hospital room. Few nurses just checked up her IV and the diagram of the baby's heartbeats. Rory looked tired, but at least she was without her respirator. Lorelai put a smile on her face and sat close to her daughter. She waited until the nurses left the room and then looked at Rory again. She had placed her hand on her belly and her eyes were slightly narrowed.

"Where is Jess?" Rory cut in short and that caught Lorelai unprepared. "I thought he'd come here at least once. What's going on?" Her voice was weak, but her she was determinant to understand everything. Lorelai did not like the fact that she had to lie to her daughter, but she thought that was the best thing for now. Rory did not have to worry. She had to be strong and calm. That was not what she was now. She looked anxious for news.

"Jess is okay, hun." Lorelai reached out and touched her daughter's arm. "You don't have to worry about anything."

"Mom!" Rory moaned. "I know that you are lying! Please! I can feel that something is wrong here! What's going on? Please tell me!"

"Jess is here, honey." Lorelai bit her lower lip. That was not a lie at least. "Don't worry about him."

"He looked bad the last time I saw him." Rory blinked. "I'm afraid that he might do something stupid!"

"I told you that everything is fine, Rory." Lorelai rubbed her daughter's arm. "I'm sure."

"Something happened, right?" Rory's breathing hitched. "What?"

"Calm down, honey!" Lorelai tried to comfort her. "I told you that everything is fine."

"Jess! You have to tell me what's wrong with him!" Rory rubbed her stomach. "Mom!"

"Think for the baby, sweets." Lorelai got off her chair and touched Rory's shoulders. "Just calm down!"

"Jess!" Rory gasped. Her heart raced. "Something happened with him, right? Tell me!"

"Hey!" They heard Jess' voice coming by the door and looked there. He walked to Rory's bed, pushing his IV along with him. Lorelai stepped aside to make some room for him. Jess fell on a chair, close to Rory's bed. "I'm here. Are you okay now?" He took her hand carefully.

"Why are you here like this?" Her eyes studied his face and Jess tilted his head. "Why are you looking like this, Jess? What happened?"

"Everything is fine now." He skimmed his thumb over hers. "You don't have to worry about me, okay?"

"You tried again?" Her eyes went teary and her voice cracked. "You did it? Why? I thought you are okay. I thought you are getting better. I thought…" She sniffed.

"Don't get too emotional, okay?" Jess lowered his voice. "It was a mistake, moment of weakness and… I'll try not to do it again."

"You'll try?" Rory stared at his face.

"I'm sorry, but I can't promise you anything more." He tilted his head and his lips touched the back of her fingers. "This is all I can give it you now."


	55. Chapter 55 The tiny line

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 55 The tiny line_**

There was a tiny line separated the good from the bad in his life. Jess was sure now. He just had released from his hospital bed and now he was beside Rory's one. But she still was here. She was here in the place he did not want her to be. Rory did not deserve that and that was the bad thing. The good one was that she was going great. Her doctor told him that her chances were better than before. But that was not enough for Jess. He had seen the doubt in Doctor Mathews' eyes. He knew that Rory's life was still in danger and it would remain until the labor. That was the bad thing. Then the good one was that his son was doing fine. His heartbeats were loud and clear. He was strong… despite of his mother. Rory's face was pale and she looked so fragile that Jess was afraid to touch her. Maybe she would break right there in his arms and he would never forgive himself.

Sometimes he wished he had done it. He wished his uncle found him just a little late. That would be enough. Looking at Rory now, was the biggest challenge he had ever had in his life. The even worst part was that he could feel her pain. It was so vivid to him that he wanted to run. But he could not. It was a simple and pure thing that was keeping him here – he loved her. That was the reason, made him reach for that phial. That was the reason, made him got off his hospital bed, and went to her. She was something that brought the good and the bad in him. But Jess knew that all along. He knew that from the moment he had seen her. She could be the worst and the most beautiful thing in his life. And she was. She was here now and she was like that because of him. He wished to be stronger then. He wished all of this would be a dream every time he closed his eyes. But it was not a dream and he knew that.

The beeping sound of the machine, following his son's heartbeats raced for a moment. He jumped off his place just to see the tiny knot formed on Rory's belly. Then the beeping sound normalized again and Jess just stood there. He reached out and touched that place. He felt it. He felt the small moves of his child there and looked up at Rory's face. It was calm and her breathing was steady. She was sleeping and that was not surprising. They were given her something for her sleep. She needed rest and that was the only way she could take it. In one thing Jess did not lie. Rory was strong. She was fighting. It turned out that he was the weaker link in the chain. He and not her. He had done all of the mistakes and when he had tried to fix them it was too late. Maybe not now. Maybe he could make it up this time. He just have to be strong enough to do that. But how? Watching her, lying in that hospital bed, was enough to make him wish for his pills again. Jess could not bring himself to just watch her like this. She was strong, damn it! She was the best part from the both of them. If anyone should be suffer, that was him and not her. He sighed and stroked her hair. His eyes were sad and he was glad that she was not awake to see him like this.

Rory wanted him to be strong. She needed him like this and he had tried. He had tried just to fail miserably. Lorelai was right after all. Taking the pills was the easy way out. He had not thought about her or their child. He had thought only that the world would be better without him. If he had to be honest, he had not thought of it all. He just had taken the pills and that was it. It was a good though. The feeling was good. He did not think. He did not have the opportunity to do that. The next thing he remembered was the hospital and he knew that he had failed again. Jess felt cheated then and he thought of it as a bad thing now. Now, he could feel his child's movements under his palm. He would smile if he could. He would feel happy if he did not know that this child was a threat for Rory's life. But somehow, Jess could not bring himself to hate it for it. Not that he could not hate. He could and his parents had taken care to implant that feeling in him. But he was not like them. He could not hate his own child. He just could not.

"Don't wrinkle! You are too young to have wrinkles." Rory's voice surprised him and he forced a smile when he looked at her face. She stared at him carefully. "Hey." She smiled for real and his heart arched.

"Hey." Jess leaned and planted a kiss on her forehead. It was so clammy and he squeezed his eyes. "They released me from the hospital today." He murmured when he pulled back. Another forced smile appeared on his face.

"Good." Rory nodded slightly. "And you can stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"You can stop forcing your smile I know it's fake." She sighed and placed her hand on her belly. Their hands almost touched.

"I'm sorry." His voice broke.

"It's okay." Rory bit her lower lip. "Let's talk about something else, okay?"

"Okay." Jess sat back on his place.

"You are still on pills?"

"What a nice subject." He murmured and thrust hand in his hair.

"I have to know." Rory shifted her head and looked at him. "I need to know."

"Yes, I am." Jess nodded with a frown. "But… they are in uncle Luke." He laughed bitterly. "My doctor said that would be better for me."

"Your doctor?" Rory blinked and slid her hand over his on her belly. He did not move. "How so?"

"They settled appointments for me here." He shook his head. "It was some kind of a therapy, I don't know."

"You think that it might help you?"

"No." His answer made her shiver. "I'm sorry." Jess looked at her with apologetic eyes. "I thought that I have to be honest with you."

"I know, but why do you think that it won't help you?" Rory blinked once more and they both felt the tiny kick in her belly.

"Because, they tried to me before." Jess shrugged. "It didn't help then. I still wanted to die. I was hopeless. I heard them talking around me when they thought that I was just a vegetable. They were ready to give up and I was glad. But then uncle Luke showed and… you know the rest."

"Yeah." Rory skimmed her fingers over his. "I'm glad he didn't give up on you. Maybe this time you can make it."

"I don't think so." Jess shook his head. She would think of him as a pathetic, but she knew that he was not like this. That was the reason she felt the old fear came back.

"Then you have to find something that keeps you here," Rory whispered. "Find it and stay!"

"I thought I did." His eyes did not miss her face. "I think I am, but now I'm not sure."

"How so?"

"Does it matter?" Jess closed his eyes for a moment.

"It does to me." Rory trembled. "I want you here."

"I know." He surprised her with his answer. "I know you love me and I know that I love you, but sometimes this is not enough."

"It is." Rory insisted. "It is, Jess! You are not alone now, okay? I'm here and our baby would be here soon. You are not a loner."

"Sometimes I wish I was." His voice cracked.

"What?" She looked at him with disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

"No one would care about me. It would be only my life." He shrugged and his eyes darkened. "I was a loner before I met you."

"But why you want that now?"

"Because it wouldn't matter if I die tomorrow. No one would care about me." He swallowed hard. "And now… I'm not sure in anything."

"Why do you want to die when you have me?" Rory gulped down her tears. She was trying to be strong for him. "You have us!" She felt his hand trembled over hers on her belly.

"Because…" His voice broke again and became only a whisper. "I wouldn't make it if I lost you! I can't do that!"

"You won't lose me!" Rory wished to be strong enough to touch his face. "Jess…"

"You can't promise me that." He uttered. "You can't!"

"But I can promise you that I will do my best." Rory sighed and tried to smile. "Please, Jess…"

"I told you that I would try." He shook his head. "Don't make me give you promises I cannot keep, okay?"

"Okay." Rory sighed and leaned back on her pillow. "I think he's pretty active this morning." She murmured when she felt another movement in her belly. Her eyes focused over the machine.

"He is." Jess' voice made her look him back. "I think I saw his footprint."

"Really?" Her eyes shone.

"But I bet that all this could hurt you." His eyes studied her face.

"It does, but I'm calm when I feel that pain." Rory shrugged.

"Why?"

"Because I know that he is alive and he is fine in me." She smiled and his heart ached. "Sometimes I wish I could protect you as I protect him."

Jess just smiled and leaned to touch her lips with his. Yeah, the line between the good and the bad in his life was tiny. He was not sure on which side of that line was now. He wished it was the good one.


	56. Chapter 56 Strong

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 56 Strong_**

It was her last day in the hospital. If she had to be honest, she could not wait to get back home with Jess. There was some arguing about where she should go. Lorelai insisted to get back home with her. According to her, Rory would feel safe there. Jess was about to agree with that, but Rory burst in. She did not like the thought of being isolated like this. Her mother would take care about her, but Rory was sure that she would take care that Jess would stay away. Rory wanted exactly the opposite. She wanted him and she needed him as she needed the air she breathed. It was silly in her eyes, but she thought that she could keep him safe if he was around her.

Luke just hummed and walked out of the room. He murmured something about the importance of the situation and closed the door behind his back. Rory looked up at her mother.

"I want to go back home with Jess!" Rory insisted and clenched her jaw. Her eye glowed with a new strength. She felt a little better from her new medications. "This is our child we are talking about! I have to be with him!"

"But I'm not good, Rory." Jess took her hand and made her look at him. "You know that I'm still learning how…"

"I want to be with you in our house! Now!" Her breathing hitched. "I know that you promised me that you will try! I want you to keep that promise!"

"Be reasonable, hun." Lorelai talked to her and Rory sighed with annoyance. "What if something happens and you have to react immediately? What if Jess is not home?"

"He would be." Rory frowned. "He told me he took extra people for the bookstore."

"That's true." Jess nodded. "And now uncle Luke goes there once or twice in a week."

"So that means that Jess could stay home with me." Rory nodded.

"But hun…"

"I'm tired and my son is kicking me like crazy." She leaned back on her bed and closed her eyes for a moment. "Just give me some break, okay?" She murmured and rubbed her stomach. "Damn!"

"You want me to call your doctor, hun?" Lorelai asked her anxiously. "Maybe you need something…"

"No." Rory squeezed Jess' hand. "No, I'm fine. It's just the kicking."

"I saw the footprint again." He uttered and she smiled.

"Strong baby."

"Yeah, too strong for you." His voice forced her to open her eyes and look at him. Jess was scared and he did not even try to hide it.

"Jess." Rory touched his hand, but was interrupted by opening door. She looked up and a tired sigh slipped out of her mouth. "Hi, grandma."

"I heard you are coming home today, Rory." Emily Gilmore looked straight at her. "I thought you could consider the thought of coming in our home. Your grandfather and I can provide you the cares you need right now."

"Oh please!" Rory murmured and closed her eyes again.

"You can at least consider this!" Emily frowned. "In your condition… you're gonna need a lot of…"

"That's why I asked her to come home with me!" Lorelai interrupted her mother. "And why's that sudden care? I thought you don't approve that!"

"She is my granddaughter." Emily pursed her lips. "Who else is gonna take care of her if not her family?"

Rory felt how Jess trembled with these words. He had not said a word from the moment Emily had gotten into the room. Rory looked at his pale face and frowned. That was exactly how her grandmother wanted him to feel – insignificant. But he was not to Rory. She narrowed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I told to my mother and I'm telling you now, grandma. I have a home and I have a person who could take care of me. I have someone to love me and that person is the father of my baby. I'm going home with Jess!" Her voice was clear and she threw a brief look to Jess. He stared in their laced hands.

"Are you sure this is the best option for you?" Emily ignored Jess' presence once again. "Your mother is right that she could care of you."

"You're right mom!" Lorelai smiled, but then her face went pale. "Oh no! What I just said? I mean… no!"

"Don't be overdramatic, Lorelai!" Emily shrugged. "I can say when you are right!"

"Um… Rory." Lorelai focused her look over her daughter. "I think you were right about Jess. You could go home with him."

"What?" Emily frowned. "I thought…"

"I can say when my daughter is right." Lorelai grinned. "Right hun?"

"Sure." Rory suppressed her smile and looked back at Jess. "Would you agree?"

"Whatever you say." He shrugged with absence. "I'll do my best."

"That didn't sound convincing." Emily murmured.

"Mom!" Lorelai snapped. "Give it a break, okay?"

"Oh, come on! They aren't married!" Emily threw her hands up in the air. "She could do whatever she like. And she doesn't have to feel obligate, only because she is pregnant with his child."

"She is here!" Rory increased her voice. "And she doesn't like your tone!"

"Yeah, mom!" Lorelai frowned.

"I just want you to be okay, my dear." Emily lowered her voice.

"Like you wanted her to be okay when she dropped the college?" Jess' voice was almost a whisper. "Like that okay?"

"We never did that!" Emily sounded offended. "How you dare…?"

"Jess was the one convinced me to finish the collage." Rory sighed and tried to find comfortable position for her body. "He was the one made me think about my life."

"So… you left the house, because of him?" Emily spread her lips in a thin line. "He was the reason for you to give up from everything you could have?"

"He was the reason to take my life in my hands!" Rory frowned. "Is that correct? Good! Now I really need…oh!" She moaned painfully. "Damn it!"

"Hurt again?" Jess got off his chair and stared at the monitor beside of her. "You want me to call the nurses?"

"Mh-mm." She nodded with closed eyes and heard the door slam behind his back. "Good!" She sighed and rubbed her belly. "Be a good boy now!"

"Contraction?" Lorelai rushed to her daughter. "Please tell me that's not…"

"Shh-shh." Rory shushed and looked at her mother. "It just hurts me too much sometimes. That's all. We need more sleep."

"And you need to be more careful." Lorelai tried to smile. "What if that happens when you are at home? Are you sure it's the best idea to leave the hospital?"

"Yes." Rory flinched, but suppressed her moan. "I'll feel better when I'm at home and besides, everything will be fine. I'm not gonna live the bed and Jess will be there with me. So… hum." She rubbed her belly. "Strong baby."

"Like his mother." They heard Emily's voice and looked at her. "Lorelai complained all the time that you are too playful." Her grandmother shrugged. "Of course, she didn't have anemia and she didn't need special cares."

"Enough!" Rory interrupted her. "You are making me upset and right now, I don't need this!"

Emily opened her mouth, but then shut it again. She twirled on her heals and left the room. Lorelai sighed with relief and exchanged looks with her daughter.

"I think she would never speak to us again." She rolled her eyes.

"Can you promise me?" Rory looked at her with hope and Lorelai laughed quietly.

"Well, this is your grandmother we are talking about."

"Yeah." Rory wrinkled her nose in the moment Jess came back with the nurse. "I need only him." Rory murmured to her mother and Lorelai just nodded. She understood.


	57. Chapter 57 Marry me

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!  
**_

_**

* * *

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**_Chapter 57 Marry me _**

It was good to be home. Rory smiled and looked around her bedroom. She really felt like home in this house. It was a part of her now and she knew the reason. It was the man, sleeping beside of her. That was their first night after her arrival from the hospital. She felt strange relief just by looking at him. Her hand buried in his hair and Jess shivered in his dream. He looked like a boy when he slept. He looked so innocent and his face was so young. Rory sighed. She felt his hand trembled on her waist. It was as if he made sure that she was safe with him. And that was kind of odd, because he was the one that needed protection.

Rory closed her eyes and thought of the conversation she had with Luke. He had given to her Jess' pills. She was the one, responsible for them now. Luke had promised to take care of the bookstore until her labor. Jess had to be there for her. He had to make sure that she was okay. Maybe he would finally accept his role as a father in that way. But Rory had something other in her mind. She thought the decisions he had to make if something went wrong.

Jess had to be the one decided about her. He had to have legal rights to do that. Rory frowned and opened her eyes again. It was hard to think about that, but she had to. She was sure that Jess had not even thought about this. He felt too insignificant in their relationship and even Rory could feel it. She had to do something about it and she was about to.

The next morning brought her the right opportunity in the face of the most unexpected visitor.

Rory just had opened her eyes and heard voices, coming from the kitchen. She could not believe in her ears.

"Are you sure?" Lane exclaimed. "You sure she is alright now?"

"She has to stay in the bed." Jess answered. "But they assured me that she is alright."

"Oh!" Lane sighed.

"Lane!" Rory called her friend from the bedroom.

"And she is awake." Rory heard Jess' voice and saw him walked in. "I told you that you could sleep all day." He murmured and placed the tray with her breakfast on the bed.

"Nope." Rory shook her head and shoved her hand under the pillow. She pulled out the phial with Jess' medications and placed two pills in his hand. "This is for you."

"Thanks." He murmured and threw a look at Lane. "I'll leave you two alone."

"Hey!" Lane sat close to her friend. "I thought you'd be okay the last time I saw you."

"Yeah." Rory murmured when they left alone. "I thought the same." She slid up and leaned her back on the pillows. "But I'm not complaining."

"It wouldn't be you." Lane forced a smile. "What's wrong now? Why you were at the hospital?"

"My anemia caused me more problems than I thought." Rory took the muffin from the tray. "We are fine now."

"We?" Lane frowned.

"My son and I." Rory nodded. "Now we are good."

"Yeah." Lane looked at Rory's belly. "Jess told me that you're gonna have a boy."

"He told you, huh?" Rory gulped down her bit and took the glass with the juice.

"Yup." Lane frowned. "But he looked guilty. Why? He did something to you?"

"No!" Rory snapped. "Why are you blaming him for everything?"

"I'm sorry, okay!" Lane put up her hands. "It's just… he looked in that way."

"He thought that my anemia is his fault." Rory murmured and looked at the closed door. "He tried to kill himself when they took me to the hospital." Her lower lip trembled. "He almost did it this time. If it wasn't for Luke…"

"Hey! Hey!" Lane rubbed her arm. "It's okay now. He is okay, right? I never meant to upset you!"

"I'm sorry. I'm too emotional these days." Rory shrugged.

"It's normal."

"Yeah. At least something in this pregnancy is normal." Rory rolled her eyes. "But… since you are here… I want to ask you for a favor."

"Sure." Lane nodded. "You know that you can count on me."

"Okay." Rory bit her lower lip and she threw a brief look to the door. "I want to marry Jess."

"What?" Lane's eyes widened.

"I'm not sure that he's gonna be very found of the idea." Rory muttered.

"Yeah. I can imagine." Lane looked confused. "But why's that sudden urge to marry Jess? I thought that you two were sorta fine in that way."

"We are and we don't need any signature to feel it differently." Rory shifted on her bed and took the pills from her nightstand.

"Then what?" Lane frowned.

"I want him to be able to take decisions instead of me." Rory answered after she took her pills.

"You want him… but why?"

"If something goes wrong, they ask the father." Rory uttered and her eyes flickered to the door.

"What?" Lane increased her voice.

"Keep it quiet okay?" Rory sighed and looked at her friend. "It's gonna be easy if he is my husband. He could put his signature under everything."

"Okay! Would you stop for a second and hear what are you talking about?" Lane snapped.

"Yes." Rory rubbed her forehead. "I know what I'm talking about. I thought about it last night and I have to say that…"

"You want him to make a choice if he has to?" Lane shook her head. "Do you have any idea in what condition he is? Do you, Rory?"

"I know."

"But you still want him to make that choice?"

"Yes." Rory nodded. "He is the father after all."

"Rory!"

"No!" She snapped. "I wish the things could be easier and I wish my pregnancy was normal, but it doesn't. I have to think about all the possibilities. I have to make sure that Jess would be okay. I wish he would be if something…"

"He tried to kill himself!" Lane interrupted her. "Just because you were in pain!"

"But he won't be alone." Rory tilted her head and her face softened. "He'll have his son."

"He wants you! Don't you get it?" Lane ran fingers through her messy hair. "Damn it, Rory!"

"Wow! I've never heard you cursing like that." Rory tried to joke.

"It's not funny!" Lane hissed. "You are willing to risk your life for…"

"My son?" Rory's hands fell on her stomach. "Yes, any time!"

"This is not what I meant!" Lane got off the bed and went to the window. "Jess has to know that!"

"He knows." Rory murmured.

"What?" Lane twirled around.

"My mom told him." Rory shrugged. "He refused to talk with anybody and she told him about me. That's how she brought him back.."

"And he can still handle it?"

"He's trying." Rory shrugged. "But I want him to feel more secure in his actions."

"And that's why you want to marry him?" Lane sighed.

"You just bring me the judge and that's all." Rory murmured.

"That's all?" Lane chuckled bitterly. "Rory, you have to convince him first!"

"He will be ready!" Rory nodded. "Just bring me that person. We could sign it from here."

"Okay, fine!" Lane threw her hands up in the air. "I'm gonna get him."

"Thanks." Rory smiled.

"Don't thank me!" Lane shook her head with a sigh. She placed her hand on the doorknob. "You have to ask Jess first."

"We'll see." Rory smiled and watched as her friend left the room. She leaned back on the pillows and heard his steps approaching to the bedroom. "I have to talk to you." Rory looked at him in the moment he walked in.

"Sure." Jess nodded and crawled to her on the bed. Rory snuggled in him. "But I thought that you'd want to sleep first. You look tired, Rory."

"I'll be fine." She sighed. "But I really have to talk to you about something."

"I'm listen." He murmured in her hair.

"We have to get marry." She cut in straight and he winced.

"What?"

"And we have to do it now."

"Rory…"

"I need this, Jess." She pulled back to look at his eyes. "Please."

"Why?" He touched her face. "I thought we could wait."

"I want you to feel safe."

"Safe?" He frowned.

"And I want you to have the word if… it's necessary." She swallowed hard. "It'd be easier in that way."

"What are you talking about?" Jess' eyes widened and Rory was sure that he had figured it out everything.

"Jess…"

"Why are you asking me this?" His voice cracked.

"Because I love you." She whispered. "And I trust you. Marry me?"


	58. Chapter 58 Just a paper

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! Maybe it's just the time of the year, I don't know. And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best! And you are the ones that keeping my muse alive! Bow to you all!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 58 Just a paper_**

It was better at night when Rory could not see his face. Jess slid down on the kitchen wall and leaned his head aback. He closed his eyes and tried to breath, but every breath he took caused him pain. Every breath he took reminded him that it was real. Jess put up his hand and looked at his fingers. The golden ring glowed under the beams of the moon, peered through the window. Jess moaned silently and rested his head on his hands. He got married to Rory. Yeah… that was all he had ever wanted. Well, maybe not marriage, but… he had wanted her since forever. Now when he had her legally, he could not feel happy. The reason was simple – they did not marry because they wanted to. They got married, because Rory thought it would be easy for him to take decisions when she could not. Jess was aware about those decisions and that frightened him. Rory put too much trust on him and he was not sure if he could make it.

He clenched his fists and touched his forehead with them. It was a short ceremony and Lane was their witness. They filled some forms and then signed the papers. Rory was his legal wife now. There was no doubt in that. But all this was so sad and he did not want that for her. That was the reason he agreed on this marriage. Jess thought that would make her calm and that was all she needed now. But nobody asked him. Jess clenched his jaw. It was hard decision for him. He could not breathe even. All this caused him pain he never thought he would feel and he had to stay here. He did not have any right to crave for something else than for his life. But he could not help it. It was stronger than him.

"Jess?" Her voice peered through his blurry mind.

"Yeah." Jess called back and took a deep breath. "I'm here." He got off the ground and headed to the bedroom. She was awake and watched the door. Jess saw the relief in her eyes when she saw him and his heart ached.

"You are here." She sighed when he took her in his arms.

"Sure I am." Jess muttered in her hair. "What you thought?"

"I was afraid that you could make some stupid." Rory uttered.

"And leave you all alone?" Jess murmured. "No chance."

"Thank you." Rory whispered.

"Yeah." He closed his eyes when he kissed her forehead. "Everything will be alright." Jess spoke softly, but he was thankful that Rory could not see his eyes. "You'll see."

"I know." She murmured sleepily and he felt her steady breathing few moments later. She fell asleep in his arms again and he felt so alone. His hands slid down on her spine and stopped on her waist.

His son moved again and his heart skipped a beat. It was so amazingly frightened. It was scary to feel his unborn child like this. If everything ran smoothly with Rory, he would smile now. But he could not. He had a doubt if he would ever smile again. It looked impossible at this point. Maybe after the labor. Maybe if everything was all right with Rory and… their boy. Maybe then, he would smile again.

Jess closed his eyes with pain and tried to fall asleep, but it did not happen. He spent another sleepless night beside of her. Rory had not moved in his arms. She obviously felt good there and Jess tried to make her feel comfortable.

It was early in the morning when he saw her eyes again. She blinked twice and looked at him. Jess smiled. It was only for her. He did not feel like smiling, but that was the thing Rory wanted to see. He did it for her.

"You wanna trip to the bathroom?" He even tried to joke.

"Sure." Rory stretched out. Her smile showed to him that he had made it.

Jess took her in his arms and helped her to the bathroom for her morning look. That was like a ritual for them since she came back from the hospital. Rory laughed when he put her back on the bed.

"I think you just carried me through the door!"

"Huh?" He looked at her with confusion.

"The groom has to carry the bride through the door." Rory bit her lip not to laugh again.

"Ah." He frowned. "But this was not the front door."

"But it was a door, even if it was the bathroom door." Her laugh was interrupted from a loud moan. She took a deep breath. "Well, good morning to you too." She rubbed her belly and then looked up at Jess. "Just kicking."

"Sure?" He murmured and looked at her hand on her belly.

"Yeah." She nodded and shoved her hand under her pillow. "Here are your pills. You have to take them before breakfast. You missed the last night, though."

Jess hummed when she placed two pills into his hand. He took them without water and looked at her carefully.

"You do know that this is not the best possible place to hide my pills."

"I know." Rory patted her pillow. "But I have a very light sleep." She bit her lower lip after her words.

"If I make a move to take them, right?" Jess furrowed his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, I…" She stammered.

"It's okay." His lips spread on a thin line. "I would do the same if I was you."

"But Jess…"

"No." He put up his hand and turned his back to her to open the wardrobe. "It's okay, really."

"It's not okay and we can talk about it if you want to." She tried to reach him with her words.

"Rory!" He interrupted her and his eyes flickered to her over his shoulder. "Please stop, okay? I'm fine and I know why you are doing this." Jess turned around to face Rory. He put on his blouse and ran fingers through his messy hair. "I've got this, okay?"

"But you feel bad."

"I'm always bad in case you didn't notice." He snapped.

"I'm sorry…" She murmured and that make him feel guilty again.

"No, I'm sorry." Jess took a deep breath and then exhaled it. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad." He walked to her and his hand touched her face. His fingers buried in her hair and slid to the nape of her neck. "It's okay." His lips touched hers and sighed when he felt her answer. "Mhm, you shouldn't have to worry about me, okay?" He rubbed his nose on hers.

"I can't help it." She answered simply. "I love you."

"Yeah." Jess tried to smile. "And I have to make you some breakfast."

"Sure." She murmured and let him get off the bed.

"And by the way, you have a normal sleep." Jess told her right before he could get out of the room.

He headed right to the fridge and tried to think about her breakfast. There was a list with her diet hang on the fridge. Jess followed that list strictly and smiled when he thought about the time when he had his own diet. His uncle had helped him then. He was better cook than Jess, but Rory insisted that Jess' meals are delicious as well. He shook his head and switched on the stove.

About twenty minutes later, Jess walked back in the bedroom with a full tray. He even had put a small vase with a rose in it.

"Yay!" Rory clapped with her hands and sat on the bed. She looked good this morning and her face had a normal color. Maybe it was because of her pills, he thought. "A rose?" She took the flower and inhaled the scent. "You are so romantic."

"Nah, I've got hit by a muse." Jess murmured and took his plate. He sat close to her. "Now eat."

"Okay." She wrinkled her nose and focused over her breakfast. "But you are romantic."

"Never was or will be." Jess murmured.

"Yeah, right." Rory coughed. _"Ernest only has lovely things to say about you."_ She imitated his voice.

"I was trying to impress you." Jess' eyes flickered to her face.

"And you did it well." She smiled but her face crooked in the next moment. "Oh… um."

"What?" He was ready to jump off the bed.

"We're good." Rory exhaled deeply. "We're good."

"Then what was that?" Jess completely forgot about his breakfast.

"Kicking." Rory murmured and he took the tray from her lap. She rubbed her belly with closed eyes and his face darkened when he put the tray on his nightstand. Rory caught his look and forced a smile. "Wipe out this face, okay? We're fine!"

"I wish I could believe you." He touched his temple. "Why it has to be so difficult?" Jess muttered to himself, but Rory heard his voice.

"We just have to have little patience, okay?" She took his hand. "You'll see."

"Rory Gilmore!" They heard Lorelai's voice and Rory flinched with the sound of a slamming door. Her mother just got in their house.

"She knew." Rory looked up at Jess. He shrugged.

"Tell me that I didn't hear it right!" Lorelai rushed in to the bedroom. "Tell me that you didn't get married!"

"I did." Rory looked at her mother. "I got married yesterday and thanks for the congrats."

"What?" Lorelai's eyes widened. "Are you serious? I though you're gonna need days for this!"

"I am serious and Lane helped us." Rory shrugged. She could feel Jess' insecure and squeezed his hand tightly. He was ready to run. "And you could stop yelling at me!"

"My daughter got married and I was not even invited?" Lorelai fell on the nearest chair. "How am I supposed to react?"

"Who told you?" Jess asked her carefully.

"Does it matter?" She shot him a look.

"It does and I told you to lower your voice, please." Rory felt the painful kicking again, but this time she did not flinch.

"Lane thought that I know." Lorelai murmured and frowned at the couple in the bed. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Because it wasn't something official." Rory shrugged.

"Yeah, we just signed the documents." Jess supported her.

"And that was all?" Lorelai shook her head. "I don't like this!"

"It doesn't matter!" Rory clenched her jaw and tried to remember that Lorelai was her mother. "We did it, okay? I'm married now!"

"But why such a rush?" Lorelai caught the hostility in Rory's voice and softened her voice. "You could've waited after the labor, Rory."

"I like it in this way." She looked up at Jess. "It's just a paper, right?"

"Yeah." He forced a smile. "It's just a paper."


	59. Chapter 59 Tell me the next lie

**_A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! Maybe it's just the time of the year, I don't know. And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best! And you are the ones that keeping my muse alive! Bow to you all!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 59 Tell me the next lie _**

"_It doesn't mater how strong you love or how deep your love is, by the end it hurts just the same._" Jess wrote on his laptop. "_Because there is always an end. They are always different and could come by any form. But sooner or later everything ends. Like your childhood… or your trust in someone. It hurts like hell and you want to kill that pain. You just want to let it go, but what happens when it's not up to you? What happens when you are so conflicted between the person you love and what you want to do?_"

Jess looked at the sleeping form of his wife next to him. Her hand touched his thigh, as she wanted to make sure that he was here and he would not run. Jess smiled with sadness in his eyes and looked back at his laptop.

"_So many choices and no one right for you. Yeah, this how the life goes when you feel like there is nothing that could make you smile. It's so empty and useless… Everything is useless and you want to end this. You want to end the pain that is torturing you. You want to end to that miserable beast, hiding in your mind and telling you to keep going. What happens when you can't? What happens then? You still want to do it, but you don't have the strength to do it. You don't have the right excuse to do it. And most of all – you don't have the right to do it. Why? Because the life is a bitch! It hates you in your guts sometimes and every time you want to cares it - it's ready to bites your hand! But you are trying again, because you have no other choice. And the shit part is – you know what is going to happen, but you're still trying. For what? No one cares! No one! And when you find someone that by some kind of miracle still cares of you, the life is going to ruin that moment again. Because…_"

"Jess?" He heard her whisper and looked down to see her sleepy eyes. "You have to sleep." She murmured and rubbed his thigh. "Look what time is it."

"Sure." Jess did not even hesitate. He closed his laptop and put it on the ground. Then he turned around and took her in his arms. "Feeling better now?" He asked, because that was all he needed to know. If she was all right – he was too.

"Yeah." Rory murmured and Jess could feel her breath over his naked chest. "I'm better now. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I had to look at some notes, I made for the bookstore." Jess murmured.

"Good." Rory took his answer and flinched. "Less than two months, huh?"

"Yeah." He did not have to ask. She was talking to the birth of their son. "Less than two months."

"You are still scared, right?"

"I'm trying, Rory." He sighed painfully.

"I know, but I just wanted to make sure."

"I know you bought this house." He tried to change the subject and she shivered close to him. "And I want you to know that I'm gonna give you my part."

"There is no need…" She began, but he interrupted her.

"I want to be a part of this."

"You are." Rory looked up at him. "The reason I bought this house was that I wanted to have you here. I wanted you to feel safe with me."

"I know." Jess nodded. "I can understand that, but… I… I have to do this, Rory. It's just something I have to do."

"We haven't spoken for the baby's room." She touched his face. "We have to buy few things."

"We will." He clenched his jaw. "When it's time."

"And when that time would be?" Rory sighed. "I can't leave this bed, but you can…"

"Rory, please!"

"What? You are superstitious now?"

"I'm just a realist!" He clenched his jaw. "At least I'm trying to be."

"You could ask Lane for help." She saw him crooked his face. "Or I can ask her for you?"

"Would you feel better?" Jess looked at her carefully.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Our son has to have his own bed at least."

"Okay then." Jess nodded.

"Thank you." She smiled and yawned. "I'm getting sleepy."

"Sleep then." He rubbed her back.

"You too." Rory insisted.

"I will." He promised, but he could not close his eyes all night.

Lane came to visit on the next morning. Rory asked her to help Jess about the nursery and she agreed. They called Lorelai to come and play company to Rory. Jess would not leave her alone. He kissed her and went out along with Lane.

"So…" Lane coughed when they walked out the house. "How are the things with you?"

"Fine." He shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Let's start clean, okay?" Lane murmured and threw him a look. "For Rory."

"Yeah, okay." He nodded with absent look.

"It kills you to leave her now, right?"

"She said she'd feel better if we buy the bed, so… I'm gonna buy the damn bed!" He snapped, but then looked at Lane. "I'm sorry!"

"No, it's okay." Lane put up a hand. "I can understand you."

"No." Jess shook his head. "You can't and you have to feel happy about that." He opened the door of the store and get inside. Lane followed him with concerned look.

They bought a nice blue bed. Rory wanted to be blue. She insisted that her son had to have bed in blue. She knew that was Jess' favorite color and she wanted to please him as well. But she did not know that he would buy any bed if that would make her smile.

Taylor looked at him with curiosity when he pulled out his wallet.

"So, is it true?" The old man rose up his eyebrows and opened the cash machine.

"About?" Jess frowned and handed him the money.

"Kirk told me that you married Rory?"

"Yeah. I did." Jess shrugged.

"Man! The news spread like a plague in this town!" Lane exclaimed.

"And how's Rory?" Taylor ignored her.

"She's fine." Jess took the change. "Thanks."

"It was about time for her to settle down." Taylor murmured and studied Jess' face. He frowned and Jess could swear he could read his thoughts. Taylor thought that everyone could be good for Rory. Everyone could be better… than Jess. He shuddered and his face faded.

"You should start a gossip column, Taylor." Lane snapped and took his attention. She looked angry and Jess was a little surprised. There was a time when she thought the same as Taylor. But apparently, not now.

"I beg you pardon?" Taylor looked insulted.

"Never mind!" Lane waved with her hand and nodded at Jess. "We should go!"

"Yeah." Jess murmured and they left the store along with the bed. Jess held the big brown box with all the parts on it. He had to put them together as long as he went back home. "Thanks." He looked at Lane when they were out of the store.

"I told you that we are on new page." She shrugged.

"Sure." Jess forced a smile. "But… still."

Lane was about to answer, but she frowned in the moment she looked over Jess' shoulder.

"I thought that I won't see that bastard again!" She snapped.

"What? Who?" Jess murmured and turned around just to be hit on the jaw by the angry man, standing close to him. He swayed and almost fell on the ground. If Lane was not beside of him, he definitely would. "Ah… you."

"You son of a bitch!" Logan hissed and tried to hit him again, but Lane shoved herself between the two men.

"Okay! What's going on here? What the Hell are you doing here?" She glared at Logan.

"He killed my wife!" Logan snapped angrily.

"Your wife?" Jess looked at him with confusion.

"Megan was my wife!" Logan spit the last word.

"She was married?" Jess whispered to himself.

"Who's Megan?" Lane was confused.

"It took me some time to find you!" Logan growled. "When I found who you are…" He clenched his fists. "You have to pay for this!"

"Who is Megan?" Lane increased her voice angrily.

"She was my wife!"

"And I thought she was my girlfriend." Jess murmured. "But apparently…"

"So she cheated on you?" Lane did not move out of her place. "That's why you want to kill him?"

"No! He killed her!" Logan insisted.

"But…"

"There was a car crash. I was behind the wheel." Jess answered her.

"Ah." Lane frowned. "So it was an accident?"

"You're going to pay!" Logan took a step to Jess, but Lane placed hand on his chest.

"You won't do anything like this!" She hissed. "Rory told me everything and I don't think…"

"Rory?" Logan hissed. "What… are you with her now? Nice move!"

"Stay out of this!" Lane pushed him away. "You hurt her once! I won't let you hurt her again!"

"He…"

"It was an accident!" Lane snapped. "You are hurt, but you can't do anything against Jess! I won't let you!"

"We'll see about that!" Logan stepped back with clenched fists. "We are not finished!" He turned around and they saw him get in his expensive car.

"I didn't know." Jess uttered. "What have I done?"

"Don't do this again." Lane touched his arm. "Don't blame yourself."

"Promise me you won't tell Rory about this!" He stared at her. "Promise me!"

"It wasn't your fault…"

"Lane!"

"Fine!" She sighed. "Let's go!"


	60. Chapter 60 Skyblue and Black

**_A/N: So, you liked the twist with Logan? :P I have to admit that I dreamed this scene and when I woke up I was sure that I have to write it. Poor Jess has a black eye again and this time somebody did hit him. Wonder what he is gonna tell to Rory. Also -- I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 60 Sky-blue and Black_**

Rory shifted on her bed and tried to find comfortable position.

"Are you okay, sweets?" Lorelai helped her and placed some pillows under her daughter's back. "You need something?"

"I need someone." Rory winked at her mother.

"And you are still able to joke with this?" Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"Yeah." Rory shrugged. "Why not? I'm little pregnant, but…"

"You are very pregnant." Lorelai touched Rory's belly. "Wow! And this little one is so strong!"

"It is." Jess walked into the room with the middle-size brown box in his hands.

"We're back!" Lane chimed in after him.

"Yeah. I can see it." Rory smiled, but then her face crooked with concern. "Jess! What happened with your eye?"

"What?" His hand shot up to his face.

"You have a black eye!" She frowned and looked at Lane. "What happened?"

"He…" Lane stammered.

"I met the door of the store." Jess hissed and turned around.

"Mom, give me the package with the frozen peas." Rory nodded at Lorelai.

"Rory, I'm fine…" Jess began, but Lorelai was already out of the room.

"Calm down, Ror." Lane exchanged looks with Jess. "There is nothing…"

"Here is the package." Lorelai came back and handed the small package to Rory.

"Come here." Rory nodded at Jess and he sat close to her with a sigh. She pressed the small package to his black eye. "Don't move." She murmured. "So now I want the truth?"

"Rory…" Lane began, but Rory tilted her head.

"Last time it was the ball that hit him. Now the door?"

"It was a swan actually." Jess murmured and she looked at him.

"What?" Rory rose up her eyebrows.

"Last time… it was a swan." Jess shrugged.

"Yeah." Lorelai added. "I've heard the story. Luke told me."

"He told you?" Jess looked huffed.

"Yes, he did and I can't understand why you had to lie to Rory? It was just a swan." Lorelai shrugged. "You could've told her the truth."

"Lorelai…"

"Was it a swan now too?" Rory ruffled his hair with her other hand.

"It was a door! The stupid door of the store just hit me in the face!" Jess clenched his jaw. "Okay?"

"Okay." Rory agreed, but the look in her eyes told something different. Jess sighed and pulled back.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"You want to see the crib or not?" He changed the subject.

"Is it blue?" Rory looked at the box.

"I've got that covered." Lane winked at her. "It's a sky-blue like you wanted."

"Really?" Rory smiled.

"Yeah." Jess began unpacking the box. "We could pull it together here and then I could take it to the nursery."

"That would be great." Lorelai tried to look excited.

"Sure." Lane nodded.

"Then… let's go." Jess murmured.

He unpacked the box and all of the crib's parts. Lane and Rory helped him to pull everything together and Rory just watched them. She had placed her hands on her belly and rubbed it from time to time. A secret smile appeared at the edges of her lips. She kept her look on Jess. He had lied to her. She could feel it, but he did it to protect her. Rory knew that look in his eyes. She could ask him when they were alone.

"Here we go!" Lorelai panted and stepped back from already ready crib. "Now we need only the mattress…"

"We have it." Lane placed the small mattress in the crib and looked at Jess. "Something else?"

"Nope." He scratched his neck. His eyes flicked to Rory. "So… what do you think?"

"It's… oh Jess." She felt tears in her eyes. "It's so… oh…"

"We need words, Ror!" Lorelai laughed.

"I love you!" Rory looked at Jess.

"Now we have the words." Lane murmured.

"Hum." Jess coughed. "Now I have to carry the crib to the nursery."

"Let me help you." Lorelai offered and he looked at her with disbelief. "Don't look at me like that! It's for my grandson, right?"

"Fine." Jess shrugged and Lorelai helped him to carry the crib out of the room.

"If I ask you for the truth…" Rory looked at Lane.

"Jess told you." Lane shrugged.

"You are a lousy liar!" Rory scoffed.

"It's not my business, Rory!" Lane softened her voice.

"So there is something?"

"Rory, please…"

"Fine! I'll ask him!"

"Maybe it's not a great idea right now." Lane looked at her friend's stomach. "You don't have to be upset."

"But I am!" Rory snapped.

"Calm down, Rory!" Jess called from the door. "She is right."

"I need to talk with my husband!" Rory looked at her friend and her mother. They both hesitated. "Now!"

"Call me if you need help." Lorelai tapped Jess' shoulder. "Be good, hun!" She sent a fly kiss to her daughter.

"Bye Ror!" Lane frowned. "Just remember to be calm."

"Bye!" Rory waited until she heard the slamming of the front door. "Tell me!" She frowned at Jess.

"Rory." He ran fingers through his hair. "Now it's not the time…"

"There it is!" She shook her head. "You had the same look in your eyes when you were telling me about the car crash. You are blaming yourself for something."

"Yeah." Jess tried to look calm. "I'm blaming myself that I hit my face in that door, so now you are worrying over nothing."

"Please stop." Rory put up a hand and her lips trembled. "I know what are you trying to do. You want to protect me from everything right now. You think that just by hiding things from me is gonna work? You think that it's the right way? It's not, because I can see it in your eyes when you're trying to do that. I can see your pain by doing that."

"I keep failing, am I?" Jess uttered. "No matter how hard I'm trying, you always end up hurt."

"That's because I love you too much." Rory turned her hand with her palm up. "I can't other way." She skipped a beat. "Please come to me."

Jess hesitated, but took her hand. He rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes for a moment. That was when he felt that his hand was lying over her belly. He had not felt how that happened. But now he could feel the moves in his son in Rory. He kicked pretty hard and she did not say a word.

"I don't want to hurt you!" Jess whispered. "I've done that before so many times! I just… I don't want to hurt you, Rory!"

"I'm in pain, because you are." She rubbed his hand on her stomach. "That's how the things work for me. Now, be honest, please."

"I can't."

"Why?" She frowned, but he could not see that.

"Because I'm gonna hurt you again."

"But you won't get better if you don't tell me."

"How are you doing this?" He uttered instead.

"What?"

"That kick was pretty hard. You didn't say a word or give a moan." He was confused.

"Oh that." She murmured and Jess felt how she leaned her head on his. "I'm getting use to it."

"It doesn't hurt you?"

"It is. But it's a nice pain. I know that I'm protecting my son and he needs me right now. I know that he doesn't want to hurt me… and I love his father too much for words." Rory wrapped his shoulders and her hand buried in his hair. Jess sighed. "That's why I'm telling you it's a nice pain."

"You are so brave, Rory." Jess moved his head and his lips touched her neck, close to her pulse point.

"That's because I have you now." She enjoyed at his touch. "You are here with me, no matter how difficult this is for you."

"I'm scared." He muttered.

"Of what?"

"I can't lose you." His voice cracked. "You are everything to me."

"I know." Rory whispered.

"And I don't want you to suffer."

"I know."

"But you want me to trust you, right?" He pushed a strand of her brown hair and looked up to her face.

"Yeah." She touched his face. "I want you to trust me."

"Okay." Jess skipped a beat. "It was Logan."


	61. Chapter 61 True mistakes

**_A/N: Jess being honest is something new, huh? I hope he keeps going.:P Also -- I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 61 True mistakes _**

It was a real fight with himself until he decided to be honest with her. Yeah, she convinced him, but now the things did not look that good. Jess looked at her and his eyes filled with doubt. Her face got pale and her eyes widened with surprise. Maybe he had mistaken. Maybe now was not really the time. Maybe…

"Logan was here?" She whispered. "Why?"

"To punch me." Jess tried to avoid the real subject.

"Nice try." She murmured. "But I'm a journalist as well, Jess. I can sense your try to avoid the subject. Now tell me. You started already."

"He's just mad at me."

"Look, I know Logan. He was one of my many mistakes." Rory bit her lower lip. "I used to… love that guy. Although, I'm not sure if it was love or I just settled to him."

"You left me, because of him, Rory." Jess sighed and got off the bed. He knew it was an old subject and he should not bring that up right now, but he still remembered that night in Philly. It was a year or two before he had settled for Megan. And now it turned out that she was Logan's also. "You told me you love him and you can't stay with me, because of him."

"It was a mistake." She lowered her voice.

"You damn right it was!" He shook his head and his eyes shone with the old emotion. "And I was stupid enough to believe that you fixed things then."

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked.

"No, it's okay." Jess put up his hands. "It was long ago and I shouldn't upset you right now with this memory. My bad."

"But Logan came here today." Her eyes locked with his. "Why?"

"I told you." Jess shrugged.

"I know you were a good liar Jess, but you have to get better to become again." Her hands lay on her belly and her eyes narrowed. "So, once again?"

"Can't you just… let it go?" Jess sighed. "I mean, I told you who hit me. Isn't that enough?"

"No! It's not enough!" Rory snapped. "He hit you! I want to know why he did that!"

"Rory…"

"Ow! Ow!" She hissed and slid up on the bed, leaning on her elbows. "Mh-mm."

"Rory!" Jess rushed to her.

"I'm sorry!" She tried to catch her breath. "The little one here just kicked me stronger than usual."

"You sure that's not a…" He was afraid to touch her.

"No." She took a deep breath and then exhaled carefully. "It's not a contraction. I'm just… or he is just tired. I think." Rory murmured and her hand touched his face. Jess leaned on her palm. "I'm okay." Her thumb skimmed back and forth his cheekbone.

"I wish I could believe in this, Rory." He trembled when her fingers touched his black eye.

"Tell me." She soothed him. "I promise I won't get mad or upset. You just have to be honest with me and learn to share. I'm here for you."

"This is in the past, Rory." Jess murmured. "What difference does it make?"

"I want to know you." Rory tried to convince him. Her voice softened. "I want to know all of your secrets. I want to know what made you like this and… I want to help you."

"You don't have to…"

"Yes, I do!" She tilted her head. "I fought for you. I want you beside me. This is something you can't change, Jess."

"Okay, but… it really doesn't matter anymore. I just want to remember that and don't get upset." He hesitated.

"Okay." She laced fingers with his. "Tell me."

"It's about Megan."

"Megan?" Rory frowned. "I though we were talking about Logan here."

"That's because she was involved with Logan." Jess skipped a beat. "She was his wife."

"What?" Her breath hitched.

"Rory! You promised me!" Jess squeezed her hand.

"Sorry, go on."

"That's everything." Jess shrugged. "He found me here and blamed me for killing his wife… which is true."

"No, it's not!" She frowned again. "And you didn't know, did you?"

"It's amusing how you're trying to protect me every time when I'm guilty." Jess shook his head. "Even if I didn't know she was married – I did kill her in that accident!"

"Jess!"

"We both know that is the truth!"

"No one can see your guilt in this, except you!" She narrowed her eyes. "No one, but you!"

"They called it an accident, but I know…"

"They called it, only because it was an accident!" She insisted. "No one accused you! No one!"

"But…"

"If there is someone you should blame – it was the driver of the other car." Her voice softened again.

"It was a truck and they gave him only ten years." Jess' voice cracked. "The bastard deserved more! They said he fell asleep on the wheel and… that's how all happened!"

"Here." She sighed and her hand fell on her stomach. "See? It wasn't your fault!"

"I should've been more careful."

"You were and shut up already!" Rory took his hand and placed it close to her other on her belly. He shuddered. "Can you hold me now? Can you feel your son just for a moment and stop blaming yourself for all bad things in the world?"

"But Logan…"

"… is not our problem now." Her head fell on his shoulder. "This little boy, under your palm is."

"Yeah." Jess agreed immediately and was thankful that she could not see his eyes.

Even if someone had seen the accident in front of Taylor's store, no one say a word. Jess was sure that they all did that because of Rory. The whole town loved her. Usually, Kirk spread the news. But Kirk also worked for Jess now and obviously liked his new job. Then Taylor, who still was not Jess' fan. He did not like Luke either, but this time he kept silence, because of Rory.

Month and a half later everything ran normal. Then one night, at the end of August, Jess woke up. He could not understand what at first, but then he looked at Rory. Her hands fisted the sheets and she bit her lower lip to blood not to scream. Her face crooked and then relaxed again. She breathed heavily.

"Rory!" Jess was fully awaken even before he could finish the word.

"It's.. okay!" She panted.

"It's not okay! You are in labor!"

"Jess…" She could not finish and grabbed his hand. He was amused of her power right now. "It's still… early." Rory gasped after the contraction. "There is… more time to the… hospital." She ended her sentence with a scream.

"I'm gonna call to your mother!" He reached for his cell phone. "We're going now!"

Her reaction was another squeezing of his hand.


	62. Chapter 62 Stay away from the darkness

**_A/N: Hum,... so Rory is by the end of her eight month. She got pregnant around the New Year. Do you remember guys? I'd like to think that happened the first time they did it.:P But isn't it too early for the labor? Hum... I guess you'll find out, right?Also -- I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 62 Stay away from the darkness_**

Rory felt pain in her back earlier that day, but she ignored it. It was not something unusual these days. She was by the end of her eight month. Her back hurt her constantly and the only moment she could feel some calmness was when Jess massaged her carefully. It was good and she relaxed under his touch. But not today. Today was something different. She could not find a comfortable position on the bed. Rory hid that from Jess. She clenched her teeth and did not slip a moan even. The only time she allowed herself to look real was when he was not in the room. It was not only that, but the pain soon crossed her stomach. But she thought that her son is just kicked her hard than usual.

The worst part came around midnight. Jess fell asleep thanks to his pills and she tried to do the same, but she could not. Another pain, different from the others, sharper, cut through her stomach and she bit her lower lip to blood. Her hands fisted the sheets in desperate attempt to keep silence. When the pain went away, Rory released her breath in small jogs. She threw a look at Jess and her hand touched her belly. It was hard as rock and she realized that the moment of the birth is close. Well, not that close, because the contractions was not close one to another, but still. She tried to concentrate over her breathing. That helped through the first hour, but then everything changed.

Jess woke up in the middle of one of her strongest contractions. She could feel the blood under her teeth, but the other pain took everything away.

"Rory!" Jess was fully awaken even before he could finish the word.

"It's.. okay!" She panted.

"It's not okay! You are in labor!"

"Jess…" She could not finish and grabbed his hand. He was amused of her power right now. "It's still… early." Rory gasped after the contraction. "There is… more time to the… hospital." She ended her sentence with a scream.

"I'm gonna call to your mother!" He reached for his cell phone. "We're going now!"

Her reaction was another squeezing of his hand.

"Lorelai? It's Jess." She heard him talking with her mother. "Yes. Yes, we are going now. Okay. We'll see you there. Bye." Jess hung up the phone and looked at her. "We're going in five minutes."

"Mh-mm." Rory nodded and closed her eyes. Her hands fisted the sheets again and she heard him open the wardrobe. It took him less than five minutes and she felt his arms around her.

"We're going now." He whispered at her ear in the moment he lifted her up of the bed. Rory wrapped her arms around his neck and bit her lower lip again.

They reached to the car and Jess placed her on the backseat. She lay there and leaned her head on the door. Her hands rubbed her belly and she tried to find a comfortable position. But she could not. She tried to suppress her next moan, but it was impossible.

"Just hold on." Jess murmured and threw her brief look over his shoulder. "Your mom told me that she's gonna call to your doctor. He will wait for you when we get there. Just breathe."

"What if… something happens?" Rory panted. "What if… something happens with… the baby because of me?"

"Nothing's gonna happen!" Jess snapped and grasped the wheel.

"I want you to…"

"No!" He did not let her finish. "You won't ask that from me!"

"Jess!" She screamed painfully.

"I won't lose you!" He shook his head. "I swear I won't let that happen!"

Rory could not talk more. She focused over her breathing and they did not speak until the moment they reached to the hospital. Jess carried her out of the car and saw Lorelai, standing by the open door of the Emergency.

"How is she?" Rory heard her mother's voice while Jess placed her on the nearest stretcher. "I called and they told me that her doctor will be here any minute."

"Okay." His voice cracked and Rory opened her eyes. Everything was in a fog now. But she still could see the frightened look in his eyes. She reached out and grabbed his hand.

"I want you… with me." She gasped and Jess looked at her. "I need you."

"Rory…" He hesitated, but she grasped his hand. "Okay."

There was no room for talk. Doctor Mathews came just in time. He went to see Rory and gave some orders to the nurses around her. They pushed the stretcher in the elevator and she was transported to the delivery room. They prepared her for the labor and she left herself in the nurses hands. She could not control her body anymore. The worst part was that she could not get the epidural or give birth through a section. Thanks to her anemia, Rory could not take the anesthetic. Doctor Mathews was not willing to risk it. She was too weak for that.

"Jess." She whispered when the nurses finally left her alone. Rory tried to open her eyes. She licked her cracked lips and looked around. There were only two nurses in the room. One of them just put her the belt with the small ultrasound machine. She could hear her son's heartbeats. But she could not find Jess. He had to be here. She whispered once more. "Jess…" And just then, as if he had heard her, Jess rushed into the room. Rory grabbed his hand with her next contraction, but she did not scream. She did not moan even. Her eyes locked with his and she gasped. "You're here."

"You asked me." His lips pressed to her forehead. "I'm here. I so wish I could take your pain away."

"I can… handle this." Rory tried to smile, because of him, but her face crooked. "I'm… sorry." She gasped.

"It's okay." Jess murmured. "Everything's fine."

She did not know how many hours had passed. But she felt like her pains would continue forever. Rory squeezed Jess' hand every time she felt pain. Sometimes they were so strong that she was sure that she would lose consciousness. The strongest one came when her water broke. She felt like something was going to rip her body.

Her body arched and she fell back on the bed. They were talking something around her, something she could not hear. Her ears rang and she desperately fought with the weakness. Then the pain came back and left her without any breath.

"She can't breathe!" Jess screamed and the next thing Rory felt was the respirator on her face. It was little easier now. "I'm here… just breathe, please." She heard his voice close to her ear. "Don't leave me…"

Rory tried to answer, but she could not. Her eyes widened with the next wave of pain and this time she screamed in her mask. It was something she could not control anymore. She was strong, but this was too much. She looked up at him with pleading eyes and his face crooked. Rory could swear that she can see the tears in his eyes. He knew what she was pleading him. She wanted him to set her free. She wanted him to be strong for her. But she was wrong.

"Jess…" She gasped, but new contraction cut through her stomach and she curled up in two.

"She has to push now." Rory heard the voice of her doctor, but did not have strength for that. Her eyes closed and she was about to give up, but then felt someone sitting on her bed. Her eyes fluttered open again and she felt Jess's body behind hers. He slipped his hand around her waist and now she was able to grab her as well. They laced fingers in the moment when the new pain came in.

"I won't do that!" His voice echoed close to her ears. "I won't set you free! I know that feeling, and how badly you want to get out of here! But you have to live! You have to stay here, because I won't be able to exist without you."

Rory squeezed his fingers instead of an answer and pushed hard. She screamed and leaned her head back on his shoulder. The air exploded in her lungs and burned her up inside. The sweat covered all of her face and she desperately tried to escape from that pain.

"Jess." She cried after another push.

"I know." He kissed her sweat temple. "I know.. but fight for me, please! Don't go there!"

"No!" She screamed when her body tightened from another pain. It was different this time and even Jess' hands could not save her.

"Here is the head!" Doctor Mathews screamed. "Come on, Rory! One last time! Come on! Push!"

She tried to listen and clenched Jess' hands, seeking protection. Then with one hard, final push, the relief finally came to her. Rory heard scream and she was sure that it was her. She fought with the darkness enough to hear her son's cry. Then she fell back in Jess' arms with a smile... and the darkness possessed her.


	63. Chapter 63 More to come

**_A/N: Um... nothing more to say - just I'm sorry if I disappointed you with something guys. Enjoy the chapter! Hum... I guess you'll find out, right?Also -- I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact!  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 63 More to come_**

It supposed to be one of his biggest and greatest moments in his life. He was having a child with the woman he thought he would never was going to have. She gave birth to his son and like that was not enough – she loved him. But she fell unmovable in his arms in the moment she had heard their son's cry.

"Rory!" Jess screamed panicking and jumped off his place. The nurses rushed to help her and he just stood there, buried hands in his hair. His eyes fixed her and her pale face was obvious. The respirator was still on her face, but she did not move. That was the moment he wanted to run. He was sure that he was going to make it, but something stopped him.

"Jess." Doctor Mathews touched his shoulder and Jess looked at him, shaking his head.

"I'm not gonna lose her." He gasped. "I can't!"

"She lost a lot of blood and that was something we couldn't prevent. Giving her medical background I was surprised she made it to here."

"What?" Jess felt lack of air. "What are you trying to say?"

"Her recovery would be slow than usual…"

"Wait!" Jess interrupted him. "Are you trying to say that she is alright?"

"She is exhausted and her body needs to restore all that blood and fluids she lost with the birth." Doctor Mathews smiled tiredly. "But she's going to be alright. We just have to take a good care of her."

"Okay." Jess swallowed hard.

"Would you like to hold your son now?" Doctor Mathews nodded at the nurse, holding the baby.

"No." Jess shook his head in terror. "What if I drop him?"

"You'd be fine." Doctor Mathews took the crying baby and placed it in Jess' hands. "Here you go. Ah, and he stopped crying."

"Oh, my!" Jess looked at his son's eyes. He waved his small fists in the air and now yawned tiredly. "He is… perfect?" He looked at Doctor Mathews. "He is okay?"

"He is a big, healthy and strong baby. Rory gave birth two weeks earlier, but this doesn't hurt your son." Doctor Mathews smiled. "You have a name for him yet?"

"Um… I'd like to wait Rory for this." Jess looked back at his son. His son! That was so unreal for him. "Wow!"

"Yeah." Rory's doctor smiled. "Now we have to take care of him and his mother. She was in labor almost twenty four hours."

"But she will be alright?" Jess uttered, still looking at his boy.

"She will."

He walked out in the corridor and just slid on a wall. That was how his uncle found him. Jess just sat there. He had seen how they took care of Rory and their son and after that his mind just shut down. Jess sat there with amusement in his eyes and unable to move. His hand covered his mouth and his eyes gazed the wall opposite him.

"Jess?" His uncle's voice finally reached him and Jess looked up at him.

"Huh?" He tried to focus.

"Are you okay?"

"How is Rory?" Lorelai peered over Luke's shoulder. "Is she okay? How's the baby? Is he okay?"

"Okay! Time out!" Luke snapped to Lorelai and helped his nephew to get off the cold floor. Can't you see him? He is shock! Come here, Jess." He supported him to the near bench. "Are you okay, Jess?"

"She's fine." Jess murmured and could not recognize his voice. It was deeper than usual. "The baby is fine. I held him."

"She's fine?" Lorelai grabbed his arm. "Are you sure?"

"They told me she is fine." Jess blinked with confusion.

"Lorelai bring me some water." Luke touched her hand. "I think he needs some."

"What?" Lorelai frowned.

"For his pills." Luke insisted.

"I'm fine." Jess put up a trembling hand.

"See? He is fine!" Lorelai was ready to sit down to him. "I want to know more about my daughter."

"He needs his pills!" Luke insisted. "Please give me the damn water!"

"Fine!" Lorelai twirled around.

Luke sat close to his nephew and patted his shoulder.

"So now the real thing?"

"What?" Jess sighed. "She's fine."

"I know."

"And I have a son."

"I know that. But how are you feeling?"

"Terrified." Jess mumbled and stared at his hands. "I thought that she was gonna die in my hands and… I wasn't ready to lose her."

"You never will." Luke rubbed his arm.

"She wanted to die and… I couldn't let her! I can't!" Jess shook his head furiously.

"Calm down now!" Luke murmured and looked for Lorelai. Where the hell was she?

"You don't understand! I… she was about to let it go! I saw it! I saw it in her eyes!" He breathed heavily. "If I wasn't there…"

"But you were." Luke frowned. "You were there Jess! Now take a deep breath and try to calm, okay?"

"Here we go!" Lorelai came back just in time and earned an angry look from Luke. "What?"

"Where the hell have you been?" He took the plastic cup of her hands.

"I'm sorry! I got lost in here! And what is that voice?" She snapped.

"My uncle is concerning over nothing." Jess murmured after he took his pills and gulped down the water.

"It wasn't nothing! You were in shock and you had to take your pills…"

"I'm sorry! I was little busy over here!" Jess frowned.

"Yeah, Luke! He was busy!" Lorelai surprised them both when she back up Jess. "Now tell me about Rory!" She finally sat close to Jess.

"Doctor Mathews said that she was strong despite her anemia." Jess shrugged and his eyes flicked to his uncle. "And.. I held my son."

"She was strong?" Lorelai sighed with relief and then smiled with pleasurable smile. "That's my girl!"

"Yeah." Luke nodded and then remembered Jess' words and looked at his nephew.

It was obvious that he did not want Lorelai to know that Rory almost died in his arms. It was strange behavior for Jess really. It was not the way he would act if he were his young self. But Luke knew that his nephew had changed a lot. Jess was much older than he looked like. Something in him had changed in the moment of that car crash. Something was broken. Maybe Rory and his son was the cure of him? Maybe that was the thing Jess needed now to start his recovering… again.


	64. Chapter 64 Matthias Oliver Mariano

**_A/N: Here is the name of the little one, guys! Hope you likes it! Just so you know - the first name of the boy means "gift" and the second... well, it was Jess' idea. :P This chapter is little fluffier than I thought but eh, blame the -- I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 64 Matthias Oliver Mariano _**

It was a strange feeling to wake up and feel unable to move even single muscle of your body. Rory sighed in her dream and tried to get out of her deep slumber. She started to feel the noises around her, very silent at first, but then more and more accurate. Then her eyes opened and she was able to see as well. The room was quiet, except the small noises from the coming through the half-open door. She felt her throat strangely sore and drought. Rory coughed.

"Hey." Jess' voice made her eyes searched for his slim figure. He was standing by the door. His face was pale and tortured. His hair was messy and his eyes looked sore. Jess headed to her bed with small, insecure steps and fell on the chair near by. "They told me to wait outside until you are awake." He mumbled. "So I pushed the door slightly just to see when you're going to wake up."

"Um." Rory licked her dry lips and coughed again.

"Do you want some water?" Jess reached out for the cup on the nightstand. She nodded and he carefully supported her head while she gulped down almost all of the water. "That's fine." He placed the cup back on the nightstand and watched her crooking her face when she lay back. "Are you okay?"

"My stomach… it's little sore." Rory sighed and reached to touch his hand. Jess let her and laced fingers with hers. "Is he okay?"

"Our son? Yes, he is. He is sleeping right now." Jess nodded at the other side of the bed. "I thought you saw him already."

Rory frowned, but followed his look and her eyes widened with awe. There, just an arm away, her son was sleeping peacefully on his small crib. Rory could see his small face, turned to her. His small hands rested at the both sides of his head and his little mouth was slightly open. Jess did not lie to her. Her son was alright.

"Oh." She just exclaimed.

"Doctor Mathews was here earlier." Jess coughed lightly. "He told me that he is perfectly fine and healthy. He is strong and… Rory why are you crying?"

"He is fine!" She whispered and felt sudden need to reach out and touch her baby. "He is fine despite his early labor! If something had happened to him… I'd never forgive myself if something went wrong!"

"Hey, it wasn't your fault." Jess frowned with concern. "These bad thoughts wouldn't help you now and are completely pointless."

"But what if…"

"Exactly! _What if_!" Jess grasped her hand and forced her to look at him. "I told you I know this feeling! It's useless to make yourself feel bad over something you couldn't prevent."

"But I supposed to protect him, Jess and I put his life in danger instead."

"You kept him safe and he is fine now thanks to you!" Jess leaned to kiss her forehead. "Now, stop worrying about over nothing and calm down."

"I want to hold him." Rory avoided the answer.

"Hold on just a sec." Jess murmured. "I have to talk with the doctor first."

"What? Why?" Rory frowned.

"'Cos you were through a lot." Jess leaned and kissed her lips, and went out the room.

Rory yawned and leaned back on her pillows. She turned her head to her son. He was sleeping and she was eager to touch him already. He looked perfect, but she had to make sure of that.

"Hey mommy." Lorelai's voice did not surprise her. Rory turned her head to the door and looked at her mother. "How's my baby?"

"Your baby is having a baby." Rory murmured.

"My baby scared the hell out of me." Lorelai leaned and kissed her daughter's forehead. "But Jess told us that you were very brave, and you didn't give up."

"Oh, is he?" Rory forced a smile. The memory of how she almost gave up was still alive. Jess just had saved that moment to her mother.

"Yeah." Lorelai murmured and her eyes flicked to the crib. "Can I hold him? Oh, he is so cute!"

"No!" Rory snapped little sharply and Lorelai looked at her with surprise. "I haven't held him yet. I want to be the first."

"Jess did it before you." Lorelai curled her lips in a smile.

"He did?"

"I did." Jess confirmed and walked in the room, followed by Doctor Mathews. "How are you?"

"Just fine." Her eyes shone.

"Jess told me that you are awake." Doctor Mathews smirked. "That's a good sign. How are you feeling, Rory?"

"I have… unpleasant feeling here." Rory touched her belly. "But I'm fine. Really."

"It's normal to feel sore." Doctor Mathews nodded. "It was pretty hard for you and you have few stitches. But I don't think that there is something serious."

"So I can hold my baby?"

"Isn't it too early?" Lorelai frowned. "You said it yourself – she is still sore. Maybe we have to wait."

"I don't wanna wait!" Rory snapped and they heard the angry cry of the baby. "See? He agrees with me!"

"He's a hoodlum, just like his father." Lorelai murmured.

"I see no reason why you can't hold your baby." Doctor Mathews nodded at Jess. He went and took his son from the crib.

"Let me help you." Lorelai rushed to her daughter and helped her to lift the upper side of the bed. "Careful, honey."

"Here." Jess placed the crying baby in the arms of his mother. Rory's eyes went wet. He stopped crying immediately.

"Hello." Rory sang to her newborn son. "You are so beautiful my boy. Yeah. You are my second miracle." Her eyes flicked to Jess. "Now I have two."

"I think we have to leave them alone." Doctor Mathews nodded at Lorelai.

"But…"

"They will be just fine." Doctor Mathews smirked and Lorelai followed him out of the room, pouting.

"You hid the truth from my mom?" Rory whispered when she felt Jess' presence close to her. He sat at the edge of the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Rory leaned on him. "Thank you."

"I told my uncle. I didn't have enough strength to tell that to your mother. Besides… there is no point now. She'll suffer and you don't want that. And you are here now, so…"

"Thank you for holding me here." Rory murmured.

"You wanted to be here." Jess touched the crown of her hair. "You just needed something that would make you want that more."

"Yeah." Rory sighed and after a moment of silence, she uttered. "Does he have a name?"

"I want you to help me with the choice." Jess muttered in her hair.

" Matthias." Rory sighed. "I like the sound of the name. It suits him. He looks like Matthias, don't you think?"

"Okay… " Jess agreed. "What about Oliver as a second name?"

"Oliver?"

"Oliver… from Oliver Twist." He smiled at the memory.

"Alright… Dodger." Rory smiled as well.


	65. Chapter 65 Protecting you

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 65 Protecting you_**

Like they had told him, Rory's recovery ran slow. She looked strong, but she had to stay at the hospital few more days. Then there was a special time for adaptation in home and then she could get up on her feet. But it took time and she was impatient already. She had to be careful when and how she held her son. They changed her IV twice a day and she was eager to get up of the hospital bed. Jess just clenched his jaw and hoped she could get better soon. But like that it was not enough, the little baby cried a lot and calmed only in Rory's arms. She needed her sleep, but Matthias did not allow her such time. It was good if she could get two or three hours in a row. But Rory did not complain. She never did that. She still thought that Matthias was her miracle child.

By the end of the third day, after an exhausted night, spent around little Matthias, Rory looked completely exhausted and Jess was about to burst. He was about to blow up and he knew that was not good for her. But when Rory insisted that she had to stay awake and watch over the sleep of the baby, he could not take it.

"You have to sleep!" He hissed and clenched his fists. "Just think about the night you spent awake!"

"But what if he needs me?" She insisted and suppressed a yawn.

"I'm here and the nurses are just in one ring away." Jess lowered his voice. "I'm sure we could handle it!"

"But he calms only in my hands."

"He has to learn that it's not always gonna be like that." Jess snapped. "You need your sleep, Rory!"

"I can't." She murmured.

"It's easy." Jess tried to control his anger. "You just close your eyes and that's it. I'm sure you're body is gonna do the rest."

"Jess." She whispered with a plea in her eyes.

"No! You have to sleep and that's final!"

"You can't order me like this!" She frowned with frustration.

"I have a document that says I can!" He snarled. "You made me sign it even!"

"But…"

"Hey, what's going on here?" Doctor Mathews interrupted them. "I thought that Rory needs some rest."

"She does, but she refuses to sleep." Jess snapped. "And she needs that!"

"Tough night?" Doctor Mathews threw a brief look at the crib. Matthias was sleeping peacefully. "When he wakes up we have to check him again."

"What? Why?" Rory tried to sit on the bed. "Is it something wrong with him?" She crooked her face from the short pain in her belly. "Oh."

"See?" Jess frowned and his eyes flicked to the doctor. "She is not fine and she insisted that she is!"

"There is nothing wrong with your son." Doctor Mathews was hurry to soothe her. "He is okay, but this is a hospital practice. It's good for all of the babies. We check them through the first days of their development. If there is something wrong, it's good to catch it in time. But there is nothing wrong with Matthias."

"Good." Rory leaned back with a sigh. "I don't want something to happen with him! Since he's going to be my only child…"

"You're not planning more?" Doctor Matthews looked at her with curiosity.

"It's not like that, but… they told me I can't have children. I think of him as my miracle." Her voice cracked and she searched for Jess' hand.

"But Rory, you can have children." Doctor Matthews smiled at her. "You just have to be careful with your anemia, that's all."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rory frowned. "My doctors there told me that I can't have…"

"I'm not sure why they told you such thing, but you definitely can have more children. I can't see any medical condition that proves me wrong. Like I said – the only problem you have is your anemia." The old doctor shrugged.

"I don't get it." Rory shook her head. "Why they lied to me? This is something serious, damn it! I thought I'm broken!" She bit her lower lip. "I thought I'm half a woman! This is… damn!"

"Calm down, Rory!" Jess squeezed her hand. "I know the feeling, but you don't have to be upset right now. It's not worth it!"

"When did you change that much?" She looked at him with amusement.

"New therapy and new medicine." Jess shrugged and forced a smile. "But the point is – I know the feeling."

"You have to listen to him." Doctor Matthews nodded. "And you have to sleep now. You're not helping to your son. You have to be strong for him!"

"I guess I could take a nap." Rory murmured hesitantly. "But if Matthias wakes up and he needs me…"

"I'll be here." Jess promised and leaned to kiss her lips. "Sleep now."

She fell asleep in the moment he pulled back. He looked at her doctor with a crooked face. His feelings were obvious.

"She is stubborn." Doctor Matthews murmured with a smile.

"As a donkey sometimes." Jess shook his head. "But this is why I love her."

"You really do."

"Yeah."

"Okay." The old man prepared to leave. "I have to go now, but I'm going to call in New York for her file. I want to know who told her that she cannot have children."

"You are so sure?"

"Yes. I am and it's strange really." Doctor Matthews rubbed his chin. "Besides her anemia, there is nothing that serious. Anyway, I'm going to send some nurse later."

"Sure." Jess nodded and looked back at Rory. She was pale, but she slept peacefully and her breathing was steady. Jess sighed with relief and rubbed the back of his neck. He was tired, but he would never let her know that.

Matthias chose that moment to give a small cry. Jess rushed to the crib and took him in his arms, and leaned his small head on his shoulder. Rory was wrong. Their son calmed in his arms as well. A nice, warm feeling possessed his body. Jess finally smiled for real. But it was too early. He had not heard when the door had opened. But he heard a voice, Logan's voice.

"It's not fair, you know?"

Jess turned around carefully. His son still slept in his arms.

"What are you doing here?"

"You have a boy?" Logan stared at him with hate in his eyes. "You have a son and you are alive! Do you know how unfair that is?"

Jess could not answer.


	66. Chapter 66 Long story short

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 66 Long story - short_**

Jess placed the quiet baby back on the crib and turned around to face Logan. He still was there. His eyes glared at him. Jess sighed and nodded at the door.

"Out!" He murmured. "If you have something to say to me, it's for my ears only!"

"Sure." Logan rolled his eyes and the both men walked out in the corridor.

Jess stopped and his eyes narrowed. There was a time when he would just simply keep quiet in front of Logan. There was a time when he felt so guilty that he wanted to die. But something had happened to him. It was as if he had slept for too long and now he was sober again. He would lie if he could tell that he was completely fine. He was not. He still had doubts in himself. But he had people to carry about now. He had a family. Maybe he was not good enough for them, but they needed him. Rory and their boy needed him. This made him breathe little more easily.

"If you have something to tell me, tell me now!" Jess snarled. "How many times I have to tell you that I'm sorry? I didn't know she was married! She never told me and I wouldn't start something with her if I knew."

"Yeah! Like I can trust you, moron!" Logan scoffed. "I can't trust you! You know why? Because you are a little piece of crap and I'll enjoy destroying you!"

"What the hell do you want from me?" Jess threw a brief look to the door. "You know who I am! You…"

"I wish you died when you jumped off that building!" Logan snarled and Jess stepped back. "What? You think I didn't know about all this? How do you think I found you? Huh? It's good when you have money sometimes. The doors are open everywhere."

"Everywhere?" Jess blinked. "Tell me, Logan. Why she ran away from you?"

"What?" Logan snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"Megan." Jess tilted his head. "Why she had to look for another man? Why?"

"You son of a bitch!" Logan increased his voice. He rushed to Jess and grabbed his shirt. "You killed her and now you're blaming me? She was my wife!"

"Hey!" Luke's voice surprised them both. Logan groaned and pulled back. "We are in a hospital!" Luke hissed and then looked at Jess. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Jess shrugged and fixed his shirt.

"You are going to pay, Jess!" Logan pointed at him.

"What he's talking about?"

"Megan was his wife." Jess murmured.

"Ah." Luke took another to Jess. "So she cheated on him?"

"We'll see about that!" Logan snapped and prepared to leave.

"Hey!" Jess' voice stopped him. "Don't touch Rory! She has nothing to do with this!"

Logan just clenched his fists and walked in the elevator. Jess sighed and fell on the nearest bench. He buried his hands in his hair and stared at the wall. Luke sat close to him and coughed to get his attention. Jess just shook his head and leaned back on the wall.

"You can't change the past, Jess!" Luke finally spoke. "Whatever it's done – it's done. That's it! You can't carry that weight on your back forever. You know to where this could lead you and you know that Rory need you more than you need that place."

"Yeah, I know." Jess groaned and scratched his neck. "It's hard you know? He's telling the truth. I killed her and I know that, but he can't blame me for her cheating."

"For the last time Jess, you didn't kill that woman!"

"I did!" Jess insisted. "And now I have to learn how to live with it without wanting to kill myself everyday."

"You are an impossible case!" Luke snorted, but then looked at Jess' face and his expression changed completely. "I'm sorry Jess. It's just a wrong choice of words."

"But you are right." Jess smiled with sadness in his eyes. "Never mind." He waved with his hand. "I have to put better thought in my head."

"Yeah." Luke nodded, trying to change the subject. "How's Rory doing?"

"She's fine and her doctor told her that she could have another child if she wants to." Jess murmured. "I'm glad to see her smiling like this."

"Wait a minute!" Luke put up a hand. "What are you talking about?"

"It's a long story." Jess shrugged. "But apparently someone lied to her that she can't have children. She can!"

"I think that your little boy there could prove that." Luke smirked.

"Sure." Jess smiled. "He sure can prove that."

"Hey daddy!" They saw Lane walked out of the elevator and looked at Jess. "What's Mr. Pout face is doing around here? I thought you cleared the air the last time you to faced each other?"

"I thought the same." Jess sighed and got off the bench.

Luke frowned.

"They cleared the air?"

"Long story." Jess muttered and his eyes flicked to Luke.

"Another long one? Gee!" Luke shook his head and got off the bench too. "I'm going for some coffee. Lorelai asked me to wait for her in the cafeteria, but I wanted to make sure that you are alright."

"I am." Jess nodded and waited until his uncle hid behind the corner. "Rory doesn't know about Logan coming here today."

"I'm sure." Lane frowned. "You wouldn't be here otherwise. What happened? What he wanted?"

"He wants revenge and that's normal." Jess crooked his face. "I wish he knew better place for that. But I guess he couldn't wait."

"He hit you?"

"He tried." Jess rubbed his chin. "Luke came here before that."

"He chose the right time."

"He sure did." Jess nodded. "You are here to see Rory?"

"No, I'm here because your wonderful personality." She scoffed and that brought another smile on his face. "Are you kidding me?" Her jaw almost dropped. "You are smiling?"

"I'm practicing for the kid."

"Yeah, you sure don't wanna scare him." Lane rolled her eyes, but she looked glad to see him like this. "So how's Rory? Sleeping I guess?"

"Finally." Jess murmured. "But you can see the little one if you want to."

"I want to." Lane nodded and looked at Jess while he opened the door before her. "Thanks Jess."

"Sure, no problem." Jess murmured.

"You know, I always knew that you are the right man for Rory." Lane whispered when they got inside of the room. Jess looked at her with amusement. "It's true. You can ask her how many times we talked about you."

"I don't need that." Jess shook his head and his look fell at the woman on the bed. Rory slept in her right side with her face to the crib. She had buried one of her hands under her face and the other lay on the pillow. Her soft lips were parted in her sleep and her delicate face looked even more beautiful if that was even possible according to Jess. "She's here now."

"She is here for you." Lane tilted her head and smiled at the look in his eyes. She had never seen Jess Mariano so open and honest.


	67. Chapter 67 Stubbornness

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

_**Chapter 67 Stubbornness**_

Rory woke up from an angry cry. She smiled and her eyes opened just to face the terrifying look in Lane's eyes. Her friend was holding her son and trying to calm him without any luck. Rory suppressed her laugh, just to enjoy the picture little longer.

"You really like your father, huh, Mariano?" Lane just said and Rory could not help it. She burst into laugh and her friend glared at her. "It's not funny!" Lane frowned. "He's hungry!"

"I can hear." Rory said through laugh, but her face crooked painfully when she tried to sit on the bed. "Damn!"

"What? What's wrong?" Lane rushed to her with the crying baby in her arms. "You want me to call someone?"

"No." Rory took a deep breath and leaned back on her pillows. "I'm still sore, that's all." She nodded at her son. "Give me Matthias."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you want to have ears?" Rory rose up her eyebrows. Matthias chose this moment to cry louder, like it was even possible. Lane did not hesitated more. She placed the baby in his mother's arms and the room began quiet in the moment he started his feeding. "Good boy." Rory lingered her fingers over delicate his body.

"Hoodlum." Lane murmured, but with a smile.

"He is adorable, isn't he?" Rory still glanced at her son.

"He has an adorable cry." Lane shook her head.

"Hey!" Rory frowned.

"The little one here really has a temper, Rory." She laughed. "He got that from his father."

"And he is stubborn like him." Rory could not help, but smile.

"Nah." Lane sighed and sat on the nearest chair. "He got that from the both of you."

"What?" Rory pouted. "I'm not stubborn!"

"It took you almost an year of longing to finally admit that you want Jess! Oh wait! It wasn't even you! It was Dean who couldn't stand that puppy eyes you've got for Jess." Lane placed hand on her chest and batted eyelashes. "Oh, my!"

"Ok, this proves me stupid, not stubborn." Rory insisted.

"He told you he loves you, he asked you to run away and you told him that you don't love him anymore." Lane rose up her eyebrows. "Which was stupid, 'cos we both know that you never stopped loving him."

"Again – stupid!" Rory emphasized the word.

"Left him in Philly?"

"Stupidity." Rory shrugged briefly.

"You stayed with him no matter how bad he was." Lane changed her voice. "Even when you lost hope, why you stayed here? Why you never ran away again?"

"Because I loved him." Rory said it as it was something simple. "I loved him enough to believe that he still has a chance."

"And your stubbornness helped you." Lane looked at her with a smile. "This was a good thing Rory. You did a great job with Jess. I saw him smiling. I thought I'd never see him smile again."

"Yeah." Rory looked down at her son. He was done eating and she placed his head on his shoulder. Her hand rubbed his back. "He's still learning how to smile again without feeling guilty."

"He looked pretty much angry." Lane murmured.

"What?" Rory frowned. "What's happened?"

"Nothing." Jess walked in the room. "You are awake?"

Rory looked at his pale face. His eyes flicked to his son in her arms and then she saw the pain again. It was so quick that she could miss it. Then she looked a Lane. She had found something very interesting in her fingers. Something had happened.

"I want to talk to you." Rory frowned and looked at Jess.

"So you want me gone?" Lane did not wait the second invitation. "I'll see you soon… Mariano." She winked at Rory and left the room. Jess slowly closed the door after her.

"What's going on?" Rory patted her son's back and looked at his father. "Jess?"

"Damn!" He cursed silently and ran fingers through his hair. His eyes avoided her. "I knew it's going to come to this!"

"Just speak to me!" She insisted softly and felt how Matthias calmed in her arms. "You know you're going to feel better when you do this."

"Nah." Jess shook his head and took the seat close to her bed. "I'm not gonna feel better. I'm gonna feel… I mean…" He stammered. "I thought I was out of this shit! I really thought that!"

"Come on." Rory tilted her head. "You know you want to tell me."

"You know what I want, Rory?" He finally looked at her. "I want to look at you and I want to see you happy. That's all I want, because honestly I'm sick of causing you pain!" He clenched his jaw. "I just… damn!"

"Jess?" Rory released curled up her lips in a light smile. "Why do you think you're hurting me? Look at me and tell me do I look in pain?"

"No, but…"

"I think you should stop worrying about me now and tell me how I can help you. Is it about Logan?"

"What?" Jess snapped. "How did you know he was here?"

"Logan was here?" Rory frowned. "When?"

"I thought you know… and that's why…"

"No, but thanks you're telling me!" She scoffed. "What he wants?"

"Revenge." Jess shrugged. "I can understand that."

"Revenge on what?" Rory would yell if she did not hold her son. "It was an accident and plus, she cheated on him!"

"Like this makes things any better." Jess rolled his eyes. "Leave it Rory! I can take it!"

"And you what? Just shut me out?" She looked angry.

"I'm not shutting you out I just don't want you involved in this! It's my…"

"I'm your wife! And we have a son! We are tied together no matter you likes it or not!" She snapped. "I am involved in this and I'm gonna stay there! I'm gonna stay beside you!"

"I know you will." Jess touched her face. "You know how much I love you for being so stubborn?"

"Oh yeah." Her face relaxed in a smile again. "But you have to tell me this at least once a day. It won't hurt me." Her lips brushed his.

* * *

**_A/N: Sorry for the short update guys, but I screwed up at work! :/ Damn bosses! So, anyway... I just wanted to write something for you to keep the updates coming as usual. Hope you like this one as well and let me know what you think. Your reviews always makes me feel better. Luv ya all! "hugs" _**

**_Arinna_**


	68. Chapter 68 Open the door

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 68 Open the door _**

Jess opened the front door and stepped aside to make room for Rory. She smiled at him and walked in their house with their little boy in her arms. They had released her surprisingly this morning. Doctor Matthews set the appointments for her and the baby. Then he told Jess that Rory was fine enough to get back home. She had not called her mother or Luke. They just gathered her things and left the hospital.

"Hey Matt. This is your home, sweetheart. "She cooed in the moment they were already inside of the house. Matthias was awake and looked around from the secured arms of his mother. His big hazel eyes did not want to miss anything around him. "Yeah, yeah…" Rory cuddled him gently.

She insisted to carry him and Jess had to carry the empty seat, meant for their baby. It had been only a week since they had let her to walk again. There were small steps at first and she felt pain and weakness from the long staying in the bed. But Rory was strong enough to do it, so she clenched her teeth and just fought with the difficulties.

Jess just looked her and shuddered with the thought that he almost lost her. It was at this close, but everything ran well after that. He got better and he could feel his own strength coming step by step every day. Jess stopped his visit to his doctor and continued with his medications. The view of his son, growing little by little every day, added something extra to that strength. He was learning to be a father.

"Jess?" Rory's soft voice made him look at her. She smiled, but the concern in her look was obvious. He could not blame her. "We are ready to see our room." She looked down at their son and smiled again when he yawned. "And we are ready to sleep."

"Sure." Jess murmured and walked before Rory, so he could open the door of the nursery. When the walked inside, he was surprised. Lorelai and Lane had bought some furniture and stuffs needed for the baby. "I'll be damned!"

"You didn't know?" She asked him after she put Matthias on his crib. He yawned again and his eyes closed.

"Nope." Jess exclaimed and walked to her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and she leaned on him. "He's tired?"

"Yeah." She laughed quietly. "I guess he had a long morning."

"Your was too. Come on." Jess rubbed her arms and led her to her bed. They left the door open, so they could hear when Matthias needed them. "Here we go." He helped her to lie down and placed some pillows around her. "How are you feeing?"

"It's good to be back home." She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. "But we have to call my mother and Luke."

"And the silence will be over." Jess snorted and that brought smile to Rory's face. He sounded more and more like himself these days. "Why are you smiling? It's not funny!"

"I'm smiling, because you are finally sounded like you."

"Huh?" Jess ran his fingers through his hair and sat on the bed, close to her. "I'm trying."

"I know you do." She touched his arm. "And I couldn't ask for more."

"Yeah, right." He forced a smile. "What happened with your results?" He changed the subject abruptly.

"My results? You mean… my tests from New York?" Rory frowned. "It appears that no one knows anything."

"Meaning?" Jess snapped. "How is this possible?"

"My doctor there got fired and he took all the files with him." Rory scoffed. "How is this possible?"

"Then what?" Jess frowned. "We are going to leave everything like this?"

"Nah." Rory shook her head. "Doctor Matthews told me that the hospital sued that doctor. They found him in the Bahamas. It appeared that he had taken money from the hospital and now he is under arrest."

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there when your doctor told you all this." Jess sighed. "I had to end with my visits to the psychiatrist."

"It's okay. You haven't missed anything." Rory leaned her head on his shoulder. "We're going to find out soon and maybe I'm going to write something about it."

"That's new." Jess took her hand. "I'm glad about that."

"Yeah. You should be writing too." She answered after a short pause.

"No." He snapped and got off the bed. "I won't?"

"But why?"

"Because… I don't want to!" Jess turned his back to her. "I've done it before and… let's just say I'm not pleased with the result!"

"But the book was wonderful, Jess." Rory looked at him with amusement. "I can't even remember how many times I've read it!"

"Rory." He furrowed his eyebrows and turned around to look at her. "It was a disaster I know."

"No, it wasn't and I know that you were about to publish another before the accident." She shrugged.

"What a nice way to say that." He winced and went to the window.

"Because it's true." Rory shrugged and looked at him carefully. "Please Jess! You can get sick again and we need you."

"I know." She looked at her with his crooked smile on his face. "I know you both are here and you both need me."

"Then?" She tilted her head. "Don't give yourself bad thoughts. It's in the past Jess. Let's stay there."

He could not answer, because of the sound of slamming door.

"Rory Gilmore Mariano! Better be here or I…" Lorelai rushed into the room with grumpy expression on her face. "Here you are! Why didn't you call me that you are here?"

"Thanks for the room mom." Rory smiled.

"We just arrived and you better be quiet, because Matt just fell asleep." Jess scoffed.

"What is that face?" Lorelai frowned, but lowered her voice. "I'm sure that Matt isn't gonna…" Her words were interrupted by an angry cry. She sighed. "Yeah. He is Jess' son. No doubt about that!"

"Mom!" Rory snapped and Jess shook his head, leaving the room. "What's wrong with you?"

"You didn't call!" Lorelai snapped. "I thought I could come over and take you from the hospital."

"And?" Rory tilted her head. "Mom? I know you better than anyone. What's wrong?"

"Well.. I…" Lorelai sighed. "They called from the court."

"What?" Rory lowered her voice. "Where? Which court?"

"New York." Lorelai skipped a beat. "They're going to reopen Jess' case!"


	69. Chapter 69 Paris can help

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 69 _****_Paris_****_ can help_**

Jess walked in his son's room and his eyes fixed his small angry face. That brought a sudden smile on his face. He never thought that he could be a father. Moreover, he had never thought that he was going to like it.

"Hey, hey." He reached out and took Matthias in his arms. His crying turned into small sobs. "You are scared from the new place, huh?" Jess rubbed his small back. "Don't worry. We are at home and no one can hurt you here." He cuddled him until he walked with him to the bedroom. "That's right. Yeah, mommy is here. Now we can go and see her." Matthias yawned and Jess smiled again. "Brave boy."

He walked in the bedroom and noticed Rory look towards him. She looked concerned. This was not something new for him. She always watched him like this, but this time was something serious. He could tell. Jess just shook his head and placed Matthias in her arms.

"What's wrong with my boy?" She turned her look to their son. "Why are you crying Matt?" Rory cooed and tickled his stomach. Matthias giggled.

"He was scared." Jess shrugged and looked at Lorelai. She was strangely quiet. "What happened?"

"Your case is reopening, Jess." Lorelai murmured.

"What?" He frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "We just received the note."

"You?"

"They sent it to Luke." Lorelai shrugged. "I guess they didn't know about your new status and your new address."

"My new status?" Jess scratched his neck. "Yeah I guess you are right. So Logan did it after all."

"Why I'm not surprised?" Rory hissed and prepared to feed the baby. "He could be such an…"

"Oh-oh!" Lorelai coughed. "Kid in the room."

"Funny! I thought you are an adult." Rory rose up her eyebrows.

"Very funny!" Lorelai, but looked at Jess. "So, what we can do about that case?"

"You wanna help?" He looked surprised.

"You are married to my daughter and you are the father of her son." Lorelai shrugged. "She loves you and that's all I need know. And Luke, well… we all know that he's gonna help you no matter you want it or not."

"Sure." Jess sighed and sat on the bed. He glanced at Rory. "I really thought that all this is over. I'm so sorry."

"Shh-shh, hey." Rory extended her free arm and touched his face. "You don't have to worry about us. You have to stay calm and believe that everything will be alright."

"Knowing Logan?" Lorelai muttered and they both looked at her. "I'm just saying." She put up her hands. "His family is rich and if we have to do something is to prepare ourselves for a long fight."

"That's… not good." Jess murmured and ran his trembled fingers through his hair. "But… I guess you won't let me to take care about this by my own?"

"You are not alone." Rory smiled softly. "Not anymore. Besides, I know few people who could help us and I know Logan."

"Thanks for reminding me about that." He scoffed.

"I'm sorry, but this is something I cannot change." Rory murmured and looked back at her son. He looked at her with her big hazel eyes and her face shone. "But all this led me to this moment. All this, led me back to you." Her eyes flicked to him. "Maybe we had to pass through all this just to earn our life together, Jess."

"What a life! I'm causing you only problems, Rory."

"Well, I love this problem here." She smiled and leaned Matthias body on her chest. His head leaned on her shoulder and she looked at his father. "I'm sure that you love it too."

"We all love that little problem." Lorelai agreed with a small laugh. "I think it's the best you've been caused to us."

"Mom!" Rory blushed, but Lorelai words brought small smile on Jess' face.

"Thank you." He answered. "I've tried."

Later that night, when Rory rested in his arms for the first time since Matthias was born. It felt good and when she snuggled in him, Jess smiled.

"Huh, this feels good." Rory murmured under her nose.

"What feels good?" Jess rubbed her back.

"To be hold by you." She sighed.

"Now you are poetic?"

"I'm feeling… like I'm coming home." Rory leaned her head on his chest. "Yeah, that's how I feel."

"I know that feeling." He sighed and his smile faded. "I have to find a layer. But we can't afford someone…"

"Look…" She looked up at him. "Do you remember my friend Paris?" He nodded. "I could call her and she could help us with this."

"Paris?" Jess frowned. "Are you sure?"

"She was your fan, even when Dean was my boyfriend." Rory laughed.

"Paris?" He was shocked. "My… fan?"

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "And she also became a fan of your book later."

"Uh-oh!"

"Yup." Rory yawned. "I can call her tomorrow and we can talk about your case. My mom told me that's gonna start the next month. So… we have enough time to prepare."

"Rory…"

"Shh-shh!" She snuggled in him and closed her eyes. "I want to sleep now, because I can. Matt is gonna need me soon."

"Okay." He hugged her carefully. "Sleep now."

He felt her steady breathing just a couple of minutes later. She was tired. It was a long day for her and not a pleasant one. Jess frowned. He was not surprised of Logan's actions actually. Jess probably would do the same. Logan was hurt and he acted in the only possible way. Jess still felt guilty about Megan's death. He was trying to look at the even as an accident like Rory wanted, but he just could not do it. His memories were telling him something different and he was feeling something different. This could not change. The well-known weight, possessing his soul, came back again. Jess fought with it. This time he had a reason to do it. He had Rory and he had Matt. They were his reason for living. Now when Rory was out of danger, Jess could finally open his heart for his son.

Matt was a wonderful kid and he was Jess'. That was something nobody could deny it. Jess knew that he loved his son already. He was ready to do anything for his boy. His eyes flicked to Rory. She was going to be hurt. There were things in his past, things he was not proud of and wanted to forget. He was sure that some of them would shine in that case. Maybe he could just talk to her first. It was for the best… for the both of them.

* * *

**_A/N: I'm soooooooo sorry for the late update. I was so tired after work that I just fell asleep in the moment my head touched the pillow. I think I'm catching a cold. "frowns" Anyway - enjoy at this chapter. Loves all!_**

**_Arinna_**


	70. Chapter 70 Calling to the past

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 70 Calling to the past_**

Rory picked up her cell and bit her lip as she dialed the number. She had not used it in a long time. They had lost contact with each other in some reason. Rory sat on the couch and glanced the window. The phone on the next side of the line rang. Her heart pounded when she heard the forgotten voice.

"Hello?"

"Paris?" Rory coughed. "Is that you?"

"Gilmore?" She skipped a beat and then laughed. "Rory! Oh, it's been awhile!"

"Yeah. Work, you know?" Rory lowered her voice.

"Yeah, I know." Paris laughed again. "But I wouldn't love it otherwise. Where are you?"

"Stars Hollow."

"Huh? Back with the roots?" Paris scoffed. "I thought you were in New York. I've read some of your reviews."

"I kinda… had to take it a break." Rory smiled and looked at the open door of the nursery. Her son still slept.

"What? What break?"

"Maternity leave." Rory murmured.

"You are pregnant?" Paris was shocked. Rory could hear that in her voice. "I thought you swore that you wasn't ready."

"I was pregnant and… I was wrong." Rory murmured. "I just needed the right guy."

"You were… so you have a child now?" Paris laughed nervously. "Wow! What is it?"

"A boy."

"A boy? And who's the father? No! Wait until I sit down." She skipped a beat. "Now, I'm sitting. Is it that actor they rumored that you were dating?"

"Nah." Rory frowned even in that thought. "It's not him."

"Then who is it? Do I know him?"

"Yes, you know him." Rory smiled. "It's Jess."

"Jess? As in… Jess Mariano? The boy you used to date once?" Paris stammered. "How did that happen?"

"Hm." Rory frowned. "It's a long story, but he is the reason for me to call you."

"He?" Paris lowered her voice. "How can I help you? You have problems with him?"

"No, I don't have problems with him. I actually need your help for a goof layer." Rory bit her lower lip. "I need someone with good reputation and…"

"You need or Jess needs it? I'm confused."

"We need it." Rory lowered her look. "We are married, Paris."

"Married? You and Jess? Married?" Paris increased her voice. "I mean… seriously?"

"I can hear you, Paris! No need of yelling!" Rory laughed.

"But… but…ok, fine!" Paris stammered. "So, you're going to need my help about that layer, right? What for?"

"They are reopening his case. He… had a car crash and his girlfriend died." Rory swallowed hard. "Her husband is reopening that case again."

"Her… wait! He was dating with a married woman?"

"He didn't know!" Rory snapped. "Look, we need help and I thought that you are still my friend, Paris."

"I sure am and don't worry, Ror." Paris sighed at the other side of the line. "I'll call you in few days, okay?"

"Okay." Rory murmured with a slight smile. "Thanks Paris."

"Nah, you're gonna thank me when we win this case, okay?"

"Sure." Rory murmured. They exchanged goodbyes and she hang up the phone with a sigh. She leaned back on the couch and looked at the nursery. The door was open again. She wanted to watch over her son even from here.

Jess was out of the house. He went out early to pay a visit to his uncle. Rory thought that he was going to check out his bookstore before coming home. It was good that he was finally learning how to live again. The only bad thing now was that case. Jess just felt happy about his son. Rory could see him open his heart to Matthias. His eyes shone and his face lit up when he held him in his arms.

"Hey." Jess rushed in the room, soaked from the rain. His clothes were all wet and Rory frowned. "Nice weather outside."

"You are all wet!" She informed him as she followed him in the bathroom. He took off his clothes and wrapped up a towel around his waist.

"Thanks for telling me." He showed his half smile to her and then took another towel for his hair. "It pours like hell!"

"There is no water in the Hell, Jess." She laughed and he looked at her. His eyes shone and she felt nice warmth in her belly. "I so wished we can do something right now."

"Something?" He rose up his eyebrows and tossed the wet towel on the floor. His hair was still moist. Rory walked to him and buried her hands into his black curls. "Ah…" His voice cracked. "That…" He murmured as she leaned for a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her waist and his tongue met hers in a teasing game. "You are still… sore." He breathed out as he pulled back and leaned his forehead on hers.

"I know." Rory murmured. "Not fair."

"I can wait." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I miss you… like this." She sighed and took his hand.

"I can wait." He repeated and they went in the bedroom.

Rory sat on the bed and watched him as he changed his clothes. The blue was his color, she thought as he put on his dark blue sweater. His moist hair fell over his face and she smiled as she watched him pulled his curls back. He was gorgeous in her eyes and she wondered where her mind was when she had let him leave.

"Hm." She murmured.

"What?" Jess went to her. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "I spoke with Paris today."

"Huh?" Jess sat beside of her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "I told you we could make it through this."

"I know, but she wanted to help." Rory shrugged and enjoyed at his touch. "She said that she's gonna call us in few days."

"Yeah, okay." He pressed his lips to her temple. "I was at the bookstore and I have to say that I'm impressed."

"Why?"

"Kirk is doing really well there actually." Jess chuckled. "Uncle Luke hired another person, his daughter April, to help him and they got into a fight. She wanted to change the order of the books and he said that he wouldn't let her, because the boss said so."

"April is here and she already fought with Kirk?" Rory was amused.

"Yup." Jess nodded. "But he argued with her and he was very happy to tell me that everything is just like it was when I was there… and that's because of him."

"No doubt." Rory laughed.

"I have to tell you something." He changed the subject abruptly and she looked at him. "And… I'm not sure if you're going to like it, but I have to do it."

"Okay." She looked at him carefully.

"It's about my past, Rory…"

* * *

**_A/N: And apparently my shitty week is not over yet. :/ It was so slippery outside today that I fell over my arm and my wrist hurts like hell now. "pouts" AGH! It's so not fair! Hope you enjoy to this chapter as well. Loves as always!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	71. Chapter 71 Something good

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 71 Something good_**

He was thinking about that all day. He thought he could escape from his past and protect her from it. Now he knew that it was impossible and if he had to be honest, Jess wanted to do it. It was better than Rory could hear that from other people. Now she looked at his eyes with fear. She was scared and he could understand her. Rory knew him better than anyone, but even she was not aware of the darkness in his past.

"What's wrong, Jess?" She touched his face. "You know you can talk to me."

"I know, but this is something I thought you wouldn't know." He shook his head. "I thought I could avoid this."

"What is all about?" She frowned. "You are scaring me."

"Hm." He scoffed. "Believe me, if I had a choice I wouldn't even remember this."

"Is it that worse?" Rory murmured. "You told me about Megan and about your suicide attempt. I thought this was the hardest thing for you to tell me."

"Yeah, this could definitely win this game." He scoffed. Jess got off the bed and walked to the window. "But there is more… I mean… in my past."

"I know your past." Rory followed him and placed her hands on his arms. "You told me, remember? When we dated? We just sat on the bridge and we talked."

"It was mostly you, talking." He murmured.

"What?"

"You loved to talk." Jess turned to her. "You wanted to make sure that I know everything about your future plans. But you never share anything more personal. You never let me in your heart then. It was as if… you didn't trust me enough to allow me that."

"I… I'm sorry." She looked guilty and he just smiled, touching her face.

"It's okay. You were right and I wasn't ready to talk either."

"Then what? What was in your past that you are so scared about?" Rory swallowed hard. Her voice trembled. "Tell me."

"After I left… the first time." Jess coughed. "I went to see my dad, you know that?"

"Yeah." Rory frowned at that memory. "I bribed Luke to tell me where you are and then I was too busy trying to forget! Stupid pride!"

"But you knew it was me when I called you on your graduating day." Jess smiled.

"I kinda felt it." Rory shrugged. "But most of all I wished it was you. I mean, I missed you and all that anger built in me… I just wanted to hear you."

"I wasn't the best person to communicate with." He frowned.

"Same here." Rory smiled. "But let's not talk about the past, shall we?"

"We have to talk about, because I still have to tell you something." His eyes narrowed. "I mean… okay. So, after I met my father and we both agreed that he sucks as a parent, I went to New York."

"I know that."

"You don't know anything!" Jess scoffed. "I spent the next year, trying to convince myself that I can live alone and I did it."

"Okay, but…"

"Wait! There is more!" Jess interrupted her. "I met some people there and I did some things I'm not proud of." He frowned. "I was running out of money and I just have to work something."

"Okay, now I'm nervous." Rory rubbed his arms. "What have you done?"

"I worked as.. well… I was something like a dealer."

"Dealer?" Her eyes widened. "Drugs?"

"Pills." Jess sighed. "When I came back for you and… I asked you to leave with me, I was ready to change. I was sick of this life and I thought if you are with me it could be easier." He ran fingers through his hair.

"And when I said no?" She was afraid to ask.

"Then I just went to Philly and I met my friends there. Then somehow I managed to write my first book and… you know the rest." He shrugged.

"Well, you've had a difficult life." She wrapped her arms around him.

"That's all you're gonna say?"

"Yeah, that's all." Rory shrugged. "The important thing is that you are clear now."

"Clear?" He rose up his eyebrows. "I just told you I was a dealer and I was… it's illegal, Rory! And I've had problems with the cops and…"

"But you changed and you are a good person now." She nodded.

"Why are you doing this?" He snapped and pulled back. "You always want to make me feel like I'm the good guy! I'm not and I never will be!"

Matthias cried in that moment and Jess cursed under his nose. He rushed to his son's room and took him in his secured arms. Jess rubbed his back gently until Matthias cry turned into quiet sobs. When he turned around and looked at Rory, he saw her soft smile on her face.

"Yeah, you're not the good guy at all." She chuckled. "Open your eyes, Jess. You're changed and you just have to learn to look at yourself as a good person. You were young when you did … what you did. But you've had enough strength to pull it together and here you are now." She looked at her son in Jess' arms with a soft smile. "I'm sure he'll be proud to have a father like you."

"What have I done to deserve you?" He shook his head carefully not to disturb his son. "There must be something good."

"You changed for good." She tilted her head. "You are here now and you are with us."

"I almost didn't make it." His face faded. "You know that, right?"

"I know." She shrugged and walked to father and the son. "And I'd lie if I tell you that I'm not shocked of what you've done, but Jess… it's in your past."

"And I'm sure they are going to use it in the court." Jess frowned.

"Then I have to tell few things about Logan as well." She snapped. "Let's just say that he wasn't the best example ever."

"It's not fair." Jess looked at her.

"You're damn right it's not fair!" Rory frowned. "Open up the old wounds is never a good thing!"

"No, I think that he's just seeking justice." Jess sighed. "I can't blame him for that."

"But I can." Rory closed her eyes for a moment. "I know how you feel about this and I won't try to convince you in my point of view." She took a deep breath and looked at him. "But I'm going to protect you. If he wants fight – he has to fight with the both of us!""

* * *

**_A/N: And apparently my shitty week is not over yet. :/ And... I did something new today - almost burned my hand. WTF!? I know I'm so clumsy, but this is not me and I'm getting frustrated! "sigh" Well, hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	72. Chapter 72 I won’t just sit there

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 72 I won't just sit there_**

A week later, Paris knocked on the door of Rory and Jess' house. She wasn't alone. She had brought the best possible lawyer, she knew. Giving her job, she knew a lot.

"Just a minute!" She heard Rory's voice from behind the closed door. Seconds later, the door opened and she saw Rory with her baby in her arms.

"Paris!" Rory smiled softly and stepped aside. "Sorry about that, but we are little nervous today." She nodded at the sobbing baby.

"Um… it's okay." Paris murmured with shocked face and exchanged looks with the well-dressed lawyer. He was middle-aged man with gray hair and vivid green eyes. A thin smile appeared on his lips and Paris frowned.

"Jess!" Rory rose up her voice. "They are here and please be hurry! Matt can't stop crying!"

"I'm coming!" He answered and Paris lived her second shock for the day. Jess rushed in the small living room and reached out his arms for the baby. Rory placed his son in his arms and for Paris' surprise, the room went quiet.

"Uh, that's new." Paris said aloud and everybody looked at her. "What?" She scoffed.

"What's new?" The lawyer asked with curiosity.

"My husband." Rory caught the confusion in his eyes. "When Paris last met him, he was different."

"Yeah, I was." Jess crooked his face.

"So…" Paris coughed. "This is John Gilbert. He's working with my husband."

"Your husband?" Rory looked at her friend with curiosity. "Care to share?"

"Later!" Paris snapped. "You asked me for help? I brought you the best possible lawyer in this country."

"Wow!" John laughed. "That's the first. Thank you."

"No need to be modest!" She shrugged and sat on the couch. "You are. Michael wouldn't work with you otherwise."

"So.. his name is Michael?" Jess sat on the armchair, still with his son in his arms.

"How about the case?" Paris looked at Rory.

"Okay." Rory went serious and sat on the armrest of Jess' armchair. "Let's talk about the case."

"Paris told me something." John looked at Jess. "But what is the big picture?"

"I killed a person and…" Jess began, but Rory interrupted him.

"He had a car crash and his former girlfriend died in the accident."

"So it was an accident?" John prepared to write in his notebook. "How so?"

"She was girlfriend, but she was also married." Rory skipped a beat. "He didn't know that."

"Okay." John wrote something in his notebook. "So you were sure she wasn't married?"

"She didn't have a ring." Jess murmured. "Right before the… accident she told me she was pregnant, but she wasn't sure who the father is. I didn't know about her husband."

"She mentioned something about her other relationships?" John looked straight at him.

"No." Jess lowered his voice. "The impact happened right in the middle of our arguing."

"Okay." John nodded. "Something else I have to know?"

"He tried to kill himself after that." Rory murmured after a short pause. She placed her hand on Jess' arm. "I found him here few months later and he still was in bad shape."

"What?" Paris exclaimed. "You tried… suicide?"

"Yes." Jess released his sad smile. "I jumped off the building."

"But you are alright now?" John frowned.

"Thanks to her." Jess nodded at Rory and rubbed his son's back. "And to him."

"But he still feels guilty." Rory frowned.

"I have to check the documents around the previous case." John got off the couch. "Then I have to ask you some questions about it and we're ready for this case."

"You might want to know one more thing." Rory coughed and got off her place. Jess followed her. "Megan's husband was my boyfriend as well."

"What's his name?" John frowned and opened his notebook again.

"Logan. Logan Huntzberger." Rory murmured.

"Uh, you've got to be kidding me!" Paris' eyes widened. "Him, above all people?"

"Yeah, him above all people!" Rory snapped. "She wasn't his fan." She looked at Jess.

"I wasn't either." Jess murmured.

"I knew that there must be something in you!" Paris sighed with a light smirk. "You aren't a lost cause after all."

"I told him the same while ago." Rory shrugged.

"Okay then." John nodded. "Let's get to work!"

Later that night, Jess was sleeping peacefully on his bed, but Rory could not close her eyes. She just had fed her son, but she could not fall asleep. She went in the living room and sat on the couch. Rory folded her legs and leaned her chin on his knees. She liked that layer and she was sure that Paris had made the right choice with him, but there was something that bothered her. She knew Logan well-enough to know about his stubbornness. He would not give up until he reached his goal. In this case, the goal was ruining Jess' life. That was something she could not let him do it.

Rory grabbed the phone and dialed his number. She had it from Paris. Rory had asked that from her friend. Paris was not happy of that idea, but she could not refuse her as well.

"_Yes_!" The well-known voice snapped at the other side of the line.

"Hello to you too." Rory lowered her voice and her eyes flicked to the closed door of the bedroom.

"_Ace?_" He murmured. "I _thought… why are you calling?"i_

"I'm gonna ask you for something." Rory took a deep breath.

__

_"If you're asking me to back off, I won't do it!" _He scoffed.

"It was an accident, Logan!" Rory clenched her jaw. "Is there any point of digging in the old wound?"

__

_"You're saying that! That bastard saying that, but I know that it wasn't an accident!"_ Logan snarled. _"I've checked his past and I know in what he's capable of!"_

"And I know you as well!" Rory could not take it anymore. "Don't forget about that!"

__

_"Are you threatening me, Ace? Careful not to burn!" _

"We'll see each other in the court!" She hissed and hung up the phone.

"Was there any point of doing it, Ror?" Jess' voice was like a cares and she looked up at him. "You knew that he wasn't going to give up. That's his way to make sure…"

"That's his way of suffering!" Rory got off the couch with a sigh. "I get that, but I can't let him ruin my family." She walked to Jess and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I won't just sit and do nothing." She murmured on his chest.

"I know." Jess breathed out and kissed the top of her head. His arms wrapped around her like a shield. "I know."

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: What a surprise? I don't have any injury today... yet. :/ That means I'm ding great so far. My wrist keeps bugging me, but I had to write this up! Heh. Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	73. Chapter 73 Sleepless night

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 73 Sleepless night_**

Jess was sitting in his living room. It was the late noon and the house was quiet. Rory just had fed the baby and now they both slept. Jess sighed and rested his head on the back of the couch. It was a heavy night. Matt had not slept at all. He was nervous and cried constantly. Even Jess could not calm him. Usually it took him only a touch and Matt calmed almost immediately. But did not happen the last night. He just could not be calmed. Rory had worried if something was not wrong with him. They went to the hospital even, but their doctor had calmed them. It was something usual for the babies in Matt's age. And he was right. Matt fell asleep in the car on their way back home. Jess smiled and closed his eyes. How change could bring something so little? But his son was something precious to him. Jess had learned to love him. It was not easy for him to open his heart for his child, but Rory helped him a lot.

A sharp knock pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Rory? Hello?" Paris' voice echoed from the other side of the door. Jess sighed and got off the couch. He had to open the door, before Paris could wake up the whole house.

"Hey." He murmured in the moment he opened the door.

"Jess?" Paris stared at him with disbelief. "Have you looked yourself in the mirror lately?"

"Easy with your voice." He yawned and stepped aside. "Rory just fell asleep."

"You look awful as well." Paris frowned and stepped into the house. "What happened?"

"Matt couldn't sleep last night." Jess closed the door and dragged his feet to the couch. "We couldn't sleep either."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Paris followed him. "Something serious?"

"Nah." Jess shook his head and fell on the couch. "We went to see our doctor and he calmed us that Matt is just fine. It was something usual for the babies in his age."

"You should sleep as well."

"I was planning that before you could knock on the door." He frowned and rubbed his eyes. "What's the problem now? Something with the case?"

"Mostly and I wanted to see Rory." Paris shrugged and sat on the armchair. "I thought we could catch up."

"As soon as she wakes up." Jess yawned again.

"Then I should come back later?" Paris was ready to leave.

"No need." Rory walked into the room. "Why don't you try and sleep for awhile?" She went to Jess and touched his shoulder. "You need it."

"Thanks." He kissed her and hid in the bedroom. "Call if you need help, okay?" He yelled.

"Sure." Rory answered and Jess closed the door. "Sit down, please." Rory nodded at Paris and she sat back on the armchair. Rory took the couch. "So, why are you here?"

"I came to see you, but I guess it's not the right moment for that." Paris shifted nervously on her place.

"Nah." Rory waved with her hand. "You are always welcome here and I'll never forget what you did for Jess."

"Yeah, cuz he is my favorite." Paris rolled her eyes and Rory laughed.

"That's new." She shook her head.

"What?" Paris frowned.

"Your sense of humor."

"Huh?"

"You've never have it." Rory giggled.

"Blame Michael." Paris shrugged. "He corrupted me. When we got married he told me that I'm taking my life too serious and I need to take it easy!"

"He's right, you know." Rory tilted her head.

"I know." Paris smiled again. "He's the proof that people can change."

"Hm." Rory's eyes flicked to the door of the bedroom. "Jess as well."

"He really tried to do that?" Paris frowned. "I mean – jumped off the building? That's so not him! He was so… cool. That type of guys never do such things."

"He told me that he could care less of being cool once." Rory bit her lower lip and shook her head. "Jess only wanted to be different. He just needed little understanding. Too bad that no one was there for him." She frowned.

"Not even you?"

"Not even me." Rory scoffed. "And I wish I was. I wouldn't do the same mistakes with him again."

"What mistakes?"

"I wouldn't let him go." Rory whispered. "I would be more stubborn and eager to keep him with me. I was a coward, Paris."

"No." Paris shook her head. "You were a rebel."

"If I was a rebel, I would've gone with Jess when he asked me to. He came back because of me and put his pried on my feet. He asked me to go with him and I… I got scared! I pushed him away and lied to him that I didn't love him anymore."

"Aw, Rory." Paris shook her head.

"It is true." Rory shrugged. "But I didn't know that he is a person you are ready to fight for. Because he is, Paris."

"He's changed, Ror."

"I know." Rory frowned, "His live was never an easy job."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, he fought for everything. Nothing is granted for him." Rory lowered her voice. "I wanted to cry the first time I saw him here when I came back. He looked like a ruin."

"I can't believe this."

"It was true and I thought that my life was difficult." Rory chuckled bitterly. "But when I saw him I realized that this time I'll fight for him. He deserved that and he still deserves it!"

"What about you?" Paris leaned back on her armchair. "What happened with you and your actor?"

"Uh, please!" Rory scoffed. "Don't make me feel sick, please."

"Oh, okay." Paris rose up her eyebrows. "Was it that bad? He was cute."

"He was so cute that he cheated on me." Rory rolled her eyes. "But I just didn't care and when I realized that I thought that's time for me to come back and to start over."

"And you started over?" Paris smiled.

"And I started over." Rory laughed. "But I'm just glad to have Jess back you know. And… I know now that I can have children."

"You sure can. I thought I met your son." Paris laughed.

"He's little treasure." Rory blushed. "Like his father, but they both have a temper."

"No doubt." Paris rolled her eyes. "Jess told me about your sleepless night."

"Yeah, but Matt is fine." Rory shrugged. "That's all that mattered." Her phone rang and she smiled at Paris. "Excuse me for a minute."

"Sure." Paris nodded and Rory got off the couch.

She put the phone close to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Rory!" Doctor Matthews called from the other side of the line. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure." Rory bit her lower lip nervously. "Something about Matt?"

"No. It's something about you." Doctor Matthews skipped a beat. "You know about the results I was waiting from New York? I just got them. Your blood picture is clean and your results from there are normal. The person, caused you this… I don't know why he told you, you can't have children. I can't see anything here."

"So he just lied?" Rory got angry. "I know that the hospital sue him. Hope he got punished!"

"Do you know any reason of why he would lie for such thing?"

"No." Rory frowned. "But I'll find out!"

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: No injuries today, but lots of paperwork! Lots of! I'm tired, but... I had to write this up for you! Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	74. Chapter 74 Change my mind

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 74 Change my mind_**

Rory hang up the phone with a slight frown on her face. She turned around and looked at Paris with thoughtful expression. Her friend looked confused.

"What's wrong, Ror?" Paris watched her as she sat back on the couch.

"They just told me about something I already knew." Rory mumbled and looked at Paris. "I just want to know why that man do this to me!"

"What?" Paris frowned. "What's wrong? Rory?"

"The doctor who told me about my inability to have children… the caught him." Rory sighed and looked at her friend. "They sent my result to my doctor here. He told me that my blood picture was clear and he was surprised why someone would lie to me like that!"

"Bastard!" Paris scoffed.

"I know, but something tells me he wasn't working alone." Rory frowned. "I mean, someone paid to him to lie to me!"

"Who could be?" Paris tilted her head.

"I…" Rory began, but was interrupted from baby's cry. Before she could react on this, the door of the bedroom opened and Jess rushed out from there.

"Boy that was quick!" Paris murmured with amusement and Rory shook her head.

"They share special connection." She explained to her friend.

"Here we are." Jess went out from the nursery with his son in his arms. "I think we are grumpy again."

"I think we are." Rory smiled softly. "Maybe he is thirsty?"

"Yeah, maybe he is." Jess patted his son's back. "C'mon big guy! Let's go in the kitchen."

Rory looked after them with a smile on her face.

"He looks so different." Paris took her attention and Rory looked at her. "I mean – Jess Mariano, a father? I'd never imagine that."

"I wouldn't either, but it's a fact." Rory smiled. "But it took him a long way to get to here."

"Meaning?"

"Well, my pregnancy hadn't been easy." Rory shrugged. "I had to spend the last few months in the bed."

"Oh no!" Paris frowned. "But you're alright now."

"Yes, I am." Rory shrugged again. "But Jess was worried all the time. He couldn't feel happy for the baby." She smiled again. "But when he realized that I'm getting better, he finally opened to his son."

"He worried about your health, Ror." Paris nodded. "You can't blame him."

"I can't." Rory smiled. "I know he loves me and believe me, after all we've been through, I can understand him."

"Well, I'm glad he's better now." Paris smiled.

"Wow! I'm a fan of your husband already!" Rory chuckled. "I've never seen you so smiley before."

"Yeah, right." Paris murmured. "I'll tell that to Michael. I'm sure he'd be happy to hear it."

"So, when we're gonna meet him?"

"Soon." Paris leaned back on her armchair. "He is on a work trip."

"And I can tell that he's rich, right?" Rory rolled her eyes.

"Who told you this?" Paris frowned.

"Oh, c'mon! I know you!" Rory laughed. "Tell me now, is he rich?"

"Yeah, but I didn't marry him for his money." Paris looked straight at her friend. "I didn't know he's rich when I met him."

"Ah… so, love then?" Rory smiled. "I'm happy for you, Paris. I'm really happy."

"I guess we both had luck with our men." Paris chuckled.

"Yeah." Rory looked at Jess. He just got out of the kitchen with the giggling boy in his arms. "We had luck, Paris."

Later that night, Rory was resting in Jess' arms. The day was long and she surely needed some sleep. But she just could not close her eyes. The thoughts of the person who had lied to her about her inability to have children, kept haunting her. She shivered in Jess' arms and heard his sigh.

"What's wrong now?" He mumbled in her hair.

"Nothing." Rory whispered. "Get to sleep."

"You know I can't now." He slid his hand under her chin and made her look at him. "Tell me what's wrong. You're still worried about Matt? He's doing fine."

"No, it's not about Matt." Rory bit her lower lip. "I told you about Doctor Matthews' call today."

"You're keep thinking about that?" Jess sighed. "I thought you were fine already."

"I know and Matt is the proof I can have children, but Jess… I have to know who did this to me." Rory skipped a beat. "I have to know who hated me so much to do such a thing!"

"Fine." Jess frowned. "You have any thoughts already?"

"I think I have one name." She looked up at him. "I'm not sure it's him though, seems a little too obvious, but I have to know."

"Him?" His eyes suddenly widened. "No!"

"I have to talk to him!"

"And how are you planning to do this?" He snapped. "You and Matt just got out of the hospital. You are not ready to travel yet."

"Jess… it's been two months already."

"No!" He snapped again and got off the bed. "There is no way of letting you travel in this state!"

"But I'm fine." Rory sighed. "And I just have to go to New York. It'll be only a day, a less even."

"No!" He scoffed. "I won't let you!"

"I'm not asking you!" Rory frowned. ""Why you're so stubborn all of a sudden?

"You've always wanted me to get better!" He tilted his head with angry expression on his face. "Well, I'm better now! You are my wife and I can tell you!"

"Are we fighting or something?" Rory got off the bed as well.

"When you're not using your head – we are fighting!" He hissed.

"But I'm really fine, damn it!" She rose up her voice.

"I said – no!" His eyes flicked to the nursery. "And please be quiet!"

"I'm going!" She clenched her fists.

"You won't!" He hissed.

"Jess!"

"Rory!"

"Quit being an ass!" She narrowed her eyes. "I have to go!"

"And who's gonna take care of the baby?" He clenched his jaw.

"I'm gonna call to my mother." Rory bit her lower lip, suddenly hesitant. "She can help you."

"Uh yeah! Of course!" He snapped. "And she can feed him too, right?"

"Damn it!" Rory fell on the bed with frowned expression. He had won this battle. "You're right."

"Of course I am." He took a deep breath. "I know how badly you want to know the truth about all this, but there is a time for everything."

"I know." She sighed and felt his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Jess."

"For what?" He crouched before her. "You want to know the truth and I get that, but you are not alone now. Do you remember how many times you told me this?"

"Yeah." She smiled and touched his face. "Thanks for being my mind."

"I thought I was an ass." He crooked his face and made her smile again.

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: Surprise, surprise! There is an early update. Hehe. That's new these days. Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	75. Chapter 75 I’m with you

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 75 I'm with you_**

They postponed the case for a month ahead. The prosecutor needed more time to prepare for it. That was John told them. Rory felt somehow relieved. She knew Jess would not let her join him in New York for the case. Matthias was too little and he needed her at home. Rory could not say anything against that. Jess was right and she could not fight with him. But this extra month gave her enough time to convince him. Matthias would be strong enough to travel and they could stay at her old apartment. She shared her thoughts with her mother. But she was not very found of the idea.

"No way!" Lorelai hissed. "You are insane!"

"Like my mother?" Rory murmured with a smile on her face.

"Your mother is very… clever person." Lorelai looked so serious that Rory laughed. "What's so funny?"

"You." Rory tried to control herself. "I mean, my mother being serious is something new for me. I have to adjust to this."

"Ha-ha! Very funny." Lorelai frowned.

"C'mon now!" Rory giggled. "This is a compliment."

"For me not being a good mother? Gee, thanks!"

"Mom!" Rory moaned. "I was up all night and now you is making me a headache!"

"Up all night?" Lorelai rose up her eyebrows. "Isn't it a little too early?"

"I wish it was that pleasant." Rory rolled her eyes. "Matt was up and Jess and I were around him."

"I love that kid already!" Lorelai laughed. "Granny's little hoodlum."

"Huh?" Rory frowned.

"Have I told you what you were as a kid?"

"But he is a baby mom!"

"Whatever." Lorelai waved with her hand. "I couldn't sleep all night."

"Mom!" Rory pouted. "I was a baby and I couldn't control myself, you know?"

"Same as this little guy over here." Lorelai nodded at the nursery. "I'm just saying to get use to it."

"I'm not complaining." Rory shrugged. "You knew how much I wanted him"

"Who? Your son or his father?" Lorelai looked at her daughter.

"Both of them." Rory smiled softly. "But they both deserved any sacrifice."

"I can agree with this." Lorelai smiled.

"Now about my idea…"

"Are you serious?"

"Mom! Matt would be forth months old!" Rory insisted. "He would be strong enough to travel and I don't want to leave Jess alone in this!"

"He is a big boy, Rory!" Her mother frowned. "I'm sure he can take care of himself!"

"I'm his wife and he needs me!"

"But…"

"Hey, hey!" Jess' voice interrupted their argument and they saw him standing by the door. "Why are you yelling?" He nodded at his son in his arms. "Matt here can't sleep."

"I'm sorry." Rory and Lorelai said in one voice.

"We just talked." Lorelai shrugged.

"Hm." Jess murmured and shook his head. "I could've heard you from the street!"

"Jess…"

"Never mind." Jess shrugged. "Let's just try to lower our voices and stay calm, okay?" He walked out of the room without receiving an answer.

"So overprotective." Lorelai murmured.

"What?" Rory frowned.

"I've never thought that I could see him in this way." Lorelai shrugged. "For me he was just the boy who broke your heart."

"And I broke his later." Rory shrugged with sad face. "It took us time to get to here."

"And I'm sure that Jess wouldn't agree with your idea." Lorelai frowned again.

"He wasn't very found of it." Rory frowned. "But I'm sure I could convince him."

"Honey, I know you want to be there for him, but…"

"No but!" Rory snapped. "I will be there for him!"

"And who's gonna take care of the baby?"

"I'll think about it." Rory bit her lower lip. "I just can't let him be alone, mom! Please don't ask this from me."

"Fine!" Lorelai sighed. "I give up. If you want my help, I'll be there for you."

"That's exactly why I called you for." Rory nodded with a grin on her face. "I want you to do me a favor."

"Does Jess know about this?" Lorelai chuckled, but Rory narrowed her eyes. "I'm guessing not. So, what I have to do for my rebel daughter?"

"I want you to help me find Austin." Rory lowered her voice.

"What the hell do you want from that guy?" Lorelai looked furious. "I thought you was over!"

"I am over and I am married if you didn't notice." Rory shrugged. "But you have to trust me that it's something important."

"Important? Define the word!"

"I think he might have something to do with… a problem of mine." Rory bit her lower lip.

"I really don't think that hiding from Jess…"

"Mom! Would you help me or not? I need only his phone number. That's all."

"I thought you have it."

"He changed it." Rory frowned.

"Fine!" Lorelai sighed. "I'll see what I can do for you."

"Thanks mom!" Rory grinned.

If she had to be honest, she did not like the idea of having secrets from Jess. But this was a problem she had to solve as soon as it was possible. If Austin had something to do with that lie, Rory had the right to know. Most of all, she had to understand why he had lied to her.

Later that night, the house was surprisingly quiet. Matt was sleeping peacefully and Rory was resting in Jess' arms. She could feel the beating of his heart under her palm and could not help but smile. He was here and he was with her. There was a time she thought that she would never have him like this.

"Too many thoughts in your head." He murmured.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" She kissed his chest. "I looked tired this evening."

"I can't sleep if you are awake and nervous." Jess sighed.

"I'm not nervous." She shrugged. "I'm just thinking."

"I can tell." He rubbed her arm. "You're always busy thinking of something. What now?"

"I'm worrying about you." Rory admitted half of the truth. It was safer in this way.

"About me?" Jess skipped a beat. "I'm not gonna jump off some building if that's your problem."

"I know you wouldn't." She rubbed his chest. "You won't do that to me or to your son."

"Then? What is your concern?"

"The case." Rory murmured. "Why do you think they postponed it?"

"Well, I have a lot dirty clothes in my closet."

"It's not funny!"

"I'm sorry!" He kissed the top of the head. "I know you are concerned about this, but there is nothing we can do."

"I can do something." She looked up at him. "I can stay beside you, Jess."

"I know." He released his crooked smile.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm with you." Rory kissed him and looked at his eyes. "No matter what!"

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: Dead tired from work. DUH! But I had to finish the update for you, so... Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	76. Chapter 76 Being a parent

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 76 Being a parent _**

Lorelai was not sure why she agreed with her daughter. Rory was her weakness, but even that was too much. Giving her background with Austin, Lorelai preferred not getting involved into this. But Rory had asked her and she had to agree.

"Hey Chris?" She sang in the receiver.

"Lor?"

"Yeah, the same. Do you remember me? I'm the woman who happened to have your first daughter." She teased him.

"Very funny!" Christopher laughed at the other side of the line. "How's Rory? We haven't heard each other since forever."

"Yeah, ever since you moved in at the other side of the country." Lorelai laughed too.

"LA is not at the other side of the world, Lor."

"Sure and now you can be useful." Lorelai frowned and bit her lower lip. "You know I hate to ask you for a favor, but… I really need your help here."

"Sure." Christopher went serious. "What's wrong? Something with Rory?"

"Rory is involved, but it's not something serious. I can hope at least." Lorelai murmured the last words. "You know Austin Green?"

"The actor? Sure, one of my friends knows his manager." Christopher scoffed. "I can say – it's not one of my favorite. I only got to know him because of Rory." He skipped a beat. "I thought they were over. Please tell me she's not with him again!"

"She's not." Lorelai murmured. "She's married to Jess now."

"Jess? Who's Jess? Have I met him?"

"Nope, you haven't." Lorelai sighed and looked to the window. "He was her second boyfriend and he is Luke's nephew."

"Ah, the one who broke her wrist?" He laughed quietly. "How the hell she chooses the guys?"

"We can be happy for the last one though." Lorelai laughed.

"Huh?" Christopher coughed. "I thought you just tell me she is with Jess."

"I was talking about Matthias." Lorelai giggled imaging his face. "And he is really cute."

"Lor, are you drunk?" He scoffed. "It's not funny here, seven o'clock in the morning."

"Um.. sorry, but this was fun." Lorelai giggled for a last time and wiped the tears of her face. "I just want to see your face right now."

"Lor!"

"Matthias is the name of Rory's son." Lorelai answered through laugh.

"She has a son?" Christopher whispered at first, but then said it out loud. "My daughter has a son? Why I don't know anything about this? When that happen? And who the hell is the father?"

"Wow!" Lorelai interrupted him. "Slow down! You know our daughter. She is just like you and…"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh fine!" Lorelai sighed. "She is little emotional, just like me."

"She is a stubborn little creature." Christopher answered and chuckled for her surprise. "So, my daughter has a son. How old is he?"

"Almost three months now and keeping his parents busy all night." Lorelai laughed. "He's just like Rory."

"Jess is the father?"

"Yes." Lorelai sighed and leaned back on the couch. "Jess is the father and Rory looks happy with him. But she is also worried."

"Worried? How so?"

"They both experienced a bad period in their lives." Lorelai went serious. "That's how they met again."

"I'm still waiting for the name Austin to pop up here."

"He is just a part of the problem." She frowned.

"Well?"

"Rory wants to talk to him about something"

"About what?"

"It's something personal, Chris and you have to trust to your daughter." Lorelai shook her head. "I'm still learning how to do that."

"Damn! I just felt good about not talking to this guy!" He murmured.

"Trust me! And I felt good when I kicked him off my house the last time I saw him." She sighed with a slight frown. "Then Rory stopped talking to me until the moment she came back here and met Jess again."

"Yeah, I remember that." Christopher frowned. "I was there, remember?"

"I do remember." Lorelai frowned. "Even Jess didn't influence me that bad! That guy is just…"

"… a giant piece a crap and didn't deserve our daughter?"

"That was my word, yeah! I mean… he cheated on her!"

"I told you this too!"

"And he lied to her in front of our eyes!" Lorelai scoffed. "Even Jess wasn't that bad to her!"

"You are suddenly his fan now?" Christopher laughed.

"To whom? To Jess?" Lorelai shuddered, burst into laugh. "Uh man! This could be … the end of the world!"

"Is that so bad?"

"He makes my daughter happy now and that's all I want from him." Lorelai sighed. "So, you're gonna take the phone of that crap?"

"Sure and I'll come over as soon as I can. I have to meet my grandson."

"That would be perfect." Lorelai smiled. "Bye, Chris."

"Bye, Lor. I'll call you back soon."

"Make it sooner."

"Sure." He laughed and hung up the phone.

Lorelai sighed and leaned back on the couch. She closed her eyes for a second. She had to agree with Christopher. Jess was really a new man now. He might be a ruin when Rory met him when she came back home. He might still doubt in himself, but he had stayed with her. He had earned Lorelai's trust in the moment when he chose the life over his death. He chose the difficult way and that was something hard for him back in the hospital. But he did it and he fought for his shadows just to be with Rory.

"Busy day?" Luke placed his hands over her shoulders and she smiled.

"Yeah, but doesn't matter." She looked up at him. "You are here now."

"Yeah." Luke smiled and settled himself on the couch. Lorelai snuggled in him. "Jess came to visit me and to visit April."

"April?"

"Yeah. She was there to see me." Luke skipped a beat. "She has to go soon, though."

"I know." Lorelai smiled. "She has to graduate from her college, Luke."

"I know, but…"

"You're gonna miss her." Lorelai murmured and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I know. I missed Rory when she was in New York. Her work wouldn't allow her to come and visit me as often as I wanted to."

"Kids, huh." Luke murmured and his lips brushed her temple.

"Yeah." Lorelai sighed. "We have to prepare some dinner party for April."

"She doesn't like that kind of stuffs." Luke laughed.

"Jess doesn't too." Lorelai grinned.

"Ah, we're definitely doing that dinner." Luke kissed her lips, giggling.

Meanwhile, it was late evening when Jess finally came back home. He found his house quiet and rushed into the nursery. Rory was sitting on the rocking chair and looking at their son. He was sleeping peacefully. Jess smiled and walked to her. She looked up at him with a smile.

"I got scared for a moment." Jess admitted and sat on the floor before her. He leaned on her legs and she buried her hands in his hair.

"It's quiet?" he mumbled and stroked his black curls

"Yeah." Jess whispered and looked at Matt's crib again. "He's sleeping?"

"Hard to believe, but it's true." She laughed quietly.

"I like this, you know." He placed his hand on her thigh. "I never thought I would, but I like it."

"What thing?"

"Being a parent." Jess shrugged with a smile and rested his head on her thighs again.

"Yeah." She smiled softly. "Me too."

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: Dead tired from work. DUH! But I had to finish the update for you, so... Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	77. Chapter 77 He has your nose

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 77 He has your nose _**

Rory was standing in the nursery. Matthias had just fallen asleep and she watched his cute baby face. She chuckled silently and went out the room. There were a quiet moments like this one and she learned to cherish the silence in the house. She was alone by this time of the day. Jess was out to take care of something at the bookstore.

A sharp knock on the front door made her frown. She was about to head in the bedroom and rest for sometime. Matt could not sleep through the night, so Rory could not do that either. She sighed and opened the door.

"Dad!" She squealed and hugged her father. "What are you doing here? I'm so happy to see you."

"Hey kiddo." Christopher smiled. "Your mother told me where to find you."

"Yeah." Rory blushed. "I'm sorry I didn't call." She bit her lip and stepped aside to let him into the house. "I thought you are still mad at me."

"And you just skipped the news for your marriage and your son?" Christopher looked at her. "I wasn't mad at you I was mad at that little bastard, happened to be your boyfriend."

"I'm sorry." Rory blushed. "But Jess is different."

"Yeah. Your mother told me." He wicked at her. "I think she is a fan of him, but she told me not to tell a thing."

"What?" Rory laughed. "My mother is a fan of Jess? They weren't best friends before you know?"

"I know." Christopher nodded with a smile. "She told me, but then she told me about him, making you smile and that was enough for her… and for me."

"Thanks." Rory murmured. "Jess and I need this."

"Hm.." Christopher tilted his head. "So… where is my grandson? Damn! I feel old!"

"Matt is here." Rory nodded at the nursery. "He's sleeping, but you can see him if you want to."

"Yeah. I'd love to." Christopher nodded and followed his daughter into the nursery. "Your mother told me that he keeps you up at night."

"Oh yeah." Rory laughed quietly. "He is a little hoodlum." She stood before the crib and looked at her son. "This is Matt."

"Hm.. he has your nose, but other than that…" Christopher smiled. "I've never seen Jess, but I can say that he looks like him."

"Yeah, Matt is a cute baby." Rory nodded and lingered her hand over her son's body. "And yeah, he looks just like Jess." Her face faded. "You don't have any idea what caused us to get to here."

"Hey." Christopher looked at his daughter. "Why's that sad face? I thought you're happy."

"I'm at this close to be happy." Rory sighed and looked at his father. "Don't worry dad. I love Jess and he loves me and his son. That's all I wanted!"

"Now I want to meet that guy."

"He'll be here soon." Rory smiled again. "You want some coffee? You can tell me what are you doing here."

"Sure." Christopher followed her in the kitchen. "Your mother called me for help."

"Huh?" Rory threw him a look over her shoulder. "She called you for what?"

"For this." Christopher handed her a small card when she placed the cup of coffee before him.

"What is this?" Rory frowned and took the card. "A phone number? And you crossed the whole country just for this?"

"And to see you." Christopher shrugged and took a sip of his coffee.

"Aha." Rory sighed. "Mom asked you for Austin's number?"

"I know his manager as you know." Her father frowned.

"Okay." Rory nodded and put the card in the pocket of her jeans. "Thanks for doing this for me dad."

"Does Jess know about this?"

"No." Rory frowned. "He won't like it!"

"And you're having secrets from him? Already?"

"You don't understand, dad." Rory rubbed her eyes. "It's complicated."

"Tell me! I'm here to listed, am I?"

"Um.. It's about Matt." Rory sighed. "And… well.. I…"

"Try to breathe now and sit." Christopher nodded at the opposite chair and Rory listened to him. She ran her fingers through her hair. Her eyes avoided the eyes of her father.

"When I was about to marry Austin, there was a period I thought I was pregnant." She bit her lower lip. "I went to visit that doctor. Austin recommended him to me. He said that he was his doctor and he was good. I've never thought Austin about my suspicion though." Rory chuckled bitterly. "I told him it was a flu. When I've got the results I was devastated. That doctor told me that I can't have children." Rory took a deep breath. "He told me that there was no chance for me to get pregnant."

"But Matt…" Christopher frowned.

"Let me finish." Rory sighed. "Then I found him cheated on me with his college, the actress you told me you saw him, remember?" She looked at him and her father nodded. "Then I realized that I felt nothing about him and came back here to start over. That's how I met Jess again… but that's another story."

"Okay, I won't push you, but… you have a child and it's obvious that you are the mother."

"Uh yeah…" Rory laughed. Her mood lit up. "You should've seen me few months earlier. It was quite obvious."

"Then?" Christopher smiled when he saw his daughter's smile. "What job do you have with Austin?"

"He recommended me that doctor." Her smile faded. "Then it turned out this doctor committed a crime in that hospital. He was bribed from his client and… he faked some results. Then he took the money and ran off."

"So you think that he faked your results as well? That's…"

"… a crap and I told her she shouldn't go any further!" Jess' voice echoed by the door and Christopher turned around to look at him. "I'm Jess." He simply nodded and offered his hand.

"I'm Chris, Rory's father." Christopher did not hesitate to take that hand. It was obvious that Jess cared about Rory. Chris did not miss the concern in his look. "I have to agree with you. There is no point of open the old wounds."

"I'm keep telling her this." Jess shrugged and thrust his hands in his pockets. "She doesn't listen."

"Like her mother." Christopher smirked.

"Uh, please." Jess frowned. "Rory is way different."

"She is right here." Rory murmured and the both men looked at her. "I'm just saying." She murmured and heard her son's cry at the same moment. "Sorry." She blushed. "That's the "hungry" cry. I have to go see him."

"We'll be right here." Christopher looked at Jess. "Talking."

"Ok." She smiled and pecked Jess' lips on her way out. "I'll be right back."

Jess just nodded and then looked at her father. Christopher was smiling.

"He has a "hungry" cry?"

"He has a cry for everything." Jess curled his lips. "We're learning every day."

"I can see that." Rory's father nodded. "We have to talk."

Jess nodded again and took the chair, opposite Christopher. He leaned his hands on the table and looked at Rory's father.

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: Dead tired from work. DUH! But I had to finish the update for you, so... Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	78. Chapter 78 Coming back

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 78 Coming back _**

Christopher looked at the young man at the other side of the table. Jess was little taller than Rory. A person could say that was an ordinary guy, but there was something in his eyes that made him different. Maybe Rory had fallen in love just because of that. Lorelai had told him that Jess was not a talkative person and Chris knew how much Rory enjoyed at their banters. She used to love to have friends and have discussions with them. But now, she was with Jess and he looked completely different.

"Did I pass the test?" Jess asked him and Christopher looked at him with surprise.

"What? What test?"

"You said you want to talk to me and now…" Jess looked at his watch. "… five minute later you're keep staring at me. I thought that was a test, so I want to know the result of it."

"You are different." Christopher smiled.

"Meaning?" Jess tilted his head.

"I mean… you are different than any friend of my daughter."

"Wow! She had many?" Jess shifted on his place. "We don't like to talk about our past relationships."

"And you don't know about her past… boyfriends?" Christopher looked at him carefully.

"I know about Dean, Logan… and Austin." Jess clenched his jaw. "And believe me, I know enough."

"But she chose you." Christopher smiled. "After everything you've done, she chose you."

"You spoke with Lorelai, huh?" Jess sighed. "She's not a fan of mine and I can't blame her." He shook his head. "I don't know why she chose me, but I can't say that I'm unhappy with her choice."

"Yeah, I bet." Christopher shrugged. "So… any particular reason why she is like this right now?"

"Like what?" Jess frowned.

"Nervous and well… nervous."

"It's because all that crap happened recently." Jess frowned. "I mean the case and the problems with her former doctor in New York. Plus – she is busy with Matt as well."

"A case? What case?"

"They are suing me for a murder." Jess answered quietly and lowered his eyes.

"Which he didn't do it." Rory came back in the room and sat close to Jess. She was holding Matt in his arms and looked at her father. "It was an accident, but Logan is too hurt to understand that."

"Rory..." Jess murmured, but she threw him a look.

"A murder?" Christopher frowned. "What murder?"

"He had a car crash and killed Logan's wife by accident." Rory patted Matt's back and caught Jess' look at her. She looked at him back. "He didn't know she was Logan's wife though and it really was an accident."

"Wow!" Christopher scratched the nape of his neck. "That'… I mean… so much information for one day."

"Are you still happy for me sticking around your daughter?" Jess chuckled bitterly.

"It's not up to me." Christopher looked at his daughter. "She chose you and I have to trust her. Besides, you have a child and this is always a good thing. I just wished I was here earlier and for the wedding…"

"Ah, there wasn't a wedding." Rory smiled.

"What? I thought…"

"We just signed some papers and that was all." Jess shrugged. "Rory wanted to be sure that I'll…"

"Jess!" She snapped.

"What?" He frowned. "I'm saying the truth!"

"What's wrong?" Chris narrowed his eyes. "Is there something else I don't know?"

"Her pregnancy.. I mean… it was bad." Jess lowered his look. "She wanted to make sure that if something happens I'll take care for the baby."

"Rory!" Her father frowned.

"What?" She sighed. "Everything turns good, right?" Matt cooed in her arms and she smiled. "And it was for the best."

"So you two… you really complete each other." Christopher smiled.

"Dad." Rory blushed.

"I think you made the right choice Rory and I hope all things could work it out." He nodded at Jess and the young man nodded back as a response. Jess had understood the message.

"I won't disappoint her… Christopher." He looked at Rory's father. "I promise, I'll do my best."

"You better!" Christopher laughed and then looked at Rory. "I have to go now, but I promise, I'll keep in touch this time and Rory… I won't ever get mad at you., ok?"

"Ok. Thanks dad." She smiled.

Jess closed the front door after Christopher with a sigh. He turned around and saw Rory just walking in the living room. She was holding Matt in her arms and that brought a smile on Jess' face. She caught his look and looked at him quizzically.

"Nothing." Jess shrugged. "I love that picture. It reminds me why I have to stay alive."

"That's a nice thought." Rory smiled and carefully sat on the couch. "You still have… from the bad ones as well?" Her face did not say a thing, but Jess could hear the concern behind her words.

"Sometimes." Jess sighed and sat close to her. "In my dreams." He tilted his head and his hand lay on Matt's back. "But then I wake up and I see you two here.. I know I'm not alone and that's all I need to keep going."

"And we love you." Rory leaned her head on his shoulder. "Don't forget about that!"

"Never." He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and sighed with pleasure, but his eyes narrowed. "I could never forget that!"

Later that night when she was sleeping, Jess carefully got off the bed. He sneaked in the living room with a card and his phone in his hand. Christopher had told him about the card he had given to Rory. He did not want Austin back in her life. Jess thought the same. Therefore, now he was holding his phone and dialing his number. Rory was his and he had to take care about her. A new strength built up in his body. He felt new energy, flowing in him. It was a good feeling and he enjoyed him until he heard Austin's voice at the other side of the line.

_"Hello? Who is this?" _

"You don't know me." Jess snarled and clenched his phone. "But you know my wife and if you did the thing she thinks you did – you are in a big trouble! I am that trouble!"

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: So sorry for the late update, but I was really tired all day. It was a crazy week and I thought I could relax for a while. But, here you guys your update. Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	79. Chapter 79 Forget me not

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 79 Forget me not_**

Jess did not know he could hate a guy he did not even meet. But apparently, he could. And it was so easy. He just had to imagine Rory's face. She looked so sad and in pain when she remembered the time, she thought she could not have children. If Austin was the one to blame, Jess was willing to make his life miserable.

_"Who the hell are you?"_ He heard his voice again and clenched his jaw.

"You knew my wife once. Her name is Rory." Jess grasped the phone. "Rory Gilmore."

_"Ah. I knew her."_ Austin laughed and Jess barely kept his urge to break something. _"Why? She misses me?"_

"She wants you as far away as it's possible!" Jess snapped. "But first… she, sorry we will sue you!"

_"Sue me?"_ Austin lowered his voice. _"Look man, whatever she told you…"_

"You lied to her, right?" Jess interrupted him and his eyes flicked to the closed door of the bedroom. "You paid to that doctor to lie to her! You are sick, man!"

_"What?"_ Austin sounded confused, but Jess could hear the false in his voice. He had been lied too many times in his life. Now he wanted to kill that man_. "What are you talking about? What doctor?"_

"You son of a bitch!" Jess hissed. "You are so lucky that you are at the other side of the country! Why the hell did you do that to her?"

_"I don't understand…"_

"You lied to her! You lied about her… problem! There was no problem at all! You... sick bastard!" Jess snarled.

_"Her problem_." Austin skipped a beat_. "You're talking about… I mean…"_

"The doctor told her she couldn't have children. He told her she is sick!"

_"I know, I mean… that's awful, right?"_ Austin coughed. _"But I didn't…"_

"You did!" Jess sighed and closed his eyes, trying to control his temper. "You did and somehow I'm gonna prove it!"

_"You can't!"_

"You wanna bet? You don't know me!"

_"And you don't know me either!"_ Austin suddenly laughed. _"Who's going to believe you? How you're gonna prove this?"_

"I can't." Jess smiled. "But my son can."

_"Your son?" _Austin lowered his voice. _"What the hell are you talking about?"_

"You'll see." Jess hissed and hung up the phone. He sat on the couch and leaned back on the pillows. His heart pounded and he was sure that if Austin was here, he would not survive through the night. Jess would make sure of that.

"Jess!" Rory's voice made him look at her. She was standing by the door of their bedroom. Her eyes narrowed and suddenly he frowned again. "What are you doing?"

"What you think I'm doing?" Jess shrugged. "I just called to… your friend."

"He's not my friend and we both know that you shouldn't have." She folded her arms before her chest. "Austin is my problem and I have to…"

"Austin is our problem, like my case is our problem as well." Jess snapped and dropped the phone on the couch. "You told me that."

"It's not the same." Rory murmured and walked to him.

"It is." Jess closed his eyes again. "He's so going to pay!"

"No!" Rory sat on the couch and he felt her small hand on his thigh. "You won't do anything stupid, okay?"

"Define stupid." He breathed out and leaned back.

"We are not sure if it's his fault yet."

"Trust me – it is!" Jess looked at her. "I can feel it."

"Since when you can feel things?" She frowned and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Since the moment I chose the life… with you." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "And besides… I've been lied before. I can sense the lie. Don't forget that."

"Hm." She rubbed his bare chest. "It's cold."

"I'm not cold." He shrugged. "But you have to put something over that thin nightgown."

"Really?" She looked up and touched his face.

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "It's too thin for this time of the year."

"You want me, right?" She grinned and sat on his lap. Her knees rested at the both sides of his body. "You know that enough time passed…"

"Rory!" His hands grasped her waist. "You're not…"

"Ready?" She buried her hands in his hair. "I am." Her lips brushed his. "I am ready and I want you now."

"But…" His moan disappeared in her mouth. His hands slid on the small of her back and pulled her closer. "Rory…"

"Yeah.." She murmured as he helped her to remove her nightgown.

Jess laid her on the couch and his eyes glowed. She giggled with a pleasure. He really wanted her, and when his lips touched the curve of her neckline, the thoughts just flew out of her mind. Her hands grasped his shoulders and her nails left small marks on his back.

His hands were everywhere and explored even the small curves of her body. She arched her body to his and her lips gently brushed his when she finally felt him moving inside of her. He was careful and she moaned when his moves became faster.

"Wait." He groaned close to her left ear.

"I can't." Her nails dug deep into his skin. "Jess…"

"Shh-shh." He whispered and she could feel his attempts to soothe her moves. "Easy… I don't want to hurt you…"

"No!" She uttered as tightened around him and kissed him hard as she came along with him. "Oh…" Her breath hitched.

"I told you…" He breathed out and rolled her over his body. "Are you okay?"

"Never been better." Rory purred and felt his quiet laugh.

"It was too quick." He frowned.

"It was good for the first time after…"

"Yeah, after." He laughed.

"Did I say thank you for him?" Rory smiled and rested her head on his chest.

"You did." Jess buried his hand into his hair. "But you are welcome, again. I just want to be better father for him than my was for me."

"You've never talked about your father."

"No need." Jess shrugged. "We both agreed that he isn't a part of my life. He never will be."

"But…" Rory frowned.

"It's okay, Rory." His fingers slid down her back. "I'm cool with it. I don't need him and I don't need my mother either. I have you now and that's enough."

"Okay." She murmured and closed her eyes, but she could feel his pain when he talked about his parents. They had hurt him and had hurt him badly. Her lips touched his chest. "I'm here for you, you know that." She murmured.

"I know and that's why I had to make that call for you." Jess sighed. "He is guilty and I can feel it! We just have to prove it!"

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: So sorry for the late update, but I was really tired all day. It was a crazy week and I thought I could relax for a while. But, here you guys your update. Hope you like this chapter and leave me something good after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	80. Chapter 80 By your side

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 80 By your side_**

She fell asleep in his arms as they were on the couch. Jess carried her to the bed and she did not even open her eyes. A smile played on her lips even in her dream. It was a good feeling and it was something she wanted to do a week already. When she woke up in the next morning, Jess was already out. Rory opened her eyes and stretched in the bed.

"Oh, damn!" She cursed, feeling pain in every bone in her body. "That's the result of being impatient!" Rory murmured with a smile. It was pain, but it was nice pain and Jess did not have to know about it. She sighed and placed her feet on the ground, putting her robe on. Just as she got off the bed, Matt's cry echoed in the house. "Sure." Rory muttered and headed to his room. "Hey, big guy." She took him in her arms and sat on the rocking chair with him. "Who's hungry now? Huh?" Her voice was soft and full with love as she helped her son to find the source of his food. "Good." She mumbled and lay back when Matt started feeding. "Good boy." Her eyes closed again.

That was how her mother found her. Rory heard her voice and called her to come in. Seconds later, Lorelai was there. She was standing by the door and watching her daughter, feeding her son.

"Hey." Lorelai whispered. "I just took your father to the airport and I thought to pay you a visit."

"Sure." Rory nodded at the free chair. She looked down at her son. "We are very hungry today."

"Yeah, I can see." Lorelai smiled and sat on the chair. "That's good."

"Yeah, it's good that I can give him all that he needs." Rory shrugged and placed him to lie on her chest. She supported his small head and rubbed his back calmingly. "He is a good boy."

"Nah, he's just like his father." Lorelai smiled.

"Which makes him even cuter." Rory smirked.

"Uh please!" Lorelai shook her head.

"You started it." Rory shrugged and smiled when she heard her son's burp. She got off the chair to take care of him. "So, why are you here once again?"

"I told you, I just…"

"Yeah, you told me." Rory shrugged and changed Matt's diaper. "Now the real reason?"

"I wanted to know if Chris gave you the card." Lorelai admitted with a frown.

"Yes, he gave me the card." Rory shrugged and placed Matt back on his crib. She tickled his tummy and he laughed joyfully. That brought a smile on her face. "Don't worry."

"I'm your mother." Lorelai sighed. "That's my job."

"Yeah, but you don't have to worry about this." Rory turned around to look at her. "Jess made the call."

"Jess?"

"Yeah, apparently my father trusted him enough to give him another card." Rory frowned. "Strange bond."

"Yeah, indeed strange." Lorelai laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Your father trusted Jess." Lorelai shook her head. "That's something I wanna see."

"Ha!" Rory snapped and walked out the room. "Why doesn't he? Jess is trustworthy!"

"But he called Austin?" Lorelai followed her daughter.

"Yes, he did." Rory walked in the kitchen and opened the small fridge. "So?"

"I bet he wasn't polite with that guy."

"Nope." Rory shrugged and frowned. "Damn!"

"What?" Lorelai went serious. "What's wrong?"

"Not in shape today." Rory murmured and poured herself some orange juice. "I feel like…"

"You did it!" Lorelai's eyes widened.

"I did what?" Rory sighed and sat on the nearest chair.

"You know… ah! No! Bad images in my head! Bad!" Her mother shook her head.

"You know I have a son, right?" Rory laughed.

"Shh-shh." Lorelai crooked her face. "I have to recover."

"Mom." Rory giggled.

Lorelai just sighed and rested her hands on the table with a smile on her face. She tilted her head and studied Rory's face until her daughter blushed. Lorelai's smile widened.

"Jess' done good job."

"He does." Jess answered instead and they saw him standing by the door. He walked in the kitchen and poured himself some coffee. "What an interesting conversation."

"If you were a gentleman, you'd shut up." Lorelai snapped.

"Well, we all know I'm not." Jess smiled and leaned to kiss Rory. He rubbed his nose to hers and then looked at her mother. "I talked to Chris. Nice guy."

"Hah." Lorelai scoffed. "And you talked with Austin as well."

"He's not a nice guy." Rory murmured.

"He isn't." Jess clenched his jaw. "And he's going to pay!"

"Jess!" Rory frowned.

"When it's time." He shrugged and went out the room.

"Now I know what Chris saw in him." Lorelai murmured. "I couldn't agree more."

"What?" Rory snapped. "What are you babbling about?"

"Jess wants to protect you. I can't blame him for that." Her mother shrugged. "Chris told me that he's going to help with everything."

"Dad's gonna help Jess?"

"Yeah." Lorelai nodded. "Jess is your husband and he wants to take care of you. Chris is your father and he wants to take care of you as well. Their wishes matches here and besides, they both hate Austin."

"You hate him too."

"Then I'm on Jess' side as well."

"That's new." Rory murmured.

"It's not." Lorelai shook her head with serious face. "I'm on his side from the moment he chose you instead of his death. He was strong enough to do that even in the bad shape he was."

"But…"

"You couldn't see him then." Lorelai frowned. "But I did and I thought he was about to give up. But… he chose you, Rory. I can tell that it wasn't the easy choice for him, but he did it. He earned my respect right there and then. And I can see he is better now."

"He is." Rory smiled. "He's trying and he looks more and more like himself every day."

"See, that's good." Lorelai tilted her head.

"And I'm still going with him for the case."

"He agreed?"

"He will." Rory smirked.

"Do I wanna know?" Her mother pulled back.

"Nah." Rory laughed. "You don't wanna know, but I'm gonna convince him what is better for him right now."

"You?"

"That's right." Rory nodded. "I'll be there to support him, because I know he's innocent. I'm gonna fight for him, mom."

"I know you will, hun." Lorelai tilted her head. "When is the date?"

"December 10th." Rory bit her lip and looked at the calendar, hanging on the wall. "John just called us with the date."

"That's good." Lorelai nodded. "You still want me to come over?"

"Yeah." Rory smiled. "It'll be good. Matt will feel comfortable with his granny around."

"You can count on me then, hun." Lorelai nodded. "I'll be there… for the both of you."

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: I've had some free time to write this chapter earlier, so... here it is. Hope you like this chapter and leave me something goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	81. Chapter 81 The apartment

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 81 The apartment _**

They prepared Rory's old apartment in New York for the baby. Lorelai spend almost a week away from home just to make it done. Luke was not pleased by the idea of her living in New York for the next month, but Lorelai wanted to stay close to her daughter. Matt was still little baby and needed constant cares. Rory and Jess were too nervous and their son could sense that. The result was a week of sleepless nights.

"We are here." Rory looked at Jess when she unlocked the door of the apartment. "Mom told me that she fixed few things." She shrugged.

"Should I cover his eyes?" Jess gave her a wry smile. He was holding Matt in his arms and his son looked around with curiosity.

"Jess." Rory rolled her eyes and smile nervously. "She's my mother after all."

"Yeah I know." Jess coughed and rubbed Matt's back with a smile. "Let's get in there, ok? It's cold outside."

"Sure." Rory nodded and pushed the door open. "Mom told me she will be here tomorrow."

"Yeah and she also told you that our bags are here." He tilted his head. "Calm down Rory."

"Yeah, okay." Rory sighed and looked around as soon as she walked in the apartment. "Wow! Mom did it well."

"It looks clean." Jess chuckled and his son giggled as well. "Look? He agreed."

"It is clean." Rory smiled and looked at the kitchen box. "And she did some changes, but it looks good though."

"What about your bedroom?"

"My bedroom?" She threw him a look and he smirked. "This way."

"The boy is tired over here." Jess followed her with a smile.

"Yeah, sure." Rory rolled her eyes and pushed the door open. "Wow! Good to mom!"

"Good to mom?" Jess looked at her quizzically.

"She changed the bed." Rory blushed. "It's bigger."

"And the room is big." He sighed and went to the small crib, close to the window. "And she bought the crib as well."

"Yeah." Rory nodded and looked around once again.

"Where is her room?" Jess frowned. "Does she have it?"

"She has it." Rory nodded. "It's two rooms away from ours."

"Boy! It's good to be you huh?" He smiled and placed his hands on her waist.

"Good to be me." She snuggled in him. "That's how I've got you."

"Lucky girl." He kissed the top of her head, but she caught something strange in his voice and looked at him.

"Jess? What's wrong? Everything will be fine, you know."

"I know. I just wish I haven't put you through this." He shrugged with sad eyes.

"Hey, it's okay." Rory blinked. "You know that we can't control some things. We just have to pass through them. Maybe it's for the best."

"Since when you're such an optimist?" He crooked his face.

"You are the pessimist here and I thought someone should play the light part." She smiled softly and rubbed his arms. "It's okay to be sad now. It's okay if you feel mad and upset. I just want you to know that I'm here to comfort you. I'm here, Jess. I promise you I will be and I am."

"What I would do without you?" He shook his head with a sad smile.

"You don't have to think about that, because I'm here." She wrapped her arms around his neck and her lips brushed his. "I'm here, Jess."

"I can tell." He nuzzled her neck and felt her pulse fastened under his touch.

"I think we have to check the bathroom." She grabbed his hand and Jess laughed while she almost pushed him through the door.

"Okay." Jess trailed off as she took off her thin blouse along with her bra. His voice cracked. "I think the bathroom is good."

"I think it's perfect." She ran her fingers through his hair and helped him to take off his blue shirt. "More than perfect actually." Her breath hitched when he pinned her to the wall. "Jess…" She bit his lower lip when he tried to kiss her.

"Just a little…" He murmured in her hair and seconds later, she felt herself completely exposed under his look. His hands explored the curves of her body and stopped right over her bottom. She rubbed against him and heard his low groan when he finally thrust into her.

She gasped and grabbed his shoulders. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her head fell over his shoulder. She could feel his slow and steady moves and all of a sudden, that drove her crazy. Rory bit his shoulder and heard his short gasp. His hands still grasped her wrists and pinned them to the cold tiles.

"Jess…" The breath hitched in her throat and she ended it with a small scream when he changed the angle. His moves became faster. "Jess!" She cried and heard his loud groan when they came together.

"Damn!" He cursed and released her hands. They fell over his shoulders. "Are you alright?"

"I like this bathroom." She purred and heard his quiet laugh.

"You are good."

"I am great." She reached out and turned on the water. "Now we really need shower."

"Yeah." His lips brushed hers under the flowing water. "We need shower."

Lorelai arrived earlier in the next morning. Jess and Rory were sitting in the small living room and drinking their tea. Jess preferred his coffee, but right now, because of his pills, he could not. Rory loved her coffee as well, but she refused to drink it because of Matt.

"Good morning." Lorelai greeted them. "I'm here."

"We can see that, mom." Rory smiled and leaned her head on Jess' shoulder.

"Maybe you should leave to the court now." Lorelai sighed and took the opposite armchair. "You don't wanna be late."

"We still have time." Jess shrugged. "Rory just fed Matt and he's sleeping."

"Ah, okay." Lorelai nodded. "You are nervous again?"

"No." Rory sighed. "We released the pressure a bit yesterday." She smirked.

"No!" Lorelai put up her hands. "I don't wanna know!"

"Okay." Jess gave her his wry smile. "You won't."

"Go now!" Lorelai scoffed, but they saw the smile on her lips. "I'll be here and the court is near, so…"

"I'll be here in three hours." Rory sighed and got off the sofa. "Matt needs me."

"I know hun." Lorelai smiled. "Don't worry."

"And you'll call Rory if there is a problem right?" Jess frowned. "I might won't be able to answer, but she will."

"Okay, okay!" Lorelai shook her head. "Don't worry and just go!"

"And…" Rory took her coat and Jess took his.

"Shut up and go!" Lorelai practically pushed them through the door. She smiled. "And good luck."

Jess and Rory looked at each other and locked their hands. They smiled at each other as they walked in the elevator. Lorelai just shook her head and closed the door.

_

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_

**_A/N: "sigh" I've had... well shitty day yesterday. Anyway, I'm feeling so tired these days. I don't know why. Maybe it's the nerves. "shrugs" Anyway, here is the new chapter. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	82. Chapter 82 In the courtroom

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 82 In the courtroom_**

Jess and Rory walked in the courtroom together. They took their places to their lawyer and he looked at them.

"You don't have to be here, Rory." He nodded at the benches behind them. "You can sit there."

"I want to be here." She squeezed Jess' hand. "It's us now!"

"Okay." John shrugged with a smile. "It's your choice."

Rory just shook her head and looked at Jess. John did not know, but it was not a choice at all. It was her life. She had chosen it in this way and she was happy about that. Jess looked pale and his eyes were sad. Rory wished she could do something about that too, but she knew she could not. He had promised her, he would fight for his weakness. That was all she could asked from him now.

"He's here." Jess murmured and she followed his look. Logan just walked in the courtroom. He wore black suit and a tie. His white shirt shone in the sunlight. Rory gave him a wry smile. Logan caught it and frowned, but did not say a word as he took his place. "Why are you smiling?" Jess whispered to her ear.

"His suit." Rory shook her head. "He usually hates them!"

"Is that all?" Jess frowned.

"Yeah." Rory leaned and kissed him. "And.. I bet he has great lawyers."

"That's a comfort." Jess murmured. "I was thinking about Matt." He frowned.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one." Rory smiled softly. "Hope he is okay."

"Yeah." Jess mutters.

"All rise!" They heard the voice of the bailiff. "Judge Nicolas Hammond walks in! The case is Huntzberger versus Mariano."

After few more words, judge Hammond took his place and the case was ready to begin. The lawyers began with their speeches, but all Rory could focus was Jess. He looked more and more like a wounded animal. He was trying to fight it, but she could see the struggle in him.

"Everything will be alright!" She leaned to him and her hand squeezed his lightly. "I'm here. I told you I'll be here for you!"

"Yeah." He gave her his crooked smile and she sighed. She knew he was bad and the weakness in his eyes was obvious.

The situation went worse in the moment when they showed picture of the crime scene. The car was barely recognizable. The only almost untouched place was the driver's seat. Jess shuddered close to her. His eyes narrowed and she could see the pain in them. He relieved the accident again. Like it was not enough, the prosecutor showed a picture of Megan before and after the crash. It was difficult even for Rory. She knew Megan only by her name and that was all. She never put a face to that name. Now she could see her – a young brown-haired woman with a beautiful smile and shiny white teeth. Even her eyes were smiling in that picture.

Then they showed her after the crash and she felt how Jess tensed close to her. He was ready to run. His eyes lowered and his head hang between his shoulders. She could hear him mumbled.

"My fault."

That almost broke her heart. He was strong once. He was stronger than she was, but now she had to play that role for him. Rory reached and touched his thigh with her other hand. He looked up at her and saw her soft smile.

"I'm here." She formed the words with her mouth. "I love you."

He just nodded and she knew she could not do anything more to support him.

They called him to testify. Rory gave him a small kiss and let watched him as he told his version for the accident. John was careful with him. He asked the right questions and led him through the whole time. When it was prosecutor's turn to ask questions, Rory winced.

"So you and Mrs. Huntzberger were in a relationship?"

"I didn't know she was married!" Jess frowned

"Just answer the question!"

"Yes we were!" Jess clasped his hands under the table.

"Do you have a habit to date married women?" The prosecutor gave a wry smile.

"Objection your honor!" John jumped off his seat. "He's insulting my client!"

"The objection is accepted." Judge Hammond frowned. "Please continue and careful with your words."

"I'm sorry your honor." But the prosecutor smiled. "I'm just trying to make it clear what life Mr. Mariano led until this moment."

Rory saw Jess winced and suddenly felt a thirst to kill. She was about to jump off her place, but John grabbed her arm and shook his head. Rory clenched her jaw and glared at Logan. His face was blank.

"Objection!" John frowned again.

"With his criminal past it's no excuse…"

"Your honor!"

"You son of a bitch!" Rory exploded as well. She stared at Logan. "What was your past? Why don't you…"

"Order! Order in the courtroom!" The judge's voice and the sound of his gavel finally restored the silence.

Rory sat back in her place, but she was angry.

"I have no more questions." The prosecutor smiled and sat back on his place.

"I have." John got off his chair. "Is it true that you tried to commit suicide after the accident?"

"Yes." Jess' quiet answer provoked a wave of gasps in the courtroom.

"Why?"

"Because… I couldn't live with the thought that I was there." He bit his lower lip and his eyes fixed Rory's face. "I couldn't live with myself that I might've provoked this… accident."

"But you couldn't see the truck's coming?"

"No."

"And still you felt guilty. Why?"

"Because… I was there alright? I was there and I survived and she…"He saw Rory's soft smile, the love in her eyes. His face relaxed. "That's why I did it."

"And you are still on medications?"

"Yes."

"I have no more questions your honor." John nodded and looked at the judge.

"Mr. Mariano, you are free to go." Judge Hammond nodded at Jess and he got off his place.

His whole body was shaking when he sat back on his place. Rory wrapped her arms around him and felt how his head rested on her shoulder. She kissed his temple and whispered calming words. He was weak; he was so weak right now.

"It's okay." She murmured. "It's okay now." She rubbed his back. "Everything is okay." Her eyes glared at Logan. He just stared at them. Rory shook her head and leaned it on Jess'. "It's okay." She repeated again and wished she could protect him from everything right now.

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: So sorry for the delay. I had a busy day and I was so tired when I came back home that just fall asleep. "sighs" But here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	83. Chapter 83 There for you

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 83 There for you_**

The next to testify was the policeman, pulled Jess and Megan's body out of the car. Jess was on the edge of his self-control and Rory was thankful when the judge announced the end of the first day of the case. Rory quickly sneaked out of the room along with Jess. She supported him on their way to the cab. He had not said a word since the moment he fell apart in her arms. She could not forget that moment.

They took the elevator in silence and when Rory opened the door of the apartment, Jess was hurry to hide in their bedroom. Lorelai threw him a surprised look and then looked at her daughter. Rory sighed and fell on the couch.

"Was that bad?" Her mother frowned.

"Yeah." Rory let out a heavy sigh and leaned back on the couch. Her eyes closed for a moment. "It was one of the hardest."

"What happened?"

"They called him to testify." Rory held back a moan. "It was.. Mom, you should've seen his face! I wanted to get him out of there as fast as I could!" She clenched her fists. "And the look in his eyes… I wanted to protect him! I want to protect him!"

"Rory…" Lorelai touched her shoulder. "There is nothing you could do, hun."

"And Logan.. I mean, he is hurt and I get that, but he looked ready to kill Jess." Rory stormed off the couch. "And I needed just this much to yell at him!"

"You didn't?"

"I did." Rory rubbed her eyes with a tired sigh. "I lost my nerves at one point, but that was all."

"You yelled at Logan, why?"

"Because his lawyer was mean to Jess." Rory frowned. "And Logan enjoyed that."

"Rory." Lorelai gave her a wry smile.

"Okay." Rory taped her forehead with her hand. "I was pissed off!"

"That's more believable." Lorelai rolled her eyes and took her coat. "I'm gonna take a walk and you two could stay alone for a while."

"Thanks mom." Rory smiled and sighed when the frond door closed behind her mother's back.

She turned around and walked in the bedroom. Jess was sitting on the bed and holding Matt in his arms. Rory could not see his face, but it was enough to see his posture. Jess was trying to fight with his weakness.

"I chose him, okay?" His voice was barely a whisper and Rory walked to him. She wanted to see his face. It was sad, just as she thought it would be. He closed his eyes for a moment as if he wanted to protect her from his pain. "I chose you."

"You chose us?" Rory sat close to him, placing her hand on his back. Matt looked at her, resting his head on his father's shoulder and she smiled.

"I'm trying Rory." His voice crack and she understood.

"I know." She rubbed his back and her other hand laid over Matt's back. "I know and I'm thankful for that."

"It's hard and I thought I was better… since today." Jess took a deep breath. His hand covered hers over Matt's back.

"You are recovering, Jess." Rory spoke softly. "You are better than before and I can see that, but you are only a human and you need time."

"It's been more than a year, Rory."

"I know." She looked at him. "But who knows how much time it'll pass before you'll able to accept the accident?"

"The accident." He chuckled bitterly.

"It was and you'll see… Jess, look at me!" She frowned and winced when he finally did. "I know it's hard! I was there and I saw! I was about to take your hand and storm off the courtroom if I could."

"My little protector." He forced a smile and Matt gave a smile cry. "I think he's hungry."

"Yeah." Rory smiled softly and seconds later Matt was lying in her arms and feeding. The room was quiet and Rory looked up at Jess. He had not moved of his place. His eyes were narrowed and focused over his son. "What?" She asked him carefully.

"I love this picture." He sighed and rubbed his neck. "It hits close to the normal for me. It looks real."

"It's real." Rory tilted her head and her eyes shone. "We are real Jess."

"Yeah." He let out a sigh. "I know and I chose you. I swear!"

"I can see that and that only shows how different you are now." Rory skipped a beat. "You are stronger than before Jess."

"Thanks." He sighed and took the phial with his pills from the nightstand. He poured two pills in his hand and took it without water. "His hand shook when he put the phial back on its place. "I hate this."

"I know." She watched him carefully.

"Why you always understand me?" He threw her a look.

"Because I love you and I have to trust you." Rory shrugged lightly and laid Matt's body over her chest. She supported his head on her shoulder. Jess reached out and rubbed his small back. "See?" She looked at him. "In the moments like this… I know I can trust you to do the right thing."

"Even if I'm like this?" Jess touched her face with his other hand. She leaned on his palm with a slight smile.

"Even when you're like this." Rory whispered and sank into his eyes.

Later that night, when he was lying in her arms, Rory sighed and looked at his face again. He had fallen asleep in the moment his head touched the pillow. She could not blame him. It was a tough day. In the moments like this, she was thankful to his pills. They helped him to have a normal sleep, kind of. Rory lay back on his chest. She listened the beating of his heart and tried not to thing of tomorrow. Tomorrow was her turn to testify. She hoped to be strong for Jess now.

_

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_

**_A/N: So sorry for the delay. I had a busy day and I was so tired when I came back home that just fall asleep. "sighs" But here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	84. Chapter 84 The safest place

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 84 The safest place_**

The most difficult part was to just sit there and could not help him. She could see him dying inside and fighting with his own demons. It was as hard as it was for her to testify. The only comfort thought was that they could not make her testify against him. She was his wife and there was not a moment when Rory could be thankful more than this one.

"So, Mrs. Mariano, you knew about this accident when you got married to Mr. Mariano?" John began with the questions.

"Yes." Rory looked straight at Jess. "I knew."

"How did you know? He told you about it?"

"I was there when he couldn't talk." Rory took a deep breath and heard the wave of gasps in the courtroom. "He was ready to die and I helped him to recover."

"He was ready to die?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He has a condition, called Major Depressive Disorder." Her voice trembled. "He received it after the accident. His doctors almost gave up on him, but I didn't."

"And you got married?"

"Yes." She smiled. "And we have a son."

"Thank you, Mrs. Mariano." John looked at the judge. "I have no more questions, your honor."

Rory clenched her fists and looked at the prosecutor. She was trying not to look at Logan today. Her emotions were a mess and she was afraid that she was going to lose her temper, like she had lost it the day before.

"So, you got married to a man, knowing that he might be a killer?" The prosecutor's question made her clench her fists.

"Objection your honor!" John jumped off his seat.

"He is not a killer!" Rory snapped at the same moment.

"Withdraw the question." The prosecutor smiled and lift his hand up. "Do you know about your husband's past, Mrs. Mariano?"

"Yes." Rory snapped again. She got angry.

"You know he was a drug dealer?" Another wave of gasps echoed in the room.

"Yes." Rory answered with a clear voice. "I know."

"And what he was dealing?"

"Pills."

"And you approve that?" It was a tricky question.

"He was doing it…" Rory began, but the prosecutor interrupted her with a stern face.

"Yes or no, Mrs. Mariano!"

"He was doing it to survive!" Rory ignored him.

"I asked you a question…"

"And I answered!"

"May I remind you that you swore…"

"I'll support my husband!" She glared at him.

"Mrs. Mariano…"

"Enough!" Judge Hammond intervened and frowned at the prosecutor. "The witness answered to your question!"

"Alright." The prosecutor frowned. "Do you know my client?" He points at Logan and Rory finally looked at him. He was with the same suit as he wore the day before.

"Yes, I knew him. We were in a relationship before." Rory shrugged.

"So you know him well?"

"I thought I know him." She frowned.

"Why?"

"Because I can see what he is now."

"A better man?"

"No." Rory looked at Logan and his blank face. "A man, who seeks revenge, is definitely not a better man."

"Seeks revenge… or justice?"

"His exact words to my husband were "You're going to pay!"" Rory lowered her voice. "It didn't sound like a justice to me."

"You could hear it wrong."

"He punched my husband in the middle of the town." Rory trailed off. "No, I think I understood it right."

He asked her few more questions, but she stayed strong. She had to, because Jess could not. He was just there. His eyes fixed on her and she knew that he was there just because of her strength. He did not have it now. It was painful to see him like this. It reminded her of the days when he just sat on his wheelchair and stared to the window. His eyes were empty then. He was close to the same state now.

"How long have you known your husband, Mrs. Mariano?"

"I know him since we were seventeen." She looked at Jess with a smile. "He was and… is the person who knows me better than anyone."

The prosecutor just shook his head and looked at the judge.

"I have no more questions, your honor."

Rory took a deep breath when she got off the chair and walked to Jess. She took his hand and squeezed it lightly. Her eyes stared at him with love and he forced a smile. Jess was doing it for her.

The next witness was Logan's colleague. He described him as a noble man and Rory barely kept her urge to snort.

"What?" John whispered and she gave him a look. "What's wrong?"

"He is nothing like that." She murmured. "That's a lie!"

"Maybe he's changed?" Jess muttered.

"Logan?" She frowned. "He punched you, Jess!"

"He was hurt."

"He punched you!"

"Okay, okay." John nodded. "I've got that." He coughed as he got off his chair. "Mr. O'Neil… you described your friend here as a noble man."

"Yes." The man nodded.

"You knew his wife?"

"Yes." He looked confused.

"How would you describe her?"

"She was like him?" Mr. O'Neil shrugged.

"Meaning?"

"Megan was a joyful and emotional person."

"Emotional." John smirked and walked to the witness. "Temperament maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe." Mr. O'Neil looked confused again.

"But you just said she was like her husband."

"Yes."

"And according to you, he is a noble and quiet man."

"No, I meant that…"

"Thank you, Mr. O'Neil." John smiled and went back to his place.

"That was good." Rory whispered.

"But it doesn't help us." John shrugged. "Just showed Logan in another light."

Rory frowned and looked at Jess. He just tilted his head and lowered his look. Rory sighed and rubbed his back calmingly. He needed her and she could feel it. Rory leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Everything will be alright." She whispered. "I'm here."

"I know." He whispered back. "I'm trying, Rory."

"That's all I want from you." She tried to smile. "Just think about Matt at home. Think about him and everything will pass quickly, you'll see."

"That's what I'm doing." He gave her a wry smile.

"Well, keep doing it then." Rory rubbed his back again. "Keep doing it."

_

* * *

_

**_A/N: So sorry for the delay. I had a busy day and I was so tired when I came back home that just fall asleep. "sighs" But here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	85. Chapter 85 The other side of the coin

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 85 The other side of the coin_**

Jess was ready to run. It was painful to even sit there and feel the looks of the strangers in the courtroom. They accused him. He could feel it. He felt the same about himself, but it was one thing to blame yourself for something and other, to feel how everybody accused you. The only thing, kept him going right now was Rory. She held his hand and her thumb skimmed back and forth his one. She told him to think about Matt when it was worse. He was doing it, but it was hard and Jess could not help it, but to feel in this way.

As if it was not enough, they showed the picture of the accident few more times from different angles. He had survived by a miracle. It was pure miracle. Megan and the driver of truck were the only victims. She had died from the impact and he had died when the truck had hit the near building. Only Jess survived… and had to live with it.

He took a deep breath and looked at Rory. She caught his look and smiled. Jess could not help but to admire her strength. She was the stronger one now, as if she knew he could not. Her eyes showed all the love she felt for him and she did not hide it. Jess was thankful to that. He needed her now. He needed her more than ever, because he felt like he was about to ruin.

The next one on the seat was Logan. Jess sighed and turned his look to the other man. Logan's eyes showed all the hate he felt for Jess. He could not pretend about this. It was pure hate and Jess winced barely noticeable. Rory felt it. She squeezed his hand harder and rested her other one above it. Jess could feel her support. It was just as if she had told to the prosecutor. She supported him and she would support him no matter what.

Jess bit his lower lip and tried to control his breathing. Matt's face emerged before his eyes. She remembered how it was to hold his son. The sweet feeling of just hold him there. He was so pure and so real… That almost helped, almost.

"How long do you know, Mr. Mariano?" The prosecutor asked Logan.

"Since his wife presented him to me." Logan trailed off. "We were together then."

"You and Mrs. Mariano?"

"Yes."

"What was your first impression of him?"

"He was… different than my friends." Logan gave a wry smile.

"Different? How?"

"He looked dangerous."

"Liar!" Rory hissed. "You son of a-"

"Silence!" The judge waved his gavel. "Silence in the courtroom!"

She finally calmed and Jess squeezed her hand. He could feel her anger, but his touch apparently helped her. Rory sighed and leaned on him. Jess looked back at Logan.

"Do you know about your wife's relationship with Mr. Mariano?" The prosecutor continued.

"No." Logan frowned. "I didn't know. She wasn't like that."

"Do you know she was pregnant?"

"No."

"So, you didn't know all that since the moment of the accident?"

"It wasn't an accident!" Logan snapped. "He killed her!"

"Objection your honor!" John got off his place. "That's personal opinion!"

"Objection accepted!" Judge Hammond nodded. "Please delete that from the protocol."

"I have no more questions your honor!" The prosecutor smirked and sat back on his place.

John coughed and looked at his notes. Jess could feel that his lawyer was up to something. He had found something important. John had told him that this morning. When Jess had asked him what, John answered he wanted to be sure. Jess did not insist more.

"Mr. Huntzberger, you said you knew your wife well. Is that correct?" John began.

"Yes."

"And you didn't know about her relationship with Mr. Mariano?"

"No."

"And about her other affairs?"

"No, I…"

"So you didn't punch your former co-worker just because he had an affair with her?"

"What?" Logan snapped.

"Your former co-worker, Mr. Julian Walsh?" John rose an eyebrow. "You hit him, because you knew he was in a relationship with your wife?"

"That's not true!"

"He's willing to testify!"

"Objection! This has nothing to do with the case, your honor!" The prosecutor got off his place.

"Mr. Gilbert?" The judge looked at him.

"It does have, I'll prove it."

"Do it!" Judge Hammond frowned.

"My colleague here pointed my client's past as a factor in this case." John looked at the prosecutor. "I'm just trying to do the same with Mr. and Mrs. Huntzberger."

"Please go on."

"Thank you, your honor." John nodded and looked back at Logan. "Is it true you were before divorce, Mr. Huntzberger? "

Jess gasped after this question and Rory did the same. They looked at each other with confusion and then looked back at Logan.

"Yes, but…" Logan looked angry.

"So, you knew about her relationship with Mr. Mariano?" John repeated the question.

"No."

"But you knew she was in a relationship with someone, right?"

"I…"

"Yes or no, Mr. Huntzberger!"

"Yes!" He snapped.

"So you just… want a revenge on Mr. Mariano?" John just slipped up the question and the room went quiet.

"Objection!"

"Accepted!" Judge Hammond frowned, but John smirked.

"I have no more questions, your honor." He nodded and sat back on his place.

Logan was the last witness for the day and they were free to go. Logan just threw them a look and stormed off the courtroom. John shook his head and looked at Jess.

"You didn't know that she was about to leave him, right?"

"I didn't know she was married at all." Jess shook his head still in shock. "She didn't have a ring!"

"They were pretty bad when she met you."

"But it was in her nature, right?" Rory could not help but to feel a spark of a jealousy in her heart. She knew it was stupid and was not right, but she felt it.

"It was." John nodded. "She was in a relationship with Mr. Walsh as well."

"Maybe she just sought for love." Rory shrugged and looked at Jess.

"She sought for something, she hadn't had in her home." Jess murmured.

"But he loved her." Rory sighed with a slight frown. "I can tell that."

"He did." John nodded. "I spoke with the people from his firm. He loved his wife, that's for sure, but he also cheated on her few times. I guess she just gave him the same coin."

"He cheated on me as well." Rory shook her head with a sight. "I guess it's in his nature."

"I'd never do that." Jess touched her face and she gave him a wry smile. "I promise!"

"And that's why I'm with you." She murmured and leaned on his palm.

_

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_

**_A/N: YAY! It's a Saturday! I've got inspiration to write this chapter earlier. Hope you like it and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	86. Chapter 86 Everything possible

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 86 Everything possible_**

The next day brought even more pressure on Jess. There was a witness to the whole accident. The young man had seen everything. He was a pedestrian, happen to be there by accident. His name was Miles Wall.

"So, Mr. Wall, tell us what happened?" John asked him carefully.

"Sure." Mr. Wall coughed nervously. "I was just about to cross the street when I saw the truck coming." He looked at Jess. "Then I saw the car and… I saw how the truck practically swept the car away. Then the truck hit the near building and the car rolled over couple of times. I thought there weren't any survivors. Then I called 911 and went to see if I can help somehow. I saw Mr. Mariano barely moving in his car and I tried to pull him out."

"You couldn't?"

"No." Mr. Wall shook his head. "It was impossible to reach to him."

"Why?" John looked at the prosecutor with a light smile.

"The car was just… it was a miracle that Mr. Mariano survived all this." Mr. Wall's voice cracked. "I'd never forget that look!"

"Did Mr. Mariano told you something then? Was he able to move? To speak?"

"Yes." The young man coughed and looked at Jess. "He asked me to leave him and help his girlfriend."

"But you couldn't?"

"No." Mr. Wall shuddered.

"Like I said, it was a pure miracle that he survived all this."

John just nodded and finished with his question to the witness. The prosecutor did not have any. They went to another witness. It was the paramedic, came first to the accident. Rory grabbed Jess' hand and squeezed it lightly. He winced, but his face stayed blank.

This time the prosecutor was the first to ask questions.

"When you arrived to the accident, what did you do, Mr. Fran?"

"I tried to save the people. That's my job." The young man answered with a light smile. There was a wave of a sudden laugh in the courtroom.

"Order!" Judge Hammond waved his gavel and the room went quiet.

"I'm going to change the question." The prosecutor frowned. "What did you see there?"

"It was an awful look." Mr. Fran frowned. "The car wasn't even remotely looking as a car. The only safe place was the driver's seat."

"Safe?"

"Yeah." The young man nodded. "There was something as a safe pocket, formed around Mr. Mariano. The difficult part was to get him out of there. The door was completely destroyed from the crush."

"When you pulled out Mr. Mariano, did you take him a blood test?"

"Yes. That's the regular procedure." Mr. Fran shrugged. "But we had to wait until the hospital. He was in bad condition. We had to stabilize him first."

"But you took the test?"

"Yes. There was no alcohol or other opiates in his blood." Mr. Fran looked at Jess. "He was clean."

The prosecutor frowned and sat back on his place. It was obvious that it was not the answer, he hoped for. He looked at his notes and then leaned to tell something to Logan. He just nodded, but his face was blank as well. John smiled and got off his chair.

"Let's talk about the moment you reached to Mr. Mariano. Was he able to talk, Mr. Fran?"

"Yes." Mr. Fran took a deep breath and looked at John. "He asked me to save his girlfriend. He said she was pregnant and he was not important."

A wave of gasps flew in the courtroom. John smiled again and looked at Jess this time.

"So he wasn't thinking for himself?"

"No." The young man coughed. "He was really bad and barely breathing, but he asked from us to save her."

"But it was impossible?"

"No, sir. There wasn't any way to help her."

"Thank you Mr. Fran." John nodded and looked at the judge. "I have no more questions your honor."

"The witness is free to go." Judge Hammond waved the gavel. "We'll continue tomorrow." He hit the desk before him with the gavel.

Rory looked at Jess in the moment they left alone in the courtroom. He was pale and his face showed all the emotions he had hid before.

"Jess." She rubbed his back. "Come on, we have to go now."

"I thought it was a dream." He shook his head. "I thought that there was a chance for her."

"There wasn't." Rory stroked his hair. "You heard it from two people. And you tried to help her."

"I did." He let out a sigh. "I thought there was a chance! I thought… it's my fault."

"It's not."

"It is." Jess shook his head. "I was behind the wheel and I had to…"

"Just stop it, ok?" Rory took his face between her hands and forced him to look at her. "We talked about that so many times and I'm maybe a selfish person, but I'm glad you survived!"

"Rory…"

"You did everything you could to save her, okay?" Her thumbs stroked his cheekbones. "You just heard the witnesses."

"It was so blurry… I couldn't remember this." Jess' voice cracked. "I remember I asked for that in the hospital, but they… they told me that… I…" He blinked furiously and looked at her. "I thought I…"

"Shh-shh." Rory wrapped her arms around him. His head fell on her shoulder and she could feel his arms around her. "You did what you could." She rubbed his back. "You did what it was possible for you to do in that moment. You just got lucky."

"Yeah." He shivered in her arms.

"Just… think about that." Rory whispered. "Matt is here now, because you survived. He would've been here otherwise."

"Yeah." He repeated and she felt his kiss on her neck. "He would've been here."

"Feeling better now?" Rory pulled back slightly just to look at his eyes.

"A little." Jess gave here his crooked smile. "Thank you."

"I have to thank you." Rory tilted her head and buried fingers in his hair.

"Hey kids!" Luke's voice surprised them and they looked at the door. "Let's go home."

"What are you doing here?" Jess tilted his head and helped Rory to get off her place. He followed her.

"You thought I wasn't going to support you, Jess?" Luke shook his head with a smile. "You know you are my family. We care about our family."

"Yeah." Jess looked at Rory and placed his hand on the small of her back. "We care about our family."

"And we keep them safe as best as we can." Rory answered him and leaned to his touch.

_

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_

**_A/N: Blah... I feel so lazy today. Probably it's because it's Sunday. Therefore - late update. But I did it! Heh. Good for me! Hope you like it and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	87. Chapter 87 It's the change

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

_**Chapter 87 It's the change**_

Luke drove them to their temporary home. The apartment was on the third floor and they took the elevator. When the door opened, they heard Matt's cry even from the corridor. Jess just shook his head and a wry smile appeared on his lips. That surprised Rory. She had not seen his smile since the moment the case had begun. That was almost a week now.

"Why are you smiling?" Luke asked him with curiosity. "He's gonna wake up the whole building."

"He won't!" Jess murmured and pushed the door open. Lorelai was pacing around the room.

"C'mon, little hoodlum!" She cuddled him, but she looked worried. "What's the problem now, huh? Tell me!"

"I doubt he could." Jess shook his head and took his son in his arms. "He's almost five months old." He cuddled him carefully and rubbed his back calmingly. "Shh-shh, there you go. We are alright now." His quiet voice did the miracle and the room went quiet just few minutes later. "See?" Jess looked at Lorelai. "You don't have to yell."

"I wasn't yelling!" Lorelai increased her voice.

"Shh-shh!" Luke and Rory shushed her and she frowned.

"Fine!" She pouted and sat back on the couch.

"Oh! Please!" Luke rolled his eyes and sat close to her. "I came here just to see you! Don't be like this. We all know you care about Matt. He is your grandson after all."

"You came here to see me?" She grinned. "Really?"

"Yes, really!" Luke smiled and hugged her. Rory barely suppressed her laugh when she saw his thumb up behind her mother's back.

"Can you cook something now?" Lorelai pulled back and gave him a quick peck on his lips.

"Sure." Luke laughed. "I came here to make your life easy."

"Yay!" Lorelai jumped off the couch and pulled him up. "Now!"

"I'm sorry!" Rory formed the words with her lips, but Luke laughed.

"Trust me. I wouldn't do that if I didn't love her."

Rory saw her mother blushed right before she could hide in the so-called kitchen. She shook her head and turned around to look at Jess. He was standing by the window and holding Matt in his arms. Rory sighed and walked to them. She placed her hand on his shoulder and Jess looked at her.

"I'm fine." He muttered.

"I know." She nodded. "How's Matt?"

"He was just nervous I guess." Jess rubbed his son's back. "He's calm now. I can feel it."

"I can feel it too."

"Okay." He sighed and looked through the window. "I wish we can skip all this and go to the better part."

"Better part?" Rory leaned on his arm and placed her hand over his on Matt's back..

"Stars Hollow." Jess uttered. "I told you I feel safe there."

"And…"

"And I want to live there with you. I want to raise our children there." He whispered and her heart trembled when he mentioned their kids. "I want…" He trailed off. "I want to be happy, Rory. Is that too much to ask?"

"No." She tried to control her voice, but her eyes went teary. "It's something normal to any person."

"Then why are you crying?" He frowned and she felt his eyes fixing her face. She looked up at him.

"I'm crying, because I'm happy for you." Rory sniffed, but trying to smile. "You're talking about the future Jess and this is for a first time! This is something new and something good! Do you know how long I was hoping to hear this?" She shook her head.

"Then you don't have to cry, Rory." Jess gave her his wry smile. "Come here." He extended his free hand and she cuddled in him. "That's right." Jess murmured and wrapped his arm around her. His lips touched the top of her head. "Feels good." He murmured and Rory smiled on his chest.

"Feels really good." She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled in him.

"I think someone fell asleep." Jess whispered after awhile.

"Are you kidding me?" Rory looked at her son and met his hazel eyes. "Jess!" She frowns playfully.

"Sorry. I thought he was sleeping." A light grin showed up on his face. Matt gave a small cry.

"Okay, okay." Rory sighed with a smile and took her son in her arms. "Let's go, big boy." She kissed Jess and hid in the bedroom.

Jess sighed and looked back through the window. He crossed his arms before his chest and stared at the darkness outside.

"I saw you." His uncle's voice did not surprise him. Jess did not turn around. He just waited for Luke to come closer. "In the courtroom." Luke stood next to him. "I saw the life in your eyes."

"The life?" Jess frowned.

"Yes." Luke sighed. "I can't describe it exactly. It's just something different."

"Good?"

"Yeah!" Luke chuckled lightly. "It was good!"

"Rory told me the same just few minutes ago." Jess sighed and shook his head. "I guess I'm getting better."

"Yeah." His uncle patted his back. "And I can't say I'm unhappy to see that."

"Good." Jess scratched the back of his head. "Guess these pills worked."

"Or your son… and your wife?"

"They too." Jess frowned. "I'm confused, uncle Luke."

"Confused?"

"Yeah, I mean… I had them before. Why I got the feeling that…"

"You needed time, my boy." Luke shrugged. "You just needed some time and now… now you can take care of them."

"Yeah." Jess crooked his face. "But I still have to learn how."

"If you love them, and I see you do, you'll know the answer, Jess." Luke nodded and walked back to Lorelai.

Jess frowned and shook his head. He sighed and went back in the bedroom. Rory just put Matt in his crib. He was sleeping when she wrapped him in his baby blanket. Jess leaned on the wall and just watched them. A smile appeared on his lips. Rory looked up at him and smiled. The love in her eyes embrace him and for the first time he felt it real. His uncle was right. Now Jess knew how to take care about his family.

He was going to do that… just right after the case. And… after they took care about her little problem with Austin. Jess clenched his jaw. Oh, yeah. The bastard did not know him at all.

_

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_

**_A/N: Heh. Good for me! Hope you like it and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	88. Chapter 88 Never doubt

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

__

**_Chapter 88 Never doubt_**

A week later, was the last meeting of the court. Jess and Rory came in along with their family. Luke, Lorelai and the little Matt. He was quiet all morning and that was enough for Rory to take him with them. Jess was not found of the idea, but she knew how strong Matt made him feel. Jess just looked different around his son. His eyes shone with inner strength and Rory smiled every time when she could see that sight.

But Jess had changed over this week. He got stronger. His eyes were not as sad as they were before. His posture changed. His walk was different, confident. Rory knew that he was on the way of his full recovery. She knew he was close to that and her heart trembled every time she could see him smile. Even his smile was different. It was more real, touching. Now he was almost a copy of a man she fell in love with. This Jess just looked more polished and older than the cocky and confused boy he was before. But Rory loved him in either way. She loved every side of him. Even when he was down and depressed. His weakness did not scare her. He would never scare her, because she trusted him. She believed in him and that was something she missed before.

"All rise!" The bailiff called and everybody got off their seats. "Judge Hammond!"

Judge Hammond walked in the courtroom and took his place. He nodded and everybody sat down again. Rory took Jess' hand and he intertwined fingers with hers. She looked at him and saw his crooked smile. Her heart trembled again. Yeah, he was better than before. That was obvious.

"Now it's time for the both lawyers to present their speeches and I have to make a decision on this case." Judge Hammond looked at Jess. "Mr. Mariano." Then he looked at Logan. "Mr. Huntzberger. I strongly believe you'll accept my decision and follow it."

The both men nodded and it was time for the speeches. The prosecutor was first and Rory trembled when she heard him accusing Jess. He pointed out his past and his problems with his parents. Then he presented his past as a dealer and how dangerous he was. The next thing was his unpredictable character. Jess was not exactly a great person, but Rory could argue that. She looked at Logan and saw his blank face. His eyes were narrowed and he looked straight forward. He still wore his suit and it looked like it was invented for him. Rory shook her head and looked at Jess. He wore his dark blue sweater and his black jeans, but he still looked irresistible. Jess met her eyes and a smile touched his face again.

"I love you." Rory formed the words with her lips and his smile widened.

"Love you too." Jess answered her back and she smiled.

It was John's turn now. He talked about Jess' life now.

"Mr. Mariano tried to save Mrs. Huntzberger's life two times. He wasn't thinking of himself. This accident wasn't his fault. He didn't cause it. He tried to prevent it even. All the witnesses testified about his attempt to risk his own life to save her." John made a dramatic pause. "He even tried to take his own life when he thought he hadn't done everything to save Mrs. Huntzberger's life. He felt guilty just because he couldn't remember of his act of bravery. But he survived all this to make his path to his future family." John turned around and looked at Rory with a smile. "He shouldn't feel guilty about this. He has all the rights to live for his wife and son."

John finished his speech and sat back on his seat and the judge announced small pause until he take his decision. Rory looked back and saw her son sleeping in his small seat. She grasped Jess' hand. He frowned at first, but then followed her look and smiled.

"So he cooperates today?" He whispered.

"Yeah, but only because we are here." Rory gave him a wry smile. "Maybe he was just nervous before. Maybe he missed us at home?"

"Yeah, maybe." Jess tilted his head and looked at her with strange look in his eyes. "Was there any time you doubt in me on this case?"

"No." She shrugged. "Never."

"But you loved Logan once."

"Yeah, but it has nothing to do with this." Her eyes flicked to Logan and then back to Jess. "I can understand his pain. I can understand what it feels like to love someone as strong as he loved Megan." Rory tilted her head. "I love you like this. I loved him before, but that was a long time ago. I thought he was the one. I thought he was the one for me, but when I kissed you back in Philly I already knew what I had to do. I received my doubts in my future with Logan and I knew I couldn't spend my life with him"

"Hm." Jess leaned and kissed her. "So you never doubt in me? Giving our background?"

"You are changed. I'm changed." She touched his face. "We are married now and we have a family. That's all that matters. And no, I've never doubt in you! Never!"

"What I did to deserve you, Rory?" Jess leaned his face on her palm.

"You stayed here. You fought to stay alive." She smiled softly. "That's enough for me!"

Jess just smiled and leaned for a kiss.

Judge Hammond came back an hour later. He looked serious and his eyes narrowed when he looked at the papers before him. With one heavy sigh, he finally spoke.

"After I took all the evidences on this case and listened to all the witnesses, I'm ready with my decision." He took a dramatic pose and then looked at Jess. "Mr. Mariano, please stand up." Jess got off his place and now the judge looked at the Logan. "Mr. Huntzberger?" Logan got off his seat as well. "On the case "Huntzberger versus Mariano", I now pronounce Mr. Mariano… not guilty! The decision is final! Case closed!" He waved his gavel and got off his seat.

The courtroom went noisy and Jess fell on his seat. Rory wrapped her arms around him with happy tears on her face. She held him tight kissed him furiously. The case was closed and Jess was innocent. She had never doubted in that. Maybe Jess would finally believe in that too. She hoped he would.

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**_A/N: Heh. Good for me! Hope you like it and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	89. Chapter 89 Solving problems

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

_**Chapter 89 Solving problems**_

Jess went to hug his son. He had awakened from all the noises in the courtroom. Jess took him in his arms and rubbed his small back calmingly. Rory watched them with a smile on her face. Luke patted Jess' shoulder and even Lorelai looked happy. Rory sighed and turned around to look at John. She offered him her hand.

"Thank you, John! Thank you for everything!" She smiled softly when he took her hand.

"It was a pleasure." John nodded.

"We can send you your…"

"Paris already taken care of." John laughed. "She wanted me to take this case, so she paid me exclusively."

"Paris?" Rory frowned. "But she told me…"

"It's done, ok." John shrugged with a warm smile on his face. "I gave my card to your husband if you ever need me again." He laughed. "Hope you don't."

"Yeah." Rory tilted her head with a smile. "Hope you don't."

John patted her shoulder and left the courtroom. Rory was on her way to Jess, when someone grabbed her arm. She frowned and turned around just to see Logan there. He glared at her. She knew that look. He hated to lose. It was not in his nature.

"It's not over, Ace!" He hissed.

"Hey, leave her alone!" Jess snapped and Rory saw him walked to her. "I told you to leave her out of it!"

"You!" Logan clenched his fists, but saw Matt in Jess' arms and stepped back. "Using your son as a human shield? Nice!"

"I'm not using my son." Jess spoke carefully. He turned around and placed him in his mother's arms. "You want to punch me now?" Jess stretched out his arms. "Come on, do it!"

"Jess!" Rory stared at him. "Don't! What are you doing?"

"He wants revenge." Jess shrugged. "Come on! Punch me!"

"Smart ass!" Logan hissed and looked around. "We are in the middle of the court! They can arrest me!"

"I won't make any charges." Jess shrugged, challenging him again. "You can punch me and I won't punch you back."

"Jess!" Rory snapped.

"Shut up Ace!" Logan hissed.

"I wasn't talking about Rory!" Jess scoffed. "If you want someone to blame, blame me! If you think you should punch someone, punch me! But I won't let you talking to her like that!"

"You son of a-…"

"I can understand you're upset!" Jess cut him off. "I know what's like to lose person you care about, but…"

"She was my wife!" Logan scoffed. "You don't know…"

"You're right! I don't!" Jess stepped closer to him. "I didn't know and I wouldn't start a relationship with her if I knew! But she wasn't honest with me! She said she is free!"

"Jess…" Luke and Lorelai rushed to the scene, but Jess made them a sign to stop.

"I care about Megan and I felt guilty when she died! She was pregnant and this is what made me feel even worse!" Jess shook his head. "She told me she wasn't sure whose child is this. She probably was about to tell me about her marriage. But… then the accident happened. I thought it was my fault! I thought I killed her! But now I know I did everything in my powers to save her! I couldn't!"

"You…" Logan glared at him.

"I couldn't remember what happened after the crash. My first memory was from the hospital and… I thought I killed her, because I looked at her just once!" Jess took a deep breath. "Now I know that it's not true. The truck was going to hit us no matter what! I'm sorry!"

"I loved her…" Logan lowered his voice.

"Then you should've stayed at home instead of cheating." Rory murmured and he looked at her.

"You don't understand, Ace."

"I do!" She snapped. "You know I do!" Her eyes flicked to Jess. "That's why I married him and not you! I couldn't trust you!"

"You didn't love me.. enough." Logan murmured and stepped back. "You never did." He looked at the boy in her arms and then at Jess. "I don't want to see you, ever again!" He snapped and stormed off the courtroom.

Rory sighed with relief and looked up at Jess. He just smiled and wrapped his arms around her shoulder. She snuggled in him and Matt rested his small head on her shoulder.

"Let's go home, kids." Luke smiled and wrapped his arm around Loreal's waist. She grinned.

"Let's go home!" She repeated and all four of them left the courtroom.

They reached to Stars Hollow later that day. It was almost evening and Luke headed to his diner to get something for dinner. Rory walked in her house, holding Matt's seat. It was time for his feeding. Jess and Lorelai followed her inside.

"Feeling better now, Jess?" She settled on the sofa.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Rory said I'm changed."

"You really are." Lorelai sighed with a smile. "It's good."

"Dang! You better watch out or I'd think you like me!' He rolled her eyes.

"Crap!" She covered her mouth. "I should stop talking to you?"

"Really?" He smirked.

"You're impossible!" Lorelai laughed.

"No, I feel good." Jess sighed and took the nearest chair. He leaned back with a sigh. Slight frown appeared on his face. "Now we have to deal with the last problem and we're gonna be good… I hope."

"A problem?" Lorelai frowned and saw his eyes flicked to the bedroom where Rory was. "Something with my daughter? What?"

"Austin." Jess murmured and his eyes narrowed.

"Ah!" Lorelai shrugged and leaned back on the sofa. "That crap."

"He is indeed." Jess tilted his head. "Hey! You hate him more than me? I've never thought that's possible!"

"You loved Rory then. You were just confused then. I hated you because you hurt my daughter."

"You hated me even before we got together."

"Ok. I hated you, because it was you." Lorelai rolled her eyes. "You were bad influence."

"Ok." Jess shook his head. "I got that. What about Austin?"

"He lied to her." Lorelai frowned. "He cheated on her… and it wasn't only once! Then he threatened Chris and me to keep her away from us! Rory believed him at first. We hadn't heard a word from her in months!"

"Bastard!" Jess hissed.

"Yup!" Lorelai nodded.

"What's going on here?" Rory walked in the room. She looked puzzled.

"Nothing hun." Lorelai tilted her head with a smirk. "Jess and I just agreed about something. Isn't that wonderful?"

* * *

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**_A/N: Heh. Good for me! Hope you like it and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	90. Chapter 90 Take your time

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 90 Take your time before the fight_**

The celebrated New Year in tight family circle. All of them had a reason to celebrate the past year. The occasion was special also because this was the first New Year with Matthias in the family. Rory remembered the last New Year and she smiled every time she did that. It was the time when Matt was created. She looked at Jess and a secret smile touched her lips. He looked different now. He was holding his boy in his lap and a wide smile appeared on his lips every time Matt giggled. That kid had dine the miracle with him. Then he looked up at her and she could see the love in his eyes. Rory blushed and smiled at him back. She knew how much cost him to get to here. She was there, supporting him in every step of the way.

"Hey, wake up baby." Lorelai waved a hand before her eyes and Rory laughed. "That guy is gonna be here tonight if you want some more."

"I'm sorry." Rory blushed more. "Am I that obvious?"

"Very." Lorelai rolled her eyes. "But as long as you are happy, I am happy too. You know that, right?"

"Even when it comes to Jess?"

"I think you can say that I accepted Jess long ago." Lorelai shrugged and followed Rory's look. Luke just had joined Jess and Matt on the couch and now laughed too. "I only want him to make you happy. I want him to love you more than anything and to make you feel safe. I can see that now. He's changed and that's for good."

"Wow!" Rory threw her a look.

"If you tell him, you're in trouble!" Lorelai grinned and took a sip from her glass of champagne.

"Don't worry!" Rory laughed. "Your secret is safe with me."

"We talked though." Her mother shrugged. "Jess and I. We agreed about few things even, but that's all I can tell you about it."

"I'm glad you buried the tomahawk." Rory laughed again. "And didn't kill each other."

"Oh please!"

"Yeah! There was a time when I thought you would." Rory shook her head and looked back at Jess. "It took him a lot to get to here, right?"

"I almost thought he wasn't going to make it, hun." Lorelai whispered thoughtfully. "He looked very bad in the courtroom."

"He just had to relieve all that happened." Rory whispered back. "He wasn't ready. And most of all, he couldn't remember his saving act right after the accident. He thought he didn't do anything to help Megan."

"But he did." Lorelai smiled and looked at Jess. "I've never thought I'm gonna say this, but you made the right choice dear."

"Wow!" Rory rolled her eyes. "That's a big."

"You two… we can hear you over here, you know?" Luke grinned.

"You ruined the pleasure." Jess pouted.

"If you were a gentleman…" Lorelai rolled her eyes, but walked to the couch and sat close to Luke. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she grinned.

"Nice, but Jess is not a gentleman." Rory sat close to her husband and he hugged her with his free arm and she snuggled in him. "But he can be very romantic if he want to." She murmured. Jess just gave her a light smirk and she snuggled in him.

Later that night, Rory was lying in his arms and he rubbed her back calmingly. She sighed happily and cuddled in him. A tired smile appeared on her face. Jess felt it on his chest and smiled as well.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking about you and our family." She leaned on his chest and looked up at him. "It's enough for me to put a smile on my face."

"Are you happy?" Jess stroked her hair and she leaned her head on his palm. Rory stared at his eyes.

"Yeah, I am happy." Rory touched his face and her lips touched his. "And I need just a little to be happy. You should know that."

"You deserve so much more." Jess shook his head.

"Yeah?" She kissed him again and rubbed her body to his.

"Yeah." He groaned and pushed her onto the bed. Rory smiled when his hands slid up over her body. Her T-shirt disappeared for seconds and she laughed throatily. "Oh, we're smiley tonight?" He grinned and her head lowered over her belly. His lips tongue skimmed over her belly button and her breath hitched.

"I'm smiley now.." She murmured when his hands cupped her breasts and rubbed them gently.

"Yeah." He kissed her body up to her face and then his mouth crashed over hers. Rory moaned and her hands buried into his hair. His tongue slid over her lips before he could touch hers.

His hands took their way down and stopped on her hips. She felt him grasped her thin waist and arched her body when he thrust into her. Jess kissed her shoulder and moved carefully so she could feel him completely. It was like a sweet torture, but no one wanted to end.

"Jess!" She hissed and dug her nails deeper into his skin. She tightened around him and made him come along with her. He released himself with a loud groan and fell over her, breathing heavily.

"How are you… feeling?" He murmured and kissed her shoulder.

"Alive." She giggled and ruffled his hair.

"Yeah." He laughed and lay on his back, dragging her over him. "I feel good."

"Mh-mm." She smiled sleepily. "Thanks."

Jess smirked as he watched her fall asleep. He kissed her temple and closed his eyes. It was a good night. It was a good day and an year. Jess could only hope the next one could be better. They just had to deal with that Austin guy first. His eyes opened and narrowed against the darkness. That guy was going to pay for every tear Rory had shed for him. Jess could swear on that. She had fought for him in the courtroom. She had fought to keep him alive and now he was going to do the same for her. Jess felt alive again and close to the position to be happy. He was going to fight for his happiness. No one could take that away from him. Not anymore.

He sighed and hugged Rory tightly. She murmured something in her dream and snuggled in him. Jess finally relaxed under her touch and fell asleep.

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**_A/N: Blah! It's just one of those days you feel tired and you just don't know why. :/ I wish I knew though, but I feel like a crap. I barely reached to my work and then again, barealy reached to my bed in home. "thud" Then overslept and hence the late update. Here is the fluffy chapter some of my reviewers wanted. See, I read your reviews guys. They always motivate me to write! "winks" Nine more chapters and this fic will be over. That's how I think now at least. Ask me again five chapters later, cuz I never plan anything (except my stories lol). Heh. Good for me! Hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	91. Chapter 91 To protect

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 91 To protect_**

Jess walked in Luke's Diner. He saw his uncle sitting behind the counter and reading a paper. That was surprising. Luke would never sit in the middle of the day like he did not have what to do. Most of all, he would never read a paper. The diner was almost empty by this time of the day and there were only few customers. Jess shook his head and sat on the tall chair opposite his uncle. Luke still did not notice him and Jess frowned even more. He coughed.

"Can I have a coffee, please?"

"Huh?" Luke finally noticed him and Jess realized two things. First – Luke was not reading. Second – he looked scared. "Ah, Jess."

"Yeah, I'm Jess." He lowered his voice. "Uncle Luke? What's wrong?"

"Um, nothing." Luke grinned, but Jess did not buy it.

"Something with Lorelai?"

"No." Luke shook his head.

"Taylor did something?"

"No."

"Then what?" Jess started to lose his patience. "I can see something's wrong."

"Well." His uncle coughed and leaned over the counter. Jess leaned to him. "I'm getting married." Luke whispered.

"Ok, but that's good." Jess frowned with confusion. "I know you wanted that since the moment I saw you walking around Lorelai like a puppy."

"I'm not a puppy!"

"Fine!" Jess shook his head. "But you look too worried."

"And kinda saw a face around the town." Luke murmured.

"A face?" Jess chuckled. This sounded amusing already. "Does that face has a body attached to it?"

"It's not funny!" Luke growled. "It's disaster!"

"I can't tell yet. You're just refusing to cooperate to me! What's wrong?" Jess sighed with frustration. "What so wrong happened and you can't tell me?"

"Let's just say that… you won't be so pleased to hear and see that." Luke muttered.

"Uncle Luke!" Jess snapped.

"Fine! I saw Austin this morning." Luke frowned. "He was walking around the town and asking about Rory's house."

"He's dead!" Jess snapped and stormed out of the Diner. Luke rushed after him and caught him right before he could cross the street.

"Jess!"

"What?" Jess clenched his fists. "Damn! That guy has a nerve to come here and ask for Rory! After everything he put her through! After all the pain he caused to her! After all the lies…"

"He walked away!" Luke snapped and Jess stared at him.

"What?"

"He was here just for the morning. He asked for your house and then drove off." Luke tried to explain. "Kirk told me right before you came in the Diner." He frowned. "He was afraid to tell you."

"Why?" Jess snapped and Luke suddenly laughed.

"Are you asking me?" He shook his head. "You look more and more like yourself these days. That's good, but sometimes you could be pretty scary, Jess."

"That's not true." Jess sighed and his eyes narrowed. "I mean, I've changed, but I'm not scary."

"Yeah, right." Luke rolled his eyes. "You just have to see yourself in the mirror right now."

"Uncle Luke!"

"Hey!" Luke put his hands up. "I'm just the messenger here."

"So that's why you looked scared?" Jess tilted his head with a light smirk. "You were afraid of me? Really?"

"No!" Luke frowned. "I'm going to get married. I have a right to be scared!"

"But you proposed!" Jess suddenly laughed. "Why are you…"

"It wasn't me." Luke lowered his voice. "It was her."

"Well, congratulations then!" Jess patted his uncle's shoulder. "I wish you luck with this woman. You're going to need it."

"Very funny!"

"Hey! I'm a funny guy!" Jess shook his head with a smile.

When he finally came back home, the house was quiet. Rory was typing something on her laptop and smiled when she saw Jess. He sat close to her on the sofa and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Rory sighed and gave him a quick kiss.

"Hey."

"Hey." Jess smiled when she snuggled in him. "Sorry, but I had to see my uncle. Then there was a problem in the bookstore. But everything is fixed now."

"Good." Rory smiled. "And I'm working over something." She nodded at the laptop. "But you have to wait and see it." She bit her lower lip. "And my mom called."

"Ah, she told you?" Jess rubbed her arm. "Luke told me."

"Good. I'm happy for them." Rory smiled, but her face faded right in the next moment. "Mom told me that Austin was in Stars Hollow, asking for me."

"Yeah." Jess clenched his jaw. "I know."

"Luke told you?"

"He told me." He lowered his voice and Rory looked up at him.

"Don't do any stupid, okay?"

"I won't." Jess forced a smile. "If I see him, I'm gonna talk to him."

"And you won't try to punch him?"

"Rory!"

"Cuz you look like you want to." She frowned. "I don't want you to get into trouble, okay."

"Okay." Jess frowned.

"I wish I could believe you." She murmured.

"I haven't promised anything, have I?" He rose up his eyebrows.

"But…"

"It's okay, Rory." Jess rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "He left the town, okay?"

"I want to talk to him. I want to ask him why he did this to me." She bit her lip. "I can't do that if you beat him to death."

"I'll leave him very much alive." Jess murmured.

Rory sighed and shook her head. She did not say a thing. It was useless. Jess was angry and she could not talk with him when he was in that condition. Maybe he would calm down and she would try again. Rory was happy with her new life with Jess. She did not want anything to ruing it and she would do everything to keep it in that way. She was lucky to have him and now, when he looked more and more like himself, she was sure that she loved him more than ever. His eyes were alive now. He thought of his family and how to protect them and that was something new to him. The sadness was still there, but it was less and less noticeable every day. Therefore, Rory just smiled to him now and lay her head on his shoulder. Jess squeezed her lightly and she knew he was here for her. She was sure he wanted to live for her and that made her even surer in her decision. She had to protect her family.

* * *

__

**_A/N: Blah! It's just one of those days you feel tired and you just don't know why. :/ I wish I knew though, but I feel like a crap. I barely reached to my work and then again, barealy reached to my bed in home. "thud" Then overslept and hence the late update. (Yeah, I know - repeating myself. But that was my week. "sigh") I read your reviews guys. They always motivate me to write! "winks" Few more chapters and this fic will be over. That's how I think now at least. Ask me again five chapters later, cuz I never plan anything (except my stories lol). Heh. Good for me! Hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	92. Chapter 92 Plans and purposes

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 93 Plans and purposes _**

Rory looked at the screen of her laptop and bit her lower lip. Her mother peered from behind and Rory could not help but smile. They were picking her wedding dress and right now settled the appointment with the wedding planner. Emily insisted on that and Lorelai just would have her fun torturing the poor women. Rory was sure of her mother.

"Done." She pressed the Enter button. "I sent her the e-mail and now she has to call us in the next few days. That sounds good, right?"

"Yeah." Lorelai rolled her eyes and rounded the sofa to sit down close to Rory. "I would marry in the bag, you know?"

"I know." Rory tilted her head with a smile. "But Emily is your mother. She deserves to be happy with her only daughter getting married."

"I wasn't there when my daughter got married." Lorelai frowned and Rory stared at the screen again.

"We haven't planned this and it wasn't a traditional wedding." She lowered her voice. "You know why we did this."

"I know, but I still think that you deserve a big fancy wedding. You dreamed about it your whole life!" Her mother grinned and Rory shook her head.

"Nah, you dreamed about it. I could marry in a bag."

"Or pregnant."

"Which I did." Rory sighed and placed the laptop over the table. She looked at her mother and leaned back on the sofa. "Could we stop talk about this? Jess and I are married. We have a beautiful boy and everything is fine now. I'm feeling great and he is almost recovered from his depression."

"I thought he's fully recovered." Lorelai frowned. "Luke told me he almost punched that Austin guy."

"Mom!" Rory shook her head. "He didn't do it."

"Just because Austin wasn't there." Her mother shrugged. "And I wouldn't blame him if he had punched him."

"I know." Rory sighed. "I know what you think, but I talked to Jess. He's gonna be good with this. We had a nice little conversation and everything is settled."

"What?" Lorelai burst into laugh. "Jess won't punch that guy if he comes knocking on your door? That's new."

"He'd let him talk first." Rory insisted.

"Whatever." Lorelai tilted her head. "He looks more like himself these days. Why're you saying that he's almost recovered?"

"Because, I talked to his doctor." Rory went serious. "He explained to me about the adaptation period. It's not over. He may look like himself and he may have a will to live, but we have to be careful with him. Even something little can pull him back, understand?"

"Yeah." Lorelai nodded with serious face. "I do understand, but damn! I was hoping that he is okay now."

"He will be." Rory smiled softly. "He is on the way to become that person and just need some cares. I'll take care of him. Don't worry."

"I can see that, hun." Lorelai looked at the nursery and then back at her daughter. "You gave him so much. You fought for him!"

"And he was willing to listen when I was talking to him." Rory shrugged. "Plus, Matt helped a lot." She winked playfully and Lorelai laughed. "So, I'm gonna call you when the wedding planer calls, okay? And I want you to be good."

"I want to have some fun! I'm the bride, you know?" Her mother pouted and Rory laughed on her face. Lorelai could look like a little kid when she wanted to. "White dress, flowers…" She placed her hands on her chest and rolled her eyes. "My dream come true!"

"You don't want a white dress mom." Rory shook her head. "And about the flowers…"

"But the nice lady, who's gonna plan all this doesn't know that." Her mother grinned.

They heard the front door open and saw Jess and Luke walked into the house. Rory smiled when she saw Jess. He provoked that reaction on her every time she looked at him. He caught her look and smiled back.

"Oh, please!" Lorelai coughed. "You are so sugar!"

Rory blushed, but Jess grinned and patted his uncle's shoulder.

"This is the woman you're gonna marry." He tilted his head. "Feeling good about that? Man, you're gonna need a lot of luck here."

"Yeah." Luke bit his lower lip not to laugh. "I definitely gonna need it! How do I ended like this Jess?"

"I don't know." Jess smirked. "I guess I have better luck than yours."

"You two!" Lorelai scoffed and the two men looked at her. "I'm right here."

"We know." Jess and Luke said in one voice.

"They are impossible!" Lorelai put up her hands.

"Says who?" Rory rolled her eyes and earned Jess' smile. She shook her head. "You brought the dinner?"

"Yeah." Jess nodded at Luke. "I brought my uncle. He said he got it."

"Yup" Luke nodded and lifted up the paper bags. "I just need only a minute. Lorelai, come and help me with those."

"But…" She pouted.

"Now woman!" Luke growled and she jumped off her place.

"Fine, but you're gonna pay me for this mister." She headed to the kitchen.

"I cannot wait!" Luke grinned and followed her.

Jess sighed and took off his black coat. He went to Roy and settled close to her. She leaned on him and rested her head on his shoulder. Her hand caressed his chest through the fabric of his sweater and Jess kissed her temple.

"I missed you." She murmured and felt his smile on her temple. "Where have you been all day?"

"It was just the half of the day and I had to help uncle Luke in the diner." Jess moved his hand up and down on her arm and buried his fingers into her hair. "Then I had to check what's up with the bookstore and order some books for Wednesday."

"I still missed you." She whispered.

"I know the feeling." Jess leaned back on the sofa and pulled her with him. She rested her head on his collarbone and closed her eyes with pleasure. "But I had to do one more thing." He murmured and Rory frowned.

"Why do I get the feeling it's about Austin?"

"Yes." Jess nodded. "It's about him. He's shooting a move in New York. That's why he came to look for you here. It was near to his new job."

"So you're saying we can talk to him?"

"I'm saying you have to stay away!" He rubbed her arm and squeezed her lightly. Rory sighed with frustration.

"Jess."

"You know what I feel about that guy! If he lied to you, which I'm sure he did, he has to pay." Jess trailed off. "In one way or another. He has to pay!"

"And that's because…"

"That's because he hurt you!" He murmured and she looked up at him. Jess looked serious. "You don't deserve that!"

"Kids!" Luke's voice, coming from the kitchen interrupted them. "Dinner!"

Jess and Rory looked at each other and now she was sure about him. He would not let anyone to hurt her again. No matter whom it was, Jess would take it personally.

* * *

__

**_A/N: Blah! It's just one of those days you feel tired and you just don't know why. :/ I wish I knew though, but I feel like a crap."thud" Then overslept and hence the late update. (Yeah, I know - repeating myself. But that was my week. "sigh") I read your reviews guys. They always motivate me to write! "winks" Few more chapters and this fic will be over. That's how I think now at least. Ask me again five chapters later, cuz I never plan anything (except my stories lol). Heh. Good for me! Hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	93. Chapter 93 Waiting for you

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 93 Waiting for you_**

Jess was running late. Rory looked at her watch and then frowned. It was unusual for him. He had skipped the dinner and had not called his uncle. Luke had called to ask her if he was at home already. That was two hours ago and Rory started to worry about him. It was not more like a feeling that something was terribly wrong with him. She sat on the couch and her eyes gazed at the door as if she could call him in this way. She got off her place and went to peer through the window. It was already dark outside and his car was not in front of their house. Rory bit her lower lip and grabbed her phone. She dialed his number, but no one answered. It was very untypical for Jess. Now her worry became even worse. She wanted to go out and seek for him. He was somewhere out there.

The phone rang in her hands and she jumped for a moment, thinking it was him. It was not. It was her mother and Rory sighed before she could open the phone.

"Mom?"

"Hun? Luke told me you're worrying about Jess. Is he home yet?" Rory heard her mother's voice from the other side of the line and for some reason that made her want to cry. She refused to give up on that feeling and took a deep breath.

"No!" Rory spoke with small voice. "He didn't even call me and I can't find him on his phone!"

"Maybe he's in the bookstore?"

"No!" Rory shook her head. "I called there. No one answered. I even called Kirk. He said Jess left an hour ago. The bookstore is closed since then." He bit her lower lip. "Tell me that everything is going to be okay, mom! Tell me he's fine!"

"Rory?" Lorelai caught the panic in Rory's voice. "Calm down, hun. Mommy is coming to see you."

"But."

"I'm coming!" Lorelai hung up the phone and Rory sighed. If she had to be honest, she was glad her mother had offered her help. Rory was about to go crazy. Her heart raced and she pressed her hand to her chest.

"Everything is fine." She murmured when she hear Matt's cry. She went to see him and take him in her arms. "Everything will be okay."

Rory sat on the rocking chair and undid her shirt. She helped her son to find the source of his food and lay back on the chair when he started his feeding. She looked down at him and a soft smile touched her lips. He had grown. It was almost unnoticeable, but he was bigger now than he was the last month. Her free hand stroked his cheek and she sighed with pleasure.

"Rory?" Her mother's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and Rory opened her eyes.

"Here mom?" She called from the nursery and Lorelai followed her voice. Rory lifted Matt up and placed his small head on her shoulder. Her hand slowly rubbed his back.

"Rory." Lorelai rushed into the room. "Oh, you're here." She said with relief.

"Why shouldn't I?" Rory frowned.

"You sounded like you're gonna leave the house and search for Jess." Lorelai sat on the nearest chair.

"If it wasn't for Matt, I would've." Rory kissed her son's temple.

"But Jess will be home soon. Don't worry. He's not that stupid, right?" Lorelai lowered her voice.

"No, but I'm still worried." Rory sighed and got off the rocking chair. She went to change Matt's diapers and then put him into his crib. "You know, he would've called by now. He knows me!"

"So that's why you're so worried." Lorelai murmured and leaned back on her chair. "Maybe he forgot his phone somewhere."

"Kirk said he talked with someone when he saw him for the last time." Rory bit her lower lip and looked at her mother. "And I have a strange feeling, mom."

"You have a strange feeling?"

"Yeah." Rory pressed her hand to her chest again. "Something happened to him."

"Oh come on, honey." Lorelai tilted her head. "There must be a reasonable explanation about this. Maybe he just..."

The phone rang and Rory rushed out of the nursery. She ran to the couch and picked it up. It was unknown caller ID. She frowned, but called after all.

"Hallo?"

"Mrs. Mariano?" A woman's voice echoed at the other side of the line. "We're calling from the hospital. You're husband is with us. He had a car crash…"

"No!" Rory cried out and the phone slipped out of her hands. She fell on her knees and her shoulders shook. "No!"

"Rory!" He mother rushed to her and wrapped her arms around her. "Rory, what's wrong hun? Who was it?"

"Jess… he's in the hospital." Rory sniffed and her mother helped her to get off the floor. "I have to go see him, mom!"

"Sure hun." Lorelai grabbed her daughter's coat. "Did they tell you how is he?"

"No!" Rory shook her head and put her coat on with her mother's help. She tried to calm down a bit and took her purse. "I'll call you when I find out something, okay? And Matt…"

"I'm gonna take care of him, don't worry." Lorelai frowned. "Can you drive in that condition?"

"Yeah." Rory took a deep breath and opened the front door. "Yeah, I have to. Jess needs me!"

"Sure, hun." Lorelai nodded. "I'll be here and I'll call Luke, okay?"

"Okay." Rory nodded and ran down the stairs. She unlocked the car and sat behind the wheel. "Bye, mom!" She called before she could close the door.

The way to the hospital took her more than she thought it would have or maybe she thought like that. Her emotions were in total chaos now. Her heart raced and when she rushed into to ER, asking for Jess, she was on the edge of a crying crisis.

"Your husband is still on the ER, Mrs. Mariano." The woman behind the desk explained to her. "Please sit here." She nodded at the nearest bench and Rory nodded back as a response.

She leaned her head on the wall and closed her eyes for a moment. There was nothing else left to her then to wait. Her heart raced again, but she tried to stay strong. Jess needed her right now. She had to be there for him and she would.

* * *

__

**_A/N: Hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	94. Chapter 94 Hate the waiting part

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3  
_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

_

* * *

_

**_Chapter 94 Hate the waiting part_**

Rory sat there and watched the white door before her. She wished she could have an ability to sneak in there and see what was going on with Jess. She had been sitting on the bench an hour and no one went out from the ER. Her heart still raced in her chest and she could not stop her hands from shaking.

"Rory!" She heard well-known voice and turned to the right just to see Luke rushing to her. "How is he? Did they tell you something?"

"No!" Rory tried to get up, but feel into his arms. "Luke!" Her teeth chattered and she grabed his shirt in desperate attempt to stay still. Her legs betrayed her and he was about to fall on the floor if he did not hold her tight.

"Hey, hey!" Luke helped her to sit back on the bench. "You want something? Are you okay?"

"I'm not okay." Rory shook her head violently. "I can't be okay! He's there!" She pointed the closed doors of the ER. "No one said a word about him until now!" She bit her lower lip. "What take them so long, damn it? What's going on in there?"

"Jess survived from falling off of a building." Luke wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rubbed her arm. "He's a survivor! They said it was a pure miracle."

"But he's still in there!" Her voice cracked. "How is that possible? I mean… " She took a deep breath and then looked at him. "How's Matt?"

"He's sleeping." Luke nodded. "I saw him before I can get to here."

"Okay." Rory sighed. "Mom?"

"She's with him." Luke gave her a small reassuring smile. "Don't worry about your son, Rory. He's in good hands."

"I want to believe the same about his father." She bit her lower lip again and looked back at the ER. The door opened just in this moment and Rory jumped off her place, forgetting about her weakness.

She rushed to the doctor, went out from there. Luke followed her.

"Mrs. Mariano?" He looked at her and she nodded. "Your husband is stabilized. He had an internal bleeding and brain concussion. We'll transport him to reanimation until he wakes up. He survived by a miracle, I have to say."

"But… but what happened?" Rory looked at him with confusion. "I thought…"

"No one told you?" The doctor frowned and she shook her head. "Your husband got hit from a car. The driver went away and the Police still look for it."

"Oh no!" Rory covered her mouth and swayed. Luke supported her just in time. "But… but… who's that person I mean… I…"

"I don't know." The doctor shrugged. "I know that from the paramedics. They told me only this. Maybe the Police will contact with you soon."

"Sure." Rory nodded. "When we can see him?"

"A nurse will come and get you." The doctor nodded and went back in the ER.

Rory took a deep breath and tried to focus over her breathing. She blinked furiously in desperate attempt to stop her tears, but it did not work. She burst into tears and Luke turned her around with face to him. Rory cupped her face and cried from relief. Jess was alive and that was the only thing that matter now. Luke wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Rory was sure that he felt relief just as she did.

They called her few minutes later and she followed the nice nurse to Jess' room. She saw him lying on the hospital bed with all wires and tubes around him. But he was breathing. She could see his chest moving up and down in slow moves. Rory fell on the chair near the bed and carefully took his hand, just watching him. He looked so pale and he had some bruses over his face, but he was alive and that was the important thing now.

"What happened, Jess?" She whispered, watching him carefully. "Who did this to you? I wish you could tell me now, but I can wait." She kissed his fingers gently. "You just get better, okay? Everything else just… doesn't matter right now. The only important thing now is you and I hope you can open your eyes soon." She trailed off and coughed lightly. "I'll be here for you, okay? You just fight! You have to fight for us, Jess! You promised me that! You have to keep your promise." Her lips touched his hand again. "I love you." She murmured and looked at him again.

She got home just once to feed Matt. Lorelai insisted to stay with him through the night and Rory was about to argue, but Matt burst into tears. That was the thing made her change her mind. Rory spent a sleepless night at home, just watching over her son's sleep. Her thoughts were torn apart between him and his father. She truly hoped Jess was okay while she was with their son. She wanted to be there for him, when he woke up. Rory sighed and leaned back on the rocking chair.

She rushed to the hospital with a heavy heart. She was afraid what she was about to find there. Rory was a strong person, but not when she was worried about for someone she loved. Jess was her world right now and seeing him, lying in that bed, completely helpless, was enough to take her down. She walked into the room with quiet steps and took her place by his bed.

"I'm here." She took his hand again. Her fingers laced with his. "I want you to feel my strength and get better soon ok?" She touched his hair and moved closer to him. "You are my world, Jess. You are everything I wanted in my life. Don't leave me now. Don't do this to me and your son." She kissed his forehead. "We need you here." Rory whispered and pulled back just to see how his eyelashes trembled.

Her breath hitched and she squeezed his hand lightly. She felt light pressure over hers and looked down just to see his fingers trembled too. Rory allowed herself a light smile and looked back at his face. Jess sighted and opened his eyes right in this moment and her smile became wider. Happy tears rolled over her face.

"Welcome back, Jess." She stroked his hair. "Welcome back to us."

* * *

__

**_A/N: Hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	95. Chapter 95 Waking up

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

* * *

**_Chapter 95 Waking up_**

Jess opened his eyes slowly and looked around the room. Rory leaned and kissed his forehead with a smile on her face. He was never going to find out, but this was her first real smile since the moment of his accident. The Police still had not caught the person, did this. They did not even knew about the car that hit Jess. Everything was moving on a slow motion now and Rory had focused all of her attention over Jess. She was worried about him and most of all, she was scared that she was going to lose him. Even the thought of it was scary and right now, Rory pushed her away. Jess was awake and she hoped he would get better quickly.

"Rory?" He licked his lips and looked at her. His hazel eyes looked confused. Jess tried to sit on the bed, but Rory pushed him back gently.

"Hey, take it easy, okay?" She pushed the small red button on his bed. "You got hit by a car and you were very bad injured. Now I'm calling doctors to check you out and we can talk."

"Hit by a car?" He frowned with confusion, but she did not have enough time to talk with him more. The nurses and the doctor arrived in the room and Rory had to step back to let them took care of Jess. She leaned on the wall and put out her phone and dialed her mother. Lorelai picked up on the second call.

"Ror? Something's wrong hun? Do you need me there?" She babbled and Rory smiled a little. She looked at Jess and sighed.

"Nope, mom." She lowered her voice. "We're fine here and we are awake already."

'Really?" Lorelai laughed. "That's a good news, hun."

"Yeah." Rory closed her eyes for a moment. "They're gonna transfer him in an ordinary room."

"That's also good, right?" Lorelai sounded unsure.

"That's great." Rory nodded and followed the nurses down on the corridor, when they took Jess. She walked to his stretcher and smiled at him when he looked at her. "He looks great and still handsome, mom."

"Handsome? Jess?" Lorelai trailed off. "Rory, are you okay hun?"

"My mom says she agrees with me." Rory murmured to Jess when they walked in the elevator. She saw his light smirk and her heart trembled.

"Hey!" Lorelai increased her voice at the other side of the line. "I've never said that! It's a flat lie!"

"Whatever." Rory reached out and took Jess' hand. He squeezed it lightly and she smiled again. "Just tell Luke we're fine, okay? He can come and visit us when he wants to."

"Okay, sweets." Lorelai lowered her voice. "I'll tell him and I'm really happy for you too."

"Thank you, mom." Rory smiled. "Give Matt a hug from us, okay?"

"Okay, Rory. Bye now, hun."

"Bye, mom." Rory hung up the phone and put it back into her pocket.

She looked down at Jess when the doors of the elevator opened. He still held her hand and she walked by his stretcher on the way to his new room. He licked his lips and looked up at her. His eyes narrowed and Rory frowned as well. But he did not talk until they settled him in the room. She stepped back and gave enough space to the nurses to to that. When they were finally left alone, Rory sat close to his bed and took his hand again. Jess lowered his look to their hands and sighed. His thumb skimmed over hers and Rory winced from his touch.

"How's Matt?" Jess finally spoke. "Tell me! I want to know!"

"Matt is fine and misses you." Rory lifted up his hand and pressed her lips to the back of his fingers. Jess sighed and looked at her. "I missed you." Her eyes went teary. "I'm sorry, I know you hate when I'm crying, but I just got scared, okay?"

"I know." He gave her his wry smile and licked his lips again. "I'm sorry about this, Rory. It's my fault. I should think more before I can do something stupid like this."

"You got hit by a car!" Rory frowned. "How's this your fault, huh? The son of a bitch that hit you! It's his fault! Not yours! I'm gonna kill that person in the moment I know who it is! I swear!Damn it! I was through hell Jess! I was so... afraid that I'm gonna lose you! I was so... so... much... and I..." She burst into tears.

"Hey! Hey!" He sighed and nodded at his shoulder. "Come here."

"I can't." Rory sniffed.

"You won't hurt me." Jess smiled. "Come here, Rory. I want to hug you, okay?"

She hesitated just for a moment and then listened to him. She carefully sat on the bed and leaned her head on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around his waist and his other hand touched her face. Rory relaxed under his touch and closed her eyes for a moment. His fingers traced the tear marks on her face and she sighed when he kissed her temple. She finally fel home and secure in his arms. She finally felt that he was here and he was alive. Jess probably felt her relax, because she could feel the smile on his face. She carefully put a hand on his chest, right above his heart and felt his beating.

"Please, don't leave me!" Rory whispered and snuggled in him.

"I'm here." Jess rubbed her arm. "I'm right here, Rory."

"I know." She looked up at his eyes and smiled again. "I just... love you too much! Can you understand me?"

"Yes, I can." Jess uttered. "I can understand you." His eyes closed for a moment. "We have to talk, Rory."

"Talk about what?" She frowned and touched his face. "You are tired and you have to sleep."

"No." Jess frowned. "I have to tell you about the accident..."

"I got the feeling it was something more than an accident, Jess." She caressed his cheek. "Am I right? What happened?"

"It was all blurry when I woke up, but now I remember." He sighed. "I went to see Austin right before all this could happen. He was about to come and pay you a visit." Jess licked his lips and frowned painfully.

"Hey, it's okay." Rory moved her head and kissed his neck. "We can talk tomorrow. I can see you're tired."

"Rory..." He sighed and looked at her. "I have to."

* * *

__

**_A/N: Hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	96. Chapter 96 Tell me who it was

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

* * *

**_Chapter 96 Tell me who it was_**

He wanted to tell her everything, but she could see the tiredness in his eyes. Her hands slid over his face in slow caress and her eyes locked with his hazel ones. Rory sighed and leaned to kiss his lips. Her hand slipped into his hair and stroked it carefully. His eyes slowly began to close and he sighed.

"I wanted to tell you." His voice cracked. "But..."

"Shh-shh..." Rory pressed her lips to his cheek. "Sleep now, Jess. We'll have time to talk later, ok? Now you have to sleep and get better. Everything else goes."

"But..." He wanted to argue, but his eyes closed. "Don't go." He whispered right before he could fall asleep.

Rory smiled and lay her head on his collarbone. She tried to stay calm and her eyes closed for a second. She could feel his heartbeat under her palm. It was calm and steady. He was alive and then suddenly she felt angry. Her eyes snapped open and narrowed. Jess had mention Austin. He went to talk with Austin right before this could happen. Maybe Austin had something to do with this. Maybe he was the one, responsible for Jess' condition. Or maybe... Logan. Rory remembered his words well. He had told them that it was not over. Maybe Logan tried to kill Jess while he was angry. Rory bit her lip and tried to calm down. Her thoughts were mess. But whomever had done that to Jess, she was willing to make him pay.

"Rory?" She heard Luke's voice and looked at the door. "Hey." He whispered and walked in, closing the door behind his back.

"Hey." Rory smiled slightly. "I'm sorry, but I can't move right now." She whispered and threw a look at Jess. He was sleeping peacefully. 'He just fell asleep."

"It's ok." Luke murmured and went at the other side of the bed. He looked at his nephew. "How is he?"

"The doctors are optimists." Rory lowered her voice and looked up at Luke. "There is no internal bleeding and he's doing better." She smiled lightly. "They checked him carefully before they could move him here."

"So, Jess is alright?" Luke sighed with relief. "There is no danger for his life?"

"He needs a bed rest and lots of cares." Rory looked at Jess' face. "But he'll be fine. We'll make sure of it."

"Do they know who hit him?" Luke frowned. "Did Police contact with you?"

"No." Rory frowned. "But I haven't called them that Jess is awake too."

"Why?" Luke narrowed his eyes. "They have to know! Maybe Jess knows who hit him!"

"He knows, but he was too weak to talk, Luke." Rory snapped and her look fell over Jess' face again. "Give him some time before he could tell anything, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." Luke scratched his neck. "I just want that bastard to pay for what he did to him!"

"I want that too, but Jess' recovery comes first." She sighed. "You have to understand that!"

"I do understand, Rory!" Luke murmured with frowned expression. "But I just want to..."

"Hey, uncle Luke!" Jess' voice surprised the both of them.

"Jess!" Rory looked at his face worried. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was." He smiled. "Don't worry, but I think I was just napping."

"I'm sorry if I awake you, Jess." Luke coughed and his nephew looked at him. "Maybe I... should come back again some other time."

"No, no." Jess sighed. "It's ok." He still held his arm wrapped over Rory's waist and she had not moved from her place. They both seemed to feel comfortable in this position and Luke just smiled in that view. "What?" Jess frowned.

"Nothing." Luke coughed and shook his head. "You look... good."

"I look like I got hit by a car." Jess gave him a wry smile and Luke frowned immediately. "Now what?"

"You got hit by a car, Jess!"

"I know!" He nodded slightly. "And I know who hit me." Jess looked at Rory. "I was about to tell her, but she insisted I need some sleep."

"You need your sleep Jess!" She frowned and he smiled, pressing his lips to her temple.

"It's okay, Rory. Calm down."

"So... who hit you?" Luke tilted his head. "Who I have to kill?"

"Me first." Rory frowned as well.

"You won't kill anyone, ok?" Jess crooked his face. "The son of a bitch will take what he deserves!"

"Who did it, Jess?" Luke repeated the question.

"I saw Austin sneaking around the bookstore and I followed him with my car. It turns out he's going to our house." Jess frowned. "I had to stop him!"

"Jess..." Rory murmured.

"I told him to stay away and... I told him I know he's the one to blame about Rory!" Jess snapped. "I told him I can prove that and he got out his car, trying to punch me! He didn't make it!" Jess clenched his fists. "I punched him hard in his face and told him to watch his back and don't come near me or Rory!" He closed his eyes for a moment and then looked back at Rory. "I told him... I can't even remember what else now and then I just headed to my car. I guess he was quick enough to get in his one and... the next thing I remember was seeing your face here." Jess blinked at Rory and she swallowed hard.

"I almost lost you." She whispered and her tears rolled down her face. "I almost lost you because of him."

"I'm gonna call the Police." Luke frowned and headed to the door. "They have to know!"

"Okay." Jess just nodded and looked back at Rory. He rubbed her arm and kissed her temple. "Hey, it's okay now. Everything is okay."

"No." She kissed his neck and lingered her lips there. "He has to pay! He has to pay, Jess!"

* * *

__

**_A/N: Hello there! "smiles" So... 4 more chapters and... I have to think for another Literati story, huh? lol. I'm currently working over a Paire one. If you like Paire too - feel free to take a look. Hehe. You know I'd love that. Now... I know it's a shorter chapter, but I've been too tired these days. However, hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	97. Chapter 97 It's not her

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

* * *

**_Chapter 97 It's not her  
_**

They caught Austin soon after Luke called the Police for him. Some cops came to visit Jess in the hospital and he told them the story. Austin was behind bars later that day and became the news number one in all channels. He was a famous name and this just could not stay covered that long. Rory could not care less in this moment. Jess still was her primary care and her eyes did not miss his face even for a moment. She was sitting beside his bed and held his hand while he was sleeping. He had a tough day around all testifies he had done. His doctors recommend gave him something for his sleep and Rory was grateful. Jess needed it.

"Hun?" Rory heard her mother's voice and turned around. "Hey." Lorelai walked to her daughter. She held a seat with sleeping Matt on it. Rory smiled and reached out her hand to touch his small face. He was sucking his lower lip while he was sleeping. Rory sighed and looked up to her mother. "Are you okay?" Lorelai asked her carefully.

"I am now." Rory sighed and ran her fingers through his hair. She looked back at Jess. "He woke up and he's doing fine now. He's just a little tired today. All this thing with Austin..."

"Yeah, I've watched the news." Lorelai frowned. "Ugly thing."

"I still can't understand why he did this." Rory tilted her head. "I mean... Austin has a temper, but this? I've never thought he's capable of such thing."

"Maybe Jess provoked him somehow." Lorelai shrugged and sat close to Rory. "He has a talent." She scoffed silently.

"He has a talent for troubles I can tell." Rory chuckled and shook her head. "I know that better than anyone, but... this?"

"Or maybe Jess found out something that Austin wanted to hide?" Lorelai tilted her head and settled the seat with sleeping Matt on her lap. "Think about that."

"Yeah, maybe." Rory bit her lower lip. "I couldn't hear what Jess told to the policeman. I had to wait outside, but maybe you are right. Maybe Jess fond out something."

"You should ask him."

"He's gonna tell me when he wakes up." Rory shrugged. "Let him have his sleep now."

"Good." Lorelai smiled. "You look better than before, honey. I can tell that."

"I know." Rory smiled back. "I'm better, because he is and... my family is good now."

Lorelai just smiled, but Matt chose this moment to wake up. He gave a small cry and Rory laughed quietly. She took him in her arms and undid her shirt, helping him to find his source of the food. She flinched a bit when he began sucking, but then leaned back on her chair and sighed with pleasure. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"Beautiful." Jess' whisper made her look at him. He was awake and his eyes looked at her with awe. "And all this is mine."

"Yours." Rory tilted her head with a smile. "I thought you're tired."

"Hm." Lorelai coughed. "I'm still here, kids."

"So?" Jess chuckled quietly. "I can't do anything to your daughter right now."

"Jess!" Rory blushed.

"I think you did already." Lorelai scoffed, but her lips curled into a smile.

"And I keep doing it." Jess answered and winked at Rory.

"Hm." Rory just rolled her eyes and looked back at her son. Matt had finished with his feeding and now looked at her. His eyes were exact copy of his father's ones. She smiled and lifted him up. His head rested on her shoulder and she rubbed his back calmingly. Just then she realised that the room was quiet. "What?" She looked first at Jess and then at her mother.

"Just enjoying the moment, hun." Lorelai grinned.

"Huh?" Rory looked back at Jess.

"You look amazing." He shrugged lightly and reached out to touch his son's back. Rory moved closer to him to let him did this. Jess sighed. "I missed this."

"Yeah, it's nice, huh?" Rory smiled softly when her son finally burped. She placed him to sit on her lap. Matt giggled and grabbed his father's finger and Jess laughed quietly.

"Wow, he is strong."

"Yeah, he is." Loreali nodded. "And he is stubborn as his father."

"Good for him then."Rory laughed.

"Yeah." Jess murmured. "Good."

"What happened, Jess?" Rory lowered her voice and he looked at her carefully. "You talked with the Police, but you didn't tell us."

Jess sighed and looked at his son. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. It was obvious he felt angry. Rory almost felt sorry for asking him.

"He lied to you, Rory." Jess lowered his voice. "He lied, because he just could not accept the truth and this is sick! He is!"

"What?" Lorelai snapped. "What he did to her?"

"Mom!"Rory murmured and her eyes flicked to her son. "Lower your voice here, ok?"

"Ok." Lorelai sighed and looked at Jess. "What he did to her?"

"The problem wasn't in Rory, obviously." Jess looked up at her and his eyes narrowed. "It was in him."

* * *

__

**_A/N: Hello there! "smiles" So... 3 more chapters and... I have to think for another Literati story, huh? lol. I'm currently working over a Paire one. If you like Paire too - feel free to take a look. Hehe. You know I'd love that. Now... I know it's a shorter chapter, but I've been too tired these days. However, hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	98. Chapter 98 And I love you

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

* * *

**_Chapter 98 And I love you  
_**

Rory watched him. She had heard everything right. She was sure, but she still needed explanation.

"What exactly do you want to say to me?" She lowered her voice, careful not to scare Matt. Her eyes narrowed. "Austin lied to me just because he can't have children? That makes no sense to me. Why?"

"You were engaged, right?" Jess coughed and looked straight at her. "You know you have to run some blood tests before that. It was easy with us, because we both have medical files here." Jess paused. "However, Austin didn't want you to know that he can't have children. His ego couldn't take it. So, when you thought you were pregnant, he just used the opportunity to send you to him. That's how all happened."

"But how you..."

"How I know this?" Jess gave her a wry smile. "I called to your dad. He used some connections."

"You called Christopher?" Lorelai coughed and they looked at her. "So you two guys are bonding now, huh?"

"When it comes to Rory, yeah." Jess shrugged lightly. "We both want her to be happy and that's how the things work."

"Wow!" Lorelai laughed and rolled her eyes.

"What's so funny?" Luke walked in the room. "Hey Jess." He nodded at his nephew.

"My dad and Jess are bonding." Rory announced with a giggle."Can you imagine that?"

"What?" Luke shook his head with a smile. "Is this the same guy who swore to kill the bastard w"ho broke his daughters arm!"

"Huh?" Rory looked confused.

"You never told me this?" Jess coughed with amusement.

"I didn't know that." She frowned and looked at her mother. "Mom!"

"Duh!" Lorelai scoffed. "It was a long time ago." She shrugged. "Chris was angry, so as I."

"And he came to visit me in the diner." Luke murmured, resting his hands over Lorelai's shoulders. "He was looking for you, Jess. When I told him you're gone... well, he got upset about it."

"But I was there, so... it went good." Lorelai nodded. "Can we please focus over the present now?"

"Sure." Jess sighed.

"I talked with your doctors Jess." Luke looked at his nephew with a smile. "They said that your recovery runs well and you can go home by the end of this week."

"Everything runs normal?" Rory smiled softly and looked at Jess. "Did you hear that?"

"Yeah." He grinned. "So I've heard."

"That's good, because you both have to be ready for the wedding." Lorelai chuckled. "In two weeks you know."

"We know, mom." Rory laughed quietly and Matt cooked.

The doctors were right and Jess was able to come back home by the end of the same week. He was still weak, but his recovery from that was a matter of time. He just needed more bed rest and Rory to take care of him. He especially enjoyed on the second one. She was spending most of the time with him and they both watching little Matt crawling over the bed. That made them smile every time. The other world did not exist in the moments like these. Their small family was together again and that was the important thing.

"I put him to sleep." Rory sighed and walked into the room. There had been a week since Jess was at home. She crawled onto the bed and snuggled in his arms. "That boy is so... energetic!"

"But you're happy." Jess smiled and his lips touched her temple. "I can see that."

"I am." Rory closed her eyes for a brief moment. Her hand rested over his chest. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better." Jess sighed.

"Hm." She looked up at him with a smile. "Do you remember the time when you used the word _ bearable_?"

"Yeah, I do." Jess kissed her nose. "But I'd prefer not to."

"Why?"

"Because... it was a difficult moment in my life." He shrugged. "It's something I'd prefer to forget about."

"It'd be a mistake." Rory lowered her voice and saw his slight frown. "No." She touched his face. "Don't be like that." She sighed and tried to explain to him. "This period of yours... it was difficult, but you have to remember it just because of it. You have to remember how you were and not repeat the same mistakes again."

"I told you this." Jess crooked his face. "But this doesn't mean..."

"It means that you have to remember and be happy." She smiled. "You have to be happy for who you are. You are a great man, Jess Mariano!"

"And this is coming from my wife." He rolled his eyes and Rory felt his body relaxed under her touch. "Thank you." He cupped her jaw and pulled her up for a kiss. "I'm like this because of you." He skimmed his thumb over her chin. "I'm alive, because of you!"

"And I love you!" Rory grinned.

"And.. I love you too." Jess smiled and kissed her again.

* * *

__

**_A/N: Hello there! "smiles" So... two more chapters and... I have to think for another Literati story, huh? lol. I'm currently working over a Paire one. If you like Paire too - feel free to take a look. Hehe. You know I'd love that. Now... I know it's a shorter chapter, but I've been too tired these days. However, hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

**_Arinna_**


	99. Chapter 99 A double wedding

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

* * *

**_Chapter 99 A double wedding_**

She woke up from a constant tickling over her neck. Rory giggled and tried to turn around but two strong hands held her still.

"Morning." Jess whispered close to her ear and that sent some nice vibes down into her belly. "How was your sleep?"

"Morning to you too." Rory sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling. "I slept well, thank you. Matt woke up only once this night."

"And he's still sleeping?" He slid hands under her T-shirt, she used it as a PJ. "Good boy." Jess nuzzled her neck as his hands cupped her breasts and massaged them gently. Rory gave small moan and shivered slightly. "Can I get your attention now?" He bit her neck and placed soft kisses down to her shoulder. Rory tried to turn around, but he stopped her again.

"Jess." She moaned with frustration.

"Mh-mm, no." He murmured placing soft kisses all over her neck. Rory shivered once again. "Stay still." He whispered.

"Like I can." She almost pouted and heard his quiet laugh as he kissed her shoulder again. "Jess..."

"Shh-shh..." He mumbled and gathered her hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered over her neckline and back on her breasts. the motherhood had made them little bigger and sensitive. Rory closed her eyes and leaned back to him.

He felt the moment she gave up to fight with him. Jess smirked and helped her with her T-shirt. He did not let her to turn around even after that. She sighed with frustration, but obeyed to him. Jess smiled once again as he took off her panties and removed his clothes. His hands were all over her body. She did not know where he could touch her the net time and that made the experience even better. Her head lay back on his shoulder as his hands sneaked right between her tights and massaged her lightly. Rory arched her body with this touch and purred from pleasure. Jess smirked and bit his shoulder gently, massaging her untill the moment she felt her relief.

"Oh, Jess..." She sighed when he thrust into her and moved carefully. Her hands reached over her head and buried into his hair, stroking it gently. He groaned and increased his rhythm until they both reached to their relief. "Damn it!" Rory sighed and turned around when he finally let her. She gave him a small kiss on his lips. "That was... I mean..."

"That was good." He kissed her back.

"Good?" She frowned.

"Ok, it was great." He kissed her. "Awesome." Another kiss. "Incredible..."

"Ok, ok." Rory chuckled. "You don't need to be modest."

"I have you for that." He smirked and kissed her again. Rory snickered and cuddled into him, kissing his bare chest. Her lips traced his scar, left after the accident. Her fingers lingered over it a little longer than she wanted to. "I'm okay." Jess whispered and his lips touched her forehead. "I'm okay now."

"Yeah, I know." Rory sighed and snuggled in him. "I just... I love you, Jess."

"I love you too, Rory." He rubbed her back carefully. "You make me whole."

"Yeah?" She smiled and looked up at him.

"Yeah." He gave her his crooked smile. "I love you enough to marry you again."

"Marry me... again?" Her eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah." Jess nodded with serious face. "I spoke with my uncle already... and with your mother. She thought that a double wedding would be good idea."

"A double wedding?"

"Yup." He nodded. "You can marry me... again on the same day she's gonna marry to my uncle."

"Are you serious?"

"Like Hell, I am." He rose up his eyebrows. "Only if you want to."

"Are you kidding me?" Rory laughed. "I would marry you any time!"

"You can marry me." He teased her. "You can only marry me... again."

"... and again, and again..." She kissed him hungrily.

"So is that yes?" He laughed.

"Yes!" She kissed him again. "Oh, yes!"

They laid in each others arms, just enjoying the moment. Matt's cry interrupted them and they burst into laugh. Rory got off the bed and put on her T-shirt and her panties. Jess watched her as she left the room and sighed with pleasure. His eyes closed for a moment and he just could not stop the thought of how happy she made him feel. He never felt so alive in years. He had not felt alive before her. Rory had brought everything good in his life and had given him the family Jess had always wanted. He opened his eyes just to see her coming back with Matt in her arms. She smiled to him and sat on the bed carefully. Jess watched her while she fed their son and light smile appeared on his lips.

"Thank you." He whispered and sat close to her, kissing her bare arm. She looked at him with confusion. "Thank you for all this."

"Hm?" She kissed his forehead.

"For my son and our family." Jess sighed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "That's all."

"Ah." Rory Leaned her head to his and looked down at their son. He watched her with his beautiful hazel eyes, still feeding on her. "You are welcome. We both love you, Jess."

"I know that." He smiled and squeezed her lightly. "I know that now."

* * *

**_A/N: Hello there! "smiles" So... one more chapter and... I have to think for another Literati story, huh? lol. I'm currently working over a Paire one. If you like Paire too - feel free to take a look. Hehe. You know I'd love that. Now... I know it's a shorter chapter, but I've been too tired these days. However, hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
_**

__

**_Arinna_**


	100. Chapter 100 The meaning of love

**_A/N:I made a banner for this story and it's in my lj. Yeah, I enjoyed to write it that much. Hope you like this chapter as well and hope it's good enough for your review. Reviews are always makes me write faster. :P It's a fact! So - review, review, review! 3_**

**_P.S. _****_English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way._**

**_Rating: T_** **_(maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);_**

_**Story:**_

_**Rory c**__**omes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same. **_

* * *

**_Chapter 100 The meaning of love (Epilogue)  
_**

It was a beautiful day in June when they got married.

The double wedding was settled in the Inn. Rory insisted to be under the old willow. Jess agreed with a smile and only they knew why. That was when their first kiss happened. Rory giggled every time she remembered it. She could still see Jess standing there in his blue jeans and jacket and telling here that he wanted to stay. Now he was standing there, close to his uncle and stared at her with eyes full of love.

"My man looks better than yours." Lorelai murmured as they both walked on the improvised isle.

"You wish." Rory grinned.

"It's true!" Lorelai snapped quietly. "Look how handsome Luke is in his tuxedo."

"I can't believe you actually convinced him to wear that." Rory chuckled lightly. "Jess looks just fine in his suit."

"It's my wedding and my day!" Lorelai giggled. "And Luke agreed with me for just about everything!"

"Poor man." Rory shook her head with a smile and Lorelai grinned.

Jess and Luke watched the both women walking towards them. Jess could not stop looking at Rory. She looked gorgeous in her white gown and her smile was meant for him. He could swore. Her eyes shone and his heart melted right there and then. He smiled back at her and wished she was already in his arms.

"Isn't she looks beautiful?" Luke murmured close to him. Jess did not even look at him.

"She is my wife, of course she does."

"I was talking about Lorelai." Luke snapped lightly.

"And I was talking about Rory." Jess smirked and looked at his uncle. "I actually don't understand what you see in Lorelai."

"Watch your mouth boy!" Luke grunted.

"Her daughter on the other hand is the gorgeous creature in this world." Jess continued. "And she is mine already."

"Jess.."

"I was kidding about Lorelai." Jess chuckled.

"Good."

"But I wasn't kidding about Rory." Jess grinned and looked back at his wife, who just reached to him. "Hey." Jess leaned and kissed her lightly.

"Don't you think it's too early for it?" Lorelai tilted her head and leaned her hand on Luke's forearm.

"We are already married." Rory shrugged with a grin. "So technically we can do that."

"Yeah." Lorelai rolled her eyes and Jess laughed lightly.

Lorelai and Luke said their vows first. They both grinned when they finally kissed for the first time as a husband and wife. Then it was time for Jess and Rory. Rory turned to him and took his hands in hers. Jess smiled and she had to clear her throat before she could start.

"It's been a long time since I knew the happiness existed." Rory smiled. "I thought I have everything I dreamed of. I thought my life is great and I didn't need anything. But I needed you. I didn't know I wanted you since the moment I met you again." Rory sniffed lightly. "You made me see what I really want. You gave me a reason to move forward and that beautiful boy..." She looked at Matt, who was sitting on April's lap. He giggled joyfully. Rory smiled and looked back at Jess. "... and we both created a miracle, Jess. We made it happen. So now, I'm going to marry you again, Jess Mariano. And I'll promise once again to love you and cherish you for how long you want me..."

"Forever!" Jess interrupted her and everybody laughed.

"Ok." Rory chuckled lightly. "Forever."

"Good!" Jess leaned and kissed her again. He coughed lightly when he pulled back and squeezed her hands lightly. "There was a time when I thought I don't want to live anymore." He started his speech. "There was a moment when I couldn't see the meaning of my life... at all. But then you came and made me believe that I can live again. You made me sober and able to feel again. You showed me the way to your heart again and you gave me that small miracle of ours." They looked at Matt again. "I will always love your for that, Rory." Jess looked at her eyes again. "I will always love you for who you are and for the person you made me. So now, I'm going to marry you again, Rory Gilmore Mariano. And I'll promise to love you once again to love you and cherish you... forever."

Everybody sighed when Jess took her face in his hands and kissed her lightly. Rory leaned to him and sighed under his touch. The guests applause them and they grinned when they finally pulled back.

Christopher was the first to congratulate them.

"I'm so happy for you, kiddo." He hugged his daughter and Rory smiled softly. "Take care of her, okay?" He patted Jess' shoulder.

"That's the plan." Jess nodded with a smile.

"So, you married to him again, huh?" Paris was the next on the line. She was with her husband. A tall dark man with soft smile on his lips. "You just could not resist."

"Who can resist him!" Rory laughed and Jess snorted.

"Congratulations, Rory!" Lane hugged her friend. "You too, Jess." She hugged him as well. "You both deserve to be happy."

"Thank you so much, Lane." Jess nodded.

"Congratulation, Jess!" April was the last on the line. She handed him his son and Jess grinned. "You too, Rory." April hugged her. "I guess that makes us something like sisters now." She smiled. "Hope you're happy."

"I already am." Rory shook her head and looked at her husband. Jess could not resist but kissed her again. She sighed and turned to hug her mother. "Mom!" She hugged her. "I'm really happy for you!"

"Same here, honey." Lorelai smiled.

"We did it, huh?" Rory laughed. "We finally have our men."

"Hey!" Jess and Luke laughed too.

"Yes! They are ours!" Lorelai grinned.

Rory turned to look at Jess and her heart melted under his look. She kissed him once again and touched her son's face. Matt giggled joyfully. Jess sighed and wrapped his free arm around her waist. Rory snuggled in him with a smile.

"I love you forever." She looked up at him.

"I love you forever." He looked at her and they both knew that was the simple truth. The pas had forgotten and now they were ready to create their better future.

**_THE END_**

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**_A/N: Hello there! "smiles" So...this is the final chapter. I have to think for another Literati story, huh? lol. I'm currently working over a Paire one. If you like Paire too - feel free to take a look. Hehe. You know I'd love that. Now... I know it's a shorter chapter, but I've been too tired these days. However, hope you like the new chapter and thanks for staying with me on this! Luv ya! Here is the new chapter for you. Hope you like this chapter and leave me some goodies after that. Loves!  
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**_Arinna_**


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